Online Dating

Admit it: you're no stranger to taking selfies. In 2015, it's inevitable that you've at least tried it (even if you deleted it immediately afterwards in embarrassment).

But what if your selfie could do something useful? That's the premise behind dating app Blume, which hopes to solve one of the biggest problems in the dating industry: the uncertainty about who’s actually behind the profiles you're into.

Con artists lurk in the darkest corners of online dating. And even if you manage to avoid the seriously scammy profiles, there's a good chance you'll have a run in with someone who just doesn't match their photos. It's practically a rite of passage for online daters.

On Blume, photographic self-portraits save the day. Users connect via profiles, but match via freshly taken selfies. Deceptive profiles are more easily weeded out, and catfish may be more discouraged from joining in the first place. Add it all up, and you have an app that creates a safe and trusted environment in which users can feel certain about each other's true identites.

Blume users begin with a main screen that shows people nearby. If two people 'Like' each other, they connect. When a connection is made, both parties must send a selfie to each other. The photo lasts seven seconds after it's opened before disappearing forever and, in another shoutout to Snapchat, text can be placed over the picture as an icebreaker.

If you're not in selfie mode when a match is made (because let's face it, you're probably searching while you're languishing in bed with a head-pounding hangover), you can reuse a single selfie up to five times.

If you take a screenshot on Blume, you will automatically be banned for 2 hours for a first offense. Further screenshots result in a 7-day ban, a 30-day ban and, after 4 illicit screenshots, a permanent ban from the app. Blume is serious about keeping conversations, selfies and other user content private.

When a mutual match is made, any text laid over the top of the selfies is automatically transferred into a chat session and full profiles are revealed. Once in the chat, you can swipe left to send further selfies.

If uncertainty about who is behind a profile is the top problem for online daters, the second could be difficulty establishing real emotional connections when you meet through a screen. Blume also hopes selfies will help with the latter by making online dating a more intimate experience.

"We really wanted to solve these problems and make online dating a lot more personal, fun and safe at the same time,” co-founder and CEO Daniel Delouya told Bustle.

Lisa Hoehn is an expert in the art of online dating. Her website, ProfilePolish.com, specializes in giving undateable profiles a much-needed makevoer so you are still you – just a better-sounding, better-looking version. The kind that actually gets dates.

In her new book, You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck, Hoehn shares her best advice for creating a sought-after digital dating presence. Not only does she reveal the mistakes you probably don't even know you're making, she also offers step-by-step guidance to correct them.

Read on for 5 of her best online dating tips.

1. Pick your username carefully. Most of the time, potential suitors will ignore it. But if it's really awesome – or really terrible – they'll notice. Hoehn's biggest username no-no's include: sexual references, too many numbers, obvious bragging and your last name (because you don't need to be Googled by someone you've never even met).
2. Ban bad photos. It's more important to have good pictures than to be good-looking. Your photos should paint you in a flattering light while offering insight into your personality and lifestyle. Images that are blurry, small, dark, grainy, edited, outdated and – worst of all – don't even include you – need to be nixed.
3. Use the English language (or whichever one you speak) properly. Sloppy grammer and spelling mistakes are instant attraction killers. Hoehn also advises against including too many exclamation points, overusing emoticons, typing in all caps and adding hashtags.
4. Watch your words. Certain subjects just don't belong in your dating profile. Don't insult a group of people. Don't mention your ex. Don't be blatantly sexual (unless you're using a service specifically for that). Don't talk about money or your medical history. Don't say you're looking for a “new beginning,” a “fresh start,” or something “drama-free” – because what you're really saying is “I come with a lot of baggage.”
5. Don't go overboard. If you're one of the rare specimens who actually enjoys filling out a profile, resist the urge to pen a novel. Don't wax poetic about your favorite subjects (no one cares). Don't use too many lists. Don't make sweeping, corny romantic statements (it's cheesy and you're definitely jumping the gun). Don't share so many details about your life that there's nothing left to talk about on a date.

For more top tips from Lisa Hoehn, pick up a copy of You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck at Amazon.com.

eHarmony is having a 7 day free trial here in the United States and Canada. It starts Wednesday January 13th, 2016 and runs to the end of day on Tuesday January 19th, 2016.

What the eHarmony free trial gives you is the ability to communicate via email with all of your matches for no charge. To access the 7 day trial all you need to do is create a free membership account if you already don't have one. Once completed you can then take the eHarmony questionnaire which takes the average person between 30 to 40 minutes to complete. The questionnaire is a very important step and I would recommend taking your time answering the questions as truthfully as possible since your answers is what eHarmony's matchmaking algorithm uses to determine your matches. The algorithm is very complex and eHarmony has invested millions of dollars over the years in research to make sure it will produce matches that lead to long-term relationships. Most of the questions are multiple choice based so it is easy to skim through it and answer all the questions quickly but then, you would be decreases your chances of finding that special someone.

These free trials eHarmony has (about once a month) are an ideal time to try out this dating service to see if it is the right fit for you. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship which is not just a hookup then eHarmony is a good dating site for you to try out. The trial is available on all of the platforms including the website and dating apps (Android and iPhone). Please note the free trial does not include viewing photos and skipping the guided communication process and going straight to email.

For more information about this popular online matchmaking service, you can read our review of eHarmony.

Everyone is caught up in the “new year, new you” excitement of January, so now is the perfect time to make positive changes for 2016.

For some people, that means eating healthy and going to the gym. For others, that means spending more time with family, picking up a new hobby, or finally asking for that raise. For you, it means dropping your bad dating habits for a more romance-filled 2016.

As you navigate the dating scene, you're bound to make mistakes along the way. Here are some of the biggest blunders that could be keeping you single:

1. Only looking in one place. If you've refused to try online dating, make 2016 the year you step out of your comfort zone. If you exclusively use online dating, get back to basics and experiment with traditional dating this year.
2. Cutting corners. Some dating services keep profiles minimal in favor of photos (ahem, Tinder), but if you're looking for more than a low-key hookup, the profile is important. Don't leave any sections blank, don't be vague, and don't rely on cliches to describe yourself. The profile is a vital part of finding a like-minded, compatible date.
3. Succumbing to FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out is a real phenomenon, and it's particularly destructive for online daters. With so many possible partners at your finger tips, it's easy to feel like your options are infinite. It's time for a reality check: if you're always waiting for something better to come along, you'll miss the good things right in front of you.
4. Doing too much. Learn to let go. If you don't get a response to your message, don't flood their inbox with 10 more messages (especially if those messages are berating them for not answering the first one). If they're busy but interested, they'll reply when they can. If they're just not into you, move on gracefully with your dignity intact.
5. Doing too little. Underwhelming can be just as damaging as overwhelming. A one-word message is never a good conversation starter. It's 2016, we shouldn't have to keep saying that.
6. Expecting immediate chemistry. There's nothing like that instant spark of attraction. Thanks to Disney movies and romance novels, we've come to expect it. In reality, instant attraction is not a reliable indicator of long-term compatibility (in fact, it can literally mess with your brain chemistry and judgment). Be open to the possibility of chemistry developing over time, or you might miss out on someone amazing.
7. Taking everything personally. It's hard not to take it personally when people are saying yea or nay to your profile, but you'll be a happier dater if you learn to let it go. Everyone isn't your cup of tea, you are not everyone's cup of tea, and that's a good thing. If someone isn't interested in you, all it means is that they're not interested in you. It doesn't mean you're undateable or unlovable. And remember, every “no” gets you closer to the “yes” you're looking for.

What other dating habits do you need to break in 2016?

Looking to get the year started on a more romantic note? Now’s the perfect time to join online dating sites. According to Match.com and other notable online dating sites and apps, the biggest surge of new member signups happen between January 1^st and Valentine’s Day.

So, you have a lot of time to see who’s out there and try a new app.

This year, eHarmony reported a 21% increase in mobile registrations since the holidays began, and dating app Zoosk also expected a 20% jump in users the first two weeks of January. Grindr, a dating app for gay men, typically experiences a 30-50% increase in users over the holidays, and Match expects an increase of 60% in new members before Valentine’s Day. Most dating apps agree that this is the busiest time of year for them.

The desire to sign up for an online dating site now may be for personal reasons. Most people have spent the holidays together with family members, creating a sense of warmth and togetherness that some singles feel might be missing from their lives. For those who spent the holidays alone, this time of year can feel particularly isolating, which can provide inspiration for expanding social networks and dating. There’s also the plethora of Instagram photos of happy couples taking vacations together, not to mention the announcement of engagement or baby news over social media, which can also create the desire for more people to want to meet someone special. And what about New Year’s resolutions to date and meet more people?

It seems there’s something about this time of year that motivates people to try online dating – but perhaps it’s less about emotion and more about having the time off for the holidays. People have the opportunity to look at their personal lives and see what they could be doing when they have free time.

According to news website MarketWatch, there’s evidence that people tend to join online dating sites when they have time off work and want to look forward to something personal. So it makes sense that the biggest online dating membership surge the Sunday after New Year’s Eve, when most people are still enjoying the holiday break but know that work is about to start up again.

Interestingly, this theory holds true outside of the winter holidays. Some dating sites, including Zoosk, also saw a surge in new members during the U.S. government shutdown in 2013, when many people’s jobs were affected and they were prevented from going to work.

Regardless, this is the best time of year to join a dating website or download a dating app. More people are online now than ever, which means more opportunities. For more information on the popular dating services mentioned you can read our Match.com review and our eHarmony review.

Happy dating in 2016!

Online daters – especially women – often complain about unwanted and lude messages they get from potential matches on dating apps. Some guys are so aggressive with initial contact that they send intimate photos of themselves - the so-called “d*ck pic” - which is offensive to many women, if not even a bit scary. But there is little control dating apps have over messages between two people who swiped right and started communicating, which is why many find it such a frustrating experience.

Dating app The Grade aims to change that. Back in October, they launched the controversial “Peer Review” feature on their dating app, essentially letting other users provide direct feedback for online and offline experiences with other singles on the app.  This move was met with skepticism, with some wondering if angry and jilted matches might lash out and tarnish the reputation of someone else on the site, simply because there was no third party witness. Essentially, users could say whatever they wanted about a date.

The Grade surveyed its users to see how they actually felt about the new feature, and according to the company’s findings, 71% of people believe that Peer Review helps weed out the creeps.

Case in point: the majority of The Grade’s female users believe Peer Review provides a safer and better-informed dating experience. And according to a statement released from the company… it finally eliminates the "d*ck pics." Of the 11% of men who admitted to sending an unsolicited photo of their private parts, 90% reported that they would stop if they knew a match could review them.

Could this lead to better dating behavior – knowing that other people are watching and reviewing you?

It seems likely. The Peer Review feature provides feedback from other singles, mainly to help inform users’ decisions to swipe right or left. In fact, The Grade reports that 78% of singles are more likely to “like” (or swipe right) someone with a good Peer Review grade, while 88% are less likely to “like” someone with a bad Peer Review grade.

Ninety-five percent of The Grade’s users are pro-Peer Review, and 85% of the 15,000 peer reviews submitted so far have been positive. Results show that the most common reason a user would give someone a negative review is if that person was already in an existing relationship or lied about their profile details.

Despite the controversy, The Grade might be on to something – accountability for behavior in online dating. That is something most of us can get behind.