Speaking (Mostly) For Yourself
- Thursday, January 16 2014 @ 06:58 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 940
One of the most disappointing things to see on an online dating profile is someone who refuses to confidently state who they are. Instead, they’ll say, “My friends and family say I’m...” Yes, they probably just don’t want to brag; maybe all those claims are completely accurate. Still, most of us would rather meet someone rather than interview their friends and family first, and that’s essentially what that kind of profile is doing.
However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick the brains of your loved ones when writing your profile. It can be difficult to think of yourself from an outside perspective, especially when you’re just beginning. What would someone else find the most attractive about you? How are you perceived by others? These sort of questions can get you started, at the very least.
If you’re not comfortable actually interviewing friends or family, try thinking about how you fit into group dynamics. Are you the one who inevitably plans fun outings, or makes the recommendation that makes everyone happy? Are you the one who keeps tense moments light, or are you the kind who quietly supports the wilder ones?
So now you’ve collected some of the impressions others might have of you, and you’ve decided what you want to utilize (for example, maybe you’d like to play up your fun-loving side instead of rely on the aunt who thinks you’re just so dependable). Now that you’ve got your extra information, it’s time for you to own it, internalize it.
Instead of saying, “Well, my friends and family think I’m pretty cool...” say something like, “I can always be counted on to find the silver lining” or “I’m the kind of person who will always donate the change in my pockets.” Yes, maybe that assertiveness would come off as a little much if you were trying to sell yourself in person - but you’re not in person, and no one is going to swoop in and do it for you (and again, in a relationship you don’t really want anyone else involved but you and your potential match, right?).
Having the support and positive opinion of friends and family can be a great help; they love you and see the best in you, and they can point out aspects of yourself that you might not be aware of. Just the same, their direct quotes and opinions don’t have much place in an online dating profile. Feel free to reword and incorporate them instead; chances are, they won’t mind a little editing for the sake of your profile.
However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick the brains of your loved ones when writing your profile. It can be difficult to think of yourself from an outside perspective, especially when you’re just beginning. What would someone else find the most attractive about you? How are you perceived by others? These sort of questions can get you started, at the very least.
If you’re not comfortable actually interviewing friends or family, try thinking about how you fit into group dynamics. Are you the one who inevitably plans fun outings, or makes the recommendation that makes everyone happy? Are you the one who keeps tense moments light, or are you the kind who quietly supports the wilder ones?
So now you’ve collected some of the impressions others might have of you, and you’ve decided what you want to utilize (for example, maybe you’d like to play up your fun-loving side instead of rely on the aunt who thinks you’re just so dependable). Now that you’ve got your extra information, it’s time for you to own it, internalize it.
Instead of saying, “Well, my friends and family think I’m pretty cool...” say something like, “I can always be counted on to find the silver lining” or “I’m the kind of person who will always donate the change in my pockets.” Yes, maybe that assertiveness would come off as a little much if you were trying to sell yourself in person - but you’re not in person, and no one is going to swoop in and do it for you (and again, in a relationship you don’t really want anyone else involved but you and your potential match, right?).
Having the support and positive opinion of friends and family can be a great help; they love you and see the best in you, and they can point out aspects of yourself that you might not be aware of. Just the same, their direct quotes and opinions don’t have much place in an online dating profile. Feel free to reword and incorporate them instead; chances are, they won’t mind a little editing for the sake of your profile.
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