Relationships

The Huffington Post recently published an article that discusses how you can use your relationship as a de-stressing tool. Seriously? We all usually think of relationships as a cause of stress, not a relief. However, the article talks about some behaviors that we can incorporate into our day-to-day to lower stress and improve our relationships simultaneously.

We're "pair bonders," says the article. It means we register those affectionate touches and physical contact from our partners as signs of affection and approval, thus lowering stress. We have higher levels of stress when we feel as if we're not "approved" or liked. So why not spend some time with your partner holding hands, snuggling on the couch and getting close? Add hugs back into your routine and hold hands. How often we forget to do these things? Well, stop forgetting! The article indicates that touch is one of the best stress relievers possible. Smiling also reduces cortisol, the stress hormone. Hey - smiling is easy, right?

You can also de-stress your relationship with eye contact, comforting words and kissing. This all seems kind of like a no-brainer, doesn't it? The essence of the article is that we should be using our relationships as points of de-stressing instead of origins of stress. If we took the time of out the day to focus on intimacy with our partners, including physical contact, verbal and non-verbal communication and simple acts of kindness, it offers two-way benefits: not only do we start spending more loving time with our partners (which improves our relationship) but we lower the stress in our life, making us a better partner through and through!

The article does warn, however, to engage in a period of more loving behavior for a period of three weeks, Longer could dampen the senses to these affectionate displays and negate the good vibes you're building. That's not to say you should switch to "mean." It's just a word of warning that too much of a good thing can indeed be too much!

You can read the entire article at the Huffington Post here.

Texting is fast becoming the primary means of communication between two daters. Phone calls take too much time, and emailing seems to be as archaic as sending a letter through the mail. Texting is efficient and timely, and requires little effort. What's not to like?

Unfortunately, texting leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding. Before you hit the send button next time, consider the following:

• DON'T text when you are drunk or angry. If you are drunk, you'll likely say things you wouldn't normally say and create unnecessary drama or confusion. If you are angry, pick up the phone and talk it out. It's difficult to communicate a point effectively in 10 words, and will only lead to more of a mess.
• DON'T avoid breaking bad news by texting instead of calling. Sure, it's difficult to have the "break-up" conversation, or to tell someone you can't make it to see her, but pick up the phone to deliver the news rather than texting. When you text bad news it shows a lack of courtesy and respect.
• DO text before a first date to confirm that you are on your way, or where and when you are meeting. It's nice to keep your date posted if you are stuck in traffic or saving a table at a restaurant. It shows your interest as well.
• DO respond quickly to a text. Most people have their phones with them all the time, so they are likely to question your interest if you don't respond with a simple text right away. By the same token, DON'T text someone again if they do not respond to your text. If you send the "are u there??" messages, it makes you look a little desperate and they will be even less likely to respond.
• DON'T have long conversations over text. If you want to ask someone how they are doing it's acceptable. But if you want to go back and forth about politics or religion, it's probably best to do over the phone or in person.

Texting is a convenient form of communication, but it shouldn't be the only way you interact with your dates. Remember, it is meant to be brief and easy.

Using an online dating site can be a lifesaver for the particularly shy, or for those who find it easier to express themselves through writing. No longer is the first impression based entirely on a single skill that might not be their best! They can play to their strengths first.

However, there always comes the inevitable day when a face-to-face meeting is necessary. For many, it's as though all the work on the dating site is erased; they feel the first-impression jitters all over again. And really, maybe they're right to be a little nervous; despite the best connections online, it's the chemistry in person that will make the strongest impression.

So, if you're painfully shy or you trip over your tongue, how can you best prepare for those first in-person meetings? The answer is simple: practice. Perhaps, for some, their shyness is truly a life-long problem, but for others it's simply that they've gotten out of practice. The Internet has made it possible to even order and pay for a pizza online; human interaction is reduced to the bare minimum.

'Practice' does not mean approaching members of the opposite sex cold and asking them out. Rather, start small; strike up a conversation with a postal worker, a checkout girl, an old man in the voting lines. Practice, literally, making small talk. Any new meeting, no matter how intense the online connection, will start with some amount of small talk. It's a handy skill to have.

Once you're comfortable chatting with people for whom you have no romantic interest, try bumping it up a notch. Ask an attractive person for directions, or if they know where to find the ketchup in the grocery store. Don't expect anything to come out of this tiny encounter; you're simply honing your skills.

With diligent practice, you'll feel more confident in any social situation, even the dreaded first encounter. And who knows? You might even become so skilled that you skip the Internet altogether!

Your friends are bugging you to get out of the house and go do something. They don't understand why you're single. They've told you to try online dating, but you have no idea where to begin! Stop sweating the process and put yourself out there once and for all. It doesn't take much to get started in the world of online dating - it just takes about 30 minutes, a friend, and a sense of humor. Ready? Set...DATE!

Online Dating Tip #1: Pick a Site - ANY Site!

There are so many online dating sites to choose from that it can be daunting to have to choose ONE (we know!). Choose one of the main ones like Match.com, Matchmaker or Date.com. Once you get familiar in these types of sites, you can start to explore the more specific ones that target certain cultures or lifestyles. But to get yourself going, keep it simple and go with one of the major players in the online dating arena.

Online Dating Tip #2: Fill Out Your Profile - COMPLETELY

This is why we're telling you to pick only one online dating site to start with. Profiles take time to complete and you want to be as thorough as possible. If you're a terrible typist, enlist the help of a keyboard wiz friend to help you through the profile building process. You can talk while they type and thus speed the process along. However - don't discount the value of a completely filled-out profile. It lets those searching know that you care enough about the dating process to put in the effort. Nothing but upside!

Online Dating Tip #3: Snap a Photo

It's OK if it's one in front of your computer - just make sure it's recent and clear! This is why we recommend that you start the online dating profile process with a buddy (because those self-portrait shots are SOOO awesome). Do your best to try and put up at least three different shots in your profile but don't take them all in front of the closet door. Try different rooms, a different shirt or head to your local park. If you can, make one a bit goofy - it shows you're human!

Online Dating Tip #4: Set Up a Special Email Account

Don't send your online dating emails to your regular personal or work email account. Go to Hotmail, Yahoo! or Gmail and set up an account specifically for your online dating site communications. This does a couple different things. It keeps you from being distracted during your work day, it prevents the inadvertent release of your private or work account to someone and it keeps your regular inbox clear of messages until you're ready to look at them.

Online Dating Tip #5: Invest!

It takes time to get into the swing of the online dating scene, so if you don't invest the time, you're unlikely to see any results. It's not unlike retirement. If you don't put money away, you won't have any! So check your email and messages regularly, perform new searches, look at new profiles. You're telling yourself that it's AOK to be where you are and be in search of someone to add to your life. People like that don't fall from the sky - engage, have a dialogue, and know that everyone you have coffee with isn't going to be a prince or princess. That makes finding the special one all the more special, though!

For the number one recommended dating site by singles, read our review of Match.com.

Whether you've been online dating for a while or are new to the game, I'd like to offer a few suggestions to make your experience as smooth and enjoyable as possible. Following are some tips to help you be courteous and respectful of fellow online daters, so that you can improve your experience as well as attract more like-minded matches.

• Check your account on a regular basis. There is nothing more frustrating than emailing someone who interests you and not hearing again for weeks. If you know that you will be busy or unavailable for a period of time, let your matches know by posting this in your profile. This way, people know when to expect you back online and communication doesn't just fade away.
• Respond to all emails in a timely way, even from people you don't care to meet. If someone took the time to email you, it is the courteous thing to respond quickly (less than 3 days). If you don't care to meet them, send an email to let them know in a polite way, "thanks but no thanks". Closure is the respectful thing to do.
• State your intentions. Most sites allow for you to classify what type of relationship you are looking for, so use this feature. If you're only looking to casually date, don't state that you are interested in a long-term relationship. If you are looking to marry, don't state that you are looking for fun and friendship. Honesty is the necessary ingredient of any relationship.
• Don't mass email. If you see several profiles that interest you, don't blast off a generic email to all of them at the same time, hoping to get some response. Most people can spot these emails quickly, and tend to delete them before responding. If you are interested in someone, take the time to write a thoughtful email that mentions something he or she wrote in her profile. You are more likely to get a positive response.
• Start off slow. Sure, you might feel inspired to join four sites at the same time, but will you have follow through? Instead of spreading yourself too thin and leaving a lot of emails unanswered, try joining one site, and then slowly adding others as your schedule permits.

Have you ever watched children play a board game? It gets interesting when someone finally wins – and someone else loses. Some kids are at peace with the fact that their game is essentially a game of chance. Some vow to do better next time. And some, well, throw a temper tantrum.

Those children eventually grow up, but sometimes the way they handle rejection remains the same. And since sore losers aren't exactly uncommon, perhaps you should ask yourself: Am I handling rejection appropriately?

We all get rejected from time to time, whether in dating or elsewhere. We've also probably done our share of rejecting. One important factor to remember: accept the answer. It's okay to be upset, privately. It's okay to complain to friends or family. But whatever you do, for whatever the reason, do not attempt to follow up with the person that rejected you. Don't email back to ask why, or admonish them for being less than tactful. Take no for an answer and moved on. Consider: if you were rejected from a college, would you email admissions demanding reasons why?

Another skill to have is the ability to move on. Some might appear to let their rejection go – on the surface. Privately, however, they obsess. Could they have done something different? Is this their ideal match? Should they email again with a better profile? Others feel like they need closure – from one email. Placing too much significance on a first-contact email is a sure way to fall into this trap.

Handling rejection appropriately hinges on placing the proper amount of importance on the situation. Ending a years-long relationship should not feel equal to receiving a negative response from a first-contact email. Another helpful tip is to expect a certain amount of rejection; no one person is universally attractive.

If you're rejected, don't take it too seriously. Examine your profile and email to see if they can be improved. If you can't find some obvious problem, let it go. If the rejection continues, maybe it's time to get a second opinion on your profile. Either way, keeping everything in perspective will lead to less stress for you – which is most important. And you won't be the child throwing the unnecessary temper tantrum.