Online Dating

Online dating fatigue: it sounds silly, but it's a real phenomenon. You can only spend so much time in cyberspace before your head starts to spin and arthritis sets in on your swiping hand.

When burnout begins, it's time to take a hiatus from the smartphone. Do yourself a favor and delete your dating app.

Yes, I said it. It may sound drastic, but it's the only way to be 100% sure you won't succumb to temptation and start swiping again.

How do you know it's time to take such a radical step? If any of these signs sound like you, your dating app belongs in the bin.

You're logging in out of habit, not out of interest.

It's hardly news that we're addicted to our devices. We check Facebook every 30 minutes and our email every hour. And our online dating apps? They're right there in the same boat, squeezed between Instagram and Vine. Dating should never be done on auto-pilot. When checking your app becomes a habit or an obsession, not something you're actually invested in, it's time to take a break.

You've resorted to stock messages.

The copy/pasted greeting is never a good look. Creating a great introduction isn't easy for everyone (or maybe anyone), but it's essential. If you're not taking communication seriously, you're not taking dating seriously. Go on a dating diet until you're ready to read profiles and put real thought into your messages.

You immediately look for what's wrong instead of what's right.

Being too picky can be just as bad as not being picky enough. If you're experiencing online dating burnout, chances are your subconscious will subtly sabotage your efforts. Instead of looking for the good in each potential date, you'll zero in immediately on the negatives. Your brain is looking for any excuse to avoid yet another tedious date.

You're desperate for a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Wait, isn't finding a relationship the point of online dating? How can wanting one be wrong? Well, it isn't. “Desperate” is the key word here. If you're too focused on that specific outcome, you're more likely to settle for someone who isn't right for you. A title should never be more important than actual compatibility.

You're on there for a reason that isn't dating.

Be honest. What are you really looking for? Do you respond to messages? Do you go on dates? If not, you're wasting your time and everyone else's. It's tempting to use dating apps for validation – who doesn't love be on the receiving end of a right swipe? – but it's unfair to users who are looking for real connections. And don't even get me started on the evils of catfishing.

Every online dater has been there: stuck in an endless exchange of messages. When the end finally comes, it almost always happens one of two ways.

Option one: you meet in person, realize you're not at all compatible, and are furious about how much time you wasted on pointless messages. Option two: you never even get to that point. Someone just ghosts and the conversation is over by default.

Rarely does it end with option three: you meet, click instantly, and ride off into the proverbial sunset together

A new dating app is hoping to spare you some of that trouble. Whim promises to cut to the chase and set up actual dates - with "no endless texting" and "no flakes or fakes."

The process is exactly as simple as it sounds. Users create profiles and then specify which days they're free to go on a date. The date can be any night of the current week or a recurring weekly evening. After that, users browse profiles and indicate who they are interested in meeting.

When two users express interest in each other, Whim automatically sets up a time and place for the date, based on your availability and preferences (a user who doesn't drink, for example, won't be sent to a bar). Users can message each other about logistics, but it isn't required.

OkCupid alum Eve Peters started the venture two years ago. She told TechCrunch that Whim “surveyed the users of online dating apps and found that matches resulted in dates less than 10 percent of the time.” In contrast, matches on Whim resulted in dates more than 90 percent of the time.

The idea has its perks. Whim requires only a small time investment, which is increasingly important to users. It also guarantees that, when someone matches with you, they're actually looking to go on a date. A right swipe is a meaningful action on Whim and users have to think more seriously before they do it.

The idea also has its downsides. Those who are concerned with safety may not take to Whim's insta-date premise. For them, messaging before a meeting is an important part of the getting-to-know-you process – a filter for creeps, weirdo's, and other undesirables.

To counteract those concerns, Whim's dates all take place in public places. Peters also says the service relies on “high human touch” to ensure safety. All profiles are read by Whim team members, and users are encouraged to give post-date feedback so anyone objectionable can be removed.

The service is currently free and available only in the San Francisco Bay Area. Peters said she plans to charge $10 a month and launch in a second city by the end of the year. You can download the iOS app here. An Android version is expected in 2016.

Ever wonder what dating is like in another part of the world? I'm going to assume the answer is yes, because I don't know a single person who doesn't have a weakness for a sexy foreign accent.

The problem is, dating could be a totally different experience in the land that sexy foreign accent comes from. You might think you're being cool while they think you look crazy – and unless crazy is their type, that isn't going to get you very far.

Coffee Meets Bagel has published the results of a new study on dating trends around the world, so you'll be a little less clueless during your next international love affair. CMB asked 7,441 users from around the globe about everything from their eligibility to how much they’re willing to pay on the first date. Here's what they found.

The easiest city in the world to date, if you're a man, is Hong Kong. Sydney comes in second place, followed by New York, London, Toronto, and San Francisco. If you're a woman, Sydney takes the top spot. The remainder of the top five, in order, is London, San Francisco, Toronto, New York, and Hong Kong.

It's no surprise to see New York high on the list for men. Single women outnumber men by 230,000 in NYC, according to CityLab.

Men are more likely than women to have sex on a first date, especially if they live in NYC. New York was crowed “the most adventurous city” for guys, with 66% of NYC-based male respondants saying they're up for first-date fun. At 36%, London ladies are the most likely to say yes to sex on a first date.

When it comes to eligibility, most daters don't consider themselves “extremely eligible.” San Francisco and Sydney scoreas the top spots on that front, but the numbers are low. Only 28% of SF women and 29% of Sydney men believe they're “extremely eligible.” Come on, people – where's the self-esteem?

Men in London are the most willing to drop big bucks on a first date. The gents of England's capital said they’d spend £20 to £40 on a first date. In USD, that's about $30 to $62 – not the fanciest meal of your life, but certainly not the worst. Not that any of us are immune to the charms of a Chipotle date, either.

Across the board, most daters are looking for relationships. Only 12% said they're in the market for casual hookups, while 70% said they want a relationship and 11% said they're searching for their future spouse.

And finally, no matter how much we try to deny it, looks do matter. Both men and women listed “physical attraction” as the #1 trait they look for in a match.

By now you've probably read – or at least heard about – Vanity Fair's recent takedown of online dating. The lengthy article is essentially an obituary for traditional courtship, which writer Nancy Jo Sales says is long gone thanks to online dating sites and mobile apps.

Tinder responded with a very public Twitter meltdown and tongues have been wagging about the state of modern dating ever since. Some agree with Sales, while others believe it's simply moral panic and anyone who hasn't jumped on the Tinder train is probably just too old to understand it.

The good news is, a growing body of scientific research is dedicated to online dating and the social change that comes along with it. The bad news is, even the scientists can't seem to agree with each other.

A 2012 study called “Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” found no difference in relationship quality or strength between couples who met online and couples who met off. It also suggested that marriage and partnership rates may increase, as people with smaller pools of potential mates use dating services to cast wider nets.

Another 2012 study, headed up by Eli Finkel, concluded that most matching algorithms don't work. However, it also noted that “Online dating offers access to potential partners whom people would be unlikely to meet through other avenues, and this access yields new romantic possibilities.”

A 2013 study on marital satisfaction and breakups deemed online dating an unequivocally good thing. The research was sponsored by eHarmony, which rightfully has given some readers pause, but was reviewed by independent statisticians prior to publication.

A second study from 2013 examined sexual behavior and the “hookup culture” supposedly propagated by apps like Tinder. After examining a nationally representative sample of more than 1,800 18- to 25-year-olds, the study concluded that today's youth aren't substantially more promiscuous than previous generations. In fact, they may actually be having less sex than their predecessors.

Things got weird in 2014. Using the same data from 2012's “Searching for a Mate” study, a Ph.D. candidate at Michigan State came to the opposite conclusion about online dating and relationship quality. According to her findings, online daters are more likely to date than marry, more likely to break up faster, and more likely to break up more often.

How could two studies using the same statistics arrive at such different conclusions?

The answer is something we've always known: love is messy, contradictory, and confusing. Try quantifying that and you're bound to be disappointed.

The dating app market is flooded, so new companies entering the field and looking to make their mark have to differentiate themselves. For some app developers, it’s taking a female-centric approach, like with Bumble. Others look to social networking connections to make people feel more secure about meeting strangers, like Coffee Meets Bagel or Hinge.

The latest grab for online daters’ attention comes in the form of creating a dating app that is as exclusive as possible.

In other words, a new crop of apps are taking a completely different approach from acquiring the most users, like with Tinder. The success of an online dating company or app has always been evaluated by how large its database of users is. But these apps are banking on another measure of success - that is, how coveted the app is. They are driving demand for the app, and then being selective about who gets to use it.

Tired of Tinder and endless swiping that leads nowhere? While the dating app is popular, it’s leaving most online daters a little cold. Many come across fake profiles, or they match with someone only to have them disappear before actually meeting in person. And then there is the whole hook-up reputation.

So what is an online dater to do? New dating apps like The Grade and Bumble are setting out to alleviate online dating fatigue by putting their resources into creating more quality matches, so users can have a better overall experience. Specifically, these apps analyze and the behavior of their own members, so other users can see how they rate.

Bumble, founded by former Tinder co-founder Whitney Wolfe, aims to give power back to female daters. Bumble only allows the woman to reach out and make the first move – not the guy. So she is in control of the dating experience. A recent article in International Business Times revealed that a new feature Bumble will be rolling out is a verification program called “VIBee” -- a system that rewards users with a badge if they have good behavior on the app. The feature will aim to discourage users from nonstop swiping (left or right), and from spam messaging. If a match sees you have the badge, you’re more likely to be contacted – or so the thinking goes.

The Grade operates in a similar fashion, and as the name suggests – grades people on their behavior while using the app. The grading system is three-fold: you are "graded" based on how complete your profile is, how long it takes you to respond to messages, and the quality of the messages you send. In other words, the app will analyze message quality, including length, spelling mistakes, slang and hostile words and then assign you a letter grade, like in school. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really check context, so while some words might be “red flags” in certain contexts but not others, you could be penalized for using them at all.

Founders of The Grade pride themselves on the fact that they are weeding daters out based on how they behave. With about 100,000 downloads of The Grade so far, approximately 1,000 have been expelled and 2,000 are in danger of “failing.”

Cliff Lerner, founder of The Grade, told International Business Times: “We’re not saying we’re going to take on Tinder. We don’t want every user. All of our users are going to be high quality and accountable for their behavior. A lot of people will be kicked off.”

Lerner’s app focused on the complaints he kept hearing from female online daters, who were asking for an app that allowed them to handle offensive or hostile messages from men. Most women who have online dated have encountered such messages from time to time, which has created a huge trust problem with online dating apps and services.

Behavioral monitoring might be the next Tinder after all, at least for female daters.