Relationships

As I mentioned before, you don't get a second chance when it comes to first impressions, so make it count. Women notice the details right away, so guys: it's important to take note of what you may be doing wrong when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. It's not always intuitive, and you can't always rely on your male friends to clue you in - they could be wrong!

Following are some things she'll notice about you straight away. Women can judge pretty quickly, so if you can help it, don't give her a chance to get it all wrong.

Hygiene counts. Make sure you take care of your teeth, breath, and any other body odors that might deem you unsuitable for partnering. Women like to know a man takes care of himself and is concerned about his hygiene. Besides, she'll want to see if she'll enjoy kissing you - don't give her a reason to hesitate.

Dress for success. This list isn't all superficial, but your appearance does matter when it comes to dating. If you show up for drinks in a t-shirt and flip flops, she'll assume you really aren't all that serious or considerate of her. Also, don't wear that sweater you bought ten years ago or your favorite white tennis shoes and acid washed jeans. If you need to update your look, there's no time like the present! Grab a friend who can help you shop.

Confidence rules. We've heard this before, but that's because it's true: women like to be with confident men. If you know you're shy, then it's time to practice by playing up your strengths. Are you funny? Are you politically active? Are you successful at your career? Take your strengths and use them to your advantage - talk about what you love, or show off your funny or intellectual side. Whatever floats your boat, a woman is most impressed by your self-confidence. So show her some.

Don't take yourself so seriously. A woman likes to be with someone who can make her laugh, and who can laugh at himself. This also shows a type of confidence - he doesn't have to prove anything to her when he can laugh at himself without worry. So have fun, and don't take dating so seriously.

Pay attention to her. Women like it when a man is focused on her - how she looks, what she says, how she feels. Ask her questions. Don't turn around every time an attractive woman walks by, and don't check your cell phone while she's talking. When you're paying attention to her, it's definitely attractive.

If you’d asked a friend of mine, Ryan, if he had a “type” of girl he was interested, he would have said “No way.” Physically, he’d dated women of all shapes and sizes and hair colors; women who liked sports and artists and girls who could only be described as counter-cultural. Then, the other day, he had a breakthrough.

“I’m in my mid-twenties,” he said, “but the girls I date are usually a few years younger. And even when they’re not, they’re still in university; they haven’t really started their adult lives. They aren’t into commitment.” Ryan, on the other hand, did want something long-term; he was inherently attracted to short-term girls.

Identifying a pattern is a huge step in and of itself, but what do you do when you want to change it? What if the first people who tend to catch your eye are still of a type that is toxic to you?

Everyone is different, but there are a few different approaches you could take to get you going. If the sort of people you’re attracted to are literally dangerous or harmful, you could work with a professional to figure out why you’re attracted to these people in the first place. Sometimes simply understanding yourself can be enough to help you break negative patterns.

For others, perhaps the only reason you’re attracted to a certain type is that you’ve never really tried anything else. Not that you should necessarily pursue people you’re unattracted to, but maybe you might try contacting people who seem interesting, but outside your normal “box.” You might find yourself pleasantly surprised when you learn what you’ve been missing!

For those who are ultimately looking for a committed, long-term relationship, remember that you’re not setting yourself up for a new type of short-term relationships; you’re trying to hone in on the sort of person who’s right for you. It can be tiresome, analyzing yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone, but remember: you’re only playing the dating game until you find the right person for you.

We're all familiar with traditional New Year's resolutions - we aim to get more exercise, eat a healthier diet, set career goals for ourselves. While this is a great time for self-improvement, often there is something we overlook. What about a resolution to create better relationships?

Our relationships all have room for improvement - whether it's with your spouse or significant other, your parents, your co-workers, or some old friends. Often you can fall into the same negative patterns of interaction without even thinking. But what if your relationships could be different - even better? And what if you had the power to change them? With a little effort and an open mind, it is possible.

It's easy to be defensive of some bad habits you might have accumulated over the years. Maybe you're reactive and tend to respond in anger to conflict instead of having a conversation. Or perhaps you don't feel comfortable discussing your feelings or issues and tend to retreat when your partner wants to talk. Or maybe you've surrounded yourself with negative people who bring you down and are always complaining about something, causing you a lot of unnecessary pain. Whatever the case, most of us don't have perfect relationships with everyone in our lives and we don't always respond to issues in healthy ways, so there's room for improvement. Instead of blaming others for whatever is lacking in these relationships, it's time to start looking at yourself and your relationships - and making changes.

Following are some ideas on getting started:

Understand what's important to you and communicate it. Sometimes you want your partner to read your mind - to really get you. But instead of getting angry when he doesn't do the laundry or show his attraction for you without being prompted, let him know what you want. When he does do the laundry or surprises you with a romantic night, give him props. Positive reinforcement is a wonderful thing - and so is letting the ones you love know what your needs are.

Treat yourself and others with respect. Have some compassion for yourself and the people in your life. Everyone has issues and challenges and they don't always respond well (including you). Instead of getting angry about their actions, take a step back and recognize their struggles. Also, give yourself a break when you don't always keep your cool. Try to do better the next time.

Try a different approach or reaction. If a family member seems to know what buttons to push to make you angry, make a point not to react as you normally do. If you have to excuse yourself from the room to go and take a deep breath, do it. Refuse to fall into the same pattern with them, and you'll see your relationship shift.

Remove yourself from toxic relationships. I'm a people-pleaser. I want to make sure everyone feels good, which sometimes meant putting myself last on the priority list. I soon learned that this was harmful to me, because I wasn't taking care of myself. I let other people's rotten moods and dispositions spoil my day. I took the blame for their unhappiness. What I came to realize is I'm responsible for my own happiness, but not for anyone else's. I can't change them - that comes from within. So sometimes, it's best to keep your distance if your friend or family member blames you for their problems. And if it's your partner? You may want to reconsider your relationship.

Have some gratitude. Sometimes, we just need reminders that we have love in our lives - from family, friends, partners - and that's what it's all about. Approach each day with a sense of gratitude, and share it with your partner. A little compassion, love, and an open heart go a long way to repairing all relationships.

There's never a second chance to make a first impression, so it's best to keep a few things in mind when you're going to a party or meeting a date for the first time. You might think you're coming across as sexy and approachable, but perhaps you don't realize most men would say just the opposite!

Following are some things he'll notice before you even have a chance to ask a question. Not to focus on the superficial, but most guys do make up their minds pretty quickly as to whether or not they find a woman attractive, so pay attention to your behavior, attitude, and look.

Avoid too much make-up. If you're in love with your eyelash extensions and fake nails, you're not doing yourself any favors. Men prefer women to have a more natural look (translation: not high-maintenance). If you're getting all gussied up to get his attention, consider making some changes to tone it down.

Smile. It's not rocket science - if you're not smiling, a man might assume you're sad, bored, or angry, which doesn't make you a good candidate for striking up a conversation. Instead of hanging back and trying to look like you don't care, engage and have a good time. A simple smile works wonders every time.

Eye contact. This goes along with smiling - if you're looking away every time a man tries to get your attention, your sending a signal that you're not interested, even if you're just shy. Have some courage and return the look with a smile so he can feel comfortable approaching.

Don't obsessively check your phone. It's fine to check for text messages if a friend is meeting you somewhere, but if the point is to meet a new guy, why do you want to look busy or occupied with other things? Put your phone away and look around. There's nothing that says "stay away from me" quite like someone constantly texting or checking their emails.

Drop your posse. If you show up to a club with a group of girlfriends, it's very intimidating for any man to walk up to you and start flirting. If you really want to strike up a conversation, leave your pack and order a drink at the bar by yourself. Making yourself approachable is key.

Remember, these are guidelines to help you make a good first impression. The best way to approach someone new is to just be yourself without trying too hard to impress. Let your natural fun side come out - it helps to smile.

If you're online dating, have you started going out regularly with one of your matches? You might have gotten to a point in your dating relationship where you wonder if you should remove your profile, or ask him if he's removed his. In other words, it's another way of having a conversation about where the relationship is headed and how serious you want to become.

So what does this mean? How do you begin a conversation about when to take down your online dating profile? And how do you know when the right time is?

This is a tricky subject, so I'll give you some guidelines of what to ask yourself to see if you're ready.

Have you had talks about being exclusive? If you haven't, you should assume he or she is still dating other people. People have different expectations when it comes to relationships, so communication is key. If you are afraid to bring it up, then don't be upset with him for wanting to date others. And don't insist he take down his profile just because you've taken down yours. The talk about where your relationship is headed is most important, not whether the profile page is active or not.

Communicate what you want. There is no standard for how a relationship should progress, so try not to put a time limit on when you should both take down your profiles. If you want to date her exclusively, then talk about it. Don't assume that just because you've been dating for a month or 3 months or even longer that you are in a relationship and she should take down her profile. She may have a different idea. Be clear and discuss what you want.

Don't feel pressured to remove your profile if you're not ready. Online dating is about meeting people and seeing who is right for you. If you are dating someone but still feel unsure, allow yourself the opportunity to search and date others. There's no crime in saying you prefer not to be exclusive.

If you've both agreed to date exclusively but he doesn't want to take down his profile, it's important to discuss why. This may seem like a no-brainer, but if he wants to keep his profile up, it's because he's still pursuing other women, or he's not ready for a relationship even though he does like you. Either way, it's not fair to you, so the best thing to do is keep your profile up and let him know you'll continue to date other people. If you want to be exclusive and he's shying away, he may not be right for you.

Perhaps you’re fairly new to the world of online dating, and you’re preparing to go on a first date. Most dating tips revolve around being genuine; you want to be yourself as much as possible, because particularly in online dating, people are even more on the alert for the merest hint of a lie.

That’s all well and good for people who have a natural reserve of confidence - something that might be difficult to access, but can be found when its needed. But what about people who truly have very little self-confidence? Or perhaps crippling shyness? They might have a genuinely fantastic personality, but it’s stifled by some kind of social awkwardness or insecurity. For them, perhaps the very thing that allows them to reveal the great person inside is a little bit of lying - or, to put it more accurately, acting.

“Wait a minute,” you might be saying. “Acting? That’s pretending to be someone else, not myself! How is that genuine?” Well, the mind is a tricky thing. For some people, just pretending they’re a different version of themselves - one with confidence in their abilities, one who won’t let their shyness get the best of them - is enough to power them through the awkward first moments and allow them to relax.

The key here is to remember that you’re acting as a more confident version of yourself - and you’re not pretending to be someone else entirely. No lying about the details of your life; the performance is pretty much all in your head. There’s a phrase that gets thrown around nowadays: “Fake it ‘til you make it.” In this case, you’re acting like someone who has increased confidence; perhaps over time the line will blur between performance and reality.

Like all performances, this is one that is best rehearsed before “opening night.” To find out if this works for you, try it out in various situations - at work, while you’re doing errands around town. It might be especially helpful to try this with a group of friends - they can tell you if you’re doing anything strange (like, for instance, using a “Shakespearean actor” accent!). It can be a fun experiment - and if it works for you, you can utilize it in those stressful situations.

It’s important to be yourself on a first date, but some people need a little help to reveal their true personalities. If you’re feeling trapped behind your nerves, pretending that you’re someone who has none might be just the ticket in setting yourself free.