Online Dating

CNN Money has declared Sam Yagan, co-founder of OkCupid and CEO of Match Inc., the "nerd king of online dating." I can't say it's the most flattering nickname I've ever heard, but I'm pretty sure Sam is too busy taking Scrooge McDuck-style dives into piles of money to care what CNN thinks of him.

Nicknames aside, CNN and Fortune actually seem to think quite highly of Yagan, who was recently included in the '40 Under 40' list and profiled by the magazine.

Yagan's journey to become one of the most famous names in the online dating biz started with almost no dating at all: he was engaged to his high school sweetheart, and his first company was a CliffsNotes-alternative called SparkNotes. Both ventures went well: he is still married to his high school girlfriend, and SparkNotes sold to iTurf, Inc. for $30 million in 1999.

In the working world, you hear a lot about networking and reputation. The Golden Rule of treating others as you’d like to be treated frequently comes into play, and you can often actually witness the consequences; no one wants to suddenly work under the co-worker they were badmouthing.

What many don’t realize is that reputation can matter in the dating world as well. Even a mid-sized city can feel like a small town at times; when you start filtering for age, interests, and education level, chances are you’re looking at a pool of potential matches that is very similar to the ones your friends are seeing. Thus, even if a potential match is a stranger to you, that doesn’t mean you don’t know someone who’s met or even dated them before. And as we all know, people like to talk about their dating experiences, the good and the bad.

With online dating being somewhat anonymous, it can lead some to make questionable choices - such as the lewd first-contact message or the incredibly hostile response to a rejection. Those people think they’re behaving in a vacuum; they think they can throw a temper tantrum and move on to their next potential match consequence-free. In truth, that’s not always the case.

Not everyone throws fits and writes obscenity-laden messages, but it’s a good lesson to bear in mind just the same. Depending on your personal circumstance, the dating world can indeed be small, and people do like to talk. So when you’re telling your own “horror stories,” remember that you might be talking to someone who’s already heard the story from someone they know. Even if they don’t know your “ex-date,” trashing someone else can make your date wonder if you’ll do the same to them. Unless you’re talking about someone truly offensive or abusive, it might be best to follow that Golden Rule, and keep your tales to yourself.

Not everyone is compatible, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remain on our best behavior just the same. In addition to the fact that it’s simply the kindest way to behave, it can have incredibly personal, tangible rewards - or consequences.

The great thing about online dating is that it opens up the opportunity to meet millions of people you never would have met otherwise.

The downside to online dating is that it opens up the opportunity to meet millions of people you never would have met otherwise. It's hard enough to choose a mate in real life - how can you possibly be expected to choose one when the digital pool you're picking from is so vast?

Enter the solution: niche dating sites. Online dating giants like Match and eHarmony may have the greatest name recognition, but niche dating sites are rapidly finding their way into the spotlight. Here's why:

1. You already have common ground. One of the hardest things about online dating - and about dating in general - is getting the conversation started. On nice dating sites, you already know you have at least one thing in common. No need to stress out about coming up with the perfect conversation starter.
2. Quality over quantity. Yes, the number of options on a niche dating site will be smaller than the number of options on a major dating site, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's easy to get lost in the crowd on a big dating site, but on a niche site you could easily find yourself connecting with someone you missed the first time around.
3. Passion is encouraged. Maybe you hesitated to talk about your sci-fi obsession, religious beliefs, or committed vegan lifestyle on your OkCupid profile for fear of scaring away potential dates. But on a niche dating site, you're supposed to bond over your passions, hobbies, and beliefs. You can be who you really are, and meet interesting people while doing it.
4. Having fewer options is actually a good thing. Remember what I said about how hard it is to make a decision when you have so many options? That's actually a scientifically proven fact. Research done at Northwestern University found that being presented with too many possibilities can actually make it more difficult for you to pick one. The fact that niche dating sites have fewer members might actually work in your favor.
5. They get to the root of compatibility. 81% of singles agree that sharing an interest in the same activities is one of the most important factors in a successful relationship. It's not that you can't find that on a major online dating site, it's just that niche dating sites have already done a lot of the hard work for you.

Does all that mean you should delete your Match.com profile immediately? Of course not. But you should consider adding a niche dating site to your online dating regimen. You never know where your next love might be hiding.

A recent article in The New York Times interviewed Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, whose name is not well-known in the dating world. But it should be.

Back in 1998, Rabbi Deyo was brainstorming with some friends in his L.A. living room about how he could best serve the local Jewish community. This group included many entertainment industry execs, including game show producers. When the subject of love and how to meet romantic partners came up, the concept for speed dating was born.

A few weeks later, the rabbi was at a local Coffee Bean blowing a whistle as couples table-hopped one to the next, spending ten minutes at a time talking to each person. Little did he know the impact it would have in the dating world.

Soon, speed dating started popping up everywhere. It was no longer just the rabbi's idea - others had taken hold of it and used it in their local towns and communities. Speed dating was even featured in an episode of Sex and the City, where it was exposed to millions of people who were interested in trying it.

Since then, speed dating companies have expanded around the world. While the popularity of speed dating has waned in recent years, it is still a concept that many people find intriguing, if fewer are willing to try.

As a former speed dating host, I saw my fair share of awkward first dates and conversations that were stilted. They informed me of how to be a more engaging date. I was also inspired by the many people who put themselves out there to find love.

Speed dating is an interesting way for single people to meet. Some think it works best to introduce people who come from a similar culture, background, profession, etc., who would find it otherwise hard to meet people of their same faith or occupation but who have something in common. It gets a little more complicated when an event is open to the public. There isn't much filtering that can be done at events, other than by age or location. So, you really don't have much control over the types of people you're meeting.

While this can be frustrating, it can also be liberating. You could meet someone that you'd never choose on an online dating site, but in person you hit it off. Also, it forces you to engage with people who aren't necessarily your type. Speed dating is a great way to get past all those hang-ups we have about who we "should" date. It shows you that there are many kinds of people in the dating world, and some of them may surprise you.

Lately, a dear friend of mine won't shut up about HowAboutWe. Every time the subject of online dating comes up, she has to - at least once - talk about how much she's over OkCupid and how much she loves HowAboutWe. And it looks like she's not the only one who thinks the future of online dating is the activity-based dating site - HowAboutWe has just raised $4.2 million in the name of helping singles find their mates.

HowAboutWe is a modern approach to online dating that hopes to appeal to the unique needs of a new generation of daters. Instead of relying on a matching system based around online interactions, HowAboutWe seeks to connect users offline over shared interests and activities. Members post specific date ideas to the site - beginning with "How about we..." - and await responses from other members interested in having the same experience.

The point is to make it easier to meet new people in real life, where the magic actually happens. The deepest connections happen after you've met face-to-face, so why waste time sending messages back and forth when you could jump straight to the good part?

HowAboutWe is also revolutionizing the online dating industry by creating a service that caters to couples. Members who are paired up but still looking for fun activities to keep the love alive get access to a wide range of experiences offered at discount prices. The site's free concierge service can even help members see sold out shows, go on free dates, and plan special occasions.

"Almost all existing online dating sites are oriented towards keeping people online - messaging endlessly and browsing infinite lists of repetition profiles," founders Aaron Schildkrout and Brian Schechter told VentureBeat. "Online dating as a business has a terrible churn problem because these companies lose their most successful customers. We've become the first dating site to provide a meaningful, on-brand service for our happiest members. In doing so, we became the first dating site that doesn't want our users to fail."

That's a nice warm fuzzy thought, isn't it? Sorta?

Now that HowAboutWe has massively expanded its potential user base, it's ready to put those millions of dollars in funding to good use. With the new financing, VentureBeat reports that HowAboutWe plans to scale by adding new products and services, and expanding into new markets. With a total capital raised of $22 million, it sounds like HowAboutWe users have a lot to look forward to.

It seems that the desire for online dating has reached even the most religiously conservative societies. According to The Jerusalem Post, the Palestinian Authority's Supreme Council has legalized online dating, but with a catch. Daters must abide by Shari'a rules, which means communication between members must be with the intent to marry.

Though Islamic scholars have dismissed online dating in the past, the council stated that the mingling of men and women online was now "a central characteristic of our time" and "unavoidable." This opens the door for many Muslims to date outside their social circles and provides more opportunity for meeting people than ever before.

Islamic dating websites have emerged in recent years, modeling themselves after other popular religious dating sites like JDate. But many Islamists, including Palestinians, already converse freely over social networks like Facebook and Twitter, according to The Times of Israel. It seems that allowing online dating was the obvious next step.