Online Dating

A popular English web news portal for Africa wrote a piece on Nigerians who have used online dating sites. Apparently a lot of Nigerians who use dating sites fear being scammed, they treat dating sites as a two edged sword, something to be handled with care. Interesting enough the two success stories mentioned featured a Nigerian man living in the UK and a Germany business man who met a woman online living in Nigeria. Both deal with a person outside of the country.

No numbers are given but the article states that:

Internet dating appears to be fast gaining ground amongst Nigerian youths

This may be true but I have to wonder to what end. We did a story recently which looked at young Nigerians who used dating sites to try to scam money from unsuspecting people. Here in North America, for better or worse, when someone mentions an online dating scammer, people think of Nigerians. This is because a large percentage of the cases evolving dating scams reported in the media, the country Nigeria is mentioned.

I have no doubt that a large percentage of Nigerians on dating sites are there for the right reasons, to meet a partner. Dating scammers come from all countries and so everyone needs to be careful and use common sense. If someone asks you for money, it doesn't matter where they are from, igonre the request and move on.

For the full story visit AllAfrica.com.

Online Dating in the UK is booming. Last year more than five million adults in the UK used the internet to find their partner and the money these online daters spent on dating sites was over £80 million. Now days, one in five people who marry, met that person online. By next year (2010) it is estimated that there will be 16 million singles in the UK, which means there is only room for online dating to grow.

One segment of the dating industry which is becoming more popular are services that offer psychological questionnaires. Dating sites like Match.com UK, Chemistry (North America), DatingDirect.com and eHarmony all offer services that use science to determine matches. Each of these sites will ask you dozens (or hundreds) of questions on your values, attitudes, emotions and personality traits. These questions help the dating site to scientifically analyze how you interpret situations, how you react to problems and how you make decisions. With this information in hand the service then pairs you with potential partners who you should be highly compatible with. This goes beyond love at first sight.

But where did psychometric testing come from?

Developed in the early 20th century by scientists, these tests are detailed questions assessing your intellect, personality traits and knowledge. They were used to recruit spies by the British during World War II and were then later taken up by the CIA.

In the Sixties, Professor Raymond Cattell invented questionnaires that looked at a range of personality traits in the workplace. The Civil Service still uses the system today both in recruiting and to help its managers find the best way to manage their staff according to their psychometric profiles.

Psychometric testing does work but it is still only part of the matching process. People need to be honest with themselves about who they are or they are not going to get real compatible matches from these sites. Members also need to realize that what their perceived ideal match may be, it may not be what the science of matching has found to be the most highly compatible with their personality type. Members of these dating sites need to take a chance and go into online dating with an open mind.

For more on the story, read the Mail Online. To find further details about the dating sites mentioned in this story which offer psychometric assessments, read our Match.com UK review, Chemistry review, DatingDirect.com review and eHarmony review.

Whether you’re new to the world of online dating or not, it doesn’t necessarily get easier to keep meeting new faces. You’ve got your “standby” meeting locations for drinks or coffee and first dates. But are there ways to be even safer with the entire online dating process?

I discovered a tool called FaceFile awhile back and wanted to share it with the “dating public.”

FaceFile can be used with any camera-equipped cell phone (and I hear they have an iPhone app and Blackberry/JavaScript app coming out soon). It works as simple as this:

Step 1: Visit FaceFile online and sign up for your FREE personal account (I love that it’s FREE!).

Step 2: Add the address for your FaceFile secure photo lockbox to your phone’s address book.

Step 3: Take a photo of new people you’re meeting via online dating. Just say, “Hi! Would you mind if I took your photo? It uploads to a secure database called FaceFile and isn’t visible to anyone. It’s a personal safety tool I use and I hope you understand that I’m just trying to do this online dating thing the smart way!”

Step 4: Text the picture to your FaceFile account.

The photos you take are stored securely online. They are not shared with anyone. Instead, an alert is sent out to a network of people you’ve established with your FaceFile account. This network receives an email that you’re uploaded a new photo and to check in on you. While your phone might ring during your date, that’s easy to manage!

Since your safety is of the utmost importance, FaceFile lets you enter into new environments with new people with a greater level of security. If the act of you taking a person’s picture discourages them from doing you harm – FaceFile has worked perfectly. If anything goes awry, however, you have a trusted network of people who know that they should check in on you. While they can’t see the photo, they can reach out to make sure you’re OK an if necessary, alert law enforcement that something’s not right.

Since installing FaceFile on my phone, I’ve only used it once and it was to take a photo of someone yelling into a car window in front of me at a stoplight. As predicted, I got a few phone calls from my Network, but that’s OK. The system worked!

If you want to learn more about FaceFile and how to use it, you can visit their online demo. If you don’t feel safe in the online dating game, you may be missing out on Mr. or Mrs. Right. FaceFile is another tool that can help you if you feel it’s a fit.

There are thousands of dating sites out there, but really only a small percentage that are worth your time and money. Here's how to tell if the dating site you're scoping out is a dud.

Poor design
If the site just plain looks bad, it's probably not worth your time. (I've heard people argue that despite it's appearance, Plenty of Fish is worth it, but I just can't get past the bad interface to make it work for me.) If the site is ugly or looks like it was thrown together in a weekend, chances are, it's somebody's "get rich quick" scheme.

It's all in the URL
Quality dating sites have catchy and unique names. Think about it - Match, Chemistry, eHarmony, JDate, ChristianCafe, SoulGeek, OkCupid, RewardingLove. Their owners took the time to create a name that was easy to remember and had the .com domain still available for purchase. If the dating site you're checking out is north-america-cute-singles.com, chances are you're looking at a dud.

Read the copy carefully
There's a lot you can learn about a site by reading the front page, about us, and FAQ. If it's riddled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, or just plain poor writing, you have a dud.

Check the footer
Most online daters are blissfully unaware of a phenomenon called white label dating. A white label dating company owns the software and the databases and wannabe dating site owners pay them to use these programs and databases to launch their own sites. What does this mean for you? It means that you could sign up for a Christian dating site and be looking at members who signed up for a dog lovers dating site. The membership bases are shared among the white label sites so they can boast huge subscriber numbers. Look in the footer for a link that says the site is powered by or courtesy of... click it and you'll be taken to the white label company.

Google is your friend
I came across a white label site claiming it was for geek dating. It had tons of success stories. On a hunch, I googled the first success story. Turns out, it's also listed on Norwegian dating, Australian dating, and many other niche dating sites. The same exact success story. Talk about a DUD! They have to post fake success stories that may or may not even originate from the geek dating site.

Ask around
Look around the web for reviews of the site. Remember that EVERY dating site, no matter how big, is going to have some bad reviews. Match and eHarmony are responsible for lots of marriages, but they also have their haters. What you should be worried about is if you find little to no GOOD reviews of a site. Then you know you have a fly-by-night, make-money-quick dud on your hands.

With the help of this list, a keen eye, and Google, you should be able to easily tell which dating sites are worth your time and money. Be a savvy dater!

California Superior Court Judge Ann Jones rejected eHarmony's attempt to dismiss a class action which deals with discrimination against gays. The jury trial is set to start February 1, 2010 and will take place in the Superior Court in Los Angeles. The Judge found that eHarmony had not presented any law that allowed the company to refuse to serve gays and lesbians at their main eHarmony dating site. The lead plaintiff in the class action is graduate student Nate Cardin. He attempted to use eHarmony in 2006 and when he could not and asked why, he received a form letter explaining that eHarmony is only for heterosexual relationships. Nate filed a class action in 2007 and is represented by the civil rights law firm of Schneider Wallace Cottrell Brayton Konecky LLP and the Law Offices of Jeremy Pasternak.

eHarmony did recently disclose that they had received over 3,000 email complaints from people who had visited eHarmony to find a relationship with someone of the same sex but was denied service. Previously eHarmony had made a deal with the New Jersey Attorney General and had opened up the dating site Compatible Partners to serve gay singles (see Story). This class action argues that eHarmony does not give "equal treatment of patrons in all aspects of the business".

We’ve all read those online dating profiles that read like a laundry list of “don’ts.” When it comes to finding someone you click with, why would you start with a list of things you don’t want? Honestly, all that’s going to do is turn-off the people you really want to connect with: the upbeat guys and gals with a great outlook on life who are ready to be in a lasting relationship.

When writing your online dating profile, keep in mind one very important thing: it’s the only impression your Virtual Matches have of you! If you start off talking about how you’ve been hurt, who you don’t trust and everything you don’t want in a partner, you’re more likely to be seen as a sourpuss instead of a stand-up guy or gal. Turn that frown upside down - here are some tips to get your profile tone on track and those Virtual Matches knocking on your door.

Negative Spin: I don’t like kids and won’t date people with kids.
That’s just fine. Not everyone wants to be a parent. Perhaps you’re still raising your kids or your kids are grown and have left the nest. Whatever your reasons, it’s perfectly fine to have parameters on who you feel will be a good fit for your lifestyle.