Relationships

Many singles come away from a first date feeling excited, only to have the budding relationship fizzle before it even gets started. But what is really going on? Are you misinterpreting signals or body language? Does she know you find her attractive? Is she really interested in you?

If you want to pursue her, there are a few things to look for to gauge her interest. If you do feel a connection, the best practice is to pursue her and see what happens. Most women aren’t initiators when dating, so be honest and let her know how you feel. Following are some tips to help you figure out if the feeling is mutual.

1. Body language – if she holds her arms close or crosses them in front of her, leans back, or doesn’t make eye contact, chances are she is not interested. If she leans in, touches your hand or arm, or acts in an affectionate or playful manner, those are clear signals that she feels some chemistry.

2. She engages you in conversation - if a woman is interested, she asks you questions and responds to yours with thoughtful or flirtatious answers. If you find her responding to questions with a couple of words, or with a lack of interest, it’s probably time to move on.

3. Responsiveness – like men, women are very responsive to someone who they find attractive. If you find your texts and calls going unanswered, or your dates getting postponed, that’s a sign that she’s not interested. Don’t take it personally, but likely she is unwilling to be direct and let you know that she isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship. So, stop calling her and move on.

4. She asks you about the next date. If a woman ends a date with the question, “so, when can we see each other again?” she means it. Most women wouldn’t offer this right away if they weren’t genuinely interested, so by all means don’t wait to call her in a couple of days before scheduling your next date, do it now!

When you're in love, it's easy for everything to seem "predestined." "Meant to be." You know how tough the dating world can be, so when you actually find someone compatible, someone you really get along with, well, it can seem magical.

Thus, when a couple tells their get-together story, it can evolve into a fairy tale over time. “If I hadn't missed the bus that day...” “If I hadn't gone to that website on a dare...” “I wished on a star as a child for a guy who...” “Magic.” “Fate.”

It's understandable. Humans have been finding supernatural meaning in the events of their lives for thousands of years. And sometimes the sheer luck of finding the right person, contemplating what might have changed if this or that were different – well, the numbers can be chilling. It's far more comfortable to assume that even if you hadn't missed the bus that day, you would still be “meant to be.”

But here's the problem with that kind of thinking: it encourages those who haven't met the right person, or accomplished their dreams in general, to sit around and wait for it to happen to them. If you and your true love are “meant to be,” then surely it doesn't matter if you're emailing people on a dating site or sitting right here on the couch, right? Maybe your true love will be the pizza delivery person.

Well, maybe it will. But the more you limit your human interaction – whether in person or online – the less chances you have of meeting someone right for you.

Sure, it can be hard work. It can be uncomfortable emailing a stranger, or approaching one. It's rough when things don't work out. But just like any goal or dream, the hard work is worth it when you succeed. And if you're the sort of person who likes to think that everything is “fated,” think of it this way: when you finally meet your true love, all the previous work will have gone into giving you the perception and social skills to recognize and woo the object of your desire.

Making wishes is great, and who knows? Maybe it actually works. However, are you willing to throw away potential happiness while you wait on a star? Or are you willing to work to make your dreams come true?

1967: The dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

2010: The dawning of the Age of the Pragmatic.

Who is the Pragmatic, you ask?

According to the LoveGeist Report, the pragmatic romantic is a new kind of dater, aged 25-40, who has "suffered at the hands of the economic downturn" and has "become, by necessity, much more practical in their approach to love, adopting a...more pragmatic attitude to the search for a relationship."

In my last review of the 2010 LoveGeist Report, we talked about the effects the recession has had on modern dating, effects that have had the greatest impact on the 25-40 consumer age group. And it's not only their relationships that have suffered:

• 45% of the 25-34 year old consumers say that the state of the housing market has a direct impact on their personal financial security.
• Over 30% of UK consumers expect that they will have to help their children get on the property ladder.
• Only a third of 25-34 year olds feel satisfied with their homes (a fraction that is much lower than any other lifestage, according to the survey executed by the Future Foundation).
• More than 25% of 25-34 year olds have borrowed money to pay for everyday items, and 20% have had to borrow money for a big event like a wedding.
• 70% of people in this age group believe that they will have to decrease their spending in all areas (a number that, once again, is higher than the number for any other age group).

In addition to financial pressure, 25-40 year old consumers are feeling the strain of constantly being pressed for time. Balancing career, social life, family, hobbies, etc, is tricky at the best of times, but now:

• Over 70% of 25-34 year olds report that the stresses of modern life mean that people are less happy now than they used to be.
• 67% of the 25-44 year old bracket say that they are under time pressure every day.
• 54% of the 25-40 year olds polled by the LoveGeist Report say that they do not dedicate enough time to finding love.

Out of this struggle, the Pragmatic was born.

Pragmatic daters scored lower than any other age group in the LoveGeist Report when it came to romance, in addition to being less likely to personally consider themselves romantic (28% called themselves romantic, while 36% of daters age 41 and over labeled themselves romantic). Other factors that influenced the birth of the Pragmatic dater are "the modern mindset of control, and female empowerment in particular." Daters in their 20s and 30s, according to relationship expert Kate Taylor, expect to be in control of every aspect of their lives - career, home, finances - which is "putting pressure on the more traditional signs of love and romance." Consider chivalry, Taylor suggests: "Men would be chivalrous...but [many] have been burned by bad experiences. Every man can tell a story about the time he opened a door for a girl and she said, 'I can open it myself, thank you!' Nowadays they don't know what to do for the best.'"

Fortunately, LoveGeist research shows, the practical perspective of the Pragmatics has not eradicated the modern dater's need for love, and the warmth, stability, and emotional security that go with it. The vast majority of contemporary daters (96%) are searching for a long-term partner who makes them feel secure, and many are willing to alter the amount of time they spend at work (43%), reprioritize their career (33%), or relocate (47%) to find The One.

For more information on this dating service you can read our Match.com UK review.

As I write this, I'm sitting in a coffee shop. It's the lunch hour; people of all ages are crammed in. After about twenty minutes of writing I realize I've tuned out the din altogether – it's still just as busy, but I'm lost in my own little world.

Looking around the coffee shop, I see more of the same. The girl in her early 20s, listening to whatever music is pouring out of her earbuds, The 30-something guy, checking his email or texting on his phone. Even the elderly man, hunched behind his newspaper. The coffee shop is chock-full of people who are completely isolated.

It's just the way the world is now, I suppose – we're so linked on the internet that we seek our privacy wherever we can find it. But what effect is this having on our love lives? Do we really need to turn to online dating sites to find love, or should we just peek out from behind the computer screen?

Well, perhaps I shouldn't be too hasty. After all, just because the coffee shop is full of people does not mean that it's full of eligible or compatible people. Sometimes the internet really is the only way to find people with compatible interests, or even eligible people in the desired age bracket.

Still, I wonder how different things would be if we had a no-electronics policy in public places. Would we interact more? Start up conversations out of sheer boredom? Would we avoid such places altogether, scuttling through as quickly as possible to get to our destination?

There's an old cliché about finding love in the grocery store, asking a stranger how to identify ripe melons. Nowadays, all one has to do is whip out their smart phone.

Obviously, the world has changed, and not even necessarily for the worst. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give up on the tried and true when it comes to love – human interaction. Next time you're at the coffee shop, try striking up a conversation with a random person – it doesn't even have to be a romantic interest. If we develop the habit of actually talking to one another, who knows where it might lead?

We're in the middle of the holiday season, and for many, it's a time of feeling more noticeably "single" when attending parties and family gatherings. For those who are looking for partnership, this can be rough. But being single over the holidays is far from a bad thing...in fact, there are many reasons to embrace your single status.

When it seems like grass is greener for those in relationships, remember there are many reasons to rejoice if you're spending this holiday without a significant other. Following are a few:

• You can travel/do whatever you want. Instead of being tied down to family obligations, you are flying solo, so that means more options! If you want to take a trip to Cancun and unwind, go for it! There are plenty of resources if you'd like to join a travel group for your dream trip.
• You can decorate how you want. If you don't feel like decorating a tree or lighting a menorah, there's no reason you should. If you'd rather go all-out and string lights all over your house, you have that option too.
• You can meet more people at parties. When you're single, you automatically attract more interest and attention at parties where other singles are in attendance. Since the holiday season is a time for parties, you can put yourself out there, have more fun, and expand your network. Go ahead and flirt.
• You don't have to choose who to be with. When you have a partner, you usually end up splitting time with families over the holidays, or having to choose. This can create added travel expense and a drain on your time. Instead, you can be with your family if you choose, and travel wherever and whenever you want.
• No in-laws. If you are in a relationship, chances are you have to spend time with your significant other's family. If you don't get along well or you're meeting them for the first time, this could make the holidays incredibly stressful.
• New Years Eve! What's more fun than party-hopping on New Years' Eve? It's a chance to hang out with your friends and have fun. The best part? Most singles are out, so it's a chance to meet people who you wouldn't normally run into at other times of the year. When it comes to dating, taking a few chances and putting yourself out there could reap unexpected benefits.

Many singles dread this time of year. Thanksgiving weekend marks the beginning of the holiday season, filled with parties, dinners, and a lot of social interaction with friends and family, most of them wanting to know why you’re still single. While getting together can be fun, it also presents a lot of stress, especially when you are not satisfied with where you are in your dating life.

Following are some tips to help you get through, and have some fun in the process.

1. Attend parties! It may be a hard time to be single, but this is the best time of the year for socializing and meeting new people. For the record, the two weeks before Thanksgiving are the most popular weeks of the year for breaking up, which means new singles are on the market (just saying…). So instead of feeling depressed and isolated, recognize that there are a lot of people out there, so accept invitations and have fun. (I met my husband at a New Years’ party I didn’t even want to attend!)

2. Make plans with single friends. Instead of spending all your time with family this holiday season, make plans in advance with single friends. Sometimes, we need a break from the stress of family get-togethers with others in the same situation. So make plans ahead of time so you are already scheduled out.

3. Don’t apologize for being single. Maybe you’re afraid Aunt Sally will corner you in the kitchen and ask you why your latest relationship didn’t pan out. Remember, you don’t have to engage when family members ask you personal questions about your love life if you aren’t comfortable or you think it will result in unwanted criticism. Instead of going into detail, answer in a sentence or two and then ask her questions about her life. Keep the focus off of you.

4. Pamper yourself. If you’ve wanted to get that massage or a new dress, now is the time to indulge. Pampering helps us feel good about ourselves, which reflects in our interactions with others. Put your best foot forward.