Relationships

When the weather warms up, it's easy to be creative when it comes to planning dates. Don't settle for the standard coffee or dinner meet-up, but instead try some fun outdoor options that offer something to do. This also helps with conversation - it doesn't feel forced when you're outside enjoying an activity together as opposed to sitting across a table from each other.

Following are some ideas for summer dating to get you inspired:

Outdoor concerts. Summer offers a lot of outdoor music - whether it's a classical concert by the lake, a local band on the pier, or a jazz performance at a neighborhood park. Depending on where you live, there are usually plenty of options (and many are free) so check out your local listings.

Outdoor movie screenings. In L.A., outdoor movie screenings are a popular event, complete with food trucks and blankets on the grass. If you're lucky to have these available in your city, you should really check them out - it gives you a chance to enjoy some classic films, as well as people-watch and share a bottle of wine and a picnic with your date.

Sailing, hiking, or biking. Choosing an activity is sometimes the hardest part of planning - but you can't really go wrong when you spend time outdoors. Try hiking or biking if your date is into it, or if you're lucky to live near a lake or the ocean, rent a boat and go boating or sailing. There are plenty of activities, depending on your tastes.

Food or wine tasting festivals. These are some of my favorite activities, because they introduce you to different foods and beverages that you might normally never try, maybe even some vineyards or restaurants in your area that you never thought to visit. Plus, they are fun to walk around and enjoy free samples. Check your local listings.

Farmer's markets. These offer a great meeting place for first dates - you can go during the day and stay for an hour or so, and if you hit it off, you can grab a few items and have a picnic in a nearby park. A much more interesting option than the coffee date, because you can sample foods and people-watch while talking and getting to know each other.

Star gazing. Looking for something to do but short on cash? A night under the stars is a great choice - just be sure to bring a bottle of wine or some appetizers or take-out to eat, plus a blanket so you can look up at the sky without craning your necks. Pick a place on a hill or slightly outside all the lights of the city. It makes for a romantic evening.

Polyamory. Nonmonogamy. Open relationships. Whatever you call it, it's having a moment right now. More and more people are ditching monogamy in favor of experimenting with new relationship styles, and why not? Online dating opens up a world where millions of potential suitors are waiting, so it's the perfect opportunity to try your hand at dating around.

Day nine of YourTango's online dating bootcamp takes on the pros and cons of dating around with the help of Lyndsay Katauskas and Samantha Karlin. Here's a few highlights from what the ladies had to say:

• Pro: dating several people at the same time expands your options and teaches you to be a better dater, and those are always pluses.
• Con: you may be tempted to stay with someone even when you know there's no real connection. Don't waste time dating someone unless they genuinely interest you.
• Pro: dating multiple people keeps you in control, and helps prevent you from getting emotionally invested in someone who isn't a good match.
• Con: getting physically intimate requires a little more thought and safety. It may be wise to wait longer to jump in the sack than you normally would.
• Pro: you can gather a lot of information about what you want and don't want in a partner, and it's easier to see what qualities you're looking for when you can compare dates.
• Con: it can be destructive if not done correctly. Think carefully about who you're seeing and when, and make an effort to keep feelings unhurt.
• Pro: dating around isn't just a great way to learn about yourself, it's also a good way to learn about others. You can learn about cultures, careers, and ideologies that you've never been exposed to before, and my find yourself falling for someone you didn't expect to.
• Con: it can get confusing! Start seeing too many people, and you won't be able to keep them straight.
• Pro: dating around relieves some of the pressure that comes with seeing someone new. No more waiting anxiously for the phone to ring!
• Con: dating can start feeling like a game, and the people you're day may become nothing more than pawns. Drowning in dates may feel good at first, but it could just be a cover for a deeper loneliness.
• Pro: the more people you date, the quicker you'll separate the wheat from the chaff and find the one who's right for you.

See more advice from Samantha and Lyndsay here.

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Eight

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Ten

Sometimes, it's easier to reach out to someone over email than by calling her on the phone. With online dating, it's an entry to communication. When you meet someone in line for coffee and she hands you her business card, email can be a great way to start up a conversation and ask her out. While I'm a big fan of speaking over the phone, it can be an intimidating first step - especially if you don't know what to say or you catch someone at a bad time. Email is often an easier and better way to start out.

There are some things to know about creating a good email before hitting the "send" button, though. If you want to have the best shot at getting to know her and eventually dating her, following are some tips to start applying:

Keep it brief. There's nothing better than an email that is concise. I have to admit if it's too long I skim over it and skip to the end. Most people don't have time (or the energy) to read a long email from someone they don't know. Instead of waxing philosophic, try mentioning something in her profile as a starting point for discussion, and ask her a few questions to invite a conversation.

Find your voice. It's easy to sound generic in an email, especially if you're nervous and trying to make a good impression. But you want to catch her attention. Instead of a subject line that says, "hey, what's up?" try something different, like "scuba diving in Catalina..." where you can mention her last trip that she lists in her profile. If you're funny, don't be afraid to let your quirkiness shine through. It will set you apart from others.

Focus on her. There's no reason to start listing all your attributes, or what you are looking for in a woman. Instead, focus your questions to better get to know her, based on what you read in her profile (to show that you actually did read it!). There's no need to be nosy and treat her as though she's under investigation - a real turn-off. Instead, be light and approach your questions like you're starting a conversation. Again, keep it brief, but focus your attention on her.

Don't obsess or confess. It's easy to feel intimacy when you're exchanging emails, even with someone you don't really know. If you feel a connection, I advise you to ask her out sooner rather than later to see if you click in real life. It's easy to let your emotions get out of control over email and reveal too much, too soon, so before you start sending off long emails every day confessing your love or asking about her darkest fears, take a step back. Ask her out. Then you can decide what to share and how you feel.

We all look forward to summer - the long days, the sunny skies, and the chance of a summer fling of course. And while it's great to be outside - watching the sunset, enjoying barbeque, or taking a long bike ride along the beach - sometimes relaxing indoors and watching a movie can inspire a little romance in your life.

Looking for a good summer movie list - both quirky and soul-satisfying? Check out some of these:

500 Days of Summer - this romantic comedy shows the heady beginning to the nostalgic end of a 500-day relationship, and how what we imagined doesn't always come to pass. Before you roll your eyes - this isn't a depressing flick, but inspirational. It shows us how relationships can change us, and make us more aware of who we are.

Amelie - a film that was especially moving to me since I was a shy girl who had to break out of my shell to date. Amelie is a woman in France who creates a visually appealing world of her own, trying to bring happiness to others without being seen, and is especially enamored with a certain man she's never met.

Midnight in Paris - a Woody Allen film set in Paris instead of New York. This heartening flick follows an engaged yet uninspired writer as he travels back to the city's artistic scene in the 1920's to find his real passion.

Love, Actually - I'm a sucker for this film, mostly because it starts off with a tear-jerking scene where people of all nationalities embrace in airports as they reunite with family and friends. But then it leads us through several story lines involving the complications of love, some with more ambiguous endings than others, but all with one over-riding thing: love is, in the end, all around us - there for the taking.

Water for Elephants - Admittedly, the book is better, but who can resist this love-against-all-odds tale set in a traveling circus in the 1930's? It's a visually stunning film, and its lessons on love and perseverance are timeless.

The Princess Bride - a classic and one of my all-time favorite love stories, mostly because the movie is, even twenty-five years later, ridiculously funny. There's nothing traditional about this classic love story between Princess Buttercup and her former servant Wesley. Enjoy it again.

Under the Tuscan Sun - This film takes place in Italy at some of the most picturesque sights so it's stunning to watch. It follows a divorcee as she reclaims her life by buying a dilapidated villa and setting out to renovate it, finding her own love in the process.

Enjoy!

One of the complaints I hear most often from online daters is that "everyone lies." For example, online daters may post older or inaccurate photos, or they shave a few years off their ages, or add a few more inches to their heights. While all of these things do happen from time to time, it's incorrect to think that all or even most people are liars or that they intend to deceive their dates. But I do think many online daters are trying to put their best foot forward or to avoid being "filtered out" of someone's search.

Most people could do better in being more honest about how they portray themselves online. After all, when you're deceiving people from the beginning, how do you expect to build trust if you develop a relationship with one of your matches? When you start off on the wrong foot, it's difficult to set things right.

Another way to look at it: when you're being honest about who you are, you will attract people who are genuinely interested in getting to know the real you - not the younger, thinner, or prettier version of you. Also, people have different tastes, and it could be that the love of your life wants to date someone who's more curvy than athletic. You could be sabotaging your chances, thinking you know what other people find attractive.

And if you feel that you keep meeting people who lie about their ages, looks, income, or a number of other qualifications? Maybe it's time to reassess how you are portraying yourself, and what your expectations are in dating. Do you prefer runway models or women with specific physical attributes? Do you prefer ambitious, successful men who make a certain amount of money? If so, it's time to relax on all the specifications you have - who will be able to live up to your standards?

Nobody is perfect, and nobody comes wrapped in a pretty package with no baggage. We all have it, and it would be a lot easier to date if everyone gave their dates more of a chance. We're all human, with different faults and strengths. So instead of getting upset because someone misrepresented herself by a few years or pounds, continue the date and get to know the real person - then decide whether or not you want to give her another chance. If it really bothers you, ask her why she posted old pictures or lied about her age. Chances are, you're doing her a favor by being honest about how you feel.

Honesty is important in any relationship. When you give people the benefit of the doubt and let go of unrealistic expectations, you will find your dates more willing to open up and be who they are. Isn't that what most of us want anyway?

Tell someone you’re looking into online dating and they’ll often have an anecdote to tell, either positive or negative. The Internet has become such a pervasive, integral part of our lives that almost everyone knows someone whose personal love story involves it. But here’s the thing: most of the “Internet-related” tales you’ll hear have almost nothing to do with the process of online dating.

It’s not uncommon to hear something like, “I know someone who fell in love with a girl he met in a video game. He left his wife and three kids and moved to Hawaii to be with someone he’d never met!” or “Did you hear about Sally? She met a guy in one of those early chat rooms. He moved from New Zealand to be with her, having only seen a picture, and they’ve been married for fifteen years!” Both of these stories - and most of the ones you hear - involve tales of people who literally “fell in love” without having met each other. This is what people tend to think of when they think of online dating.

While it’s true that a well-written profile or a smoking picture can turn your head, it’s certainly not the foundation for love. Even people who seem to hit it off via email can rub each other the wrong way when they finally meet in person - or maybe they get along just fine, but there’s no romantic spark. What online dating can do is raise the chances that you’ve found a viable match - someone whose behavior is not immediately offensive or who shares common interests - but the real moment of truth occurs when you meet in person.

This has always been true, even for those early-Internet tales of people who “fell in love” without meeting. They still had to meet - and once they did, those relationships didn’t always work out. In fact, that’s probably why using the Internet to find love is still viewed with cynicism today - people were carried away with the idea of meeting new people through new technology, and didn’t really think things through. Now, however, we know that the chemistry factor is simply something that must work, and must work in person.

So if you bring up online dating and are faced with someone who either thinks it’s a bad idea or something epic that only happens in romance novels, let them know gently that times have changed. Online dating is no different than going to a place you know is brimming with singles; however, it’s lower stress, you can actually find someone who shares your interests, and you’re not forced to make small talk with anyone you don’t want to. It’s a smart choice, but not particularly bold or strange.