Breaking Up

The Latest Trend In ‘Dating’ Apps? Helping The Heartbroken Through Breakups

Breaking Up
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Computers and smartphones have drastically changed the way we start relationships, so it should come as no surprise that our digital devices are also changing the way we end them. A handful of enterprising entrepreneurs are hoping our obsession with dating apps can last beyond the thrill of swiping right on a new match - all the way to the day that match breaks your heart. Enter: the breakup app.

Think of these apps as a pocket life coach, or a personal trainer for heartbreak, or a beloved BFF who wants to help you get back on your feet. While they can’t do the hard work of healing from heartbreak for you, they can ease the process. Meet three apps currently shaking things up in the digital breakup market.

Facebook Data Reveals The Peak Seasons For Breakups

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Spring cleaning isn’t just for your home. According to Facebook data analysts, the season is also prime time for daters to “clear the clutter” in their love lives - in other words, it’s breakup season.

In a paper from 2014, Lars Backstrom of Facebook and Jon Kleinberg of Cornell University analyzed user data from Facebook in search of insight into modern love lives. Amongst other things, they found that:

  • About half of all Facebook relationships that have survived three months are likely to survive to four years or longer
  • Heterosexual couples are generally around the same age, even as they get older
  • Same-sex couples display the stereotypical age gap as they grow older, leveling off at about 4.5 years difference after age 38
  • How much interest couples have in each other is a better predictor of love than having a lot of friends in common

eHarmony Reveals The Biggest Relationship Mistakes Daters Make

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She smokes. He doesn’t tip waiters. She’s obsessed with her phone. He gets wasted every weekend. Are these things merely irritating, or are they harbingers of a total relationship meltdown up ahead?

According to research by scientists at Western Sydney University, Indiana University, the University of Florida, Singapore Management University, and Rutgers University, dealbreakers have more power in long-term relationships than in short-term relationships. Women have more dealbreakers than men, but both men and women who consider themselves to be highly desirable have more dealbreakers than the average person.

Overall, daters tend to weigh dealbreakers more heavily than dealmakers - meaning negative attributes overshadow good ones, no matter how good they are.

In other words, you’d better clean up your act. If you want to put your best foot forward in a relationship, it’s essential to recognize your own bad habits and work to improve them.

How to Move on from Past Dating Mistakes

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One of the biggest hurdles we have to overcome in order to find lasting love is our own dating history. Many of us have experienced heartbreak, which is a kind of trauma, and sometimes, you can get stuck in your feelings and apprehension without even realizing it.

The key to finding a healthy, lasting relationship and not repeating the same old mistakes in dating is to understand your past, and then to make a decision to move on from it. Easier said than done, because most of us have habits and patterns that are tough to break.

Following are some ways to help yourself move on into healthier dating patterns:

Meet The Chatbot That Makes It Easier To Ghost Bad Dates

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Imagine never having to deal with aggressive texts or unwanted photos ever again. Ghostbot hopes to make online dating easier by handling bad dates so you don't have to.

As you may have guessed from the name, Ghostbot is a bot that ghosts on your behalf. 'Ghosting' – for those who aren't up on 21st century dating lingo – is the act of ending a relationship by disappearing. Instead of initiating a formal breakup, someone who ghosts will simply stop responding to your messages. You'll never see or hear from them again (good luck getting closure).

Unsurprisingly, ghosting is considered bad form. It's rude, immature, and cowardly. But anyone who reads the dating horror stories that are passed around the Web can see that, sometimes, when a date is delusional or dangerous enough, ghosting can seem like the only viable option.

Why You Should Avoid Dating Apps Right After a Break-up

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Some break-ups are worse than others, but all break-ups can take a toll on our mental and emotional state. How many times have you chosen to distract yourself from the pain and sadness you feel? Probably more than you think – sometimes by going out with friends, drinking, or having sex, and other times by throwing yourself into work, a hobby or a new fitness routine.

Now, more and more of us are turning to dating apps to swipe and feel that little “rush” from matching with a new profile or engaging in some flirtatious messaging. And why not? It’s healthy to flirt, to meet new people, right?

Not necessarily. Using dating apps as a distraction – to swipe through endless profiles – can work against you and delay the healing process after a break-up. As a writer for website Bustle described it: “An unexpected match with an attractive guy would briefly pull me out from under the cloud of sadness, and it validated my future dating potential in the most superficial way possible. At the time, I knew that it was wrong for the approval of random strangers to mean more to me than the unconditional support from my friends and family, but I didn't want to stop swiping: the next match could always be better than the last…After the fleeting glow from a witty text exchange faded, the positive feelings about myself did, too.”

Distracting ourselves isn’t always the best thing for getting over a break-up. Healing is a process – it’s good to feel your emotions and come to terms with your broken heart. Healthy transformation comes from this process of sitting with pain so we can let go and move on. Distraction only serves to delay our healing.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to throw yourself into something healthy, like joining a new running group or growing that garden you always wanted. But when you try and ignore your feelings, opting for quick fixes like the rush from swiping through a dating app, it can backfire.

The “high” you feel from superficial interaction is fleeting, and can leave you feeling worse than you did before – and more likely to swipe. In fact, swiping can become a validation exercise, rather than a healthy way to meet dates. You don’t want to confuse the app itself with your ability to connect with people.

Our self worth doesn’t come from how many matches or messages we get, or how many opportunities we have to meet new people. We have to feel grounded in ourselves – confident in our abilities, independence, and worthiness – rather than dependent on what others think – especially random strangers over text.

So next time you are tempted to login to Tinder after a break-up because you are in desperate need of distraction or validation, call your friend and go out for dinner instead. You’ll be happier and healthier in the long run.