Dating Services

In a move that will probably surprise no one, Facebook proposed updates to its Data Use Policy and Statement of Rights and Responsibilities for the millionth time.

In another move that will probably surprise no one, most users probably aren't even aware of Facebook's proposed changes.

And in a move that might actually surprise a few of you, Facebook allowed users to comment on the proposed changes and, after the commenting period closed, decided to delay the update as it deals with criticisms from privacy groups.

What? Facebook is being thoughtful, acting concerned about privacy, and taking others' feelings into account? Who are you and what have you done with Facebook?

Seriously, though, it's awesome that Facebook maybe cares a little bit about what its users actually think. Their announcement of the updates said that both the Data Use Policy and Statement of Rights and Responsibilities would receive new language that clarifies:

• How advertising works on Facebook
• What to expect when it comes to using your name, profile picture, content and personal info with ads or commercial content
• How to control or remove apps you've used
• What data you're sharing with mobile devices

The proposed updates were met with resistance from privacy groups, who asked the FTC to prevent Facebook from enacting the changes over concerns about how the social networking site handles user information for advertising. According to these groups, the new policy makes it easier for Facebook to use the data of its members for advertising without their consent.

"The Federal Trade Commission must act now to protect the interests of Facebook users," said a letter sent to the FTC and signed by officials from six groups, including the Electronic Privacy Information Center. "The right of a person to control the use of their image for commercial purposes is the cornerstone of modern privacy law."

The proposed new Data Use Policy states that Facebook will use the personal information supplied by users to provide more relevant advertisements. Unlike the previous Data Use Policy, which says "We do not share any of your information with advertisers (unless, of course, you give us permission)," the new policy says nothing about permission ("...we may use all the information we receive about you to serve ads that are more relevant to you."). It's a small change in language that means an awful lot.

Privacy groups now fear that actively giving permission is a thing of the past and that by using Facebook, your permission is automatically assumed. The real issue here is that companies like Facebook need to communicate in simple, plain language about how they handle users' data. Until that transparency is achieved, we have a long way to go.

Many of us agree that we can't live without our smartphones. It can even be addictive to check texts, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter through a handheld device which travels everywhere we go. No matter where we are, we are not alone. Our smartphones are by our sides.

According to a recent study conducted by JDate and ChristianMingle.com, our smartphone obsession has affected our dating behavior, too. Their report entitled Mobile's Impact on Dating and Relationships is based on an in-depth survey of 1,500 singles regarding their smartphone habits, and reveals an increased dependence on technology and expectations around how people prefer to communicate.

The study found that 55% of singles feel their mobile devices are making it easier to meet and get to know people for dating. A majority of 64% say that the quality of relationships with those they are dating has improved thanks to mobile technology.

Respondents also felt that it's less intimidating to ask someone on a date via text than by making a phone call. About 31 percent of men and 33% of women agreed, although respondents over the age of 43 said they prefer to ask someone out by phone instead of text. More men than women (44% compared to 37%) believe it's easier to flirt and get to know someone via text.

If you've had a good date, the majority of men and women say it doesn't matter who initiates contact, but it does matter how long it takes to respond. Forty-six percent of singles have become upset with someone they are dating over their text response time, with more women (52 percent) getting upset than men (40 percent). Seventy-eight percent of singles say they want to communicate within 24 hours after a first date, so goodbye three-date rule!

Daters are getting better about phone etiquette while on a date. Ninety-six percent keep their phones out of sight during a date, but beware if you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom - your date is probably checking her phone (or maybe posting a tweet or status update about your date)! Sixty-seven percent said they find a way to sneak a peek at their phones during a date.

It seems that our smartphone addiction is growing and won't be going away anytime soon. The study found that nearly 20% of all singles not only keep their phones on when they go to sleep, but also in bed with them.

Mobile technology has changed the way we date, as well as our expectations and accessibility. Sometimes though, it's okay to shut your phone off. Your date will appreciate it.

I haven't been this excited for a comeback since the Spice Girls reunion. Here's hoping the relaunch of the OkTrends blog lasts longer than the relaunch of everybody's favorite 90s pop girl group.

The disappearance of OkTrends, the quirky but insightful blog of OkCupid, was always a mystery to me. It dominated the web while it was active, and is undoubtedly one of the greatest marketing ideas ever deployed, but for some inexplicable reason the blog fell dormant.

"From August 2010 to April 2011," says Digiday.com, "OkTrends posts averaged a staggering 32,500 Facebook likes and 4,222 tweets." With OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder at the helm, the blog took off and introduced the site to millions of new potential users. But then, shortly after IAC purchased OkCupid in 2011, OkTrends disappeared and many felt that the purchase was to blame.

Rudder, however, firmly denies the suggestion. He cites a lack of time due to other responsibilities at OkCupid and a new book he's writing, called Dataclysm, that's due out in fall 2014. Rudder promises the book will be "a superset of all the stuff I did on OkTrends." Digiday adds that the book is described as "a witty, provocative, visually fascinating look at how 'big data' is transforming our understanding of race, politics, age, beauty, sex, humor, even history, and ushering in a new era in the study of human nature."

Ok, count me in. Sounds like an intriguing read. But what about that OkTrends blog, huh? Sometimes I prefer to digest my information digitally. Why not just hire another writer to cover while Rudder finishes his book?

"This is just going to sound very self-serving, but I just don't know if that's possible," he says. "I'm in the unique position of being a founder of the site. I just know it so incredibly well...I just don't know how you find someone out there that can do it."

A little narcissistic, maybe, but the man's probably right. It would be a disappointment for all of us if the blog came back and was only half as good as the original. Do it right, or don't do it at all.

The good news is, OkCupid is going the "do it right" route. Rudder plans to rekindle the blog in March, after he's submitted the manuscript for Dataclysm, and he promises it's going to be better than ever.

"I'm excited about starting it back up again," he teased in Digiday. "I'm definitely going to try and bring a new little twist."

Not to brag or anything, but I think we ladies have it pretty good when it comes to the dating game. Sure, everybody has their ups and downs, but if we look at the way things are often run around here, we definitely seem to come out ahead in the online dating world.

Josh Fischer, the Director of Product Insights at SNAP Interactive, the company that owns Are You Interested, put together a collection of charts that shows exactly how women have the advantage over men on online dating sites. Each chart examines the probability that men and women respond to messages given the age of the message's sender.

The likelihood that an American woman responds to a man on AYI.com drops significantly as the age gap between them increases. The younger the man is, relative to the woman, the better shot he has. The probability of receiving a response peaks when the man is 7-8 years younger than the woman, and steadily declines from there.

The likelihood that an American man responds to a woman on AYI.com varies much more, and the response rates across all age differences are far higher. In fact, it actually dips the lowest when the man is 7-8 years younger than the woman. Merge the charts together, and they don't ever cross paths. Not even once.

Over all, AYI's charts show that, when comparing men and women responding to people their own age, women respond to men 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time. In other words, the vast majority of messages go unanswered regardless of age or gender.

It also means that the average straight man will have to send 25 messages to women his own age in order to receive one response, while the average straight woman will have to send just 5 messages. Hardly fair, if you ask me.

According to BusinessInsider.com, these conclusions can also be drawn from the data:

• A straight man's best bet is to go the Mrs. Robinson route. The 8-10% chance that a woman 10-8 years older than a man will respond to a message is double the rate of his own peers.
• The New York Jets have better odds of going to the Superbowl this year than men of a certain age have of getting a response from a woman ten years younger. Ouch.
• At worst, there's a 1 in 6 chance a man will respond to a woman's message regardless of her age. So go for it, ladies - you've clearly got nothing to lose.

In fact, it's so easy that I'm not sure it can be called hacking. It doesn't even have to be done intentionally - just one little oblivious click, and suddenly someone else is logged in under your username.

It works like this: when OkCupid sends you an email, any links included inside the email contain a unique identifier called a token. When you click the link, you are automatically logged into your OKCupid account without having to enter your password. The point is to make it as easy as possible to get into your account, but it also makes it worringly easy for someone else to do the same thing.

A writer at The Verge discovered the security hole after receiving a forwarded OkCupid email from a friend. After reading the funny message her friend had received from a prospective suitor, she clicked on the message to see the suitor in question.

"Suddenly," she writes, "I was in my friend's account, staring at all her read and unread messages. I could see her instant messages. I could edit her profile. Just because I had clicked on an email sent to her, OKCupid thought I was her."

Although your friends probably won't do anything unscrupulous if they land in that situation (you hope!), it might not be your friends who unexpectedly find themselves logged into your account. In another case, a woman blogged about an OKCupid user and included a link to his profile that she copied from her email. Unbeknownst to her, any reader who clicked on it would then be instantly logged in as her.

There may be a little karma involved here - because it doesn't seem very nice to publically blog about a user and include a link to their profile - but no one wants to give every stranger on the Internet access to their online dating profile. The token does expire eventually, but no one has yet determined how long it remains active.

Naturally, the OkCupid forums have exploded over this. In one discussion thread, a user writes "This totally defeats the purpose of having a password for the site. If anybody happens to be able to read my email, they are then able to see my full OkCupid account. Hello, what kind of account security is this?"

The thread has been active since 2009, so as incensed as OkCupid users may be, the site doesn't appear to be in a hurry to address the issue. Although "Login Instantly" is not a new feature, it is perhaps not the wisest choice for a social network, dating site, or other online destination that contains such personal information.

Think twice next time you're tempted to make fun of a fellow online dater by forwarding their hilarious message on to your friends. Stick to screencaps or - here's a really radical idea - just be nice and don't do it in the first place.

We first saw them in online dating profiles - photos that people took of themselves while standing in front of bathroom mirrors. Now technology has advanced and the practice has spread. People can view themselves on their smartphone screens, then pose, shoot, and post pictures to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter within seconds.

Such pictures are called "selfies," and they've become a polarizing subject among social media users. According to a recent study out of the UK, posting selfies can have a negative impact on your relationships.

The UK research team evaluated people's posting habits, particularly in regard to self photographs, and if the practice could potentially affect how others view them. Since Facebook pages typically include a wide range of people - from friends to family to work colleagues to acquaintances and high school classmates - how they view profiles varies greatly. Selfies were considered the worst type of pictures to post in terms of what people prefer to see.

In addition, posting too many selfies were found to hurt romantic relationships, too. Researchers found that users who posted selfies were more likely to report feeling less supported by their relationship partners. In the majority of these cases, their partners tended to post pictures of families and family events. Researchers reasoned that the difference between the types of photos people posted could explain why one person in the relationship feels less supported than the other.

Based on the finding of the study, researchers agreed that it would be a good idea to talk about your social media practices before entering into a relationship. If you tend to take selfies and it turns your partner off, it could be a source of conflict as the relationship progresses.

Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship, even your online communication with your circle of friends and family. If you're posting a lot of selfies on Facebook and Instagram, others could conclude that you want a lot of attention and it turns them off. Your partner might feel that you'll dish about your relationship, the good and the bad, which is nobody else's business. Others might get annoyed at your posts clogging up their Facebook feeds.

Whatever the case, too many self photographs are a definite turn-off among users of social media according to the study, and often they can detract from a relationship. Instead of turning inward and posting on social media, talk to your partner if you're not getting what you need. Work on your relationship together, offline.