Online Dating

Everyone wants to be seen as interesting and multi-dimensional, and that can seem even more important when you’re writing a dating profile. After all, you can have a good time but be low-key as well! You can can dress down or up! You’re like one of those toys that can morph from an 18-wheeler truck to a refrigerator! But how to get that across in a limited amount of space?

The problem is, that “best of both worlds!” approach is sort of becoming a cliche. It should be a given that human beings are versatile, and we all have different sides to our personalities. Perhaps the most revolutionary approach to your profile might be to discard that approach altogether.

After all, a profile is the equivalent of a first impression, not a resume or a job application. Imagine a real-life first impression: you see someone in a public place - a concert? A bookstore? A microbrewery? - so you’ve only got a single location for context. The person that has caught your eye is wearing clothes; just one outfit, of course. After all, they’re a person, not a paper doll with an instant wardrobe of options. Thus, you’ve only got one outfit to see them in.

Once you approach them, you probably start off with some small talk appropriate to the venue and context you’re in. So far, everything seems very, well, one-dimensional. And yet, this is how we make friends and acquaintances every day. As you get to know them - maybe even in the space of that very first chat - other layers are revealed. But, most importantly, those other layers weren’t necessary to get you interested in the first place.

So think of your profile as your first impression. Try setting a scene instead of listing all of your interests. Your profile doesn’t have to necessarily stick to a theme, but instead of feeling like you have to encompass the broadest range possible, view too many extras as muddying the waters. Think about what you’d like someone to know about you first and foremost, and concentrate on that.

As dating is a very unique and personal experience, it’s possible you’ll want to switch up your profile later. But why not try an approach that’s a little out of the norm? By trying to prove you’re unique with many facets, you might just be sounding like everyone else.

You think you may have finally found the one: that one special online dating profile that will take you off the market for good. You've been talking for a couple of weeks, falling for each other's taste in music and mutual love of LOLcats, and now it's finally time to meet in person.

As the big day arrives, you find yourself flooded with emotions. You're happy. You're nervous. But most of all you're excited to finally say hello to the wonderful person behind the computer screen.

Until they make an excuse and cancel. Or they don't show at all. Or they show, but they look nothing like they did in their pictures.

Most people on online dating sites are genuine, but let's face it: some are not, and the Catfish phenomenon is sending online dating right back to the dark ages when everyone was afraid to do it. Dating sites are doing their best to weed out the fake profiles and the scammers, but the margin for error is high. There has never been a good way to determine whether you're wasting your time online...until now?

Enter 'Lots of Fakes,' a new website and app that claims to take the guesswork out of online dating. Lots of Fakes allows members of all the major online dating sites to create reviews of other users they've had experience with.

"The goal is to bring a certain level of accountability to online dating," says Daniel M. of FlashInsight, Inc., the company responsible for Lots of Fakes. "It's a very simple tool that can help people navigate the treacherous waters of meeting people online. For example, if you spent a week talking to someone only to find out they are married, or posted inaccurate photos, why not share that information and save someone else a week of their time?"

Why not indeed?

Using the tool is incredibly simple (and it's all for free!). Anyone interested in getting the dirt on a date can search reviews by username and website. Those who want to leave a review enter the username and website, mark the date as either REAL or FAKE, and leave a comment to describe their experiences. Reviews can be searched and created online at LotsofFakes.com, or on the go using the Android and iOS apps.

The database is entirely user-generated, meaning that it started out empty and will build organically over time as more and more people participate.

Do you think date reviews are the next big thing? Would you consult a review before going out with someone new? Would you leave one?

Heads up, OkCupid users: the game is about to change on everybody's favorite free dating site.

The most observant OkCupid users may have already noticed a new feature has quietly appeared on their profiles. Click on your username and a drop-down menu appears with a new option: Promote Me. For an extra $2 fee, users who want a little extra attention on the site can promote themselves to fellow OkCupidites.

The feature is so new that OkCupid hasn't even released a formal press release, but word on the street is the site plans to formalize and publicize the new addition in the next few weeks. The question is: How will the introduction of a paid promotion feature alter the otherwise very democratic experience on OkCupid?

OkCupid co-founder and president Christian Rudder promises that little will change. "The idea is that we're showing you to the same people we would over time, but in a very condensed way," he told BuzzFeed. "We still only show you to good matches (high match percentage, nearby) - not just randoms." In other words, promoted profiles will always be people you would have been matched with eventually, they're just coming sooner than they might have without the paid promotion.

So how does paid promotion work? What the $2 fee actually gets you is 10 minutes of enhanced visibility. For those 10 minutes, your promoted profile is pushed to the front of the crowd in all areas of the site, like QuickMatch and "People You Might Like." Promoted profiles are not marked in any way, making them indistinguishable from other profiles. In tests of the new feature, BuzzFeed says, OkCupid found that those 10 minutes of promoted time gave users 30 times more exposure than they would have otherwise received in the same amount of time.

The jury is out on whether OkCupid's new strategy will work. Some fear that paid promotions will clutter the site's pages with less attractive users whose profiles aren't getting any attention. Others say that the exact opposite will happen. Since attractive users find it easier to get dates, supporters say, they stand to gain the most from increased exposure and will find the feature most useful.

Whichever direction the new feature goes, Promote Me is pretty much guaranteed to be a popular addition to the site. Rudder told BuzzFeed that over 2,500 people paid to promote themselves in the first 24 hours after launch, and that was before most OkCupid members were even aware Promote Me existed.

Instant gratification is part of our lives. Whether we want a coffee or an iPhone, we can get it right now. There's no such thing as saving up for a new couch when you could put it on the credit card or even layaway and take it home right away. Or take social media. When I post something on Facebook or Twitter, I can get responses almost instantly, which makes me post even more.

So with our proclivity to instant gratification, does it affect our dating lives? Are you expecting relationships to just "happen" with the right chemistry? Are you having sex whenever you want, even when you aren't necessarily into the guy/ girl? Do you think to yourself that you can't commit because you might meet someone else even better tomorrow?

When you're online dating, it's easy to fall into this mental trap. After all, with one click you can search through hundreds of profiles and have dates lined up every day of the week. There's always somebody new to meet, someone to have sex with, which can make us feel that there's always something better around the corner without really looking at the person right on front of us. This can be especially true in big cities where the possibilities for dating seem endless.

Or if you're the type to jump into a relationship quickly because the chemistry is so intense, you're giving in to instant gratification as well. The truth is, you don't yet know the person, so you're projecting your ideal relationship and romantic partner onto him without even realizing it. And when you actually get to know each other, these assumptions and beliefs fall away, and you're left angry and confused.

Neither scenario feels like a healthy way to date. Looking to satisfy your need for instant gratification won't bring about what most people truly desire, a real and lasting relationship. We want to connect. We want to love. But sometimes, this feels more scary than doing what we know and following the same unhealthy patterns.

Instead of jumping headfirst into your next relationship, or dating so many men/ women that you can't keep their names straight, try doing the opposite. Try focusing on one date at a time. Instead of pushing things forward, let your dating progress at a slow pace. It will feel strange, but it will allow you some freedom. You'll get to know each other on a deeper level without the intensity (and commitment).

Take it one date at a time, and see if your next relationship turns out differently.

It’s been frequently said that when it comes to dating, the first place to look is not just at the profiles of others, but at yourself. This is particularly true when you’re considering the type of person you’d like to meet.

Though it’s a section that’s included in most online dating profiles, many people hardly give it a second thought. As a result, you’ll see lots of generic cliches: someone funny, someone attractive, someone who enjoys long walks on the beach. While not particularly offensive, such a list doesn’t really help you; it doesn’t help you focus on what you actually want as you customize your searches, and it doesn’t help the reader get a sense about whether you’re actually compatible.

Thus, the first step is to sit down and really think about the kind of person you’re looking for. Are you looking for a person with personality traits complementary to your own, or similar? What kind of partner are you looking for? Now, separate from that, what kind of person are you looking for? As you go on dates, you might reevaluate your priorities, striking and adding qualities to your list.

Once you feel you have a more honest and less generic idea of who you’re looking for, the next step is to ensure that you’re the kind of person you’d want to date. Even if you’re looking for someone with complementary traits, there are likely many positive qualities you’d like to share. For example, are you as polite, kind and considerate as you’d expect your date to be? Are you as open-minded and non-judgmental? Do you seek adventure, like your dream partner? Even if we like an idea in theory, it can be easy to get lazy in our everyday lives, and our behavior can slip.

By being the sort of person we’d like to date, we have a higher chance of meeting and attracting just that sort of person. And, in the meantime, we have the added bonus of doing the things we enjoy and striving to be the sort of person we admire.

So as you sit down to write about the kind of person you’re hoping to meet, ask yourself: are you being honest and specific about your hopes and expectations? And are you the sort of person you’d like to meet?

The first Monday in September is almost upon us which means the Labor Day long weekend (or Labour Day in Canada) is just around the corner. eHarmony is celebrating this last long weekend this summer by having a free communication weekend in the United States and Canada. From August 29th to September 2nd all users can communicate with their matches for free.

Most of you know by now that eHarmony has a free communication weekend (FCW) about once a month and they usually fall around the holidays. This is the ideal time because many singles are home and close to their laptop or tablet and have the time to try out a dating service. eHarmony is extra busy on these weekends since you not only get to sign up for free and take the personality profile questionnaire at no cost, but once you receive your matches you can also communicate for free. Sending emails happens after you go through the guided communication process with one or more of your matches. This process allows you to get to know your match better in a structured way that helps to break the ice once you are able to send email messages.

FCW at eHarmony does not include photos in profiles, secure calls over your phone, or skipping the guided communication process.

For more information on this matchmaking service you can check out our posted reviews of eHarmony. This service had their last FCW a couple of weeks ago (see Story).