Relationships

Polyamory. Nonmonogamy. Open relationships. Whatever you call it, it's having a moment right now. More and more people are ditching monogamy in favor of experimenting with new relationship styles, and why not? Online dating opens up a world where millions of potential suitors are waiting, so it's the perfect opportunity to try your hand at dating around.

Day nine of YourTango's online dating bootcamp takes on the pros and cons of dating around with the help of Lyndsay Katauskas and Samantha Karlin. Here's a few highlights from what the ladies had to say:

• Pro: dating several people at the same time expands your options and teaches you to be a better dater, and those are always pluses.
• Con: you may be tempted to stay with someone even when you know there's no real connection. Don't waste time dating someone unless they genuinely interest you.
• Pro: dating multiple people keeps you in control, and helps prevent you from getting emotionally invested in someone who isn't a good match.
• Con: getting physically intimate requires a little more thought and safety. It may be wise to wait longer to jump in the sack than you normally would.
• Pro: you can gather a lot of information about what you want and don't want in a partner, and it's easier to see what qualities you're looking for when you can compare dates.
• Con: it can be destructive if not done correctly. Think carefully about who you're seeing and when, and make an effort to keep feelings unhurt.
• Pro: dating around isn't just a great way to learn about yourself, it's also a good way to learn about others. You can learn about cultures, careers, and ideologies that you've never been exposed to before, and my find yourself falling for someone you didn't expect to.
• Con: it can get confusing! Start seeing too many people, and you won't be able to keep them straight.
• Pro: dating around relieves some of the pressure that comes with seeing someone new. No more waiting anxiously for the phone to ring!
• Con: dating can start feeling like a game, and the people you're day may become nothing more than pawns. Drowning in dates may feel good at first, but it could just be a cover for a deeper loneliness.
• Pro: the more people you date, the quicker you'll separate the wheat from the chaff and find the one who's right for you.

See more advice from Samantha and Lyndsay here.

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Eight

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Ten

Sometimes, it's easier to reach out to someone over email than by calling her on the phone. With online dating, it's an entry to communication. When you meet someone in line for coffee and she hands you her business card, email can be a great way to start up a conversation and ask her out. While I'm a big fan of speaking over the phone, it can be an intimidating first step - especially if you don't know what to say or you catch someone at a bad time. Email is often an easier and better way to start out.

There are some things to know about creating a good email before hitting the "send" button, though. If you want to have the best shot at getting to know her and eventually dating her, following are some tips to start applying:

Keep it brief. There's nothing better than an email that is concise. I have to admit if it's too long I skim over it and skip to the end. Most people don't have time (or the energy) to read a long email from someone they don't know. Instead of waxing philosophic, try mentioning something in her profile as a starting point for discussion, and ask her a few questions to invite a conversation.

Find your voice. It's easy to sound generic in an email, especially if you're nervous and trying to make a good impression. But you want to catch her attention. Instead of a subject line that says, "hey, what's up?" try something different, like "scuba diving in Catalina..." where you can mention her last trip that she lists in her profile. If you're funny, don't be afraid to let your quirkiness shine through. It will set you apart from others.

Focus on her. There's no reason to start listing all your attributes, or what you are looking for in a woman. Instead, focus your questions to better get to know her, based on what you read in her profile (to show that you actually did read it!). There's no need to be nosy and treat her as though she's under investigation - a real turn-off. Instead, be light and approach your questions like you're starting a conversation. Again, keep it brief, but focus your attention on her.

Don't obsess or confess. It's easy to feel intimacy when you're exchanging emails, even with someone you don't really know. If you feel a connection, I advise you to ask her out sooner rather than later to see if you click in real life. It's easy to let your emotions get out of control over email and reveal too much, too soon, so before you start sending off long emails every day confessing your love or asking about her darkest fears, take a step back. Ask her out. Then you can decide what to share and how you feel.

We all look forward to summer - the long days, the sunny skies, and the chance of a summer fling of course. And while it's great to be outside - watching the sunset, enjoying barbeque, or taking a long bike ride along the beach - sometimes relaxing indoors and watching a movie can inspire a little romance in your life.

Looking for a good summer movie list - both quirky and soul-satisfying? Check out some of these:

500 Days of Summer - this romantic comedy shows the heady beginning to the nostalgic end of a 500-day relationship, and how what we imagined doesn't always come to pass. Before you roll your eyes - this isn't a depressing flick, but inspirational. It shows us how relationships can change us, and make us more aware of who we are.

Amelie - a film that was especially moving to me since I was a shy girl who had to break out of my shell to date. Amelie is a woman in France who creates a visually appealing world of her own, trying to bring happiness to others without being seen, and is especially enamored with a certain man she's never met.

Midnight in Paris - a Woody Allen film set in Paris instead of New York. This heartening flick follows an engaged yet uninspired writer as he travels back to the city's artistic scene in the 1920's to find his real passion.

Love, Actually - I'm a sucker for this film, mostly because it starts off with a tear-jerking scene where people of all nationalities embrace in airports as they reunite with family and friends. But then it leads us through several story lines involving the complications of love, some with more ambiguous endings than others, but all with one over-riding thing: love is, in the end, all around us - there for the taking.

Water for Elephants - Admittedly, the book is better, but who can resist this love-against-all-odds tale set in a traveling circus in the 1930's? It's a visually stunning film, and its lessons on love and perseverance are timeless.

The Princess Bride - a classic and one of my all-time favorite love stories, mostly because the movie is, even twenty-five years later, ridiculously funny. There's nothing traditional about this classic love story between Princess Buttercup and her former servant Wesley. Enjoy it again.

Under the Tuscan Sun - This film takes place in Italy at some of the most picturesque sights so it's stunning to watch. It follows a divorcee as she reclaims her life by buying a dilapidated villa and setting out to renovate it, finding her own love in the process.

Enjoy!

One of the complaints I hear most often from online daters is that "everyone lies." For example, online daters may post older or inaccurate photos, or they shave a few years off their ages, or add a few more inches to their heights. While all of these things do happen from time to time, it's incorrect to think that all or even most people are liars or that they intend to deceive their dates. But I do think many online daters are trying to put their best foot forward or to avoid being "filtered out" of someone's search.

Most people could do better in being more honest about how they portray themselves online. After all, when you're deceiving people from the beginning, how do you expect to build trust if you develop a relationship with one of your matches? When you start off on the wrong foot, it's difficult to set things right.

Another way to look at it: when you're being honest about who you are, you will attract people who are genuinely interested in getting to know the real you - not the younger, thinner, or prettier version of you. Also, people have different tastes, and it could be that the love of your life wants to date someone who's more curvy than athletic. You could be sabotaging your chances, thinking you know what other people find attractive.

And if you feel that you keep meeting people who lie about their ages, looks, income, or a number of other qualifications? Maybe it's time to reassess how you are portraying yourself, and what your expectations are in dating. Do you prefer runway models or women with specific physical attributes? Do you prefer ambitious, successful men who make a certain amount of money? If so, it's time to relax on all the specifications you have - who will be able to live up to your standards?

Nobody is perfect, and nobody comes wrapped in a pretty package with no baggage. We all have it, and it would be a lot easier to date if everyone gave their dates more of a chance. We're all human, with different faults and strengths. So instead of getting upset because someone misrepresented herself by a few years or pounds, continue the date and get to know the real person - then decide whether or not you want to give her another chance. If it really bothers you, ask her why she posted old pictures or lied about her age. Chances are, you're doing her a favor by being honest about how you feel.

Honesty is important in any relationship. When you give people the benefit of the doubt and let go of unrealistic expectations, you will find your dates more willing to open up and be who they are. Isn't that what most of us want anyway?

Tell someone you’re looking into online dating and they’ll often have an anecdote to tell, either positive or negative. The Internet has become such a pervasive, integral part of our lives that almost everyone knows someone whose personal love story involves it. But here’s the thing: most of the “Internet-related” tales you’ll hear have almost nothing to do with the process of online dating.

It’s not uncommon to hear something like, “I know someone who fell in love with a girl he met in a video game. He left his wife and three kids and moved to Hawaii to be with someone he’d never met!” or “Did you hear about Sally? She met a guy in one of those early chat rooms. He moved from New Zealand to be with her, having only seen a picture, and they’ve been married for fifteen years!” Both of these stories - and most of the ones you hear - involve tales of people who literally “fell in love” without having met each other. This is what people tend to think of when they think of online dating.

While it’s true that a well-written profile or a smoking picture can turn your head, it’s certainly not the foundation for love. Even people who seem to hit it off via email can rub each other the wrong way when they finally meet in person - or maybe they get along just fine, but there’s no romantic spark. What online dating can do is raise the chances that you’ve found a viable match - someone whose behavior is not immediately offensive or who shares common interests - but the real moment of truth occurs when you meet in person.

This has always been true, even for those early-Internet tales of people who “fell in love” without meeting. They still had to meet - and once they did, those relationships didn’t always work out. In fact, that’s probably why using the Internet to find love is still viewed with cynicism today - people were carried away with the idea of meeting new people through new technology, and didn’t really think things through. Now, however, we know that the chemistry factor is simply something that must work, and must work in person.

So if you bring up online dating and are faced with someone who either thinks it’s a bad idea or something epic that only happens in romance novels, let them know gently that times have changed. Online dating is no different than going to a place you know is brimming with singles; however, it’s lower stress, you can actually find someone who shares your interests, and you’re not forced to make small talk with anyone you don’t want to. It’s a smart choice, but not particularly bold or strange.

A new survey from Intel reports that nine out of 10 U.S. adults believe that people divulge too much information about themselves online, and 88% wish people "thought more about how others will perceive them when sharing information online." As social media becomes increasingly popular, we become increasingly accustomed to living our lives in public and revealing even the most intimate details of our lives online.

The question is: where do we draw the line? What is an appropriate amount of information to share, and what topples into TMI territory? For the answer, YourTango turned to Anna Post, the great-great-granddaughter of the late, great advice goddess, Emily Post. Her ten golden rules for using social media are:

1. Be authentic and genuine. Who you are in real life should be who you are online. Don't waste time pretending to be someone you're not.
2. Keep it neutral. Many people choose not to associate with people online when they hold dissenting views on issues. For the broadest possible appeal, keep your language neutral online and save the statements for venues in which they are better suited.
3. Be consistent across social media. It's ok to separate some things - your professional life on LinkedIn and your personal life on Facebook, for example - but your online persona should always be somewhat consistent. Trust issues are bound to ensue if you sound like different people in different places.
4. Keep online dating emails to a minimum. The point of online dating is to go on dates, not to meet penpals. Exchange 2-5 emails, Post suggests, then meet up in person.
5. Look for common interests. Play up your best features in early messages to potential dates, without focusing too much on physical appearance. Look for connections that are positive and that lend themselves to activities that can be done together.
6. No sexting. Anna says: "Just don't."
7. First date? Put away your phone. A first date is about connecting with the person you're there with, not connecting with your smartphone.
8. Wait to friend each other on Facebook. Don't friend someone until after you're dating, and discuss the decision to friend each other before actually doing it. "If you feel too awkward to talk about it, that's not a good sign," Post says.
9. Ask before tagging each other on Facebook. Don't post photos that imply you're in a relationship unless you're 100% sure you're in a relationship. It's that simple.
10. Ask a friend. When in doubt about how you're presenting yourself online, ask a friend. Consulting a friend is like looking in a digital mirror, and it can open your eyes to things you otherwise wouldn't see.