Breaking Patterns
- Thursday, January 05 2012 @ 08:26 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,311
If you’d asked a friend of mine, Ryan, if he had a “type” of girl he was interested, he would have said “No way.” Physically, he’d dated women of all shapes and sizes and hair colors; women who liked sports and artists and girls who could only be described as counter-cultural. Then, the other day, he had a breakthrough.
“I’m in my mid-twenties,” he said, “but the girls I date are usually a few years younger. And even when they’re not, they’re still in university; they haven’t really started their adult lives. They aren’t into commitment.” Ryan, on the other hand, did want something long-term; he was inherently attracted to short-term girls.
Identifying a pattern is a huge step in and of itself, but what do you do when you want to change it? What if the first people who tend to catch your eye are still of a type that is toxic to you?
Everyone is different, but there are a few different approaches you could take to get you going. If the sort of people you’re attracted to are literally dangerous or harmful, you could work with a professional to figure out why you’re attracted to these people in the first place. Sometimes simply understanding yourself can be enough to help you break negative patterns.
For others, perhaps the only reason you’re attracted to a certain type is that you’ve never really tried anything else. Not that you should necessarily pursue people you’re unattracted to, but maybe you might try contacting people who seem interesting, but outside your normal “box.” You might find yourself pleasantly surprised when you learn what you’ve been missing!
For those who are ultimately looking for a committed, long-term relationship, remember that you’re not setting yourself up for a new type of short-term relationships; you’re trying to hone in on the sort of person who’s right for you. It can be tiresome, analyzing yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone, but remember: you’re only playing the dating game until you find the right person for you.
“I’m in my mid-twenties,” he said, “but the girls I date are usually a few years younger. And even when they’re not, they’re still in university; they haven’t really started their adult lives. They aren’t into commitment.” Ryan, on the other hand, did want something long-term; he was inherently attracted to short-term girls.
Identifying a pattern is a huge step in and of itself, but what do you do when you want to change it? What if the first people who tend to catch your eye are still of a type that is toxic to you?
Everyone is different, but there are a few different approaches you could take to get you going. If the sort of people you’re attracted to are literally dangerous or harmful, you could work with a professional to figure out why you’re attracted to these people in the first place. Sometimes simply understanding yourself can be enough to help you break negative patterns.
For others, perhaps the only reason you’re attracted to a certain type is that you’ve never really tried anything else. Not that you should necessarily pursue people you’re unattracted to, but maybe you might try contacting people who seem interesting, but outside your normal “box.” You might find yourself pleasantly surprised when you learn what you’ve been missing!
For those who are ultimately looking for a committed, long-term relationship, remember that you’re not setting yourself up for a new type of short-term relationships; you’re trying to hone in on the sort of person who’s right for you. It can be tiresome, analyzing yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone, but remember: you’re only playing the dating game until you find the right person for you.
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