Online Dating

It was really only a matter of time.

Beards have become such an integral part of pop culture it's almost surprising this hasn't happened sooner. Finally, the world has a dating app for men with beards and those who love them. The app is called Bristlr, because we now live in an era when E is an uncool vowel.

On the surface, Bristlr is exactly what you think it is. The app is a slightly tongue-in-cheek service that taps into the hipster/lumbersexual thing that's happening right now, and has no problem laughing at itself. The description of how Bristlr works is simply:

• Tell us where you are, and if you have a beard
• Got a beard? We find people looking for beards
• Want a beard? We find people with beards worth looking for
• Send messages to people you like and who like you
• Your life now contains more beard love, you're welcome

And then there's the to-the-point explanation of what Bristlr is: “There are many people with beards who like to have them stroked. And there are many people who don’t have beards, but would like to stroke them. Bristlr is the link between the two.”

And let's not forget the handy FAQ answer to “Is this a joke?” which reads: “In the sense that it’s a little ridiculous, yes. But Bristlr is a real thing being made.”

So yeah, it's a little funny. And Bristlr knows it's a little funny. And that's why it stands to be totally great.

Actually, it's just one of the reasons Bristlr could be your new favorite dating site. Although the premise is just the slightest bit silly, Bristlr is taking on some issues that are absolutely serious. Chief among them is the problem of spam. No matter who you are or what dating services you've used, you're bound to have come across the kind of lame, boring, generic messages that you know have been copy/pasted to tons of other people.

But not on Bristlr, because Bristlr informs you when a message has been sent to other people, as well as how many other people it's been sent to. It isn't complicated functionality to make, but Bristlr is one of – if not the – first to actually do it. Cool, right?

In addition to that handy little tool, Bristlr also lets users grade the quality of the messages they receive. If people regularly rate you highly, indicating that you spend a thoughtful amount of time on your messages, you'll receive a little star on your profile.

Founder John Kershaw says he's also considering adding Facebook-style status updates to the site, to encourage even more personality, honesty and transparency.

Honesty and transparency on dating sites? Yes, apparently it is possible. Thanks, Bristlr.

Are you debating joining an online dating site? You’re in luck. Now’s the best time to take the plunge.

According to Zoosk, Match.com and Plenty of Fish (the sites that arguably see the most traffic), the Sunday after New Year’s is the biggest day of the year for online dating – with more people logging in and signing up than any other time. While that day has come and gone – at least for 2015 - the excitement hasn’t. The days between New Year’s Day and February 14^th are the peak days of the year for online dating, so it’s not too late.

As it turns out, there’s something about this time of the year that causes people to make changes in their lives, or at least try something new. According to Facebook, January is the month when we see the most relationship status changes (and coincidentally when the most divorce papers are filed). On the flip side, the peak season for engagements is around the holidays, so don’t feel it’s all about “out with the old.”

Another unusual New Years’ trend – there are more conceptions and more condom sales in January than any other time of the year, according to a recent article in The Washington Post. And according to researchers, there’s a post-holiday spike in searches for porn.

While we can attribute it to the post-holiday slump, the weather, or maybe just the thought of the year stretched out in front of us, with summer months so far away – there seems to be something else going on. We want a change. We want our lives to improve. We want more happiness, more excitement, more adventure. We don’t want to feel stuck.

So when the New Year rolls around, we break up with a significant other, we decide to move in with a girlfriend, or we go looking for the right person on an online dating site. We buy gym memberships, take that pilates or yoga class, start that new diet, and in general, try to make some significant changes. The New Year gives us a chance to start again, to wipe the slate clean.

Which is why people might feel more inclined to online date – after all, it takes courage. Perhaps they were waiting for the right time or situation. Or maybe they decide this time will be different. Regardless, you’re in good company. You’ll probably run into a lot of other people trying it for the first time – or maybe the first time in a long while.

Happy dating in 2015!

Online dating is a world of contradictions.

Christian Rudder, co-founder of OkCupid, is responsible for one of the most successful dating sites in the world – yet he has never been on a date with someone he met online. There is nothing more human or more inexplicable than romance – and yet Rudder seems to have turned emotions into science and found a formula for love.

Christian Rudder is the man behind the OkTrends blog, which he recently spun into a book called Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). Miraculously, though it's hard to imagine anything colder or more impersonal than numbers, Rudder has managed to find humanity in his work. In his hands, data becomes revelations about human nature.

Amongst his findings was the not-so-surprising news that, no matter how old men get, they always find 22-year-old women most attractive. Women, on the other hand, tend to be most attracted to men around their own age. Rudder also caused a flurry of media attention when he reported that people typically rate potential matches of their own ethnicity as more attractive than others.

Naturally, claims like those don't come without controversy or criticism. Some have accused Rudder of presenting a damaging reductionist view of human behavior. Others have said it's impossible to understand what people want from love and sex via a faceless website in an industry that has a bad reputation for telling lies.

Not to mention the constant stories of outrage we hear over surveillance of citizens' Internet activities, or of exhaustion over companies using personal data for marketing purposes. In a world where privacy is increasingly a concern, studying the habits of OkCupid users may seem like a misinformed choice. And if that seems like a misinformed choice, imagine the backlash after telling OkCupid users that they'd been experimented on.

In 2014, the discontinued OkTrends blog returned from a long hiatus with a posted called “We Experiment On Human Beings!” The response felt predictably fierce to most of us, but Rudder maintains he was surprised by just now negative the public's reaction was. To him, it was merely the cost of admission: users get a free site, and in return they share their data.

To his credit, Rudder is happy to admit that the facts shared in his book are only “tiny windows looking in on our lives.” Data science is interesting, but not perfect. Ultimately, he believes his purpose is good and that the end of furthering social science fully justifies the means.

A recent article in the Boston Globe discussed the disappointing journey of online dating. Many single people start the New Year off by setting an intention to find a partner – so they sign up with an online dating site. And after a few weeks or even months of effort, they are exhausted and ready to throw in the towel on dating altogether.

In other words, they are burned out from dating.

If you’ve ever done online dating, you will know what dating burnout means. Often, when you sign up with a new dating website or download a new app, your expectations can be high that this time it will be different. This time you can meet someone special. But then, after a few bad experiences or lack of chemistry or matches, it’s easy to become frustrated and think that online dating will never work.

Online dating is tough if you aren’t finding the right person, but should you always point your finger in blame when things don’t work out? There are more singles than ever in the U.S. – roughly 50% of all adults, so it’s not that there are “no good ones left.” But if you are experiencing dating burnout, it is hard not to believe it.

It’s important to look past all the bad experiences, and try to start each date on a clean slate. This isn’t wishful thinking, it’s what is required if you want to move from a negative place to a more positive place – because the first rule of dating is that you attract people of the same attitude to you. How can real chemistry happen if you aren’t willing to approach a new date with fresh eyes, even after a hundred bad dates?

I’m not saying dating is easy – far from it. But nothing in life worth having is easy. Nothing really valuable comes because we can order it off a menu, or a dating app. Instead, it comes from the work we put in. It comes from our mistakes, which help us to learn what works and what doesn’t.

If you want a true partner, it might happen through online dating, and it might not – but you have to be ready to wipe the slate clean each time you meet someone new.

So online dating isn’t the problem. If you want your dating life to change, you first have to examine yourself and see where you might be holding back from others, or how much you might be judging. Not everyone is going to be Mr./Ms. Right, but you will have a better time when you let go of what you can’t control (other people) and take control of what you can (you).

Peace and love for 2015! 

With over 29 million members, a buzzed-about blog, a #1 dating app, and more than 14 million followers across the social sphere, it's safe to say Zoosk knows a thing or two about online dating.

Using their dating expertise and data gathered from studying nearly 4 million messages and 430,000 profiles, the gurus at Zoosk curated the hottest trends of 2014 and made a few predictions for the new year.

Which online dating trends left us lonely in 2014 and which ones got us (digitally) hot and bothered? What does 2015 have in store? Check out Zoosk's infographic here, and some highlights below.

Messaging

In 2014, singles were least responsive between 2pm and 3pm, presumably because they were either deeply entrenched in work or snoozing off a post-lunch food coma. Men were most active in the morning, between the hours of 9 and 10am. Women, on the other hand, were night owls. The majority of their interactions occurred between 10 and 11pm.

Prediction: Moving into 2015, Zoosk predicts that our 'always on' culture will result in instant interactions all day, every day.

Photos

2014 saw a bunch of trends where photos were concerned. For men, outdoor photos increased messages received by 19% while selfies decreased messages received by 8%. For women, the trend was reversed – selfies increased messages received by 4%, while outdoor photos decreased messages received by 40%. For both men and women, posing with a friend or animal proved problematic, but full body photos increased messages by a whopping 203%!

Prediction: Duck face and bathroom selfies are out, along with mirror photos. Enlist a friend to take your full body shot instead.

Profiles

Honesty reigned supreme for men in 2014. Profiles that included “divorce,” “separate” or “my ex” received 52% more messages. On the other hand, sharing too much too soon scared off potential dates for women. Profile mentions of “divorce,” “separate” or “my ex” received 4% fewer messages.

Prediction: Zoosk predicts we'll all be over surprises in 2015. More and more daters will rely on technology to verify user authenticity.

Technology

Traditionally, online dating has rested on a foundation of surveys. Some are longer than others, but the end goal is always the same: categorize daters based on (possibly meaningless) questions. 2014 was no exception to the trend.

Prediction: Online dating will be about the opposite of “Do what I say, not what I do” in 2015. Instead of relying on your self-reported answers, dating services will increasingly learn your preferences based on your actions.

If you are among the 150,000 Tinder users in Ireland, your chances of finding a match are only one in a hundred - or about 1% - according to a new study.

Researchers for Ipsos MRBI, who surveyed people living in Ireland who say they use Tinder, discovered that dating app users’ chances for finding someone they click with are not that much greater than randomly meeting people at bars and pubs. In fact, the odds may be less favorable with apps, likely because there is the perception of browsing through a seemingly infinite number of eligible singles each time you log on to the app, making commitment seem unappealing. The more choices you have, the less willing you become to settle for just one person.

There is an addictive quality to apps like Tinder, according to its own figures. The average Tinder user spends between an hour and 90 minutes using the app every day, logging in 11 times. There are also an estimated 50 million active users of Tinder, compared to 864 million active Facebook users and 300 million active Twitter users – proving that the dating app has as much power to hold users’ attention as the major social media platforms.

Part of the reason for its low percentage of matches might be Tinder’s demographic, at least in Ireland - preferred mainly among fickle twenty-somethings who log on to the app several times a day. Only 12% of Irish Tinder users are between ages 35 and 44, and for those between 45 and 54, the number goes down to 3%.

Men are also less picky than women when it comes to saying yes to a dating app match. According to the study, they are three times more likely (46%) to swipe “like” on a woman’s profile whereas only 14% of women say yes to a man’s profile. The study also shows however that women invest a little more thought and time - women spend 8.5 minutes reading profiles on Tinder each time they log in, compared to a man’s 7.2 minutes (which are spent swiping).

So what does this mean for daters? The U.K. might not be much different from Tinder users all over the world. There is an accessibility and ease to the app, which has made it extremely popular and given its users a lot of options when it comes to meeting new people. But just like flipping through magazine pictures, sometimes it’s easier to just look at more photos than to reach out and contact someone, even if you find them intriguing. The real test is – can Tinder translate to real-world relationships?

Maybe your chances are about the same on Tinder as they are at your local bar. But until you reach out to try and meet in real life, you won’t know.