Online Dating

This could be the best news you'll hear all day. Maybe even all year. A proposed Tinder-style app promises to take 'Netflix and chill' to a whole new level.

There's no one who isn't obsessed with Netflix (except perhaps the jealous haters who don't have it), so it seems only natural that someone would find away to turn your love of Netflix into actual love. With a human.

The new service is, appropriately, called Netfling. Unlike other dating services that match you with people based on shared interests, Netfling matches based on similar taste in Netflix viewing. It starts by logging in with your Netflix info. The app then gathers data from your Netflix account to determine your most-watched shows and movies. After that, you're presented with possible matches and swipe, Tinder-style, to indicate your interest.

Netfling calls itself a way to “find your perfect couch companion” and says that “the secret to a happy relationship isn't communication. It's having the same Netflix taste.” It's, well... it's a bold, and ridiculous, statement, but you can't blame them for trying. Go big or go home. And ridiculous or not, there are bound to be binge-watchers who love the idea.

The truth is, sharing your favorite flicks with a partner or date creates an intimate bond. There's something special about cuddling up on the couch together, and a person's taste in entertainment can tell you a lot about their sense of humor, intelligence, interests and maturity.

This could be big business. Netflix has more than 65 million users as of last count, 42 million in the US alone. Tinder has significantly fewer, at an estimated 50 million (the company hasn't released official figures). If all those single Netflix users could turn their obsessions with Breaking Bad and Friends into matchmaking opportunities, there might be far fewer lonely nights spent in front of laptops.

Of course, the Netflix dating scheme doesn't come without problems. Pretty much everyone was in love with Breaking Bad at one point, so it's hardly a point of differentiation between possible suitors. A more in-depth profile will be needed if you're to decide who is actually a compatible match for you.

There's also the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, liking the same TV shows is hardly a predictor of long-term relationship success. Sure it's nice to watch The Wire together, but is it really a big deal if you don't share favorite TV shows?

We're getting ahead of ourselves. For now, Netfling is only a proposed app. It's waiting on the release of a Netflix API before it can be made. But hey – we can still dream of an efficient way to find an intriguing stranger to share popcorn with.

Online dating is a wonderful thing, but it is a double-edged sword in many respects. We can meet a lot more people this way, but having the ability to meet more people also means we have to suffer through a lot more bad dates. A LOT more.

Let me clarify – this isn’t a bad thing. It’s just the thing that people tend to complain about when it comes to online dating. “There are so many bad ones out there,” is the cry from most. But even if you only had one date a month, chances are you wouldn’t click with most of those dates either. The irony is, most people aren’t romantically suited for each other – a part of online dating that we must come to accept.

The point I’m making is this: you’ll have a lot of first dates. And by comparison, relatively few second dates.

This isn’t to say you are failing at online dating, or that there just aren’t many “good ones” out there. It just means that you (and other online daters) are meeting a lot of people at any given time, and most of them aren’t going to click with you. In fact, most won’t lead to a second date. And that’s okay.

Second dates mean that there is some chemistry felt on both sides, that there might be an opportunity to move forward into a relationship. If one person didn’t feel a connection on the first date, she probably isn’t willing to try again for date number two (although I believe we should error on the side of giving more people an opportunity for a second date, where they will likely be more “themselves” than on a first date). Chemistry is an elusive concept. It is something that is felt – and not always by both people.

If you aren’t getting many second dates and want a bit more success, there are a few things to consider changing. Number one – are you mixing up your meeting place? After a dozen coffee dates at your favorite coffee joint, things can get a little stale. Try branching out and doing something more creative, not necessarily more expensive. Go for a walk in the park or a hike. Try a wine tasting event or strolling a flea market. Try a more inspiring date and it might mean that you have more fun together in general.

If you are expecting instant chemistry or love at first sight with your dates, you’ll be waiting a long time. Most people don’t feel chemistry with someone until they have built up trust. If they do feel chemistry right away, it typically fizzles pretty quickly because you don’t really know each other. Don’t rely solely on your animal instincts. Instead, take things slowly, get to know the person sitting across from you, and don’t take it personally if there is no second date.

When it’s right, there will be many more dates after the second.

There is a temptation many online daters succumb to, perhaps without realizing it. While the point of online dating is to widen your social circles and meet people you otherwise wouldn’t meet in real life, there is unfortunately a timing issue.

Most people start communicating with their matches online before they make plans to meet in person. There is a “getting to know you” phase, complete with flirtations, shared intimacies, and lots of texts back and forth. For some, this process can go on and on for weeks before the two decide to meet in person.

By that time, anticipation has been built. Maybe you throw on your cutest outfit or favorite pair of heels, or style your hair for the occasion. You have butterflies in your stomach, excited to think how well you connected online – so surely you must also connect in person, right?

Not so much. Many online relationships fizzle by the time two people meet and discover that in person, there is just no chemistry between them. Certain personality affectations are hard to guage online, and people get a false sense of who the other person really is when they only communicate online.

For one, it is easier to fantasize when you aren’t seeing each other face to face. Maybe your date is really witty over text, but avoids eye contact in person. Maybe he’s painfully shy, or maybe he’s not exactly what you pictured in your head. Regardless, there is a gap between the person you fantasized about and the person sitting in front of you.

Secondly, people tend to cultivate a false sense of intimacy online. It’s easy to share more personal information when you aren’t looking each other in the eye. When you date in person, there is a more gradual build, as there is a certain level of trust that has to be gained before you open up. When you are only communicating online however, it’s easy to overshare. You can text at all hours, so there aren’t any boundaries for appropriate timing, or what you can feel free to say. Maybe you are more bold about flirting online, and would never say those things to someone in person. So what happens when you finally meet? There is a certain vulnerability that can make both people feel uncomfortable or awkward around each other, which can lead to a lack of chemistry.

And lastly, you don’t want to maintain an online relationship with someone who keeps putting off meeting you in person. They might not be who they claim they are. Do you really want to make an emotional investment in someone who isn’t eager to meet you in person, no matter the reason?

It is better to meet in real life sooner rather than later. Don’t build up an online relationship thinking it’s the same thing as actually dating. It’s not. Meeting face to face is the only way to assess how compatible and attracted to each other you are.

You'd be forgiven for thinking dating is an extrovert's game. With all the messaging and the meeting and the inevitable talking, dating sounds like an introvert's nightmare. The kind where you wake up screaming and then realize you've wet the bed.

But even the shyest of the shy need love and companionship, right? Online dating is for everyone, and in fact may even offer advantages for introverts.

First, online dating can be done from the comfort of your own home (or whatever space you're most comfortable in). Second, it doesn't involve any of the pressures of meeting via traditional methods, like striking up conversations with strangers or jostling for space in crowded bars. And third, it eliminates the pressure of needing to having insightful, witty, flirty conversations on the fly – all of your communication can be done thoughtfully, on your own time, over a series of messages.

With that in mind, here are 5 tips for introverts dipping their toes in the online dating waters.

1. Proceed at your own pace. Your friends are swiping like crazy and you'd almost swear they go on dates 10 days a week. Don't feel pressure to do the same. Go on one date a week, one date every two weeks – whatever works for you. And if it ever feels overwhelming, take a break.
2. Be honest in your profile. Own your introversion. You can outright call yourself an introvert in your profile or, if that's uncomfortable for you, indicate it in more subtle ways. Mention how much you value quiet time, or how happy you are curled up with a book. Drop enough hints and people will get the picture.
3. Choose your dating service wisely. Some dating services may be more suitable than others. A site highly focused on compatibility, like eHarmony, may make you feel more at ease. Or a service like Bumble, that only lets you communicate if mutual interest is established. Or perhaps a personality-specific niche site, like ShyPassions.com.
4. Screen carefully for compatibility. Isn't that what everyone is doing online? Well, yes, kind of, but this is about something very specific. If going out every weekend isn't your style, avoid profiles with tons of party pics. If, on the other hand, you're looking for someone to bring you out of your shell, perhaps the party pics are exactly what you need.
5. Share your interests. So you're not into loud clubs and vodka-soaked dance floors. That's OK. Tell people what you are interested in. You'll attract suitors who are interested in similar things and – added bonus – possibly have a first date built right in.

It looks like Tinder has swiped left on its latest CEO Chris Payne, and is asking co-founder Sean Rad to take control once again of running the company behind the infamously popular dating app. Rad will re-assume his position as CEO and Greg Blatt, Chairman of Match Group, will assume the newly created position of Executive Chairman of Tinder. Match Group is the parent company of online dating brands that include some of the most successful dating sites, including Tinder, Match.com and OkCupid.

Payne, a former eBay and Microsoft executive, is leaving the company after only five months as CEO. While Match Group originally hired him because of his experience, hoping to bring more corporate strategic thinking to the company, Rad remained the face of Tinder in the news thanks to his part in the app’s early success and his outspoken manner. (At the time, it didn’t help that he was embroiled in a sexual harassment lawsuit by former employee Whitney Wolfe, founder of new female-friendly dating app Bumble.)

For now, Payne seems to be content with the decision for him to step down. "I enjoyed my time at Tinder but we mutually determined that this wasn't going to be optimal and thought that a quick transition served everybody best," said Mr. Payne in a statement. "I think Tinder's going to be an incredible company." 

Website Mashable (who reported Tinder’s executive shake-up) has linked the decision to re-establish Rad in the CEO position as part of Match Group’s financial strategy. The company plans an initial public offering later this year. According to Blatt, the dating industry has come a long way since the company’s inception, but the category remains “underpenetrated.”

Tinder introduced a new premium paid service earlier this year, offering extra perks like the ability to go back and change a previously rejected profile or giving users more profiles to swipe per day. One analyst predicted Tinder’s valuation would top $1 billion in 2015.

For now, the company and Rad are focused on the future. "I'm committed to continuing to drive Tinder's growth and to make Tinder one of the great businesses of our time," said Mr. Rad. "I look forward to working closely with Greg to make that happen."

"It's only been a few months, but there was mutual agreement here that it was not the right long-term fit, and given Tinder's rapid growth trajectory both Christopher and the Board thought prompt action was best for everyone," said Matt Cohler, of Benchmark, a Tinder director. "We appreciate Christopher's work here and wish him well in future endeavors."

An article in last month’s Vanity Fair attacked apps like Tinder as being promoters of hook-up culture among young daters. The article caused a wave of dialogue, backlash and upset, with many people wondering if dating apps were in fact “killing” the culture of dating and navigating relationships.

While technology has been blamed for bad behavior, dating app Hinge is aiming to distinguish itself from its popular and notorious competitor, Tinder. Instead of taking the bait and offering more Tinder-like services like many dating apps looking for success in this growing market, Hinge is taking the hook-up culture argument to heart. Instead of fighting the article's argument, the company is offering an update to its app in acknowledgment of the problem - with an “Intentions” feature.

The update offers a new profile page where users are encouraged up front to include their intentions for using the app, whether it’s to find a relationship, to date, or a casual hook-up. Hinge hopes that this gives more transparency in the online dating process.

According to Hinge, most of the people coming to its app are looking for something more serious than a hook-up. When the company surveyed 1,500 of its users, they discovered that sixty-three percent claim they are looking for relationships, 33% for dating, and only 2% for hook-ups.

The company’s last update called out daters who weren’t being truthful about being single, which has also caused an uproar among Tinder users. (A survey earlier this year found that more than 40% of Tinder users were already in a relationship.) Hinge now publishes each user’s relationship status (that the user shares on Facebook), so there’s no mistaking whether or not a user is single.

The company also added a new feature in August called HingePerks for its most dedicated users, offering discounts and contests for things like trips, ball games, and drinks. The first promotion was a free “staycation” at a Starwood Hotel with a spa service included. They have also offered concert tickets for social media participation (including liking on Facebook, tagging and sharing), as well as a free bottle of wine for the Hinge couple that posts a fun photo on Instagram.

Since its inception, the company has focused on its primary user base – young professionals, another way to distinguish itself from Tinder, which got its start on college campuses and whose demographic skews a bit younger than Hinge’s. In the last month, Hinge has promoted their “most eligible” male and female users according to profession, offering basic profile information. Hinge also asks their most embarrassing date moment and greatest career accomplishment to date.

Whether Hinge's strategy succeed in this competitive dating app market is yet to be seen. But it does offer daters a more interesting and engaging alternative to the dating app experience. For more on this dating app, please check out our review of Hinge.