Online Dating: Does It Really Work?

A recent article in the Boston Globe discussed the disappointing journey of online dating. Many single people start the New Year off by setting an intention to find a partner – so they sign up with an online dating site. And after a few weeks or even months of effort, they are exhausted and ready to throw in the towel on dating altogether.

In other words, they are burned out from dating.

If you’ve ever done online dating, you will know what dating burnout means. Often, when you sign up with a new dating website or download a new app, your expectations can be high that this time it will be different. This time you can meet someone special. But then, after a few bad experiences or lack of chemistry or matches, it’s easy to become frustrated and think that online dating will never work.

Online dating is tough if you aren’t finding the right person, but should you always point your finger in blame when things don’t work out? There are more singles than ever in the U.S. – roughly 50% of all adults, so it’s not that there are “no good ones left.” But if you are experiencing dating burnout, it is hard not to believe it.

It’s important to look past all the bad experiences, and try to start each date on a clean slate. This isn’t wishful thinking, it’s what is required if you want to move from a negative place to a more positive place – because the first rule of dating is that you attract people of the same attitude to you. How can real chemistry happen if you aren’t willing to approach a new date with fresh eyes, even after a hundred bad dates?

I’m not saying dating is easy – far from it. But nothing in life worth having is easy. Nothing really valuable comes because we can order it off a menu, or a dating app. Instead, it comes from the work we put in. It comes from our mistakes, which help us to learn what works and what doesn’t.

If you want a true partner, it might happen through online dating, and it might not – but you have to be ready to wipe the slate clean each time you meet someone new.

So online dating isn’t the problem. If you want your dating life to change, you first have to examine yourself and see where you might be holding back from others, or how much you might be judging. Not everyone is going to be Mr./Ms. Right, but you will have a better time when you let go of what you can’t control (other people) and take control of what you can (you).

Peace and love for 2015!