Honesty with Your Dates

One of the complaints I hear most often from online daters is that "everyone lies." For example, online daters may post older or inaccurate photos, or they shave a few years off their ages, or add a few more inches to their heights. While all of these things do happen from time to time, it's incorrect to think that all or even most people are liars or that they intend to deceive their dates. But I do think many online daters are trying to put their best foot forward or to avoid being "filtered out" of someone's search.

Most people could do better in being more honest about how they portray themselves online. After all, when you're deceiving people from the beginning, how do you expect to build trust if you develop a relationship with one of your matches? When you start off on the wrong foot, it's difficult to set things right.

Another way to look at it: when you're being honest about who you are, you will attract people who are genuinely interested in getting to know the real you - not the younger, thinner, or prettier version of you. Also, people have different tastes, and it could be that the love of your life wants to date someone who's more curvy than athletic. You could be sabotaging your chances, thinking you know what other people find attractive.

And if you feel that you keep meeting people who lie about their ages, looks, income, or a number of other qualifications? Maybe it's time to reassess how you are portraying yourself, and what your expectations are in dating. Do you prefer runway models or women with specific physical attributes? Do you prefer ambitious, successful men who make a certain amount of money? If so, it's time to relax on all the specifications you have - who will be able to live up to your standards?

Nobody is perfect, and nobody comes wrapped in a pretty package with no baggage. We all have it, and it would be a lot easier to date if everyone gave their dates more of a chance. We're all human, with different faults and strengths. So instead of getting upset because someone misrepresented herself by a few years or pounds, continue the date and get to know the real person - then decide whether or not you want to give her another chance. If it really bothers you, ask her why she posted old pictures or lied about her age. Chances are, you're doing her a favor by being honest about how you feel.

Honesty is important in any relationship. When you give people the benefit of the doubt and let go of unrealistic expectations, you will find your dates more willing to open up and be who they are. Isn't that what most of us want anyway?