A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution

We're all familiar with traditional New Year's resolutions - we aim to get more exercise, eat a healthier diet, set career goals for ourselves. While this is a great time for self-improvement, often there is something we overlook. What about a resolution to create better relationships?

Our relationships all have room for improvement - whether it's with your spouse or significant other, your parents, your co-workers, or some old friends. Often you can fall into the same negative patterns of interaction without even thinking. But what if your relationships could be different - even better? And what if you had the power to change them? With a little effort and an open mind, it is possible.

It's easy to be defensive of some bad habits you might have accumulated over the years. Maybe you're reactive and tend to respond in anger to conflict instead of having a conversation. Or perhaps you don't feel comfortable discussing your feelings or issues and tend to retreat when your partner wants to talk. Or maybe you've surrounded yourself with negative people who bring you down and are always complaining about something, causing you a lot of unnecessary pain. Whatever the case, most of us don't have perfect relationships with everyone in our lives and we don't always respond to issues in healthy ways, so there's room for improvement. Instead of blaming others for whatever is lacking in these relationships, it's time to start looking at yourself and your relationships - and making changes.

Following are some ideas on getting started:

Understand what's important to you and communicate it. Sometimes you want your partner to read your mind - to really get you. But instead of getting angry when he doesn't do the laundry or show his attraction for you without being prompted, let him know what you want. When he does do the laundry or surprises you with a romantic night, give him props. Positive reinforcement is a wonderful thing - and so is letting the ones you love know what your needs are.

Treat yourself and others with respect. Have some compassion for yourself and the people in your life. Everyone has issues and challenges and they don't always respond well (including you). Instead of getting angry about their actions, take a step back and recognize their struggles. Also, give yourself a break when you don't always keep your cool. Try to do better the next time.

Try a different approach or reaction. If a family member seems to know what buttons to push to make you angry, make a point not to react as you normally do. If you have to excuse yourself from the room to go and take a deep breath, do it. Refuse to fall into the same pattern with them, and you'll see your relationship shift.

Remove yourself from toxic relationships. I'm a people-pleaser. I want to make sure everyone feels good, which sometimes meant putting myself last on the priority list. I soon learned that this was harmful to me, because I wasn't taking care of myself. I let other people's rotten moods and dispositions spoil my day. I took the blame for their unhappiness. What I came to realize is I'm responsible for my own happiness, but not for anyone else's. I can't change them - that comes from within. So sometimes, it's best to keep your distance if your friend or family member blames you for their problems. And if it's your partner? You may want to reconsider your relationship.

Have some gratitude. Sometimes, we just need reminders that we have love in our lives - from family, friends, partners - and that's what it's all about. Approach each day with a sense of gratitude, and share it with your partner. A little compassion, love, and an open heart go a long way to repairing all relationships.