Online Dating

When something's called the International Business Times, you expect serious journalism and hard-hitting reporting. What you don't expect is a headline that reads "Why Online Dating Sucks 80% Of The Time."

To be fair, it's an opinion piece written by Nick Gwiazada, but still...those are some pretty harsh words for a service that's helped a lot of people.

It doesn't get any less harsh as he continues: "On Internet dating sites, everybody is 'unique.' Everybody is well-read, everybody listens to 'cool' indie bands, everybody is intellectual and refined and grown-up and perfect. Everybody online is the same boring person because online dating focuses on intellect and depth."

Um...what online dating sites is he subscribed to? Because I'd like to see this for myself.

Real life dating, on the other hand, is "more about sex appeal" than online dating, according to Gwiazada. Again...what dating sites is this guy using? Last I heard, everyone was complaining that people put too much emphasis on pictures and physical attractiveness on online dating sites. There's no way the pendulum has swung the other way.

That's not to say that Gwiazada doesn't get anything right. There's no doubt that plenty of online daters misrepresent themselves in one way or another, and yes, hiring someone else to manage your profile for you is a real thing. I'll let you decide the morality of that particular approach for yourself.

And then there's this: "Online dating throws a metaphorical wrench into the evolutionary plan of natural selection with regard to mating. It attempts to match people who are not otherwise attracted to one another." No, that's exactly the opposite of what online dating sites and all their fancy algorithms are trying to do. Dating sites spend millions of dollars to improve their ability to judge real compatibility!

Oh, and then there's this: "It puts you in contact with people you would otherwise never be in a situation to meet if not for the Internet." Yeah, Nick, that's precisely why so many people love online dating - it gives them the opportunity to meet awesome people they might never have met otherwise.

Gwiazada should have stopped with his thesis statement (oddly positioned at the end of the article): "The television commercials...say that 1 in 5 marriages are a result of meeting online. But guess what: 4 out of 5 are not. So, online dating sucks 80 percent of the time."

Sounds to me like someone is a little bitter. Take chill pill, kid, and leave online dating to the rest of us who enjoy it.

I guess this is how you know you've officially "made it." A film is being made about ChristianMingle.com.

Appropriately named "Christian Mingle," the film is written and directed by Corbin Bernsen and will be produced by his production company, Home Theater Films. The new romantic comedy will partner with the ChristianMingle website itself, which holds the distinction of being the world's largest and fastest-growing Christian community.

The movie tells the story of Gweneth Hayden (played by Lacey Chabert best-known for her role as Gretchen Wieners in "Mean Girls"), a 30-something marketing executive who has a top-notch career, a killer wardrobe, her dream apartment and a fantastic circle of friends. In other words, she believes that the only thing missing from her otherwise-perfect life is a man (played by Jonathan Patrick Moore of "L.A. Complex").

In a moment of desperation, she signs up for ChristianMingle.com to find him. But her Christianity is more than a little rusty, and her attempts at impressing her dream guy end in disaster when he calls her out on her "faux faith." As a result, Gweneth comes to the realization that it's not her lack of a relationship that's keeping her from happiness, but rather her lack faith. She commits to leaving her superficial life behind and renewing her relationship with God. In the end, Gweneth gets what she wanted most: a "life-changing" love.

"'Christian Mingle' is about a young, modern, single woman. She's trying to achieve it all - a successful career, amazing friends and finding Mr. Right," Bernsen said. "She stumbles into the world of online dating looking for an instant 'soul mate solution,' but ultimately ends up taking a personal journey transforming her life."

"Our goal at Home Theater Films is to inspire and entertain our audience," Bernsen continued. "We want to make great movies that everyone can enjoy and elevate them with contemporary, relatable characters that naturally demonstrate their faith in real-world situations."

Other members of the case include Erin Bethea, who notably portrayed female lead Catherine Holt in the film "Fireproof," Stephen Tobolowsky ("Groundhog Day"), and John O'Hurley ("Seinfeld"). Behind the scenes, "Christian Mingle" is written and directed by Bernsen and produced by Chris Aronoff. Matt Swanson and Charlie Schafer serve as Executive Producers. The film will include music from Capitol Christian Distribution, who will also handle the home entertainment distribution.

Production began in Turlock, California, at the end of 2013 and will wrap in Los Angeles with the theatrical release planned for Spring 2014. To find out more about this dating site you can read our Christian Mingle review

One of the most disappointing things to see on an online dating profile is someone who refuses to confidently state who they are. Instead, they’ll say, “My friends and family say I’m...” Yes, they probably just don’t want to brag; maybe all those claims are completely accurate. Still, most of us would rather meet someone rather than interview their friends and family first, and that’s essentially what that kind of profile is doing.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick the brains of your loved ones when writing your profile. It can be difficult to think of yourself from an outside perspective, especially when you’re just beginning. What would someone else find the most attractive about you? How are you perceived by others? These sort of questions can get you started, at the very least.

If you’re not comfortable actually interviewing friends or family, try thinking about how you fit into group dynamics. Are you the one who inevitably plans fun outings, or makes the recommendation that makes everyone happy? Are you the one who keeps tense moments light, or are you the kind who quietly supports the wilder ones?

So now you’ve collected some of the impressions others might have of you, and you’ve decided what you want to utilize (for example, maybe you’d like to play up your fun-loving side instead of rely on the aunt who thinks you’re just so dependable). Now that you’ve got your extra information, it’s time for you to own it, internalize it.

Instead of saying, “Well, my friends and family think I’m pretty cool...” say something like, “I can always be counted on to find the silver lining” or “I’m the kind of person who will always donate the change in my pockets.” Yes, maybe that assertiveness would come off as a little much if you were trying to sell yourself in person - but you’re not in person, and no one is going to swoop in and do it for you (and again, in a relationship you don’t really want anyone else involved but you and your potential match, right?).

Having the support and positive opinion of friends and family can be a great help; they love you and see the best in you, and they can point out aspects of yourself that you might not be aware of. Just the same, their direct quotes and opinions don’t have much place in an online dating profile. Feel free to reword and incorporate them instead; chances are, they won’t mind a little editing for the sake of your profile.

Are you the shy type? You're not alone. Many daters have trouble approaching someone new, striking up conversation, and asking someone out - even online.

That's why a new dating app called Anomo could help you in breaking the ice. Created by James Sun, a self-proclaimed introvert, the app helps shy people create an avatar - or "anomo" - to hide themselves while they strike up new conversations. In essence, they can hide behind a mask.

This might seem risky in today's dating environment, but the app verifies its users through Facebook. (Nothing is posted or shared from Facebook, and other users can't see your profile, but they do see your verification.)

A recent survey from Harris Interactive of 5,517 UK citizens found that one in 12 (8%) users of social media sites have been the victims of online abuse in some form or another. That part of the story won't surprise anyone who's spent even a marginal amount of time on the Internet. We've seen time and time again that when you put people behind a screen name, the anonymity creates a sense of invincibility and depersonalization that makes it easier to bully others.

The part of the story may be a surprise to some is the response we are taking to online abuse. Only a third (35%) of participants in the study said they reported their abuse to the social media platform on which it took place. Half said they would have reported it, if only they knew how. Another 12% said they chose to respond to the problem by turning the situation around and bullying their abusers.

"It's interesting to note the high percentage of people who say they would have reported the abuse had they known how to, or if the process was simpler," Lee Langford, research director for telecoms, media, technology and entertainment at Harris Interactive, said. "More steps need to be taken by networking sites, such as Facebook, Twitter and Ask.fm, to increase the effectiveness of reporting tools to prevent trolling."

Another survey, conducted by campaign group Bullies Out, found that 50% of their response pool had been victims of cyber bullies, some of whom were as young as seven years old. The CEO of BeatBullying, Emma-Jane Cross, believes both the problem and the solution lie with the social networking sites themselves. "Social networking sites need to take their users' safety seriously," she said, "which includes making reporting procedures much clearer and ensuring a swift response when abuse is recorded."

The difficulty in reporting abuse on websites is that it isn't just used for reporting abuse. Even the system for reporting abuse is abused. In many cases, a disgruntled user files an unwarranted abuse report simply to get another user in trouble and exact revenge. There is no system in place to distinguish malicious abuse reports from real abuse reports, meaning that many are never taken seriously.

So what can you do? We can't eradicate abuse from the Internet completely, but there are a few steps that can be taken to decrease the likelihood of bullying:

• Only post things you want the public to know. Once something is online, it is no longer under your control.
• Guard your personal information closely, and ask your friends to do the same. Request that they not post personal info, negative comments, check-ins, or any other information that you're not comfortable sharing.
• Don't say or do anything online you wouldn't in person. It may seem easier to express yourself when you are not face-to-face, but don't forget that online communication has real-life consequences.
• Always report inappropriate behavior, harassing messages, and abusive comments to the site administrators. Even a small amount of action is better than no action.

A difficult aspect of online dating is the struggle to view everything with fresh eyes. For example, let’s say you want to step out of your own personal box politically, so you purposely don’t filter for your own political beliefs. But after three dates confirm all your stereotypes, it’s hard to view the next one with the same optimism. Yes, you know every person is an individual and you shouldn’t lump them all in one box... but it’s hard not to.

There are a few ways to cope with this issue. One is purely psychological: instead of viewing your profile - or even your mental list of wants and needs - as a fixed list, think of it as a work in progress, constantly evolving. So you want to be open-minded, but you really can’t bite your tongue when it comes to that political issue. Fine; maybe that’s just something you can’t compromise on at the moment. It might change in the future, but if filtering for your beliefs now gives you a greater chance of finding someone with whom you get along, that’s exactly the point of the filter. Online dating strives to make the process easier, not more difficult.

Another tactic is to attempt to mix things up, and thus avoid falling into a rut. Maybe you alternate online dating with making a sincere effort to get out and meet people the “old-fashioned way,” whether that’s through a club, church, or just approaching someone who strikes your fancy. This way, you don’t feel like you’ve limited yourself to one approach. Furthermore, the skills you gain in one can serve you well in the other - approaching people in person can make those first dates with an online match more natural, whereas getting used to sending first-contact emails can making approaching someone in person less daunting.

Another way of mixing up your routine is to try out different kinds of online dating sites. Perhaps you have a niche interest, but you’re wary of “boxing yourself in” with a niche site as the primary place you search. By trying out different sites in addition to your “main,” you can explore your niche interests and possibly even discover that you feel more comfortable in another community. Conversely, you might find that interests are less important to you than some other value - but again, you’re simply refining your priorities, not redefining them.

Doing anything long enough can feel monotonous, even dating. Taking proactive steps to combat the issue can help prevent burnout and jaded feelings and keep the process feeling fresh and fun. After all, when you do meet someone with whom you share a spark, whether through a serendipitous event or via an online site, you want to be able to appreciate and recognize it.