Online Dating

A few years ago, Match.com became a household name when it comes to online dating. Now that mobile apps like Tinder have gained popularity and people are looking to newer and niche online dating sites like JDate or How About We, people are starting to see what else is out there.

In fact, social media, and Facebook in particular, are becoming players in the game. While traditional sites rely on new sign-ups and static searches, social media-friendly dating sites and apps pull information from a vast pool of active Facebook profiles and introduce you to friends of friends in your network. This has become a big draw for people, because most singles feel more comfortable meeting someone new if they have a friend in common. This is especially true for women, who are sometimes skeptical of the safety of online dating.

According to an article in Wall Street Cheat Sheet, entrepreneurs are just beginning to understand the importance of utilizing social media in industries like online dating, which could mean big revenues in the future. LinkedIn has gained traction in the social media space because the platform focuses solely on job seekers and networkers looking for career opportunities. There is a sense of trust when someone comes recommended for a job by a mutual friend or co-worker, so companies are looking to the service to attract new employees. So why not apply the same principal to those looking for a date?

There are two common problems in online dating profiles. The first is sarcasm; the second is blunt honesty. Neither of these are a surprise; what is a surprise is that they’re essentially the same problem - with a very similar solution.

There’s nothing wrong with the concept of sarcasm in general. Dry wit can be very funny, and usually when people call themselves sarcastic they’re envisioning a sense of humor that is smart and sharp and, well, funnier than most people. They likely view it as an asset.

However, that’s not always the actual message they’re sending. “Sarcasm” can be abrasive, hurtful, and cynical. It can be a way for someone to be out-and-out mean whilst trying to avoid any consequences (“Sheesh, don’t you understand sarcasm?”). And even if they temper the sharp edges of their humor in person, it can often seem worse on a profile - you’re lacking the kind eyes, the softer delivery, the smile or goofy face, the tone of voice. Everything seems harder in writing.

Honesty is much the same. In general, honesty is a wonderful quality to have. Those who are honest are generally proud of it. They see themselves as genuine, compassionate, someone with integrity.

But honesty can be misused as well, and it can come across negatively on a profile - again because you’re lacking additional context. Perhaps the writer has the best “bedside manner” when it comes to delivering a hard truth, but all you see in the profile is, “I’m not afraid to tell it like it is.” In person, you might believe that someone really cares and respects their friends and the greater truth; on paper, they might look more like someone who enjoys delivering painful news.

Both qualities can come across as harsher than intended on a profile, because they’re both subtle arts - skills that require sensitivity, elements of tone and facial expression. You can’t really include that in a profile. However, if these are qualities that really help define you - ones that you absolutely must talk about - try to soften the writing as much as humanly possible. It may seem like overkill, but your true sense of humor or genuine personality will probably be immediately apparent upon meeting; try not to shoot yourself in the foot first, with a profile that’s less compassionate or funny than you intended.

eHarmony notified us earlier today that they are currently having a free communication event. It starts today and runs for 5 days and ends Monday November 25th just before midnight (PST).

Free communication on eHarmony allows new and existing members to communicate not only by the guide communication process but through email as well. When you join during this promotion you will not only be able to create a profile and take the eHarmony famous matching questionnaire but you will be able to communicate with any matches you will receive in the next 5 days. The ideal time to join is now since it will give you 5 full days to try out the service to see if it is the right fit for you. Singles interested in finding a long-term relationships and who are willing to make a time commitment in not only filling out the questionnaire but to answer questions posed by your matches will get the most out of the eHarmony service. No credit card is required to join. The only thing not included during the free weekends is photos, secure call and skip to email.

The last free eHarmony communication weekend was at the beginning of this month (see Story). For more on this long-term matchmaking service please read our eHarmony.com review.

Women can be picky daters. At least, that's the stereotype. We like our men to be incredibly hot, smart, successful, and charming, and we aren't willing to settle for anything less, right ladies?

Well, maybe that holds true for women in some cities, but not others.

According to data released from dating website AreYouInterested.com, women in Brooklyn are the pickiest daters in America (coming in ahead of Los Angeles and Manhattan). The website compiled this information based on 453,000 interactions of women ages 18 and up, noting that Brooklyn residents are the least likely to reply to messages from potential dates. Men would have more luck in Jersey City, New Jersey.

Behind Brooklyn, Detroit, Minneapolis, Cincinnati and Los Angeles also ranked highest for the pickiest daters.

But perhaps creativity has something to do with response rates. AYI.com also found that emails engaging the respondent ("where are you from?") worked much better than emails just saying "hi," or "what's up?" which fell flat.

Other interesting findings:

• Women are 71% more likely to respond to someone if they have a mutual friend on Facebook.
• Women are three times more likely to respond to a younger man than men are to respond to a younger woman. It seems cougars are in among AYI.com members!

The cities where women are most likely to get in touch after a potential date has reached out include Miami, St Louis, Las Vegas and Portland, Oregon. So guys, on your next Vegas trip you might want to consider moving permanently.

AYI.com has an interesting base of users though - it's not strictly an online dating site, but identifies itself as more of a social discovery site. Members don't only join for dating purposes, but also to form friendships. Social discovery sites provide a place where people can meet and socialize online - to make friends, play video games, exchange music, or a number of different things - not just to date. Which means users who join stay around longer, even after they meet a significant other.

So are women picky about their friendships, too?

According to its website, AYI.com has more than 70 million installed users and over 3 million Facebook fans. It offers an integrated Facebook app, iPhone app, Android app and website, and works by connecting members to each other based on mutual Facebook friends and interests.

The company is owned by SNAP Interactive and you can find more details on them by reading our review of Are You Interested.

So, you’re constructing your online dating profile, and it’s time to select pictures. You’ve got a few nice-but-bland shots of your head and not much else, and you want to jazz things up a bit. You want to demonstrate your interests, paint a broader picture of who you are, share a peek into your world. This is absolutely the right track to be on - which makes it all the more disheartening when someone goes astray. And they can, quite easily.

When it comes to choosing pictures, remember two key elements: yourself, and action. Perhaps one photo of some scenery from your trip to Europe is acceptable, particularly if you’re proud of the photo you took yourself, but understand that it’s not going to be incredibly interesting to the viewer; if they want a pretty photo they can find tons of stock images online.

However, a picture of you standing in front of Stonehenge is a horse of a different color! Suddenly you’re telling a story about who you are. You’re sharing a day you enjoyed. You’re proving you were actually there and not just using stock photos. Since it’s candid, you probably look much more natural, more accurate to real life, and even possibly more attractive than a carefully staged “selfie.”

The same two elements apply when you’re talking about a hobby instead of traveling. Sure, you might not think “action” when you think of knitting, but taking pictures of the latest sock you made will suck the life out of it even more. Instead, try posting a picture of you modeling the first sweater you ever crocheted - even if you’re laughing at how it turned out. Maybe especially if you’re laughing.

We want to see you fishing instead of your catch of the day. Maybe you’re being silly, peering around the stacks in the library or over the top of a novel, instead of a stack of what you’re reading. Remember: just because a picture is a hit on your social networking site doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for your profile. Your friends and family already know you; they’re content with just seeing your shoes and some fall leaves. Your relationship with a potential match hasn’t progressed that far yet.

So as you choose the images you’ll use in your online dating profile, make sure the picture really is telling a story, and not just part of one. Some stories are best saved for later; in the beginning, the potential match doesn’t necessarily care about the details of your hobby - but they’ll care that you clearly enjoy it.

Anything with a cutesy smiley face in the logo has to be good, right? Or maybe that's just my inner 13-year-old girl talking. Either way, when I discovered MeetMe.com and its accompanying kitschy logo, my curiosity was piqued.

MeetMe calls itself a social discovery application that connects members through games and apps on the web and mobile phones. MeetMe was initially founded under the name myYearbook by two high school students, Dave and Catherine Cook, and their older brother Geoff, during Spring Break of 2005. Following humble beginnings at the suburban New Jersey high school they attended, myYearbook partnered with game developer Arkadium to bring Flash based games and a virtual currency, called Lunch Money, to the site.

After that, there was no stopping the site's momentum. An entire virtual economy developed from the Lunch Money currency, including the ability for members to donate to their favorite charity using the Causes application. The site added Meebo instant messaging to provide real-time chat and Chatter, a real-time stream that incorporates media sharing and gaming. Games available inside the stream include Ask Me, Rate Me, and 2 Truths and a Lie.

myYearbook made further efforts to improve its members' experiences by launching applications for the iPad, iPhone, iPod, and the Android operating system. It also rolled out a new site design in 2010 that was created by crowd sourcing ideas from the site's members. Finally, in June of 2012, the site was renamed MeetMe and its current incarnation was born. With its fresh focus on introducing new people instead of reconnecting old acquaintances, MeetMe has seen a great deal of success.

Where MeetMe really excels is making the meeting process fun. There are matches and search options just like typical dating sites, but MeetMe has many more entertaining things to offer. Users can ask each other questions and follow a continuously updating live feed that features the answers of other local members. There's also a blind date game for braver souls, and a game called "Owned!" in which you can buy and sell friends using Lunch Money (and earn half the profit when you sell someone or your photo is bought).

Of course, there is also no shortage of more traditional games for users to play. You name it, it's there. Arcade games, casino games, word games, strategy games, card games...everything you could ever want to play is available, from air hockey, to blackjack, to a Pac-Man knockoff, to crossword puzzles and solitaire.

Admittedly, I'm not sure how a card game that's meant to be played solo can help you meet other people, but hey - at least you have the option.

To find out more about this dating service you can read our new review of MeetMe.com.