Relationships

It's summer. Now, usually it's recommended that with each passing month or season, you change some little bit in your online dating profile to reflect the time of year – to show that your profile is quite obviously up-to-date. Thus, “I can't wait for the warm weather to get here” becomes “I'm so glad the summer sun is finally here” becomes “I'm ready for the beautiful fall leaves.” It's a pretty easy fix.

Unless, of course, you absolutely hate the time of year at hand. Then, it becomes tempting to lie.

Maybe you really don't like the summer weather. Maybe you live in a place where it spikes over 90 for a few weeks and you don't have central air. Maybe you're allergic to the sun.

This most frequently comes up around the winter holidays. Everyone tends to be so jolly and full of winter spirit that anyone for whom the season has bad connotations comes off as a scrooge.

So, how do you make a seasonal update when you're not generally thrilled about the season at hand?

Well, first and foremost, don't lie. Don't say you like the smell of Christmas trees, when what you really mean is that you like the smell of them burning. Don't say you're ready to hit the beach when you'd actually turn into a lobster in five minutes flat. Perhaps the people who email you are looking for a beach buddy, or someone to help them pick out a Christmas tree. You'll be caught in a lie, which is not only awkward but effectively kills your future chances.

However, if you really want to go the seasonal route, don't say something negative. Even if you don't like the current season, find a way to spin it in a positive way. Instead of saying you hate summer, say you're looking forward to fall. If you can't stand the cold weather, talk about how wonderful the warmth of a fire is.

There's a final option – it's not an absolute necessity to talk about the weather or the seasons. To demonstrate that your profile is current, how about mentioning a movie you're planning to see this week, or which TV show finale you're anticipating? This might require a little more maintenance – every few weeks as opposed to a few months – but hey, you're not forced to say something nice about something you're not wild about. Overall, the important thing is that your profile is current, fresh, and honest.

A lot of people will agree that most people are attracted by confidence. This boils down to our prehistoric instincts, which under the surface are still as strong as ever. People often want a confident partner in order to feel safe, and they will intuitively be attracted to these qualities.

Fortunately confidence is not something we are born with. It is something that can be developed throughout our lives by our life's experiences. Our confidence can also be affected by negative experiences. Confidence levels subtly change from one day to the next, and even from one moment to the next. Hypnosis can help them confidence levels move in the right direction, up.

As you may already know, the dating game is not always easy. You might have some success with the opposite sex for a while, and your confidence levels begin to soar, only to have a bad experience and be knocked right back down. When you have had some success, your confidence levels usually rise, breeding even more success. However after a knock back, you can become stuck in a vicious cycle of failure.

The world of online dating can sometimes seem rather formulaic. Do this to get people to look at your profile; don't do that; an email should be this long and stay away from these subjects; don't go on a date too soon. It can become easy to forget about the human component, the thing that actually makes it dating. And that human factor can make online dating just as unexpected and interesting as meeting through any other channel.

A male friend of mine recently got an email from a woman (not usual, to say the least). “You seem like a really interesting guy, and we seem to have a lot in common,” she wrote. “I see, however, that you're looking for a long-term thing, and I'm looking for something that's a little more casual. It would still be great to meet and hang out, though...”

So, comfortable with the knowledge that it wasn't a meeting to determine if they were soul mates in true love, my friend decided to meet up with the casual girl anyway. The girl was spot-on in her assessment of their compatibility – they appear to have tons in common, and he had a great time. Now, at the very least, he has a new friend. Will it turn into something more? Time will tell, but for now there's no pressure.

As you check out profiles, bear in mind that online dating sites are essentially just a way to meet new people. There's no harm in meeting someone who doesn't meet your criteria for a perfect match, because you might come out with something different than true love. However, take a cue from casual girl and be upfront about your intentions; if you're just looking for friendship or you know you have a major difference, get it out of the way now. You have the means to meet lots of great people at your fingertips; take advantage of the tools, and you might just surprise yourself.

Being single doesn't always feel so free and empowering. Many of us are looking for a long-term relationship instead of a series of more dates. Sure, we might cherish our independence, but maybe we'd also like a partner or a family.

Sometimes, trying to find the right person can feel like a waiting game more than anything else. So, what can you do to make the most out of your time as a single? Following are a few tips to think about:

• Take risks. You see a cute guy in front of you at the coffee shop. Do you wait for him to say something, or do you approach? If you find yourself acting shy in these situations, start pushing yourself. Start the conversation. Even if it doesn't lead to anything at first, this practice becomes easier over time, and increases your chances of meeting someone great. Also, you up your dating game because you are taking risks. This increases your confidence and attractiveness, and you'll attract similar potential mates!

• Don't put off your dreams. Have you always wanted to go to Italy, but were waiting for a romantic trip with Mr. Right? Stop waiting and buy that dream ticket! Whether you take a friend or go solo, don't put off doing something you want to do while you're single. When you do things that make you happy, you attract happier and emotionally healthier people into your life. Plus, it's nice to have your own adventures before entering into a partnership.

• Expand your dating options. Instead of going to the same bars or joining online dating sites using the same profile and old photos, try something new! Grab a friend to check out a new café that just opened, or ask her to help you write a new online profile. Sometimes you just need to mix things up a little!

• Live in the moment. It's easy to say "I'll be happy when... I have a new job, I meet the right person, or I buy that house". Instead of concentrating on future happiness that is dependent on something or someone else, try cultivating your own happiness today no matter your situation. When your attitude changes, you attract different people and circumstances into your life. So, do the little things that make you happy...whether it's taking a hike in the morning or learning how to make fresh pasta. People will notice a different you.

Are you ready to rev-up your dating life? Maybe you feel like the online scene is in a bit of a lull or your latest dates haven't been filled with anything resembling chemistry. Enough of the complaining! It's time to take some action and get your love life in line with your urge for excitement and dates that sizzle. Try these eight ideas to put your passion back on the map - after all, it's not uncommon to fall into a rut if you haven't found your perfect match quite yet.

Make a Love List

It may have been awhile sit you sat down and remembered what it is you're really looking for in a mate. Head out to the back porch or the balcony with a pen and paper (or your laptop) and make a list of everything you want in a mate. Leave to "don't wants" off the list and focus on the "wants."

Ditch the Negative Vibes

It's time you became tired of everything you don't want and don't like, because trust us: your dates are already tired of those things! Leave the negative vibes at home and do your best to be upbeat and positive. This goes fro reviewing online dating profiles, email communications, phone calls and the date itself!

Hit the Gym

If you're feeling the blahs, why not treat yourself with a gym workout or, if you already go regularly, a session with a personal trainer? Getting your butt kicked (or kicking it yourself) can give you the extra self-esteem boost you need to have a fabulous date.

Style It Up

Maybe what you need is an image touch-up. Take yourself on a little shopping trip. If you're a guy and can't bring yourself to head to the mall, grab a gal pal and bring her along for some fashion tips. If you like what you're wearing, you'll feel better and that will show through to your date.

Flirt!

Yes, we said FLIRT! The next time you're on a date and you like the person sitting in front of you, there's nothing wrong with a little flirtation to liven things up. Don't practice this on the ones you're not interested in, as that will just send mixed signals. But a well-timed flirtation can go miles for making your date smile.

Mix it Up - One at a Time

Are you in a dating rut? Why not freshen-up your dating life by committing to a series of places you've never tried before for your next few dates? New restaurants, parks, coffee shops and bars - they're out there and waiting for you to find them. If you need inspiration, try a site like Yelp.com that gives local favorites rated by people just like you.

Make Real Time

Stop trying to cram your dates in after work, into happy hour and before you go home. If you're relaxed when you show up for a date, you're probably going to have a lot more fun! Take the time to go home, get comfortable, change clothes and decompress after your work day. Chances are, your date will also appreciate the downtime and be more relaxed when they show up for your special evening, too!

Get Interested

Do you find that you let your dates talk more than you? If you're at a loss for how to converse with your date, grab a friend and go get some coffee. Make it your mission to find out a few things about your friend that you don't already know. While you never want your dates to sound like the Spanish Inquisition, asking questions indicates that you're interested. Be interested - it feels good when people are interesting in who we are wand what we do.

So let's say you've met someone, and things are going swimmingly. Your new potential significant other has met your friends – and that's going pretty well too. So well, in fact, that you've been invited on an all-new adventure – the double date.

Double dates open up a whole new world of anxiety and awkwardness. Sure, they can be a ton of fun. More often than not, however, they reveal the insecurities of a brand-new couple, and invite unflattering comparisons. If you're about to embark on a double date, keeping a few survival tips in mind could make the difference between a fun outing and a nail-biting session.

First and most importantly, remember that each relationship is unique. Maybe you've known your new flame for a few weeks, while the other couple has been together for years. Maybe you and your match are naturally a little more low-key on the PDA, but the other couple acts like teenagers with puppy love. That's okay – there's no “right way” or “better way.” And for crying out loud, don't try to make it into a competition about who's more in love. That's just silly.

It's not always the case that the other couple is a positive example; sometimes there's sniping and even flat-out arguments. It's never a pretty sight, and never a comfortable atmosphere. If you think you can successfully lighten the mood, go ahead and tell your jokes, but never, ever get involved in the argument. Don't turn it into a case where you and your partner are taking sides, or even worse, fighting about gender issues.

If the double date is clearly off in some way – whatever the reason – and you and your date are uncomfortable, take initiative. Make up an excuse, call it an early night, whatever, but get yourselves out of there. Even if the double date goes sour, you can still save the evening and have a good time with your significant other.

Sometimes double dates can be illuminating and fun – you're seeing your partner in a different light, in a situation that's social but not overwhelming. On other occasions, the situation can be toxic. Either way, if you stay alert and avoid these common issues, it's possible to make the best of any double-date scenario.