Online Dating

Did you look to the most popular kids in high school when you needed dating advice? After all, they must be doing something right!

More often, I tried to listen to the good friends I had that knew me so well, but OkCupid seems to go along with the theory that the most popular kids have the most to teach the rest of us, at least when it comes to dating. So, I wanted to take a look at what they were saying.

OkCupid picked four of the most popular daters on the site (male and female, gay and straight) to provide tips for singles on how to online date.

The most popular straight female is a 23 year-old woman named Lauren who gets a lot of attention from her striking pictures and tattoos that cover her arms and legs. According to a recent interview in New York Magazine, Lauren receives around three dozen emails a day; in the last seven months, she’s received five-star ratings, the highest possible rating, from nearly 8,000 men.

Lauren admits she has an advantage because she is a make-up artist and knows how to create a good photo. Plus, she knows how to work the camera to show off features because guys are most interested in visuals. “I believe in a head-to-toe shot to show what you look like,” she says. “But you don’t need to have your ass hanging out!”

She also notes her love of astronomy, explaining that she likes to show her intelligence as well as her looks, even though guys still will message women based only on pictures (as we saw with a recent OkCupid experiment with the worst profile ever created).

She got a surge of emails she got when she first joined the site by choosing “casual sex” as a relationship possibility, along with long and short term options. This opened a floodgate of lude emails from guys. “I’m not a prostitute,” she tells the magazine. “But they don’t get that.” So she removed this description from her profile.

Some of the most questionable advice came from 29 year-old James Hawver, who said that he could double for Ryan Gosling, which I’m sure if it was true he would be one of the most popular guys on the site. He likes to accept every woman as a potential match, which I admire. When he uses Tinder, he accepts all matches even before looking at them. Same with OkCupid. He wants to know that a woman is interested before he starts messaging, so he only responds to the ones who accept him back, in order to cut down on the rejection. Because this can be time-consuming, he sends out the same generic yet flirtatious email to each of them, and gets quite a few responses.

He also likes to “round out the truth,” especially when it comes to physical factors like height. He is an inch shorter than his 5’10” profile would proclaim.

What does he do with all these matches? He goes on a lot of dates, and he doesn’t seem ready to settle down anytime soon. “A lot of us want the best: the best job, the best apartment, the best significant other,” he says.

So I guess it makes sense to keep on dating. For more on this online dating service you can take a look at our Okcupid.com review

I've met a lot of very attractive women who have come through a divorce or break-up looking to meet someone new. The problem? The men who are their ages (in their 40s and 50s) seem to want to date younger women only.

Many women wonder why this is. After all, they aren't looking at only younger men. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

There is an element of truth to this notion: many men do prefer to date younger women, and we see this reflected in TV shows and movies. It's not a problem for a man to date someone half his age, and in fact it's expected. Maybe it's due to biology, or maybe he just wants to ignore his own aging process.

There's also a certain amount of relief in dating a younger woman because she likely doesn't have the baggage that an older woman does. Chances are he looks for simplicity above all else - a woman who has no children, not much debt, or no messy break-up that has taken a toll on her psyche and finances.

So then we wonder - is it possible to find older men who are interested in women their own age?

Absolutely. Just because you've noticed a pattern in your own life or among your friends (or even in a Hollywood movie) doesn't mean that it is true for everyone. There are many single men in the world, and a lot of them enjoy the company of women their own age. You just have to know where to look and what to look for.

First of all, it might be time to refresh your online dating profile. Make sure you are focusing on what you want to bring into your life, not on what has happened in the past. Mention your interests, your career, or whatever makes you happy - and let that be the tone with which you craft your profile. Men can pick up on the energy and tone a woman sends from a profile or a first message. It's important to keep it positive so you can attract as many men as possible.

Second, I would suggest picking a new dating site. OkCupid and PlentyofFish are great for people looking for something casual (i.e. younger), but if you're looking for an emotional connection, it's better to go with a paid site like eHarmony or Match. OurTime is a good niche option specifically for older daters, so you know that your dates won't discount you because of your age.

Third, keep an open mind about the possibilities open to you right now. Say yes to more men that you might not normally consider, just to see what dating someone new is like. Allow yourself a little more fun in the dating process - it doesn't have to be so focused on the end result. It's a journey, after all.

Users of online dating sites sometimes get frustrated and overwhelmed with all the lengthy profiles and messaging back and forth before they ever get to a date with a potential match. A simple solution: why not test the chemistry first by video chatting with each other before meeting for drinks or coffee?

Enter a new crop of online dating apps focused on video interaction. Among those making headlines in this growing field are Date.fm, Flikdate, Video Date and two new apps launched last fall -- View N Me and Instamour.

Developers of these apps saw an opportunity when they noticed how Skype and Facetime are fast becoming typical platforms for people to communicate. They figured singles would want to see if there's chemistry before spending the time and money and effort to meet a date in person. And why not do that from your laptop or mobile phone?

While it sounds great to meet a potential date through a video chat, some people aren't so convinced. Not everyone is a movie director or cinematographer who can figure out good lighting to highlight someone's most attractive features. All too often, poor lighting and strange camera angles can interfere with making a good first impression. View N Me offers tips for looking your best on video to address this problem.

Safety is another concern, and different app developers deal with it in different ways. For example, Video Date does not use phone numbers or e-mails for people to communicate through the service, and messages delete after 24 hours. View N Me offers a strict no tolerance policy for any type of inappropriate behavior on its site. Once someone is reported they conduct a review and terminate the subscription if the user's behavior is deemed inappropriate.

But the most important question for daters is: how easy is the service to use?

Date.fm works a bit like a video-enabled Tinder app. It is simple to use - the service provides general information like age and location along with photos of matches, and you can like or dislike them. If you both like each other, you are sent a notification and then can start video chatting from within the app. FlikDate touts itself as "the fastest date in the world." You simply connect with your Facebook account and play a type of video roulette, where you can chat with someone instantly, see if you click, and accept or reject your match on the spot.

It's no surprise that video dating is becoming more and more popular. People are looking for quick ways to get to know each other. But the real test for love still takes time and effort.

Match.com's Singles in America study, now in its fourth year, examines the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,300 American singles from all walks of life in order to get a glimpse into how love and relationships are viewed today.

Dating is many things, but cheap often isn't one of them. In fact, according to Match.com's 4th Annual Singles in America study, singles spend $82 billion on their dating lives. Spoiler alert: that's a lot of billions. To find out exactly where all of them are going, Match asked singles to break down their spending habits per month.

Traditional dating (think bars, sports, religious activities, entry fees, drinks, tickets, and food) looked something like this:

• Min: $0
• Max: $3,044
• Mean: $55.84

Modern dating (which includes online dating, matchmakers, speed dating, dating apps, and dating coaches) looks more like this:

• Min: $0
• Max: $1,250
• Mean: $5.69

So not only are online and mobile services making dating more convenient, they're also making it easier on our wallets. Score!

The total dating cost, when you add traditional and modern methods together, comes out to $61.53 per single per month. That means $738.36 a year per single, and when you multiply that by 111 million singles (a number that comes from the 2013 U.S. Census CPS data), you get the $82 billion figure. That's a hefty chunk of cash.

Wondering what we're spending it on? The top three date expenses for men are personal entertainment (like movie or concert tickets), dining or going out, and personal electronics. The top three date expenses for women are new outfits, dining or going out, and personal electronics. So even though online and mobile dating may be cheaper in the long run, the initial cost of the device is going to set you back a bit.

And here's a fun fact: Match.com has an especially interesting history where money matters are concerned. When the economy crashed in 2008, Match.com had its best quarter to date. "To have your best quarter in the worst economic times I think is an astounding realization," said Whitney Casey, a Match.com relationship expert. "Sometimes the first things to go are gym memberships because people have lost their jobs. But it seems the last thing to go from their budget is love."

Secretly we're all romantics at heart, it seems.

You already know online dating is a great way to meet your match, but apparently it's also a great way to do something a little more unexpected: learn economics.

In his new book, Paul Oyer explores why online dating is an ideal way to study economic concepts and how they can be used to write a résumé or make an investment. Oyer is the Fred H. Merrill professor of economics at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the author of Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Economics I Learned from Online Dating. Dense economic concepts, he believes, can be understood more easily when looked at through the accessible lens of online dating.

Online dating is a great place to learn economics because it's a market that anyone can understand, yet it functions in the same way as significantly more complex markets. Most people associate economics with money, explains Oyer, but money is an unimportant detail for most economists. Online dating allows Oyer to clarify economic ideas without mentioning money.

For example, the way an investor would research start-ups to put money into is similar to the way a woman would search through profiles on a dating website. In both situations, the person knows they have limited information and that the other side has a compelling reason to skew that information in their favor. Both people know that they must be careful when making their decision and that a better opportunity could come along if they postpone, but they must weigh that against the fact that they could be left for a long time with nowhere to invest or no one to date if they choose to wait.

"Shopping for a date" is surprisingly similar to shopping for clothes. A "thick market" is one with lots of buyers and sellers, which means more competition and more variety. If you have very specific taste in clothes, a bigger mall with more options is more likely to have what you're looking for then a small store with a limited selection. And a dating site with more users is more likely to find you a quality match than a dating site with fewer users.

Choosing a date also has something in common with the hiring process. Studies have shown that companies shy away from hiring someone who has been out of work for a long time, even if the person has appropriate skills. The company assumes that long-term unemployment occurs for a good reason and sees the person as "damaged goods." Likewise, if a person reaches a certain age and has never been in a serious relationship, potential partners make negative assumptions about him or her.

In the same way that you have to be careful about what you say on your resume because potential employers will make assumptions, you have to be careful about what you say on your online dating profile.

“They both swiped right. (For professional purposes, that is.)”

That’s how TIME describes the meeting of Sean Rad and Justin Mateen during the first semester of their freshman year at University of Southern California in 2004. At the time they were both working on their own businesses, but soon enough they joined forces and became co-founders of mobile dating’s most impressive success story so far: Tinder.

In just 17 months, Tinder has become a phenomenon. “For the uninitiated,” writes TIME, “Tinder is a smartphone app that at first seems like a higher tech version of ‘hot or not.’ Users are shown photos of nearby potential matches and can swipe right to ‘like’ and left for ‘nope.’” It's now getting 600 million swipes per day from its obsessive 18-24 year-old userbase, and landed two of its founding team on the Forbes 2013 “30 Under 30” list.

Why did it become so big, so fast? Because traditional dating sites require extended periods of time and attention spent filling out and browsing long profiles, and in our speedy modern era we no longer have time for that kind of commitment. Tinder can be played – because yes, it is a game – in short bursts on the go, making it the most convenient way to meet your match currently on the scene.

Tinder snagged TechCrunch’s Crunchie award for best new startup on February 10, 2014, an honor it fully deserved for its mind-boggling success in 2013. There's no doubt that Tinder is the hottest thing on the mobile market right now, but the question is: can it maintain its success in the future?

“Nobody joins Tinder because they’re looking for something,” Rad told TIME. “They join because they want to have fun. It doesn’t even matter if you match because swiping is so fun.” So with fun in mind, the Tinder team plans to extend their reach beyond dating. The plan is for the app to evolve into a social discovery service, one that’s useful for meeting people beyond the romantic context.

“You’ll be able to eventually interact with friends for other purposes,” Mateen said. “So even if you’re in a relationship you’re going to be able to find good value in Tinder in the coming months.” The problems encountered when connecting with someone new are universal, whether you’re meeting someone with romantic, professional, or friendly intentions, and Tinder hopes to help.

Other plans for the future of the app include an updated communication system that goes beyond text messaging and further international expansion.