Keeping Online Dating Honest
- Tuesday, July 24 2007 @ 05:47 pm
- Contributed by: Anonymous
- Views: 4,348
We barely have time to pause and reflect these days on how far social communications technology has progressed. Without even taking a deep breath, we've transitioned from the telephone of our grandparents to email to chat to text messaging to blogs (MySpace) and online dating services (Match.com). The trend shows no signs of slowing the pace of change. New developments include instant mobile dating and a dating watchdog services.
Perhaps you don't want to wait til after work when you return home to your private computer or risk the ire of your employer if caught using your office computer for personal business. Perhaps you're traveling or have no immediate access to a computer when the mood strikes you to have a date for lunch in two hours. Fear not. Instant mobile dating services allow you to request and receive back within a few minutes via your cell, contacts who are close enough to your location (aren't GPS phones wonderful?) to meet you for lunch. You can text message potential dates to see if there is mutual interest.
Elizabeth had heard the success stories before; couples meeting their soul mates through online dating sites or other Internet meeting places. She had even heard of some such relationships that didn't work out. But she understood that even a couple introduced by relatives in the most traditional way, had no guaranty their relationship would last. What Elizabeth was not expecting, however, was the experience, yet to take place at her first face-to-face with Tony. Tony was a delightful guy she had been in close, maybe even intimate contact with, first by email then by phone, since their profiles were matched by an online dating site.
Normally Elizabeth would meet a first date at some mutually agreed public location. But since she had grown so close to Tony during the five weeks since their initial online contact, she felt safe allowing him to pick her up at her apartment. They planned to have pizza and beer at a downtown pub, and then play it by ear. When she opened her front door, she got her first surprise: his physical appearance. He appeared to be more like 42 than 29, and 220 lbs. rather than the 180 lbs. in his profile. But he was still a good-looking man. He introduced himself with smile and an extended right hand. The shock wearing off, Elizabeth returned the smile and her hand. She made a mental note to ask him about his older appearance once they were sitting at the pub, but then thought better of it. This question needs an answer now, not later this evening. Tony, still smiling, explained he had no current photos, so used an older one. His weight? Well, 180 lbs was what he weighed when the photo was taken; no need to confuse someone with conflicting weight and photo. Same for age. Same for receding hairline.
Elizabeth now had issues with Tony's honesty. He wasn't the person he pretended to be. But his age and weight were just the tip of the iceberg. Elizabeth exploded when she spotted the white band of skin on the ring finger of an otherwise tanned left hand. Tony took a deep breath. He admitted he was married but was getting a divorce. After some direct questions he further admitted he and his wife actually still lived in the same apartment. Why hadn't he moved out? Well, he had no money because he was "in-between jobs". That's when Tony hit her with the big question. "Since we have grown so close," he said, "I thought maybe I could move in here with you until I get on my feet. What do you think, honey?"
Does this type of encounter sound familiar? Can you be sure it will never happen to you? Who is going to warn you that the stranger trying to establish a personal relationship with you on the Internet or cellphone has a history of deception?
Today, Internet dating sites present a seemingly endless supply of possible dates. Social networking of people all over the world is now an enormous 175M with 163M from MySpace alone. However, there is no intermediary checking to keep anyone honest, as might happen if a relative, friend, or you meet at a physical social gathering.
Perhaps you don't want to wait til after work when you return home to your private computer or risk the ire of your employer if caught using your office computer for personal business. Perhaps you're traveling or have no immediate access to a computer when the mood strikes you to have a date for lunch in two hours. Fear not. Instant mobile dating services allow you to request and receive back within a few minutes via your cell, contacts who are close enough to your location (aren't GPS phones wonderful?) to meet you for lunch. You can text message potential dates to see if there is mutual interest.
Elizabeth had heard the success stories before; couples meeting their soul mates through online dating sites or other Internet meeting places. She had even heard of some such relationships that didn't work out. But she understood that even a couple introduced by relatives in the most traditional way, had no guaranty their relationship would last. What Elizabeth was not expecting, however, was the experience, yet to take place at her first face-to-face with Tony. Tony was a delightful guy she had been in close, maybe even intimate contact with, first by email then by phone, since their profiles were matched by an online dating site.
Normally Elizabeth would meet a first date at some mutually agreed public location. But since she had grown so close to Tony during the five weeks since their initial online contact, she felt safe allowing him to pick her up at her apartment. They planned to have pizza and beer at a downtown pub, and then play it by ear. When she opened her front door, she got her first surprise: his physical appearance. He appeared to be more like 42 than 29, and 220 lbs. rather than the 180 lbs. in his profile. But he was still a good-looking man. He introduced himself with smile and an extended right hand. The shock wearing off, Elizabeth returned the smile and her hand. She made a mental note to ask him about his older appearance once they were sitting at the pub, but then thought better of it. This question needs an answer now, not later this evening. Tony, still smiling, explained he had no current photos, so used an older one. His weight? Well, 180 lbs was what he weighed when the photo was taken; no need to confuse someone with conflicting weight and photo. Same for age. Same for receding hairline.
Elizabeth now had issues with Tony's honesty. He wasn't the person he pretended to be. But his age and weight were just the tip of the iceberg. Elizabeth exploded when she spotted the white band of skin on the ring finger of an otherwise tanned left hand. Tony took a deep breath. He admitted he was married but was getting a divorce. After some direct questions he further admitted he and his wife actually still lived in the same apartment. Why hadn't he moved out? Well, he had no money because he was "in-between jobs". That's when Tony hit her with the big question. "Since we have grown so close," he said, "I thought maybe I could move in here with you until I get on my feet. What do you think, honey?"
Does this type of encounter sound familiar? Can you be sure it will never happen to you? Who is going to warn you that the stranger trying to establish a personal relationship with you on the Internet or cellphone has a history of deception?
Today, Internet dating sites present a seemingly endless supply of possible dates. Social networking of people all over the world is now an enormous 175M with 163M from MySpace alone. However, there is no intermediary checking to keep anyone honest, as might happen if a relative, friend, or you meet at a physical social gathering.
Subscribe
