Online Dating

2013 didn't start out well for Cupid plc, the top-5 global online dating company that's responsible for a network of dating sites including Cupid.com. Cupid came under fire for allegedly using fake profiles to boost its membership, after the BBC claimed that members of Cupid's online dating services suspected fake "flirtatious" messages were being used to encourage free users to sign up for paid subscriptions.

Cupid plc denied using fakes and said it was cleared of the allegations by auditors. According to Cupid, the auditors found "no evidence of a company organised practice of staff enticing registered members to subscribe through the use of fake profiles."

The experiences of members and undercover investigators suggest otherwise, and users are still (rightfully) suspicious, but some good news has finally come out of the Cupid camp.

Cupid recently launched 'safe mode' functionality for its network of dating sites. The update still allows users to choose who they want to interact with, but provides the added security of being able to filter out members who choose not to verify themselves on the site. With 'safe mode' on, you can contact any user but will only receive communications from members who have undergone the verification process. Unverified users are welcome to continue using the site, but are encouraged to become "Trusted Members" to unlock access to people already using 'safe mode.'

For some reason, at this point, 'safe mode' is only available for male users and only female members are asked to become verified. Cupid hopes that the new technology will create a "smoother" and "more positive" online experience for its users and...well...I certainly can't blame them for hoping. Cupid needs any boost it can get at this point.

"We have listened to our customers and to dating website users in general," says Sean Wood, Communications Director at Cupid plc. "The main goal here is to give our customers choice to decide who they communicate with. This means they can choose verified users only or indeed if they feel comfortable with communicating more widely, then they have that ability too. Our members can use the sites secure in the knowledge that they are in a safe environment where they can get on with enjoying the experience, making contacts and meeting up."

Right. So...Cupid customers are safe from each other, but the real question is: are they safe from Cupid itself?

Guys, are you looking for a virtual wingman? How about someone who always seems to date the hottest women around? Antonio Sabato Jr.'s new blog may be the answer to getting your love life on track and improving your pick-up skills in the dating department.

Sabato has launched a new dating advice blog for men through the matchmaking site AnastasiaDate.com entitled: Under the Sheets: Tips from A Celebrity Wingman. Utilizing his skills from dating celebrities like Pamela Anderson, Madonna, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sabato provides tools, techniques, and tips to finding and wooing the woman of your dreams.

His partnership with AnastasiaDate.com is no doubt influencing his opinions. Instead of advising men on how to pick up women at bars, he's advising how to speak to them online. "Guys today are taking the wrong approach to dating - from how to speak to a woman to where to meet her," he says. "They just don't get it, and somehow they still think that the best way to meet women is in a crowded bar or sweaty dance club. They don't understand that dating has evolved way beyond that these days, especially online where the options are endless, and men truly can find their perfect match."

Sabato's first post shows that he's not just relying on his good looks and six-pack abs, but on his conversational and flirting skills, too. "How to flirt" provides tips on how to strike up a conversation that holds her attention, and I must admit he's spot on in his assessment. He claims that men tend to provide facts about themselves to attract women, whereas women are looking for that emotional connection or spark.

"To women, that fact-based conversation is boring. They've had it a hundred times with a hundred other guys. You, though, are going to be different. Always start a conversation with banter - make it fun," he writes.

He then goes on to provide two examples of conversations - one that will likely go nowhere and another that is more engaging and flirtatious. Of course, it seems like a no-brainer when you look at them both, but how many times have you opted for the "safer" route when engaging with someone new? "Where are you from?" is an easy question to ask because it doesn't require work. But when you're online, you have access to a lot of information because you can read the profile of a potential date. He advises that you show that you have been paying attention and ask questions that relate to her interests like, "what made you take that trip to Fiji a few months ago?" You'll get a lot further.

You can read more of Sabato's dating advice on AnastasiaDate.com.

Are you looking for something a little different when it comes to meeting new people? In New York, there's a new twist on the coffee date that you might want to try.

Instead of asking one of your online matches to meet over a cup of coffee, what if you just cut to the chase and met potential dates directly through your local barista? Nancy Slotnik believes a more personal touch is needed when it comes to meeting potential romantic partners, and so she founded Matchmaker Café in New York.

Single customers are invited to drop by her pop-up café in the Financial District and check in with the barista, who also acts as the matchmaker. If you're interested in meeting people, the barista takes your picture and adds it to her database.

It's not exactly hand-picked matchmaking though. The matches are made with the help of technology, not a yenta. Matchmaker Café provides a database and an app to help you sift through your choices, which isn't such a personal touch. But what else would you do as you drink your coffee before your 9am meeting?

Customers have a number of ways of browsing the database of potential coffee date matches. You can subscribe to Matchmaker Café's online app, which launched last November and offers in-person introductions by a matchmaker. (Information for your dating profile is pulled from your Facebook account.) There are currently about 3,000 members. If you're feeling really motivated, you can also pay $5 for three phone introductions or $10 for ten, until the pop-up café closes on Labour Day.

According to Slotnick, the idea is to connect locals with each other and get them offline and meeting face to face, even if it's just for a brief coffee.

Considering all of the mobile dating apps available to meet people nearby, this is another interesting concept to get singles in the same area, who stop by the same neighborhood cafes and pubs, to meet each other face to face. Not many people know their neighbors as well as they know the people in their Twitter feeds. Maybe pop-up concepts like Matchmaker Café can help to change that.

This isn't Slotnick's first attempt at matchmaking via coffee. In 1996, she founded Drip Café, which let customers sift through binders of dating profiles. If a guest found someone he or she wanted to meet, then for a small fee, the café would help arrange a meeting.

People have mixed reactions to the café, but it is getting a lot of buzz and already has gained a following. Would you visit a pop-up café like this one?

New surveys from married dating site (what a nice way to put it) AshleyMadison.com have revealed what cheaters really want.

In a surprise twist, the answer is not just "some extra-marital action." Nope, it turns out that Ashley Madison's unfaithful clientele is actually looking for a very specific kind of extracurricular experience.

When it comes to infidelity, it's all about class.

• 83.1% of middle-class male Ashley Madison members want to cheat with a working-class woman.
• 51.8% of upper-class men are looking for a middle-class woman.
• 42.4% of upper-class men are seeking a working class-woman for an affair.

"Despite the changing socio-economic landscape, men across the board still want to be the Alpha partner in a relationship," says Noel Biderman, Ashley Madison founder and CEO. "Men want someone to admire and look up to them, someone they can impress because fundamentally most men lack confidence."

For women, it's a different story.

• 7% of female Ashley Madison members who describe themselves as 'working class' say they are looking for an upper class affair partner.

"This is a reflection of economic hard times as much as confirmation of traditional class stereotypes," Biderman offers by way of explanation. "For women who are struggling financially...a fling with an upper-class man represents glamour and escape, a holiday from daily life, perhaps an element of security."

Middle class women are in a class of their own.

• Only 40.7% of middle-class women on the site say they would prefer an affair with an upper-class man.
• 53.6% specified that they would prefer to philander within the middle class.

Biderman has the following words of wisdom to offer on women of the middle class: "Middle-class women are more likely to be financially independent and better educated, their needs are different. They want intimacy and shared experience with an equal rather than to be swept off their feet, Jane Austen style."

There's no word on what upper class women want because...I guess they don't exist? Is that what Noel Biderman is trying to tell me? Is this the "Women earn 70 cents for every dollar a man earns" thing at play? None of us make enough money to be considered upper class cheaters?

The wage gap at work, folks. Someone had better sort out the equal pay for women issue stat, so we can get in on the upper crust infidelity action too!

Chances are, when you sign up for a dating site, love is your primary focus, not friendship. However, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, there are many reasons to keep good old-fashioned friendship first and foremost in your mind.

First of all, regardless of whether you’ve had successful romantic relationships in the past, chances are you’ve had a few successful long-term friendships. The concept of making friends is something familiar to you, and thus less stressful. You have a solid idea of what you’re looking for when you’re looking for a friend, and you’re more likely to trust your gut instincts.

By primarily focusing on whatever you’d look for in a friend, you’re forcing yourself to read profiles more closely. Some tend to scan profiles and set aside only the most attractive prospects. While attraction is definitely still a factor, using a photo to form your first impression can potentially impair your judgment; for example, you might give a profile more deliberation than it deserves because the person is attractive. You won’t be able to close your eyes at the pictures entirely, but simply setting out with a different goal in mind might cause you to look at everything slightly differently.

Physical attraction, or more specifically, chemistry, is absolutely important in a romantic relationship, and one of the reasons meeting in person as soon as possible is encouraged. However, there are many factors in a successful relationship, and chemistry is just one of them. By searching for a “friend,” you’re searching for someone who has something going for them in addition to chemistry. In essence, you’re upping your chances of finding someone compatible because you’ve identified additional traits you admire or share.

Ultimately, the only way to predict physical compatibility is to meet in person. So why waste your time trying to predict it via online profiles? Perhaps you should use the time to identify potential friends, instead. The chances of finding someone with whom you’ll share a physical spark might be similar, but perhaps you’ll walk away with a few platonic friendships, as well.

When you first sign up for an online dating site, it can be intoxicating - or overwhelming, depending on your perspective. All those choices! You’ve heard that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but suddenly you’re getting a true glimpse of what that can mean - zooming out until you’re looking at an entire ocean (and knowing you’re still only seeing a tiny fraction of what’s really out there). As tempting as it can be to just dive in or shut down altogether, remember that there are actually perks to zooming back in, and taking profiles just a few at a time.

First and foremost, there’s a glazing effect - meaning your eyes get glazed over after viewing a few too many profiles at once. Everyone starts to seem the same. Furthermore, your first-contact emails start to seem the same, too. We might all be tiny ants in this big ol’ world, but hardly anyone is comfortable being constantly reminded of it; nothing accomplishes that more than a copy-and-paste email.

Once everyone starts to sound the same, it’s even harder to keep track of those profiles you’ve viewed. Maybe someone caught your eye the other day, but you had to run out on an errand and didn’t have time to contact them then. Now, unfortunately, you can’t find their profile! You thought you remembered their name, but apparently not. And retracing your steps is next to impossible. It’s hard enough finding someone who really piques your interest, but potentially losing them before you’ve even sent an email is doubly frustrating.

An entire site of potential matches can be daunting, so a good way to manage profiles in small amounts is to make good use of your custom searches. Perhaps one day you look up a specific interest or keyword. Don’t bounce from once search to the next - you’ll only potentially confuse yourself. Instead, limit yourself to one or two specific searches a day, and commit to really reading those profiles. Keep a blank document open and list your keywords, as well as profiles you’ve found interesting (their usernames, perhaps with links to their actual profiles). Later on, if something seems vaguely familiar (maybe even on another site), you can at least check whether they’ve grabbed your eye before.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a broad approach to perusing profiles, but sometimes it can be difficult to give profiles the attention they deserve when you’re overwhelmed by the numbers. It’s fine to send out several first-contact emails - after all, it’s akin to saying hello - but make sure you can handle, and recall, those you’re contacting!