Online Dating

These days, it's almost hard to believe that online dating wasn't always part of our lives. It feels seamlessly integrated into our daily routines - to the point that it's even infiltrated our phones - but in reality the industry didn't get its start until the late 90s and the road to 2014 was far from smooth.

In the early days of online dating, it was quietly laughed at by the polite and openly scorned by the impolite. It was viewed as an impersonal way to find love, and using an online dating site came with a heaping spoonful of stigma. But over time, a new generation of tech savvy singles arose and with them came a revolution.

Now daters of all kinds, young and old alike, have discovered the benefits of using online dating services and the industry has exploded around the world. As always, with success come new challenges. Online dating still faces criticism, and someone is always ready and willing to tell a horror story of a first date gone awry. Complaints are registered about fake profiles and less-than-truthful users who conceal their identities. Scammers have used online dating sites to cheat people out of thousands.

Online dating is now facing the challenge of maintaining the safety and protecting the privacy of its users – a task that becomes increasingly difficult as more and more of them join dating sites. Different countries are approaching the problem in different ways. In the US, laws have been passed that require background checks for new users. In Singapore, the government acted as a matchmaker through the Social Development Network. In the UK, the Online Dating Association was founded by industry members to take collective responsibility for regulations.

All of these have been important steps towards creating a regulatory framework that will address the issues facing online dating as it continues to expand. Primary among those issues is the rise of mobile dating. Many major dating sites now have a mobile component, and there are plenty of services that are only mobile applications.

The key word here is "innovation." As an increasing number of competitors enter the market, online dating services are forced to get more creative. Creativity is a great thing, but it too comes with challenges. As dating services explore uncharted territory, they will encounter new questions about security and privacy. If dating services want to be here for the long haul, they'll have to match technological innovation with regulatory innovation.

If you want to put your best foot forward and drum up the most interest from potential partners, you won't be surprised to learn that it all comes down to your profile photo.

Okay, not all of it. Some people do actually read the words you painstakingly chose. But let's be real: the profile pic is the first thing someone sees, and it has a lot to do with how well you sell yourself online.

Before you start contemplating plastic surgery, remember that the perfect profile picture isn't about conventional beauty. There are plenty of other factors that go into a photo that catches eyes, and none of them have to do with how well you apply eyeliner or how much time you spend in the gym.

Zoosk conducted a study of 4,000 online daters and discovered some of the more unexpected elements that attract attention online:

• Yes, your pet is cute, but your furry friend is not helping you find a date. Photos with animals lower the average number of messages received by 53% for both men and women.
• Posing with human friends also lowers your average – by 42%.
• Women get a 60% boost in messages received if their profile picture is taken indoors.
• On the other hand, men get 19% more messages if their photo is taken outdoors.
• A full body shot is must, regardless of your gender. It'll give you a 203% bump in your incoming messages average.
• Ladies: your selfies earn you 4% more messages. Gentlemen: sorry, your selfies lower your incoming average by 8%.

What you're seeing here are some similarities, but also a couple of key differences. Take that last one: why is it we think it's normal for women to take selfies, but think it's vain for men to do the same thing? Shocker – we have double standards were beauty and gender norms are concerned.

Those double standards continue into the text of the profile. Zoosk's research came to the unsettling conclusion that honesty is the best policy for men, but that women should keep their mouths shut about the big issues until later on. Looking at the data, Zoosk found that:

• The words "separate" and "divorce" up men's incoming messages by 52%. Mentioning children means another 7% boost.
• For women, on the other hand, mentioning the same words causes the incoming messages average to drop by 7%.

So what does that mean? Does that mean women should hide their pasts while men should celebrate them? Does it mean that online dating is fundamentally broken?

What it really means, more than anything, is that online dating sites serve as a microcosm of society as a whole. Regardless of gender, double standards are firmly in place – and we'll never beat them online until we beat them offline.

For more on the dating site that commissioned the study you can read our review of Zoosk.

Tinder has become incredibly popular in the last couple of years, thanks to its game-like format of swiping left and right, and to its easy set-up. There’s no time-consuming process of writing a profile and anguishing over what to say in your messages. You cut to the chase: yes or no.

But now, people are looking for easier ways to date than even Tinder can provide. For those daters, there’s a new app for that called Tinderoid, short for Tinder on Steroids.

This app is mainly catering to the male Tinder users and online daters, especially ones who feel they aren’t getting enough matches. With online dating, guys send out mass emails when they aren't getting responses, hoping someone will email back. It increases the odds, at least. With Tinder, guys are adopting the strategy of saying “yes” to every match, and are just swiping right without even looking at photos. They figure if they swipe right to as many candidates as possible, their chances of getting dates (or getting laid) increases significantly.

But all that swiping right can apparently be tiring.

Tinderoid adds features to Tinder that its creators think are missing, one of them being the ability for a user to like everyone in their area. Tinderoid founder Mike (he provides no last name) tells website TechVibes that a user can like as many as 10,000 potential matches in a few seconds.

Then you can skip all that swiping and order a beer, waiting for matches to roll in.

This isn’t the only new feature Tinderoid added. The app also allows users to search for potential matches using keywords, and view multiple results at the same time. So instead of looking at people one by one, you can select a bunch at a time, and again – see who bites.

And while Tinder doesn’t have an iPad app, Tinderoid offers support for the tablet’s larger screen.

According to Mike, the app is currently available for iOS and has been downloaded over 100,000 times. It has over 5,000 five-star reviews on the iTunes store, I’m guessing from its male user base.

Will this be helpful to daters in the long run? Maybe for some guys, but not for most daters. Women tend to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of matches and messages they can get when they are online dating, get frustrated, and stop using the service, and it’s no different with Tinder. Women are still more likely to swipe left, mostly because of tactics like this, where guys tend to always say yes, even if they might not be all that attracted or interested in a particular woman. They are just seeing who they can get.

Tinderoid is only available on iTunes, but the company is working on an Android version. It is free to download, but if you want all ads removed it costs $2.99.

I read this great article in Mind Body Green, listing 10 inspired rules about dating garnered from the author's yoga practice.

While I love a good yoga session, I'm not quite as versed on the yoga sutras as he was. But still...there is something to be said for how yoga can improve your outlook, attitude, and overall well-being, "on and off the mat" as my yoga instructor says, even if you don't know all the Sanskrit terminology. Because the most important thing a good yoga practice teaches us is to turn inward.

With this in mind, I've put together my own top 5 list of what yoga has taught me about dating:

Just breathe.

Nothing is more important in yoga than breathing. It is the essence of life. It also is a way we can allow ourselves to calm down, be present, and turn that constant stream of mind chatter off so we are more in tune with our mind and body. This is helpful on a date because often we are worrying about what he's thinking, projecting our desires onto our dates, or otherwise not enjoying the moment. Just remember to breathe.

Pay attention to your movements.

We don't always realize how we come across to others, especially if we're busy, stressed, or otherwise not in the mood for connecting. Or we might be so nervous we don't realize our dates can see this. Approach your date with kindness and an open mind, ready to learn something new, and you'll both have a better time.

Trust your instincts.

You know yourself better than anyone. If something doesn't feel right, pay attention. If a relationship isn't working out, if he's not respecting you, if she is non-committal, then trust your inner voice enough to walk away.

Some of your muscles are tighter than others.

We all have weaknesses when it comes to dating, just like some muscles or joints in our bodies are weaker than others. We must take care of these places, but we also must try to open them up, work out the kinks, which can be uncomfortable. When you keep pushing forward gently, paying attention to the weak spots and nurturing yourself through, you move forward in your practice---just like in life.

Take a few risks.

Are you afraid to do a headstand, or frog pose? There are some parts of yoga that seem intimidating, and that's okay. When you push yourself to try a pose you don't like (provided you're not injuring yourself), you will undoubtedly feel better than sitting it out because you're scared. When you take a few safe risks on the mat, you're more willing to put yourself out there in life.

If you were a fan of the OkTrends blog – and let’s be real, who wasn’t? – your day is about to get a little better. Though the brilliant blog is no more, its writer, Christian Rudder, has plenty more to say on the subject of the human side of Big Data. He has just released a new book that explores who we are in a world in which we make an increasing amount of data about ourselves available online.

The book is called Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking). Sites like OkCupid collect vast amounts of information on their users in order to provide better service, and in doing so raise some interesting questions. Rudder believes the info isn’t just useful for the websites – he also believes it may change the way we see ourselves.

That being said, he readily admits that data isn’t everything. "Look,” he told NPR's Arun Rath, “there's no way OkCupid, Facebook, Twitter, these sites even added all together can stand in for the entirety of the human condition. People do all kinds of things they don't do online." But it would be silly to let all that data go to waste, wouldn’t it?

Rudder has examined everything from age, to race, to gender, to language, to attraction. His findings are consistently fascinating for both data geeks and non-data geeks alike, such as:

• There is a strong bias against African American users on online dating sites. They are rated lower, receive fewer messages, and are less often replied to than people of other races. Online daters of both genders tend to prefer to date within their own racial or ethnic group.
• Contrary to popular belief, women don’t prefer older men. Until women reach the age of 40, they are more interested in men in their age range. On the other hand, men across the board show a preference for younger women. 20-year-old female users were reliably rated highest by men of all ages.

As fascinating as Rudder’s analysis is, it has its limitations. There are potential hazards to taking consumer data collected for a specific purpose and using it to extract meaning about something else. Data also isn’t necessarily indicative of behavior. In the case of OkCupid’s users, it may measure opinions but not actual actions. Still, Rudder firmly believes collecting this kind of information is worthwhile.

“I definitely think it's good,” he told NPR. “When you put all this stuff together, you're able to look at people in a way that people have never been able to look at people before. ... You have millions and millions of people living their lives through an interface that records what they're doing as they live. ... It's the beginning of, I think, a revolution in how social science and behavioral science are done.”

With millions of people signed up for online dating sites, making a memorable first impression is a must. And what makes the ultimate first impression?

Your photos, of course. Choosing the right selection of pictures could make or break your online dating experience. Here are 7 tips to set you on the right track:

1. More is more. Having just one photo on your profile isn’t going to cut it. The more photos you have, the better you’re able to show off who you really are (and at the end of the day that’s the point, isn’t it?). Use each photo as an opportunity to illustrate a specific side of your personality.

2. But sometimes, less is more. A busy background detracts from the most important part of the picture: YOU! Photos with multiple people have the same effect. Intense make-up and over-the-top clothing can also distract from the person underneath. Choose photos in which you’re the center of attention. If you have a favorite photo that doesn’t fit the bill, crop it until it does.

3. Mix it up. Do you look exactly the same in every…single…photo…? Yawn. Boring. Vary your poses, locations, and outfits. You probably have a good side (who doesn’t?), but a date isn’t always going to see you at exactly the right angle. Change things up. Variety is the spice of life, after all.

4. Make eye contact. Studies have found that the most popular online daters look directly into the camera and show teeth when they smile.

5. Don’t just go for the glamour shots. There’s no harm in having a picture that shows you at your best, but every single photo on your profile shouldn’t look like a modeling portfolio. Include photos that show off what you like to do for fun. What are your hobbies, passions, interests, dreams? Express them visually. Show emotion in your photos. Nobody wants to date duck face.

6. If you’re looking for fun, be fun. Some people turn to online dating to find love. But you’re not one of those people. You’re just looking for a little fun. So look like someone other people will want to have fun with! Brooding bathroom selfies aren’t going to convince anyone to come on a spontaneous roadtrip with you. Photos of the awesome costume you worn to that crazy party last weekend, on the other hand, might.

7. If you’re looking for something serious, take it seriously. No gratuitous shots of your abs, please. No ambiguous pics with guys or gals who may or may not be your ex, either. And no shots of that time you passed out, wasted, in the middle of the bathroom floor. Think about the message your pictures convey. Are you sending the right one?