Online Dating

Watch out, IAC - Markus Frind may be coming for your crown!

For a long time, IAC (InterActiveCorp) has been the undisputed ruler of online dating. IAC's businesses include Singlesnet.com. SinglePeopleMeet.com, OurTime.com, OkCupid.com, and, last but certainly not least, Match.com. Add it all together, plus IAC's numerous successful ventures outside of the dating industry, and you've got a seriously unstoppable force.

Markus Frind, CEO of Plenty Of Fish, recently attempted to score another piece of the kingdom for himself and push IAC an inch more off its throne. True Beginnings, the Texas-based owner of True.com, entered Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in 2012 and is attempting to sell its assets. Frind was poised to gobble the site up, but Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has protested the sale.

Citing privacy concerns, Abbott objected in federal bankruptcy court to the sale of True.com's 43 million member database. "At a time when privacy is an issue of grave concern to so many," he said in a press release, "we are taking legal action to prevent an online dating service from selling more than 2 million Texans' personal information without their consent."

True Beginnings told the court they planned to notify users by email that their personal information would be sold, but Abbott contends that the company must obtain each customer's approval individually first. "The proper course is for True.com and its bankruptcy trustee to seek the customers' permission before selling their private information to a third party," he explained, "and that's exactly what our legal action asks the bankruptcy court to require before the case proceeds."

When signing up for True.com, users are told that their personal data - including phone numbers, passwords, financial billing info, and browsing history - cannot be transferred without their consent. However, Abbot notes, ambiguous language found in the site's privacy policy quietly adds that members' personal information held in the company's database would be treated as a transferable asset in the event the company was acquired by a third-party buyer.

Unsurprisingly, Frind is not pleased with the development. "Who in their right mind is going to buy a dating site with 43 million members if you are not allowed access to those members?" he wrote in a blog post. "This would be like buying twitter but you don't get access to twitters users unless they agree to the sale."

Under the current transfer process, True.com member data will be transferred automatically unless the customer takes direct steps to opt-out. Abbot is instead arguing that customers should opt-in and directly express approval for the transfer of their personal information. Whichever way this goes, it's bound to set a precedent for all future dating site sales.

Imagine you’re walking down the street and someone catches your eye. In this imaginary world, you’re somehow able to know that they’re unattached and looking for love themselves. They might not be model caliber, but they look attractive enough and pleasant, and they’re carrying or wearing something that indicates you even have common interests.

But just as you’re about to make your move, someone else reaches the intersection. They, too, are single. There are no indicators of common interests - in fact, they’re about as far from your general “type” as can be - but they’re incredibly attractive. Who do you approach?

Chances are, regardless of who you choose, the attractiveness of the first option has somewhat paled. They aren’t any uglier than they were a few moments ago, but now they’re stacked up against this competition! Who can compete?

This same scenario can play out with online dating. The obvious perk of online dating is that there are plenty of options, including very attractive people. The downside, however, is that people who might have been perfectly acceptable before are now being compared against the more attractive (even if you aren’t compatible with them).

The good news is that you don’t have to choose between the two options. You can send first-contact messages to both types of people, and anyone else in-between; after all, online dating is a perfect way to try to date people outside your typical box.

The trick, though, is to consider each possible relationship on its own merits. You’re not going to be able to create some frankenstein perfect date out of traits from various people, so don’t compare them against each other. Contrasting two people who are both interested and viable potential partners is one thing; wishing one date had the wit of Option #2 and the face of Option #3 is something else. What you’re looking for is an overall spark. Do you enjoy being with this person more than the others?

Some people are easily able to compartmentalize each dating experience, but it’s not for everyone. If you think you might have a harder time considering each date individually, it might not hurt to alter your behavior accordingly. Try to limit the number of people to whom you send first-contact messages, so you can keep them straight. Once you’re meeting up for a date, try to stick to dating only one or two people at a time. It might be a slower process than some - but by giving each date the consideration they deserve, you’re raising the chances that you won’t miss out on someone great just because they’re another face in the crowd.

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, you've gotten an earful about the National Security Administration's efforts to monitor your phone calls and online activity. Sure, that's scary stuff, but it's only one piece of the privacy puzzle. What about all the other organizations you're voluntarily giving information to? Just about everywhere you go online, you're leaving a digital footprint and odds are you have no idea who's seeing it.

So, who exactly has access to the personal information you put online?

To answer that question, NPR investigated one of the greatest sources of personal data on the Web: online dating sites. Most users don't hesitate to fill out the lengthy questionnaires on sites like Match.com because they believe it's the best way to find a compatible partner. But when NPR sat down with Ashkan Soltani, a digital privacy specialist who used to work at the Federal Trade Commission, he showed exactly how unprivate personal information can be.

Soltani set up a fake account on OkCupid to demonstrate how private companies track what users are doing online. He selected the "Often" options under the questions about drinking and drug use, then launched two software programs - Collusion and MITM Proxy - to get a look at what goes on behind-the-scenes.

The Collision program revealed that almost 50 companies were tracking Soltani's computer as he browsed OkCupid, most of which were either advertising firms or companies that collect data to sell to ad firms. The MITM Proxy program exposed the kind of information those companies were receiving from OkCupid. Some got basic data, like age and gender, but others obtained much more personal details. In fact, least one learned that Soltani uses drugs "often."

Of course, it's not just OkCupid that collects personal data, and every online dating site has an explanation for why they do it. Data collecting, they argue, allows them to personalize their service in order to improve user experience. As you search for dates online, your dating site gets a better idea of the kind person you're looking for. The site becomes "smarter," and its matching algorithm becomes better at refining your results.

To some, it's creepy. To others, it's helpful. What is clear is this: there isn't much that can be done about it, unless you choose the non-option of staying off the Internet completely. All that's left is to think carefully about what data you choose to share, and to remember that private information is rarely private online.

A new app that has taken the dating world by storm is Tinder, a modern version of the game "hot or not." With Tinder, users can view the photos of other users along with basic information, and make a decision as to whether or not they want to meet. Swipe left to say no, swipe right to say yes. If you both say yes, you can start chatting and potentially meet in real life.

It's a different kind of experience from traditional dating sites, which makes it appealing to many users. It is easier to set up and easier to meet people quickly, rather than with online dating sites that require answering a questionnaire, profile description, and emails back and forth. With Tinder, you can join and meet someone instantly.

But who is using it? Are men more interested in Tinder because of its hook-up potential? Not really. Forty-five percent of Tinder users are female, and they are actively participating. Most of the users also skew on the young side, which isn't surprising. It is less intimidating to use Tinder than to market yourself on an online dating site, which could seem like more of a commitment for someone who is twenty-one and not really looking for a committed relationship.

So Tinder might be easy to use, but how are people really using it? Is it basically a hook-up app? According to most reports, yes. After all, Tinder was marketed to those people who are looking to meet other singles close by quickly, which feeds into the hook-up culture. But according to company executives and a few media members who have tried it, people can unexpectedly find love, too.

Like other online dating sites, you don't always know who it is you're meeting, and people definitely flake and don't show up, whether you meet via Match.com or an app like Tinder. It seems bad behavior will exist no matter what the platform you use to meet people.

So what does this mean? Traditional online dating isn't going away anytime soon. There are many people interested in long-term relationships, who prefer reading profile descriptions, emailing and a phone call before meeting someone in person.

But if you're out on a Friday night with your friends and you're looking for some excitement? Tinder might be a good way to socialize. Think about it this way. You look at people in a bar and decide who you want to approach. The only difference with Tinder is that their faces are on a screen.

“Stephanie” didn’t grow up in her current city of residence, but she may as well have; she’s lived there for over a decade, longer than anywhere else. It’s a city that’s seen her through college, through her party years, through her entire professional life. It’s a city that’s been kind enough to provide her with a wide but close-knit circle of friends and acquaintances.

There’s just one problem: when it comes to dating, that circle can seem a little too close-knit. Over the years, it seems almost every possible pairing has already taken place. Any “new” person introduced to Stephanie seems to already have a “past” with someone else she knows. And those wild flings and moments of youthful craziness that happened several years ago are seemingly never forgotten amongst friends.

You don’t have to live in a small town to feel like your pool of prospects is shrinking; sometimes even big cities can have an “everyone knows everyone” effect, particularly in a specific culture or interest. What to do when that scene goes stale?

One possible first step is to turn to online dating. Instead of meeting someone at a local watering hole (who would likely know someone else there) or being introduced through a mutual friend (who is now a social link), you can “start fresh.” No preconceived notions, no ancient gossip, no baggage you’ve actually met.

The problem is that it can even be difficult to escape your social circle on an online dating site. Once you start searching for your usual interests, you might narrow your search right on down to people you already know (or their friends). This is where experimenting can be fun and revealing. Instead of emphasizing the side of you that most already know, think about who you really are.

Maybe you’ve met most of your friends through your volunteer work - and though that certainly is a part of who you are, you don’t really know anyone who can bond with you over your secret love of old horror films. In your new profile, try playing up the film buff side and see who you meet. You can remain true to yourself and still think outside the box. Remember to keep an open mind when you look at the profiles of others, too! They might not be your normal type - but maybe that’s a good thing.

A social circle, while comforting, can also feel claustrophobic. However, if you want to reach outside the group for new romance like Stephanie, you don’t have to move away to accomplish it. Sometimes it can be as simple as looking at an online dating site with a fresh perspective.

A few years ago, Match.com became a household name when it comes to online dating. Now that mobile apps like Tinder have gained popularity and people are looking to newer and niche online dating sites like JDate or How About We, people are starting to see what else is out there.

In fact, social media, and Facebook in particular, are becoming players in the game. While traditional sites rely on new sign-ups and static searches, social media-friendly dating sites and apps pull information from a vast pool of active Facebook profiles and introduce you to friends of friends in your network. This has become a big draw for people, because most singles feel more comfortable meeting someone new if they have a friend in common. This is especially true for women, who are sometimes skeptical of the safety of online dating.

According to an article in Wall Street Cheat Sheet, entrepreneurs are just beginning to understand the importance of utilizing social media in industries like online dating, which could mean big revenues in the future. LinkedIn has gained traction in the social media space because the platform focuses solely on job seekers and networkers looking for career opportunities. There is a sense of trust when someone comes recommended for a job by a mutual friend or co-worker, so companies are looking to the service to attract new employees. So why not apply the same principal to those looking for a date?