Online Dating

Writing about yourself is never easy. At the best of times, it's an exercise in uncomfortable narcissism. At the worst times, it feels like a soul-crushing failure that may require you to rethink your entire identity. Those of us who are still in the earlier years of our (hopefully) long lives have an advantage: we grew up with the Internet, and social networking sites grew up with us, which means we've always had a sixth sense for presenting ourselves online.

But what about those for whom technology isn't second nature? What about the 40-somethings, 50-somethings, 60-somethings, and beyond, who don't have a clue what a hashtag is or what that funny little thumbs-up symbol does? Enter It's A Date!, Deborah Sloan's service that offers "online profile help for grownups."

It's A Date! helps single, divorced, and widowed daters over the age of 40 learn how to stand out from the crowd. Of course, not every mature single has difficulty navigating online dating, but for those who are less tech-savvy, professional writers and interviewers can make all the difference.

In a recent interview, Sloan had plenty advice to give about putting your best foot forward on the Internet:

When you're dating online, someone who sounds great on paper can turn out to be a total flop in person. How can online daters solve that problem?

• It's almost impossible to predict what another person will do, so it's up to you to lay the most solid foundation possible. "Your online profile will help you attract other people," Sloan advises, "so you should take it as seriously as anything else you'd prepare for, like a job interview." The more thoughtful your profile, more thoughtful the people it's likely to attract. And the better targeted it is, the better chance it has of attracting the kind of person you're actually interested in.

What's the number one profile killer?

• "Talking too much about past relationships," says Sloan. "Yes, you want to mention you've been in a relationship to show you're capable of having another one, but don't talk in detail about exes or previous lovers." The same goes for dates. Other potentially uncomfortable topics include children and finances.

Why should someone give online dating a try?

• There are plenty of reasons to give online dating it go. It's an opportunity for a fresh start. It's a chance to meet people you know are also looking to date, unlike meeting people in bars or clubs. It's a great tool for singles who are shy about approaching people in real life. And most of all, it works.

eHarmony's very first marriage was John and Vicki Vystrcil, from Frisco, TX. The pioneering couple was married in 2001 and they've been going strong ever since. With more than a decade of experience and a track record like that, it's safe to say that eHarmony knows a thing or two about holy matrimony.

If tying the knot is on your resolutions list this year, sandwiched between spending less time staring at your phone and more time on the StairMaster at the gym, eHarmony has released a few key insights gathered during its decade+ history. eHarmony asked its married couples to detail their experience with the service in a recent study and compiled their responses into a report. The report, called eHarmony Married Couples by the Numbers Facts, asked important questions about the online dating experience:

How long does it take to meet your spouse on eHarmony?

• 71% of women meet their spouse within a year
• 69% of men meet their spouse within a year

How long does it take from when you are matched when you marry?

• The median time from when people are matched to when they marry is 1.8 years

How far apart do you live?

• The median distance at the time couples were matched was 20.2 miles

Who initiates communication first?

• 53% of the time, men initiated the first communication
• However, women become more likely to initiate communication as they get older
• Women in their 70s initiated the first communication 55.8% of the time

What's the age difference?

• On average, husbands are 2.39 years older than their wives

What's the education level?

• More than 70% of women and men are college educated or higher

This year, eHarmony has something special in mind to celebrate its successful matches. The dating service plans to bring seven of the more than 600,000 married couples who found love on the site to be part of its float entitled Everlasting Love in the 2014 Tournament of Roses Parade. The couples chosen to showcase their love and inspire others who are still searching for it will ride alongside the Grammy award-winning star Natalie Cole, as she sings her hit (and eHarmony commercial theme song) "This Will Be" down the parade route.

The Vystrcils will be joined on the float by other notable eHarmony couples, including a couple who married when they were 75 years old, a couple who appeared on an eHarmony commercial in 2012, and a couple who formed a real-life Brady Bunch.

The Super Bowl has come and gone. The bets have been paid out. The hot wings have been eaten. The hangovers have been nursed. New Yorkers can stop not caring about the Super Bowl and go back to not caring about the Super Bowl (wait a minute...).

As the nation recovers from Super Bowl XLVIII, there's one way America's biggest sporting event might still have an impact on your life. Zoosk crunched the numbers to find out how your chances of finding love online improve or decrease depending on whether your football team wins or loses.

During last year's Super Bowl, the number of messages sent between users was 17% less than the average Sunday evening. On non-mobile devices, there were 20% less messages sent than on average. And on mobile devices, 11% less messages were sent than average. What all that means is that online daters take the big game seriously - so seriously that it impacts their dating game.

Looking at activity in each of the cities that participated in conference championship games, Zoosk found:

• When your team wins, you spend Monday talking about football among friends and co-workers.
• When your team loses, you seek comfort in companionship and turn your attention to your love life.
• Denver users sent 15% less messages and view 32% less profiles than average on the Mondays after their playoff wins.
• Seattle users sent 51% less messages and view 60% less profiles than average on the Mondays after their playoff wins.
• San Francisco users sent 40% more messages and viewed 32% more profiles on the Monday after their loss to Seattle than on the Mondays following their playoff wins on Jan. 5 and Jan. 12.
• Boston users sent out 79% more messages and viewed 73% more profiles on the Monday after their loss to Denver than on the Monday against their playoff victory over Indianapolis.

That means, if the pattern continues, that folks in Seattle are currently way too busy celebrating their smashing victory to spare a thought for online dating. It's good news for football fans, but not such good news for singles.

On the other hand, Denver's bad luck on the football field might mean good luck for its daters. The Broncos may have lost, but their bummed-out supporters are more likely to turn to online dating to cheer themselves up. Nothing eases the pain of a loss like meeting someone special!

Have you ever come back from a bad date, wanting to warn other women about how badly it went and how much of a jerk he was? Well, now you have that opportunity.

Lulu, a female-friendly social networking app, provides a way for women to communicate to other women privately about a man they have dated. And while there might be more motivation to rate a guy negatively after a date gone wrong, there are also some positive reviews following good dates.

On Lulu, a woman can rate men in different categories, like ex-boyfriend, crush, together, hooked-up, friend or relative and then take a multiple-choice quiz which gives him his rating from 1 to 10. Female users can also add hashtags, depending on what specifically they want to communicate to other women, like #neversleepsover.

Users are verified by their Facebook logins - women can only review and read reviews of guys who are Facebook friends. Everyone who participates must sign up through Facebook. The site assures users that nothing is ever posted publicly on Facebook, however.

Though the site is designed for ladies (founders Alexandra Chong and Alison Schwartz felt like women needed more of a safety net when meeting men they didn't know for a date) - men can use it in a limited way, too. They are allowed to see how they are faring in terms of reviews when they download the app and check "My Stats" (with Facebook verification). They can also add photos and hashtags about themselves. Some men ask their friends and family members to review them since Lulu provides the option.

And what about the obvious question - can women use Lulu as a type of revenge site against an ex-boyfriend?

Lulu's website claims that they have built a lot of protection into the app so a man's reputation won't be undeservedly damaged. Unlike Yelp, the reviews are multiple choice quizzes, so women can't leave long rants about specifics. Second, the guy and girl must be Facebook friends. Women are able to agree or disagree with the assessments of other women, so one review doesn't skew the rating. And if a guy doesn't want to be reviewed on Lulu at all? He has the option to remove himself completely.

Chong claims that the app was conceived with the end goal in mind - figuring out if a man was kind and date-worthy, rather figuring out if you should meet him based on his particular likes and dislikes from a dating profile. Lulu provides some sense of security, which is a welcome addition to the dating scene.

I dream of the day when I can stop writing about this.

I spent years hearing about the social stigma that surrounded online dating. Then it was "Hooray - the stigma is over!" And now media outlets are halfway back to where they started, pulling a massive "Just kidding!" on all of us. These days, the headlines proclaim that, although we are using dating sites and mobile apps to find partners more than ever before, we're still kinda embarrassed by it.

Good grief. Can't we just make up our minds already?

The latest to jump on the Just Kidding bandwagon is The Washington Post, which recently published an article that bluntly addressed the problem: "As dating apps grow in popularity, people still feel some stigma."

"More and more people are doing it," the article begins, "but no one wants to talk about it. On the record, that is." There's no doubt about the first half of that statement. The recent Pew study on online dating found that 11% of American adults have given it a try - a figure that shows a massive jump from the 3% it was at five years ago. Among Internet users who were currently single and looking for a partner, 38% had decided to give online dating or mobile apps a go.

Yet, according to the same study, 21% of Internet users also agree with the statement: "People who use online dating sites are desperate." That's an eight-percentage-point decline from the Pew study in 2005, but still...ouch. Why are we still so inclined to pass judgment on those who use their laptops and smartphones to find love? Especially when we've probably tried it ourselves (or at least been tempted)?

"I think people don't like to admit that they are having trouble in their romantic life," said Eli Finkel, a social psychology professor at Northwestern University. "That concern is misplaced. It is totally normal to figure out who is compatible for you." Finkel, who published a critical analysis of online dating last year, has seen everything online dating has to offer, from the highest highs to the lowest lows, but he remains a firm supporter. "In general," he said, "it is a great thing that exists."

On the ground, however, feelings are still mixed. The Washington Post spoke to one man who said that he and his friends consciously keep online dating out of most of their conversations and off their social media profiles. "We don't want to put something that is supposed to be like a dating, personal ad into our real world," he says. "I think that delineation, that separation from online-date persona and in-person social situations, is a real thing."

Another man praised the anonymity offered by dating services, because he doesn't think the world is ready for people like potential bosses to search his name and see it tied to the latest dating mobile app. "More and more people are having those conversations," he said. "But we're still not at the point where everyone is comfortable."

If you're looking to join an online dating site, the first two weeks after Christmas are the best time to do it. At least according to Zoosk, the dating website which typically sees a 26% increase in sign-ups during that time. According to Match.com, the busiest time of year for dating is between Christmas and February 14th.

So once you sign up for an online dating site, how do you attract the attention of other members?

Because of the expected rush of new sign-ups, Zoosk also put together data combed from over 4,000 members of the site to see what kind of profiles and pictures get the most responses. Why not make the most of your online dating experience this New Year?

Here are a few facts Zoosk shared to help you get a little more attention and increase your response rate:

Use a full-body picture. While you might feel a little self-conscious, users who post full body photos (both for males and females) typically receive three times as many messages as the average dater, and 33% more responses to their messages. It's not about looking perfect - it's showing who you are and that you have nothing to hide.

It's not all about work. People who talk about their hobbies in their online dating profiles fare better than those who don't. Exercise is always a winner. If you mention jogging, running, lifting weights or yoga, you get 21% more messages. If you say book, read or write, you also get 21% more messages. And if you mention music, guitar, or singing? You'll notice a 15% increase in your messages.

Be positive. Using words like "alone" won't help you in your online dating quest - in fact, you'll see 24% fewer messages. However, if you use words like creative, ambitious, laugh or healthy, you'll see a definite boost of 33% more messages.

Don't include pets or friends in your photos. Online daters want to know who they are dating - and if you pose with others in the picture, it takes the focus off of you. Zoosk found that having more than one person in your photo resulted in 42% fewer messages. Not only that - including pets isn't such a great idea either, even if you are looking for a pet-friendly date. Zoosk found that those who posed with animals received a whopping 53% fewer messages.

Selfies are gender-biased. If you're a guy and you want to take a selfie in the bathroom mirror, think again. You'll receive 8% fewer messages with selfie photos than your female counterparts - who receive a 4% uptick in messages with their selfies.

Happy dating!