Online Dating

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The coupon code listed above are valid on eHarmony in the United States (eHarmony.com).

For Canadian singles, go here for our eHarmony Canada (eHarmony.ca) coupons.

For United Kingdom singles, go here for our eHarmony UK (eHarmony.co.uk) coupons.

Read our review of eHarmony for more information about this online matchmaking service.

Everyone knows that being genuine in online dating is helpful; you want your potential match to be drawn to the real you, after all. But is it really necessary to pour your heart and soul out into a profile? More importantly, what should you be holding back?

We tend to place quite a lot of emphasis on writing our profile. It’s natural; it’s the one element of the dating process over which we have complete control. We can’t always control the first impression we make on a date; maybe we’re caught in a rainstorm on the way there, or we’re coming down with a cold so we’re foggy-brained and weak-smiling at best. An online profile, on the other hand, can be meticulously constructed so that the reader sees us at our very best.

But ultimately, the profile is just a way to assess whether we want to send a first-contact email to someone. And the response to the first-contact email isn’t a proclamation of love; again, we’re mostly just checking for red flags to see whether we want to meet in person. It’s in person that the real evaluating can begin. Profiles are helpful in assessing potential - and rest assured, many red flags can show themselves even in the simplest of profiles - but they ultimately aren’t that helpful in assessing chemistry.

So maybe you don’t really need to stress over your profile. It can be unnerving, leaving more up to that first date, where you have less control, but it’s focusing your energy in a more productive direction. In the meantime, you can control what information you do - or don’t - share.

Obviously, you don’t need to share your home address or physical work details - that’s just common sense in safety. What you might not consider is that you don’t have to share your favorite locations, either - the coffee shop you love or the park you visit daily. While it may feel comforting to be in your element on your first date, it’s not so comforting if the date doesn’t work out - and your non-match now has a new favorite spot.

You don’t have to share any details about your life that are particularly private or sensitive. Remember, you haven’t even met on a first date yet. If your potential match is encouraging you to get “close” before you’ve even met, it could be a red flag for a scammer (remember, the goal is to meet, not fall in love with a pen pal). Even if there’s no ill intent, it’s a waste of time and energy - you can share all that later when you’re sure there’s a connection in person.

You don’t have to add them to your social networks; in addition to the fact that there might be personal information there in the form of pictures, comments from friends, and so on, it’s just another tie you’ll have to sever if that first date doesn’t work out. Or a connection you’ll leave awkwardly open. Again, save it for later.

It can be exhilarating, corresponding with a potential match, forging a potential connection over a shared passion. It’s tempting to emotionally jump in with both feet before you’ve even met. But by being aware of what you can keep to yourself, you might keep your feet a little more anchored to the ground - and thus ready to spring in when you really do have an in-person connection.

When it comes to performing online dating searches, sometimes your biggest enemy can be yourself. Why? Imagine you’re trying to solve a complex math problem, but you don’t have access to a math book, or a calculator. You try to puzzle it out yourself, but the answer is wrong. You walk away and come back to it later, but the answer is still wrong. You didn’t magically gain any new knowledge.

Online dating can be a bit like that: when you hit the same wall over and over, sometimes it’s because you’re hamstrung by your own limits. It’s hard to think outside the box because, well, it’s your box.

First, consider the sort of searches you do. Are you looking for the same key words, over and over? The same sorts of statistics? Why not try mixing it up a bit? Again, it can be hard to think of anything brand-new, so go all-out silly with it at first. Heck, do a search for the word silly. You might not ultimately find what you’re looking for, but you’ll likely find something different from the same old thing - and reading a new profile might make you think of still something else to search for, and so on, down the rabbit hole.

Next, consider the searches you aren’t doing - because your own preferences are keeping them from popping up as options. Is height really that important to you? What about age, or body type? Sure, it can be fun to watch your options winnow down to what is theoretically your dream match, but if your problem is that your options are too few, the problem may lie in what you’re looking for.

Age, for example, is one factor that people tend to feel strongly about, while at the same time admitting that it’s not a one-size-fits-all element when it comes to personality. You can be twenty going on thirty-five, and sixty going on twenty-three. But consider this: chances are you’ll be able to tell if someone really is “young at heart” or “mature for their age” just by reading their profile, let alone going on one date. Are you really that put out by taking time for a little extra reading or dating? And on the flip side, you’re opening doors to possibilities that weren’t there before.

Next time you tweak your profile, take a chance and get rid of as many preferences as you dare, just to see who’s out there. Similarly, try searching for something completely unlike you. You might just find something - a quality, a preference, an entire person - you didn’t even know you wanted.

Communication is the most important part of online dating. You might have great pictures and an amazing profile, but if you don't reach out to matches or respond to emails, then you're letting opportunities slip by.

Also, your approach is very important when you're online dating. Remember, these are people who don't know you. They might not understand your sense of humor, or your storytelling, or why you are obsessed with a particular video game. It's important to read over your emails and ask yourself, "would I date a total stranger who sent me this email?" before you hit send.

If you want more success with online dating, which means more in-person dates than you're getting now, it might be worth examining how you communicate with people online first. Following are some general rules for emailing your matches:

Respond quickly. It' important to check in with your online dating site every day, even if it's just for ten minutes. If someone emails you, they typically don't want to wait several days for a response or they just move on. Dating moves quickly, so don't get left behind.

Reach out to more people. Have you sent twenty emails this week? Then maybe you should double or triple the number. Online dating is definitely a numbers game unfortunately, and if you're emailing someone who gets a hundred emails a day in her inbox, then it's difficult to stand out. Don't be so selective - after all, you don't know these people, you only get a little information from a picture and profile. Their energy in person is usually what attracts you. So get to the date before you write someone off the list. Send more emails to more people.

Don't be generic. Many women get the same email from different guys, along the lines of "hey, sexy how are you?" If you want to get a woman's attention, don't compliment her looks or ask how she's doing. Instead, read her profile and craft your email with questions that relate. Better yet, in the subject line refer to something in her profile - it will make her much more likely to open your email than if you just say, "hello."

Check your spelling. Many online daters think this doesn't matter, but spelling and grammar are extremely important factors in online dating. These are also easy to check and fix with spellcheck and grammar tools. So don't be lazy and let this one slide. Proof your emails before you send them out.

Most daters are reluctant to reach out to someone of a different race on an online dating site, but will respond if they are approached first, according to a new study.

Although we think of ourselves as a post-racial society, the study showed clearly that the vast majority of online daters prefer to initiate contact with daters who share the same ethnic background. It seems most people feel comfortable dating, or at least reaching out to people with the same ethnic background. There's no clear data yet on why, though the assumption is that people expect to have less in common with others who don't share their heritage.

The data was different however, when daters were approached by someone outside their race. They were more likely to respond because someone else had reached out and said he/she was interested - in a sense, breaking the ice. Interestingly, these daters then would reciprocate - they were more likely to search and reach out to daters outside their race in future interactions. The lesson? It pays to make the first move.

Kevin Lewis, a researcher at University of California San Diego who headed the study told the New York Daily News, "We expect that someone from a different background wouldn't be interested in us. The willingness to reciprocate may tell us more about site users' 'real' preferences than their willingness to initiate contact."

The group most likely to initiate contact outside of their own race were white males. Asian women stood out too, as they were more willing to communicate with men outside of their race than within it. Once contacted by someone from another race, their exchanges went up 238%.

The study was published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, and researched over 126,000 OkCupid users to find out about their messaging preferences when it comes to dating outside of their race. They looked at messages sent between October and December of 2010. All identifying information related to OkCupid member messages was blocked, so that researchers only saw race, gender, and the timestamp of the messages in addition to the content.

Even though interracial marriages have increased significantly over the last 30 years according to the latest Pew research, with one in twelve marriages being mixed-race, we haven't known much about the behaviors and preferences of online daters and how many of them are open to dating outside of their race. This has been the first study to give insight to the early stages of a relationship in terms of race.