Online Dating

It’s easy to over-inflate an online dating profile; we start writing, we get carried away on a stream of consciousness, and the next thing we know we’ve written a novella that suddenly seems necessary. Alas, most readers won’t find such length necessary, and they’ll move on after a glance. So how do we streamline our profiles? One fast and easy way: look for redundancy.

Redundancy doesn’t mean repetition within the profile, though of course that could be edited too. No, instead this requires a little thinking - not about yourself, but about your intended audience: those who have signed up on an online dating site.

Thus, the first, most redundant statement is probably something along the lines of: “I’m looking for love.” No kidding! So is everyone else. Now, there are exceptions; if you’re looking for something different from the general culture of the site, it’s best to spell it out. So if you’re looking for a one-night stand on a site that prides itself in matches ending in marriage, you might want to clarify your intentions. If you know you’re in the vast majority, however, it might be best to stay silent on the matter. Your profile’s very existence is doing the talking for you.

Similarly, when it comes time to talk about what you’re looking for, possibly the most redundant statement is a variation on the following: “I’m looking for someone attractive.” First, that’s another no-brainer - of course you’d like to date someone you find attractive. Secondly, it’s not a helpful statement: everyone’s definition of attractive is subjective anyway, so you’re not actually narrowing the field much. And finally, it can make you appear shallow; everyone values appearance, but you value it so much that you’re actually talking about it.

Talking about the physical side of romance in your profile is a related, and even less classy, cousin. When people say they’re looking for love, or a long-term relationship, everything that goes with that is implied (unless, again, you’re looking for something different from the norm). Specifying your skills or preferences in this arena is the equivalent of moving too quickly - or boldly propositioning someone in person before you’ve even said hello. Sure, it might work for some people in some circumstances, but understand the risks before you go that route.

Why is eliminating redundant statements important? Well, you’re shortening your profile, for one thing. By removing the bits that don’t need to be there, you’re highlighting what’s left. But also, because these concepts are so understood, when you leave them in you’re running the risk of coming across as cliched, cheesy, or crude. There’s nothing wrong with starting with a cliched statement to get the creative juices flowing - but when it comes down to the final draft, are you making redundant statements?

In fact, it's so easy that I'm not sure it can be called hacking. It doesn't even have to be done intentionally - just one little oblivious click, and suddenly someone else is logged in under your username.

It works like this: when OkCupid sends you an email, any links included inside the email contain a unique identifier called a token. When you click the link, you are automatically logged into your OKCupid account without having to enter your password. The point is to make it as easy as possible to get into your account, but it also makes it worringly easy for someone else to do the same thing.

A writer at The Verge discovered the security hole after receiving a forwarded OkCupid email from a friend. After reading the funny message her friend had received from a prospective suitor, she clicked on the message to see the suitor in question.

"Suddenly," she writes, "I was in my friend's account, staring at all her read and unread messages. I could see her instant messages. I could edit her profile. Just because I had clicked on an email sent to her, OKCupid thought I was her."

Although your friends probably won't do anything unscrupulous if they land in that situation (you hope!), it might not be your friends who unexpectedly find themselves logged into your account. In another case, a woman blogged about an OKCupid user and included a link to his profile that she copied from her email. Unbeknownst to her, any reader who clicked on it would then be instantly logged in as her.

There may be a little karma involved here - because it doesn't seem very nice to publically blog about a user and include a link to their profile - but no one wants to give every stranger on the Internet access to their online dating profile. The token does expire eventually, but no one has yet determined how long it remains active.

Naturally, the OkCupid forums have exploded over this. In one discussion thread, a user writes "This totally defeats the purpose of having a password for the site. If anybody happens to be able to read my email, they are then able to see my full OkCupid account. Hello, what kind of account security is this?"

The thread has been active since 2009, so as incensed as OkCupid users may be, the site doesn't appear to be in a hurry to address the issue. Although "Login Instantly" is not a new feature, it is perhaps not the wisest choice for a social network, dating site, or other online destination that contains such personal information.

Think twice next time you're tempted to make fun of a fellow online dater by forwarding their hilarious message on to your friends. Stick to screencaps or - here's a really radical idea - just be nice and don't do it in the first place.

Are you overwhelmed with all of the dating apps out there? It seems there are new ways of meeting people via technology cropping up every day. So what do you do with all the choices, especially if you're not so interested in playing a game of "hot or not" over an app like Tinder?

There's no need to worry. Technology can be used to your advantage, to help you meet more people than you'd otherwise run into going out to bars or parties. And don't forget - texting and social media can also help you improve your dating game.

Following are some ways to use technology to improve your social life:

Keep in touch via text. Did you meet someone incredible, or have an amazing first date? Don't let that spark fade - your mobile phone could be your best resource for keeping the romance going. Don't be afraid to send a text - but don't be generic by asking "how's your day?" Be creative. Make a reference to something you both said or did. Or send a photo of a place you talked about. This helps keep the conversation going, and provides a way to connect until the next time you see each other.

Check in on FourSquare, Yelp, or Facebook. In addition to getting deals from the restaurant or bar where you check in, you'll also let potential dates in your circles know where you like to hang out on weekends and evenings. Maybe you have the same places in common but didn't know it.

Use your online dating site's app. Signed up for Match.com or eHarmony? If you like these tried and true online dating sites, then download their apps, too. Because we are more mobile and carry our phones with us, daters can miss out on opportunities when they wait to check online matches at home or work. If you're staying engaged with matches through your phone, likely those opportunities for spontaneous coffee dates won't elude you. You never know.

Know what you're comfortable with, (and learn about what's out there). Apps like Grindr and Tinder can be daunting, especially if you're a single woman who doesn't want to be so accessible to strangers. But there are plenty of other dating apps that are more security-friendly. It's hard to fake a profile if you have to sign up with your Facebook account or verify with your mobile number. Apps like CoffeeMeetsBagel only provide one match per day, so you can rest assured people won't be trolling. Be open to learning what's out there and trying something new.

A picture might be worth a thousand words - but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to add in a dozen more to explain the situation. And thus, the invention of the caption. Here’s a little bit about when you should make sure your online dating photos include captions, and why.

First, your default picture should probably be self-explanatory enough that you don’t really need a caption; after all, the main event is your face. Even if you’re going for an “attention-grabbing” default picture, it shouldn’t be so out there that it causes a reaction along the lines of “What in the world is that?” You might be skydiving, but it’s obvious you’re skydiving. In general, however, the default picture should have a nice, clear shot of your face, preferably smiling, so there’s no confusion over whether you’ve used a mugshot.

However, nice as those pictures may be, they can sometimes be lacking in character. That’s when you start pulling out other, more interesting photos; photos with a story behind them. But here’s the catch: you need to either explain the story behind them (in a succinct way) or make sure the photos are really as interesting as you think they are, even without the story. The picture of you dressed as a lobster might be funny, but it’s even funnier when you explain you stumbled into being an extra for the Ice Capades last year - and it might reveal a little something extra about your personality, too.

Then there are the photos that can be called Potentially Deliberately Misleading. For example, a picture where you’re casually posed with a celebrity. In reality, you stood in a convention line for an hour to get this photo; however, you might neglect to mention this because you’re okay with the assumption that you’re just friends with famous people. Even though you’re not actively trying to deceive, it might look that way to others. Or imagine a photo where you’re being swarmed by children. Are they yours? Are they your nieces and nephews? Do you work at a day care? The lack of a caption that clarifies the situation might make it seem like you’re actively hiding something. Thus, perhaps it’s best to be crystal clear from the beginning.

Finally, there are photos that just need a little clarification. Yes, once you’ve met in person it’ll be pretty easy to identify you in a crowd, but when you’ve only got one or two photos to go by, the reader might not be able to pick you out of a group shot of bridesmaids or fraternity brothers. If you’re going to include a group shot, make sure it’s obvious which one you are.

Captions are not meant to be additional profiles, but when used correctly, they can eliminate confusion and enhance the stories told by your photos. Do your photos need explaining?

Good news! We no longer think online dating is reserved only for socially awkward guys who live in their parents' basements and desperate, lonely women who fear they're going to die with 75 cats. And now that it's safe to jump on the online dating bandwagon, the Millennial generation is hopping on in droves.

The Inquisitr sat down with Let's Date CEO Adam Huie to get his advice on dating for the under-30 set. I've already counted down the first 10 things they say 20 year olds need to know about online dating, so here's the second 10:

1. Get your friends involved. We might be the most social generation ever, so why not get our friends involved in our online dating pursuits? Have them review your profile, help you choose dates, or join you on an adventure using a group dating or wingman dating service.
2. This is not Snapchat. I love Snapchat, don't get me wrong, but it's always wise to think twice before sending a scandalous photo. Once it's out there, it's out there for good, and you have no idea where it might end up. If you're ok with that, snap away.
3. Don't give out personal information. We grew up with the Internet, Millennials - we should be well aware of this one. Any identifying information (location, place of work, phone number) does not belong on your online dating profile, and it shouldn't be readily handed out in private messages with other online daters, either.
4. Cheaters need not apply. If it's against the rules of your relationship to have an online dating profile, then don't do it. It's really simple.
5. Be patient. We're used to getting everything instantly, but that's not how relationships work (even the ones that start online). You might find a date right away, but you might not. Online dating is an investment, and if you put the time into it the date will eventually come.
6. Don't say "Hey." Please, for the love of God, do not say "Hey." I can't tell you how many messages I delete that seem to think one word will make me want them. I'll never understand it. You don't need to write a novel, but you definitely need to make some attempt at an actual conversation.
7. Plan. I'm a fan of spontaneity, but one of the nifty things about online dating is that it gives you the chance to form a game plan. Take the opportunity to craft really great messages and creative date ideas.
8. Don't be a "serial dater." You could go on multiple dates every day if you wanted to (especially now that location-based mobile dating is so popular), but please don't. Either you're fishing for free food and drinks, or you're dropping way too much cash buying other people food and drinks.
9. It's not an excuse to be an asshole. We have a bad habit of being rude online because sitting behind a computer screen makes us feel invincible. Don't do it. You are not invincible, you are just a jerk.
10. Delete the app. If you're in a serious, monogamous relationship, it's probably time to take your online dating profile down. Consider it a victory.

Related Article: 10 Things Millennials Need To Know About Online Dating

Making a good online impression is really an art. Do you consider yourself an online Casanova? Are you able to email with matches endlessly, but are too intimidated to ask for a real date? Let's face it. You know that at some point, the online interaction needs to cease and you should meet face to face, because how else are you going to see if you're really a match?

Some people are talented wordsmiths while others might not feel so comfortable writing as they do speaking to someone in person or over the phone. When it comes to online dating, this shouldn't matter. Because the last thing you want to do is correspond with potential online dates for weeks or months at a time, when you should be meeting them as quickly as possible.

Many people have asked me how long they should email before asking somebody out over an online dating site. I recognize that you are strangers and it's good to feel comfortable with someone before agreeing to meet in person. However, if you wait too long, you are missing out on some great opportunities.

Technology has kicked online and mobile dating into high gear. You don't have to be at home in front of your computer in order to message or meet someone. Now, you can reach them in seconds via your phone - through instant chat, mobile apps, or even Facebook and Twitter. This means that people are meeting each other all the time. So what's to stop them from asking someone else out on a date?

It used to be acceptable for people to correspond over email for weeks at a time before actually meeting in person. But now, people don't have the patience or inclination. It's much better if you ask somebody out after one or two emails, three at the most. If you wait much longer, you risk that person meeting and dating someone else. You also risk forming an emotional attachment to somebody you might not have chemistry with in person.

I have met several men who were amazing over email - witty, charming, engaging - but then when I met them in person it was like they were complete strangers. We didn't banter, or they didn't appear to be interested in me, or they weren't the type of man I pictured as we were writing each other. In other words, I had high expectations based on a picture in my mind. If I would have met them sooner, before I became smitten with them over email, my disappointment over our real-life encounter wouldn't have been so devastating.

The bottom line: Ask him/her out, sooner rather than later. If you get on well in person, there's nothing stopping you from exchanging some amazing emails with each other later.