Relationships

Occasionally we'll hear a story where someone has found the love of their life through online dating – only to find out that they've actually lived down the street the entire time. While this story is certainly touching and plausible, what does it say about how we live today?

I completely understand the plight of those living in a big city like Los Angeles or New York; there's thousands of people crammed into a tiny space, and it would be impossible to know everyone. Similarly, those living in rural areas might go months without encountering a neighbor, and they'd have to go out of their way to have a conversation.

But most people live in suburban areas, in subdivisions or apartment complexes or neighborhoods. They live in situations where neighbors are easily accessible, and there's not as much turnover as you'd expect in a city. Most new developments place houses so close together you have to avoid looking into each other's windows. And yet, the days of block parties and borrowing sugar seem less likely than they were ten, even five years ago.

How can we expect to find love when even meeting the neighbors is an insurmountable task? How can we lament about the lack of local prospects when we don't even know what the local prospects are?

I am all for utilizing technology, and that includes online dating. But really we are at our best when we are well-rounded, and I think that applies to our social skills as well. Some can deliver witty jokes via email, but are tongue-tied in person, and if we want our relationships to jump the hurdle from virtual to reality, we've got to have the skills to make it happen. So, next chance you get, try to meet the neighbors. It's a good exercise in first impressions and social situations, and you could meet someone who becomes a new friend – or maybe even something more.

Online dating is a lot like eating at a buffet restaurant in the sense that the selection can be overwhelming and leave you wanting to pick more than you can chew. A virtual buffet of so many potential dates can make it hard to decide who you should date and who you shouldn’t. You’ll have moments when there could be literally dozens of great candidates filling your inbox and times when pickins’ are so slim that you want to give up. You’ll need to learn to pace yourself as well as how to pick and choose dates with potential is a must if you want to get the most out of your experience with online dating and stay on the path to true love without wasting too much time veering off course along the way.

The best way to choose dates with potential is to get a good grasp on what you really want in the first place. Okay, you want to date, but do you want to date in hopes of finding a real connection or do you just want to date for fun? If it’s love and a connection that you’re after then don’t waste time on those who aren’t looking for the same thing that you are. It may sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many men and women will connect with someone online who looks great and seems perfect “if only...” Hoping that someone will change is never a good idea and will inevitably prove a waste of time, not to mention potentially heartbreaking! So if he or she seems perfect but isn’t looking for a commitment and you are, then save yourself the time and the hurt and move on. Don’t get sidetracked from what you really want.

While you don’t want to waste time dating people who aren’t looking for the same things that you are, you do want to keep an open mind and not limit yourself too much. Think of the traits that are deal breakers for you and be reasonable. If you want kids then stay away from someone who doesn’t. If you want someone who shares your religious beliefs, then seek them out and don’t bother meeting anyone who doesn’t share your beliefs. But, if you have a thing for blonds, well, maybe it’s time to let up on the hair color and open yourself up to brunettes and redheads that just may meet all of your other and more important criteria. Keeping an open mind broadens your horizons and just may lead you to a diamond in the rough.

Finally, when trying to spot dates with potential be sure to look for those who seem serious about meeting and aren’t playing games. You want someone who calls when they say they will and wants to meet you as much as you want to meet them. It takes two to tango so make sure that you only invest time on those who want to dance with you!

Let's say you're constructing your first online dating profile. You've chosen your screen name carefully. You're aware of online safety practices, so you're pretty sure nothing in your profile hints at where you work or anything too specific about where you live. You're honest, though; you like to be upfront, and you don't like playing games. Thus, you assert exactly what you're there for: you're looking for a relationship, or maybe friendship. And if someone's interested in a quick hookup, well, that might be okay too.

While there are definite pros and cons to this approach, the problem I'd like to address today is that the profile has officially gone out of the romantic shallow end of the pool and is treading water in the sex category. And while there's nothing wrong with this, there's a mantra you should repeat to yourself if you choose to take this course: My coworkers could see this. My neighbors could see this. Am I okay with people I know seeing this?

Even if you're appropriately vague about the specific details of your life, the fact remains that you'll probably post a picture. And though the internet is a vast place, most singles in your area will probably eventually scour every single local match – and some not-so-local. So if you're not comfortable with others knowing you even have a sex life, it's probably a good idea to play it safe.

“Well, I fall into this category,” you might think, “but I know that no one I know uses my site. In fact, I'm the only single person I know!”

Just today, I was helping someone look for a match in their area – not mine – and I spotted someone I don't know personally, but I know we have acquaintances in common. Just in case I hadn't recognized them, they also provided way too much information about their life, which confirmed it. And I now know way more about their sexual interests than I ever needed.

All it takes is your coworker's sister to say, “Hey, here's someone who also works at Business X! Do you know them?” And again, it happens more frequently than you might think.

Now, if you're comfortable being open sexually, and you'd even say the same things at work or dinner or anywhere else, go for it. But if it would make you uncomfortable to have someone you know read your profile, you might want to edit, just in case.

If you’re one of the millions who is using online dating as a way to find love then you can stand to learn a little something about how to spot a liar when looking for love online. Don’t think that online dating is any different than dating the old fashioned way when it comes to people who lie. While most of the people you come across will be on the up and up and looking for love just like you are, there are still the odd people who are out there looking to play games and get what they want with no regard for anyone else. Learning how to spot a liar when looking for love online is a must if you want to make the most of online dating and keep your heart in check.

3 Signs of a Liar You Can Spot Online

Learning how to spot a liar when looking for love online requires looking for a lot of the same things that you would with any guy or girl you date, only when it’s online, you don’t have the luxury of guilty body language to help you out. The key is spotting the signs of a liar before you waste any time meeting them in person and getting too hung up on them. Here are a few things to look for that will help you to spot a liar before it’s too late.

• If they seem too good to be true then that may be a red flag! While you will inevitable come across some really great people with online dating, you need to be wary of anyone who says all of the right things and seems too perfect. No one is perfect so when you’re faced with a person who seems flawless and tells you everything you want to hear, then you may need to step back and consider that they may be lying.

• Discrepancies in the information they provide may be a simple mix up, but are more likely lies. If their profile says one thing and then they tell you another when you chat online or talk on the phone, then they’re probably lying.

• An inability to chat during certain times of the day is often an indicator that the person is married. Not being able to be online or on the phone while working is one thing, but if he or she constantly has to get off the computer or phone abruptly or can’t ever be reached in the evenings, then it’s probably because their spouse or partner is around.

Along with these 3 signs, you also need to give your gut a little credit and learn to trust what it’s telling you. If you have a nagging feeling that something is off with someone that you’re communicating with then that may be a good enough reason to cut your losses and move on to someone else because 9 out of 10 times you’re intuition is right.

No matter if you're new or a seasoned pro in the world of online dating, there's one little question that gets a lot of people thinking: income.

Should you click? Leave it blank? Do you care? Is it anyone's business?

When you first meet someone in person, it's the personalities that have a chance to do the talking. However, in the world of online dating, it's much like shopping from a catalog: you see what someone looks like, what they're made of, and if you don't like them, there's another something on the next page that might suit your fancy. Financial information is no different, but the choice is yours how much to reveal.

From the Woman's Point of View

Perhaps you want the men looking through your profile to understand that you're successful and have no problems holding your own in the business world. You've worked hard to get where you are and your financial success is a core piece of who you are - there's nothing wrong with that. Go ahead - let them know how much money you make in your online dating profile. If you're more private or not really concerned about finances, skip answering the question. If you look at men's profiles long enough, you'll notice that few of them put preferences on what they'd like their mate to earn. The decision is yours - however, if you're a student or not currently employed to do volunteer work or something of the sort, share that information. It lends more to lifestyle and scheduling than a judgment on your ability to earn a living.

From the Man's Point of View

Your ability to support a family and have disposable income to spend on those you love is important to you. By all means - feel free to share your income. It's not infrequent, however, to find more women's profiles than men's that spell-out a preferred income range for a prospective mate. Not that you should take this as gold digging or someone on the hunt for a sugar daddy (as the woman's profile will be a better display of these less-than-desirable traits). Rather, many women are looking to start a family or already have a family. Many love to travel. Don't discount a woman who states an income preference for her potential mate - but there's nothing wrong with understanding her motivations. Again, if you're more on the private side, leave the question blank. If you meet the right person, finances are sure to come up at the right time in your relationship and you can have the conversation then.

The Universal Cons of Sharing Your Income

Everyone is online these days. What's to say that a coworker or colleague (or even a client) won't stumble across your profile? Are your personal finances and income something you need to share before you've even had coffee? Understand that, just like everything else in your profile, your income is available information as well. There's no shame in looking for love online, but understand completely who may come across that information. It doesn't matter if they're the intended audience. Even unregistered users can see member profiles on some sites - take this to heart as your fill out or edit your online dating profile. Your intentions in going online were to find a date, not to start inter-office drama or have a client see that your business is booming (or not). What goes online stays online and you have no idea who sees your precious financial information until it's too late. It's highly possible that some things are best left for the first date and beyond!

You’ve done it; you’ve met someone who seems great online and agreed to get together face-to-face. What do you do now that you won’t have the comfort and anonymity of your computer monitor to hide behind? How do you take that great chemistry and witty banter from IMs and emails to real life?? Taking online dating offline can be exciting and nauseatingly nerve-wracking at the same time, but it can and must be done. So is life as an online dater.

Taking online dating offline will be a lot easier if you’ve been honest with the other person up until that point. If you’ve made the mistake of lying about your appearance or anything else, then meeting face-to-face pretty much guarantees that the jig will be up and you’re in for a little embarrassment to say the least. If you have exaggerated the truth in terms of your height, weight or appearance in general, then you might want to come clean before your first meeting to save you both the added awkwardness since first dates are already hard enough without any unwanted surprises.

Another must when taking online dating offline is let go of any preconceived notions or over-inflated expectations that you may have where the other person is concerned. If you spend enough time chatting with someone before meeting it’s not uncommon to end up with certain expectations of what you think that person is like or how the date should go. The thing is; you can’t predict or force chemistry and you can’t expect someone to live up to an image that you have created in your mind. Go on your date with an open mind and don’t put pressure on yourself or the other person to be anything more than friendly. Even if you go on your date knowing full well that you are the same person online as you are offline; you can’t say for sure that they will be. Everyone reacts differently to different situations and circumstances and you can’t expect that things will go your way just because you want them to. Keep an open mind and go with the flow. Be yourself and see how it goes.

That’s pretty much all you need to do when it comes to taking online dating offline—that and using some common sense. Endless hours online doesn’t guarantee that you know the person well enough to trust them quite yet and you need to remember that when making plans. Taking online dating offline requires putting safety first, so agree to meet in a public place and arrange your own ride to and from the date. Don’t share details about where you live until you’ve had a chance to really get to know the other person. If you keep all of these things in mind, then taking your online dating to the next level will be a breeze.