Online Dating

If you’re single and own a smartphone, chances are you’ve downloaded a dating app.

Many people try at least one or two apps, swipe and message for a few weeks, and then quit in frustration because they don’t get many matches, their messages go unanswered, or they never actually get a real date out of it.

Instead of going into app dating full force with no results, it’s better to keep a steady momentum and a few things in mind for successful swiping. Following are some tips to get your dating app game in shape:

Be respectful all the time.

It’s important to remember that even though you might be a great catch, people on dating apps are strangers who don’t know you. They don’t know your sense of humor, your background, or your close friends, so they have to take what you say at face value. So don’t start out being presumptuous – save the overt flirting, gross jokes, or sexual references for a more appropriate time – like when you are dating and are aware of your attraction for one another!

A picture is worth a million words.

Dating apps have really helped those who don’t want to spend the time writing a funny, clever profile. Instead, people can look at one or two photos and swipe based on that. (Most people don’t even read the descriptions or tags on your profile unless they like your pic.) So, you have to tell a visual story. Show a photo doing something you love that will spark a conversation. Include a headshot and a body shot, with no sunglasses or hats covering your face. Remember to smile!

Don’t message endlessly.

It’s fun to get a little flirtatious banter on, but at the end of the day, what do you have to show for it if you haven’t met in person? Instead of endlessly messaging, be bold and ask your matches out sooner rather than later – it doesn’t matter if you’re the guy or the girl. Ask, meet, and then see if there’s a spark.

Don’t swipe right on everyone.

Guys have a tendency to play the dating app game – swipe right on everyone and see who matches back with you. This is a bad strategy for many reasons, but most of all, because you’ll look like a robot to the app, and greatly reduce your swiping options. Instead, be a little more discriminate.

Check in during peak hours.

The best time to log in to your dating app is 6:00 in the evening, according to Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe. Checking in daily is a good idea, especially around happy hour time. But also make sure to log in on Sunday, which studies have shown to be the busiest day for online dating in general. People are ready to make plans, so get on it!

Christian Café from 2010

After 17 years of connecting Christian singles, ChristianCafe.com has something of its own to be excited about. The site recently launched a brand new (and long overdue) look.

The makeover catapults ChristianCafe firmly into the 21st century. The site now works well on all devices, from the smallest mobile phone to the largest desktop screen. “It just became easier, faster, and super user-friendly to use ChristianCafe.com on a phone, mobile device, or tablets,” says the blog announcement. “And, because we are mobile responsive, when you’re on the move, ChristianCafe.com goes with you.”

Visitors, new users, and current users will all benefit from the redesign. A few highlights of the changes include:

Christian Café in 2016

• Reorganized sign up pages that aim to make the registration process easier and faster
• More dynamic pages that are easier to navigate and provide faster results
• Mobile responsiveness that means the service can be used on the go
• A better overall user experience for members

Another perk? ChristianCafe hopes for an influx of new users now that the service is mobile-friendly. Not only does that provide obvious benefits to the company, it’s also a plus for users - more new members means more choices for everyone on the site.

Although the facelift means ChristianCafe.com has undergone significant cosmetic changes, the core values that have made it successful remain the same. “Our goal is to help Christian singles to search and connect with their life partner/future spouse,” says the site, “and with our new look, it will change the way singles see Christian dating online.”

Looking forward, ChristianCafe says to expect new features and greater functionality to be implemented on an ongoing basis. Continuous efforts will be made to be the top-of-the-line dating destination for Christian singles.

If you’re ready to give it a shot, head over to the site and sign up for your free 10 day trial. The trial period allows prospective members full access to the site - from free searching, to free messaging, to free winks and IMs - making ChristianCafe.com the only Christian dating site to offer complete trial access.

ChristianCafe is one of the leading sites for connecting Christian singles online and the only major Christian dating service that’s actually Christian-owned. Founded in 1999, ChristianCafé has spawned thousands of success stories that can be found in its testimonials section. Read our review here.

The search for love sometimes feels like a roller coaster – exciting highs when you meet someone you click with, or lows when it doesn’t work out.

With online dating, the highs and lows can be much more intense because you are meeting more people than you would in normal, every day interactions. Online dating gives us a heightened sense of possibility, so we are constantly searching, interacting, assessing and then moving on. We get impatient and frustrated when we think it’s taking too long, or when we aren't meeting anyone who sparks chemistry in us. As I state in my book Date Expectations, we are moving on constantly, dating in quick succession and then throwing our hands up in frustration - a vicious cycle.

Instead of repeating this same non-productive cycle, it’s time to develop some online dating coping strategies. Following are some suggestions:

Don’t be reactive. It’s tempting (and easy) to go on a few bad or boring dates and complain to your friends, or delete those dating apps in frustration. Instead of reacting to circumstances, it’s important to take a step back, regroup, and try again with a fresh perspective. If you are really feeling down, take a break from dating and come back to it when you’re ready to connect again. Otherwise you’ll be spinning your wheels.

Resist making generalizations. You might have had several bad dates in a row, but that doesn’t mean all men or women are terrible. It’s important to look at the big picture. You have men or women in your own life who you love, admire and respect. They are out there – the key is to move past your bad experiences and still keep an open mind. Remember: you attract people with the same energy/ outlook that you have.

Be gentle with yourself and others. Sometimes we get lost in judgment – of ourselves, or our dates. Instead of looking for things that are wrong, or punishing ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made, it’s time to take a new approach. Mistakes show you that you can do things differently – they are a blessing. Take an evening off of judging your next date, or yourself, and see how you feel by the end of the night.

Spend time doing something you love. Everyone needs a recharge when they are dating. Spending free time doing something you love is a great coping mechanism, because it gives you a new outlook. It’s hard to cultivate joy and excitement for a date unless you do things that bring you joy and excitement.

Practice patience. Easier said than done, I know. But this is essential for dating. Without patience, you will find yourself settling for someone who’s not right for you, or giving up on relationships before you get to experience someone great. Take your time, trust in the process, and just breathe. When you slow down, step back, and take the pressure off of yourself and others, you’ll see there’s more room for fun, for connection. And possibly for love.

Being sensitive may make you a good partner, but it doesn’t make you a good dater. A new study found that sensitive and less emotionally intelligent people are more likely to be vulnerable to online dating scams.

The research, conducted by Dr Martin Graff of the University of South Wales, was presented at the British Psychological Society Annual Conference in Nottingham. Graff said:

"Perpetrators of dating scams simply set up false profiles on dating websites with the sole purpose of extracting money from their victims. The scammer first grooms a victim by expressing love for them before outlining their desperate circumstances. They then attempt to request money from the victim. Our study focused on why some individuals are more likely to become the victims of these scams than others."

Over 90 victims of dating scams took part in questionnaires relating to their personality, how they relate to other people, self-esteem, and emotional intelligence. Age and gender were also taken into consideration.

After analyzing the results, Graff discovered that victims had used dating sites for less than four weeks, but in that short time, they parted with amounts ranging from £50 to £63,000 (over $90,000). No small loss.

Participants in the study demonstrated consistent clusters of personality traits. One one hand, they had a tendency to be efficient, organized, and disciplined - but on the other, they were more likely to be emotionally expressive and display a preoccupied attachment style.

Without the science jargon, that means online dating scam victims are often overly dependent on the person to whom they are attached, which leads to approval-seeking behavior like giving money.

Graff warns that with the rising popularity of online dating, more and more people are likely to fall victim, and scammers may get increasingly sophisticated about their tactics. He hopes the study can help curb the trend.

"These findings will be beneficial to dating sites and law enforcement agencies in attempting to protect the vulnerable from being scammed,” he said in a statement. “Further research should include interviews with a larger sample of people who have been the dating scam victims."

It’s not all bad news for online daters. Another recent study found that psychopaths have difficulty manipulating people online. While their charming facades are compelling in person, once the visual element is removed, they find it much more difficult to charm, manipulate, intimidate, or exploit others.

“The results of this study are pretty clear,” said lead author Michael Woodworth, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia Okanagan. “Once you remove non-verbal cues such as body language from the equation, the ability to smoke out narcissists and psychopaths becomes easier.”

Since its debut, The League has earned a somewhat elitist reputation. True to its name, the dating app screens all of its applicants according to their career and education, making it a place for singles of a certain stature to find each other online.

Recently, the company launched a new version of its dating app in Los Angeles following a soft launch in New York and San Francisco, and is now focusing on events. Potential members are still required to apply before being able to use the app (the company claims more than 100,000 are on its waiting list). But once you’ve been approved as a member, you can join or create new events based on your interests.

TechCrunch interviewed CEO Amanda Bradford about the app’s new focus, and she emphasized its potential. “The overall goal,” Bradford told the news website, is to turn The League into a “members-only club,” with “a killer singles scene.”

Business Insider was a little more skeptical about the relaunch, calling it a “do or die moment” for the company, since they need to make some cash soon. According to Business Insider, The League spent most of the last year rebuilding its app from the ground up because it wouldn’t scale properly – hence the focus on events. The company needed to see if people were just curious about the app because of the media buzz, or if it was a viable platform where its members would truly engage. Although the app is still free, Bradford did say that the plan is to offer a freemium service and start charging a tiered membership fee, similar to a members-only club. “Ads aren’t feasible for us,” Bradford told the website.

The newest version of The League is meant to encourage friendships and networking among the site’s members, and not necessarily limit connections to dating. For instance, a female user can create a “women’s wine circle” or a running group. The focus is more on the activity, event or interest, and less on meeting potential dates, which makes these events more organic and fun compared to a singles party. The League has done its own events for members, but these are limited in comparison to members taking charge and creating events themselves.

So while the company says it’s not moving away from the dating space, it seems to be focusing more on the app’s potential to create connections – whether it’s friendships, business contacts, or potential dates.  The bigger question is how soon the app will be able to grow its membership, stickiness, and eventually its revenue stream.

Online dating is more popular than ever thanks to dating apps like Tinder. Forget those long profiles written on your laptop, scrolling through matches in the privacy of your home. Now, online dating is a social event – you can swipe while you have drinks at the bar with your friend!

Online dating has become the go-to method for most singles looking for love, but that doesn’t mean people are getting the hang of it. In fact, dating apps have inspired more people to try online dating – but they might not be so successful in getting dates.

Here’s where hacks can be helpful in making your whole experience more successful:

Be active. Don’t just swipe once a week, or message only occasionally. In order to get more matches, you have to show that you are involved. Check in at least once a day, and start swiping and messaging. You will notice that your match list increases, too – when you are more active, you are presented with other more active members. The reverse is true for those who aren’t actively swiping.

Be discerning, but not too much. There is a trend among men of swiping right on every profile, because they hope to increase their opportunities. This isn’t so effective, because there are plenty of apps that do the mass swiping for you – which are recognized as bots. When you act like a bot, you get fewer matches. The reverse is true too – if you are too picky and swipe left way more often than right, you lessen your choices. (Remember, other users are swiping left, too.) Keep an open mind, with some boundaries.

Choose photos wisely. Don’t choose a bunch of group photos, or pictures of you in hats or sunglasses. Include some body shots and headshots without props, so your matches know what you look like. Also, think of photos as conversation starters – post a couple of you playing guitar or hiking in the woods so your dates get an idea of what you like without having to read the profile (which they might not even do unless they like the photos). And it’s a good idea to smile.

No endless messaging. Many dating app users make a mistake of messaging back and forth and creating an emotional connection online before meeting in person. What happens if there is no spark when you are sitting across from each other? Instead of investing in the online communication, try to get to the date sooner, so you can see if you click in real life. Remember, the dating app is only a tool to meet people – the rest is up to you.