Relationships

How much do you really know about the potential mates you're talking to via your favorite online dating sites? A large majority of the popular online dating sites don't perform background checks on their members, so you may be walking into the world of online dating with a false sense of security.

The San Francisco Gate just published an article about a convicted murderer who was discovered on popular dating site Match.com. Match doesn't screen its members for criminal backgrounds and the man's profile was deactivated one it was brought to the site's attention that he was misrepresenting himself.

Do we feel safe on online dating sites because we pay a fee to become a member? If we sit down and think about it, thirty dollars or more a month doesn't really entitle us to any sense of safety. It entitles us to access the site's features and benefits and meet new people! By keeping our wits about us, we can have a fun and safe online dating experience. While we can't be 100% sure that the person we're meeting will be our perfect match, we can do everything possible to ensure that we're going about our search as safely as possible.

For Women: Do Your Homework

For ladies who are interested in digging a bit deeper into the background of men they may be interested in dating, you may want to visit WomanSavers.com. A site dedicated to women's safety, they have tools to help you research a potential date.

For Men: Do YOUR Homework

There's nothing wrong with having a look at your date's details, either. For men and women alike, a simple Google search can tell you much of what you want to know. If you want to dig a bit deeper, such as verify marital status, you can always use a report from a site like Intelius.com. Granted, they do cost a fee, but if the information is there and you don't feel comfortable moving forward without it, it's yours.

Look for Warning Signs

If someone's profile is filled with everything they don't want or hate, chances are that person isn't going to be your ideal date! Don't just fire off a wink, flirt or email after looking at a profile picture. Take two minutes and read the details. You may be right on track or you may save yourself a headache you didn't want in the first place.

Don't Be Paranoid

You don't have to walk into every new dating situation as if the other person is inherently evil. There are just a few bad seeds out there that make it rough on the rest of us. Give yourself the time to get to know someone, try not to get caught up in the thrill of meeting someone you click with and let nature take its course. Meet in public places during normal hours, park close by and in well-lit areas (guys and girls alike) and don't disclose your home address until you're comfortable with your date.

Need Some Reassurance?

If you want an online dating site that goes the extra mile, you might want to look at True.com. They perform criminal background checks on all of their members. They've even sued members who have misrepresented their background in an attempt to access the site! I wouldn't doubt that more sites are headed this direction but for now, True is one of the only ones I know of offering this type of pre-screening.

The bottom line is this: keep your wits about you when doing the online dating scene. A picture and some words can easily be manipulated into whatever someone wants you to see. I want to believe that there are more good eggs than bad in the basket, so smile, play it safe and enjoy the journey to your future mate!

It's summer. Now, usually it's recommended that with each passing month or season, you change some little bit in your online dating profile to reflect the time of year – to show that your profile is quite obviously up-to-date. Thus, “I can't wait for the warm weather to get here” becomes “I'm so glad the summer sun is finally here” becomes “I'm ready for the beautiful fall leaves.” It's a pretty easy fix.

Unless, of course, you absolutely hate the time of year at hand. Then, it becomes tempting to lie.

Maybe you really don't like the summer weather. Maybe you live in a place where it spikes over 90 for a few weeks and you don't have central air. Maybe you're allergic to the sun.

This most frequently comes up around the winter holidays. Everyone tends to be so jolly and full of winter spirit that anyone for whom the season has bad connotations comes off as a scrooge.

So, how do you make a seasonal update when you're not generally thrilled about the season at hand?

Well, first and foremost, don't lie. Don't say you like the smell of Christmas trees, when what you really mean is that you like the smell of them burning. Don't say you're ready to hit the beach when you'd actually turn into a lobster in five minutes flat. Perhaps the people who email you are looking for a beach buddy, or someone to help them pick out a Christmas tree. You'll be caught in a lie, which is not only awkward but effectively kills your future chances.

However, if you really want to go the seasonal route, don't say something negative. Even if you don't like the current season, find a way to spin it in a positive way. Instead of saying you hate summer, say you're looking forward to fall. If you can't stand the cold weather, talk about how wonderful the warmth of a fire is.

There's a final option – it's not an absolute necessity to talk about the weather or the seasons. To demonstrate that your profile is current, how about mentioning a movie you're planning to see this week, or which TV show finale you're anticipating? This might require a little more maintenance – every few weeks as opposed to a few months – but hey, you're not forced to say something nice about something you're not wild about. Overall, the important thing is that your profile is current, fresh, and honest.

A lot of people will agree that most people are attracted by confidence. This boils down to our prehistoric instincts, which under the surface are still as strong as ever. People often want a confident partner in order to feel safe, and they will intuitively be attracted to these qualities.

Fortunately confidence is not something we are born with. It is something that can be developed throughout our lives by our life's experiences. Our confidence can also be affected by negative experiences. Confidence levels subtly change from one day to the next, and even from one moment to the next. Hypnosis can help them confidence levels move in the right direction, up.

As you may already know, the dating game is not always easy. You might have some success with the opposite sex for a while, and your confidence levels begin to soar, only to have a bad experience and be knocked right back down. When you have had some success, your confidence levels usually rise, breeding even more success. However after a knock back, you can become stuck in a vicious cycle of failure.

The world of online dating can sometimes seem rather formulaic. Do this to get people to look at your profile; don't do that; an email should be this long and stay away from these subjects; don't go on a date too soon. It can become easy to forget about the human component, the thing that actually makes it dating. And that human factor can make online dating just as unexpected and interesting as meeting through any other channel.

A male friend of mine recently got an email from a woman (not usual, to say the least). “You seem like a really interesting guy, and we seem to have a lot in common,” she wrote. “I see, however, that you're looking for a long-term thing, and I'm looking for something that's a little more casual. It would still be great to meet and hang out, though...”

So, comfortable with the knowledge that it wasn't a meeting to determine if they were soul mates in true love, my friend decided to meet up with the casual girl anyway. The girl was spot-on in her assessment of their compatibility – they appear to have tons in common, and he had a great time. Now, at the very least, he has a new friend. Will it turn into something more? Time will tell, but for now there's no pressure.

As you check out profiles, bear in mind that online dating sites are essentially just a way to meet new people. There's no harm in meeting someone who doesn't meet your criteria for a perfect match, because you might come out with something different than true love. However, take a cue from casual girl and be upfront about your intentions; if you're just looking for friendship or you know you have a major difference, get it out of the way now. You have the means to meet lots of great people at your fingertips; take advantage of the tools, and you might just surprise yourself.

Being single doesn't always feel so free and empowering. Many of us are looking for a long-term relationship instead of a series of more dates. Sure, we might cherish our independence, but maybe we'd also like a partner or a family.

Sometimes, trying to find the right person can feel like a waiting game more than anything else. So, what can you do to make the most out of your time as a single? Following are a few tips to think about:

• Take risks. You see a cute guy in front of you at the coffee shop. Do you wait for him to say something, or do you approach? If you find yourself acting shy in these situations, start pushing yourself. Start the conversation. Even if it doesn't lead to anything at first, this practice becomes easier over time, and increases your chances of meeting someone great. Also, you up your dating game because you are taking risks. This increases your confidence and attractiveness, and you'll attract similar potential mates!

• Don't put off your dreams. Have you always wanted to go to Italy, but were waiting for a romantic trip with Mr. Right? Stop waiting and buy that dream ticket! Whether you take a friend or go solo, don't put off doing something you want to do while you're single. When you do things that make you happy, you attract happier and emotionally healthier people into your life. Plus, it's nice to have your own adventures before entering into a partnership.

• Expand your dating options. Instead of going to the same bars or joining online dating sites using the same profile and old photos, try something new! Grab a friend to check out a new café that just opened, or ask her to help you write a new online profile. Sometimes you just need to mix things up a little!

• Live in the moment. It's easy to say "I'll be happy when... I have a new job, I meet the right person, or I buy that house". Instead of concentrating on future happiness that is dependent on something or someone else, try cultivating your own happiness today no matter your situation. When your attitude changes, you attract different people and circumstances into your life. So, do the little things that make you happy...whether it's taking a hike in the morning or learning how to make fresh pasta. People will notice a different you.

Are you ready to rev-up your dating life? Maybe you feel like the online scene is in a bit of a lull or your latest dates haven't been filled with anything resembling chemistry. Enough of the complaining! It's time to take some action and get your love life in line with your urge for excitement and dates that sizzle. Try these eight ideas to put your passion back on the map - after all, it's not uncommon to fall into a rut if you haven't found your perfect match quite yet.

Make a Love List

It may have been awhile sit you sat down and remembered what it is you're really looking for in a mate. Head out to the back porch or the balcony with a pen and paper (or your laptop) and make a list of everything you want in a mate. Leave to "don't wants" off the list and focus on the "wants."

Ditch the Negative Vibes

It's time you became tired of everything you don't want and don't like, because trust us: your dates are already tired of those things! Leave the negative vibes at home and do your best to be upbeat and positive. This goes fro reviewing online dating profiles, email communications, phone calls and the date itself!

Hit the Gym

If you're feeling the blahs, why not treat yourself with a gym workout or, if you already go regularly, a session with a personal trainer? Getting your butt kicked (or kicking it yourself) can give you the extra self-esteem boost you need to have a fabulous date.

Style It Up

Maybe what you need is an image touch-up. Take yourself on a little shopping trip. If you're a guy and can't bring yourself to head to the mall, grab a gal pal and bring her along for some fashion tips. If you like what you're wearing, you'll feel better and that will show through to your date.

Flirt!

Yes, we said FLIRT! The next time you're on a date and you like the person sitting in front of you, there's nothing wrong with a little flirtation to liven things up. Don't practice this on the ones you're not interested in, as that will just send mixed signals. But a well-timed flirtation can go miles for making your date smile.

Mix it Up - One at a Time

Are you in a dating rut? Why not freshen-up your dating life by committing to a series of places you've never tried before for your next few dates? New restaurants, parks, coffee shops and bars - they're out there and waiting for you to find them. If you need inspiration, try a site like Yelp.com that gives local favorites rated by people just like you.

Make Real Time

Stop trying to cram your dates in after work, into happy hour and before you go home. If you're relaxed when you show up for a date, you're probably going to have a lot more fun! Take the time to go home, get comfortable, change clothes and decompress after your work day. Chances are, your date will also appreciate the downtime and be more relaxed when they show up for your special evening, too!

Get Interested

Do you find that you let your dates talk more than you? If you're at a loss for how to converse with your date, grab a friend and go get some coffee. Make it your mission to find out a few things about your friend that you don't already know. While you never want your dates to sound like the Spanish Inquisition, asking questions indicates that you're interested. Be interested - it feels good when people are interesting in who we are wand what we do.