Online Dating

Many people have tried online dating, but most are still resistant to try speed dating. Something about spending only five minutes trying get to know your date before moving on to the next makes some people anxious, and I can't blame them. That's so much pressure - how can you possibly get to know someone in that small amount of time?

Since I spent six years as a speed dating host, I saw a lot of great people get completely overwhelmed and frustrated by the experience. But the problem was not with speed dating itself, or with the people who attended. The problem was that people approached it the wrong way, with unrealistic expectations.

While it seems like an easy concept - meet 15-20 people in one night in a series of mini-dates, see if you click, and if so, go out on a real date - it's not that simple. In real life, there aren't many places we go where we see someone across the room and instantly connect. Many people come to speed dating expecting this type of love at first sight. And they leave disappointed because they met a roomful of decent men or women, but none that make them swoon.

Instead of looking at speed dating as a chemistry test, I advise you to keep an open mind. Just because there's no love at first sight doesn't mean you shouldn't date someone who piques your interest or who you had a fun time talking with. Quite the opposite. Go out and give it a chance. Then you can make a more informed decision about whether or not you want to spend more time together. If you don't click romantically, then you've added a new friend to your network. I met several friends this way and was invited to a lot of parties, where I did eventually meet men that I dated. Speed dating is a great way to expand your social network.

For some people, speed dating means forced conversation, which isn't the best way to flirt and attract someone to you. Some of my clients would list off their attributes like they were in a job interview and had three minutes to sell themselves. This is not an effective way to engage. Women like to feel connected, so ask questions and engage her in conversation rather than just talking to her and you'll have more success.

It's also good to recognize that the same old questions get boring when asked over and over again. Many speed daters approach each other like they are at a cocktail party where they don't know anyone, asking the polite questions of "where are you from" or "what do you do?"

Instead of taking the traditional route, start to think outside the box. If you want to keep from falling asleep or crying from boredom after a couple of dates with the same stale questions, you have to think differently and mix things up. Ask one date about his most embarrassing experience. Ask another about what he likes to do on the weekend. And ask another what his favorite subject was in school. These are just examples - feel free to be creative.

Bottom line: keep an open mind, have fun, be creative, and don't take yourself or the speed dating process too seriously. It's a way to meet people outside of your immediate network, so try to enjoy yourself.

For more information on a two different speed dating services, you can read our Hurry Date review and our Speed Date review.

What wins out on online dating sites: job status or social status?

Where are all the sensitive men hiding?

Those are the questions answered by two new dating studies, conducted by Lovestruck.com and Chemistry.com.

Lovestruck.com's new profile verification service, called "Lovestruck Verified," has revealed a significant difference between genders in what matters to members when authenticating their dating profile. Lovestruck Verified helps combat online dating fraud by cross-checking users' profiles against the 'Big 3' social IDs: LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook.

Lovestruck found a clear preference between genders for which types of verification were used. Male members are 36% more likely than women to verify their profiles, including their job titles, via their their LinkedIn accounts. Women, on the other hand, are 39% more likely than men to cross-check their photos, age, and relationship status against their Facebook accounts. Twitter is the least popular of the three options and shows no difference between the sexes. What does all that mean? It seems that men are more interested in verifying their job status, while women prefer to authenticate their social status.

In other online dating research, Chemistry.com ranked America's Top Ten Cities to Find a Sensitive Man in January, hoping to help single gals find a special someone around Valentine's Day. They found that the highest concentrations of sensitive men are located along the east coast, from Florida to New York, with three popular vacation destinations taking the top three spots: Pompano Beach in Florida, Roanoke in Virginia, and West Hollywood in California. Ann Arbor, Michigan, known for being a college sports town, ranked as the least likely place to find a sensitive man.

Dr. Helen Fisher, Chief Scientific Advisor to Chemistry.com, weighed in on the findings: Sensitive men, known as Builders, are traditional. They deeply value loyalty, duty, respectability and proper moral conduct. They want to do the "right" thing. Builders go way out of their way to keep their social relationships running smoothly. So they watch, listen, and gauge what they need to do to help others and they do it naturally. It's these chivalrous qualities that make a sensitive man."

Rounding out the top ten are:

1. Nashville, Tennessee
2. Buffalo, New York
3. Sarasota, Florida
4. Greenville, South Carolina
5. Wilmington, North Carolina
6. Indianapolis, Indiana
7. Staten Island, New York

For more information on one of the dating sites mentioned in this article, please read our review of Chemistry.com

I notice several comments this week about users not liking the fact that Plenty Of Fish has now made the dating feature "Viewed Me" for paid users only. I had thought this was done a while ago but after some further research it looks like only the ability to see when someone had looked at your profile was removed. You could still see who had viewed you, not just when.

Well earlier this week it looks like you now cannot see who has viewed your profile anymore on POF.com, if you are a free member. You will now have to pay for this privilege.

For more information on this popular dating site, you can read our POF.com review.

eHarmony let us know that they are offering free communication this weekend in the United States and Canada. This promotions starts in the morning at 12:01am on Friday March 16th and ends in the evening of Monday March 19th at 11:59pm.

For singles interested in trying our eHarmony, this 4 day event is a great way to do it for free and with no credit card required. To start all you need to do is sign in and create a free profile on eHarmony. Once you are finished with creating the profile and taking the in-depth questionnaire, you will then receive your first set of matches. After you have reviewed your matches you can then start the guided communication process and contact your preferred matches. Features not included during free communication events are photos, Secure Call or Skip to Email.

This will be eHarmony's 38th free communication event (by our count) with the last one happening around Valentine's Day (see Story).

To find further information about this online dating site, you can read our eHarmony.com review.

Lt. Peter Burks was a troop leader in the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment. He was also the recipient of the Bronze Star, a medal awarded for acts of merit. More recently, Peter appeared as the poster boy for an online dating site, with the headline "Military Men Searching For Love."

That wouldn't be making headlines, were it not for the fact that Peter passed away on November 14, 2007, when a bomb blew up his vehicle as he was returning to base after a mission in Baghdad.

In December, a friend of Peter Burks was surfing PlentyOfFish.com when he spotted the ad. He clicked on it and was directed to True.com, then reported the incident to Burks' parents. His parents are now suing both sites for using their son's photo without their permission, for benefiting financially from its use, and for misleading the public.

His father, Alan Burks, said the photo was taken just days before his son was killed, at only 26 years old, in late 2007. It now appears on the website of the Burks family's Unsung Hero Fund, which celebrates the life of their son by providing supplies to troops in war zones. "I felt horrified, disgusted. It upset me," said Alan of the photo. The assumption that Peter was using online dating sites to meet women "couldn't be more wrong," Alan continued, as Peter was happily engaged at the time of his death.

Plenty Of Fish has responded to the scandal through spokesman Paul Bloudoff, who claims that the company had no advertisements online in the U.S. in December. Hundreds of thousands of third parties advertise via his company's site every month, he noted, making it impossible for Plenty Of Fish to control the ads or be aware of their content. The ad has now been blocked from the company's network, though Bloudoff believes the suit should not have been filed. "We dealt with this matter a month ago," he said in an email.

True.com president Ruben Buell has shown a little more sympathy for the Burks. "I certainly feel for his family," he said, adding that he hasn't seen the lawsuit but "will be researching this diligently."

The suit was filed last month in state district court in Dallas, TX, seeking a jury trial for compensatory and punitive damages. Alan Burks plans to donate any money awarded in the suit to military charities. "For me, this is making sure that the honor and legacy of Peter is protected," he said.

Online dating once seemed like a brave new world, the final frontier, a place meant only for singles who were brave enough to go where no daters had gone before.

But now online dating has gone mainstream. In fact, it's practically passe at this point. By the time love-seeking grandmothers are getting involved, it's clear that online dating has fully shed its stigma and become a regular part of people's love lives.

It's time for a few new innovations that bring technology and dating together. Jezebel recently had a look at some of those innovations in (the brilliantly titled)"Five New Tech Tools to Complicate Your Love Life." Here's what writer Anna North had to say:

WotWentWrong:

We've covered this site already (you can find the post here). The real question here, North writes, is "How often do you really want to know WotWentWrong?" The site may provide some genuinely useful feedback, but it's far more likely that the majority of responses will be flippant, unconstructive, or just plain mean. It sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

Nerve Dating:

Nerve Dating came about as a reaction against dating sites that place the emphasis on compatibility algorithms rather than starting conversations. Its social media-like qualities make it feel like an updated take on the online dating site, and conversation is definitely a better predictor of compatibility than mathematical formulas, but a man (or woman) cannot survive on that alone. Less superficial information about a potential date may be needed to really judge whether or not they're a match for you.

The Mural:

The Mural is a Facebook app that calls itself "a wonderful virtual expression of peace, love and happiness." That sounds pretty cheesy if you ask me, but North was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. She found the idea of a visual representation of love left for friends and loved ones "cool and potentially revealing," but wasn't too keen on the fact that the app requires access to your Facebook account. I have to agree with her on that one.

Tingle:

Tingle is a mobile app that allows users to message and voice chat with each other without revealing their names or phone numbers. There's also a location feature so you can meet up with any nearby users who sound interesting, and a feature that supposedly helps screen out the weirdos you don't want contacting you. If the screening system actually works, it's a nifty innovation that more dating services may want to consider adopting.

Moonit

If you're into astrology, Moonit is the app for you. Moonit "helps you determine your compatibility with new friends and dating prospects via the most advanced astrology algorithm ever developed." The pro? You never have to ask "What's your sign?" again. The con? Astrology and algorithms are both meaningless.