Relationships

If you're lucky enough to have scored a first date on Valentine's Day, congratulations! The air is swimming in romance and there you are, wondering how to make this a stand-out day for you and your lucky date. Where to begin? Why, the basics of course!

The key to a first date on Valentine's Day is not going overboard. It's your first date and it should be about conversation, laughter and getting to know one another, not gifts, elaborate planning or trying to celebrate an anniversary that hasn't even happened yet. Relax and we'll walk you through the basics and keep you on track for a great time:

Reservations are a MUST. Valentine's Day is a high-traffic day for restaurants, so make reservations as early as you can. In fact, some restaurants that don't generally accept reservations make exceptions on big holidays. It may take you a couple phone calls to get a venue, but don't give up. Inquire about any prix fixe menus (set menus) they may have for the occasion as well.

Offer to Pick Up Your Date. Safety is a big concern in this day and age, so simply offer to pick your date up. It's kind and gives your date the opportunity to decline and offer to meet you at your destination of choice.

Flowers? Lovely! Ladies and gents alike - there's nothing wrong with a simple long-stemmed rose as a greeting for your Valentine's Day date. If you're feeling like a dozen roses or a bouquet, that's grand as well. Don't feel pressured to go overboard on date one, though.

Extras, Extras. Done with dinner? Try a walk in the park or a trip to the waterfront to stare at the night sky. Grab an ice cream cone or find a little place well-known for its desserts. Feeling quirky? Go grab a root beer float or slice of apple pie at that legendary diner in town. Be unpredictable yet not overbearing and your evening will end on a delightful note (with a second date in your near future!).

I'll be the first (and certainly not the last) to tell online daters to STEP AWAY FROM THE WINK BUTTON!

All too often, people use the wink function as the lazy way to tell lots of people that they find them attractive. In fact, there are many men out there who don't even read your profile, ladies. They just look at your main photo and decided if you're wink-worthy.

(This is why I tell my female clients not to get worked up if a guy who is totally incompatible winks at them. Just close out the match. Nine times out of ten, he won't email or bother them again.)

But there is a time when you can wink!

Are you ready to learn the magic time?

... are you SURE?

Okay, I'll tell you. The magic time to send a wink is immediately AFTER you send a short and sweet, personalized email.

Here's why:

If you're on a site like Match.com where there are paid and unpaid members, your email is only going to be read by the paid members. Unpaid members cannot read email. They can see that they have email in their box, but cannot even see who it is from. This mystery is what prompts many people to whip out their VISA and pay for a subscription.

If an unpaid member sees they have an email and also a new wink, they may make the connection and say, "Hey, I wonder if the email is from this guy/girl. They look pretty awesome!" Then they may be motivated to pay, read your email, and reply. WIN!

If a paid member sees you've emailed and winked, it's just a way of saying that you're really interested in them. WIN!

Practice safe winking and you'll most likely see a much higher response rate to your messages, and isn't that what we're all shooting for?

To find out more information about the dating site mentioned in this article, read our Match.com review.

I often talk about unwittingly sending the wrong messages through our online profile, and it's true that you might want to reread your profile more than once before you post it. However, perhaps it's best to not obsess over every single sentence; the main message you want to send is honesty.

For example, maybe you have an independent, adventurous spirit. You're not afraid to hop into a car and take a road trip, or join a still life class even though you've never drawn anything in your life. However, when it comes time to write your profile, these concrete examples fly out of your head, and you're stumped. Maybe you even remember them, but don't think they sound adventurous or exciting enough. So... you say you'd jump out of a plane or try downhill skiing.

Three months later, you're wondering why all your dates and messages are coming from extreme sports junkies. Where are the people who seek adventure through taking a ghost detection class? Well, maybe they would have been able to find you – if you had only been yourself.

It's true that we want our profiles to make a good first impression; in essence, we want the reader to “discover” us on a “good day” - when we're not grumpy, or tired. We want them to see the best version of our natural selves; what we don't want is to out-and-out pretend to be someone we're not.

Trying to be hipper might get you an extra email, or date. Still, if you're inherently someone different, the incompatibility will be apparent sooner or later. All you've done is waste time that could be spent finding someone who likes the real you.

“Be yourself” may sound like a cliché, but when you're searching for a relationship, you're searching for the most compatible person possible. The only way to achieve that goal, to find someone who truly clicks, is to be comfortable with who you are – and not cloud the issue with white lies.

That's a catchy question, isn't it? The act of "breaking up" occurs for more than just the bad reasons that movies would have you believe. If you've ever sat down and wondered why you break up, we've explored some of the common themes for you. See something you recognize? Use the themes below to compare with your own dating practices. If you see a pattern of behavior you don't like, you can decide to take active steps to change. We also hope that these reasons will help take some of the stigma out of the act of breaking up - it's not always a bad thing.

The Power Play

If you typically assert your power in a relationship through the act of breaking-up with someone, you're engaging in a Power Play. Perhaps things weren't going the way you wanted or you had a tough time speaking up about things that bothered you. Maybe you're just so fed-up with the situation that you blew. Breaking-up, especially if you're the one initiating the split, places you in a position of control. It's a position many people need to be in consistently. Ever have a friend who is always the one doing the breaking-up? It's the Power Play in action and you've got front row seats. If you find you're with someone who can't relinquish control, there are probably other relationship troubles leading to feeling of inequality. If you keep an open line of communication, you're more likely to avoid being in a Power Play scenario.

The Knee-Jerk

He made you mad. She did something you didn't like. Many people are more comfortable cutting-off communication entirely to show displeasure in a relationship than actually sitting down and talking about it like adults. We all have the friend who is in the perpetual on again/off again relationship. You never know if they're together or apart. It's likely you're watching a Knee-Jerk response over and over again. Breaking-up hurts - instead of opting for the knee-jerk, why not let things cool down and talk it out over a cup of coffee or a *censored*tail? Your partner will appreciate your efforts. Do you really need all of the on again/off again drama?

The Enemy Attack

While I never understood why people let relationships get to this point, many break-ups could be classified as Enemy Attacks. Everything negative builds, you argue consistently and it all culminates in a hugely violent affair where words are flung like hand grenades in trench warfare. Logic and kindness have left the building and all that remains is the overwhelming urge to hurt the person you're supposed to love. While they make for great YouTube viewing, they're terrible for the soul. Instead of letting things pile up and get out of hand, consider pulling the plug before you hit critical mass.

The Agreement

Breaking-up doesn't have to be a Power Play, Knee-Jerk reaction or an Enemy Attack. It can actually be mutual. While never really pleasant, it has the potential to be an agreeable act. If things aren't working out for whatever reason, what better way to show kindness than opening the door for meaningful dialogue that could result in each of you going your different ways? Many beautiful friendships began as relationships that ultimately didn't work out. Remember the reasons you liked your partner in the first place and look for ways to keep the good parts of them while you put your self in a position to pursue a better relationship. Taking the time and initiative to end something (your intimate relationship) and save something in the process (your friendship) is an incredibly adult move. While some people just aren't capable of being friends with previous lovers, you never know until you ask, right?

Game Pro Australia had an interesting article which talks about gaming habits and relationships. According to them, 80 percent of women have complained about the amount of time their boyfriend uses the internet or plays video games. 20 percent have actually dumped someone for this reason. The most likely culprit to cause an argument was Infinity Wards Call of Duty games.

In comparison, 72 percent of men said they thought their girlfriend spent too much time online. 6 percent of men saw this as a reason to break up.

It's a new year and time for all sorts of resolutions - but what about your dating resolutions? Here's one that everyone can grab on to: this year, be a better date. Whether you're in a relationship or on the market (or hey - maybe you're not even looking and spending time with friends), we put together some ideas that might help you be better date for 2010 and beyond.

Start With a Smile - No matter how long your day has been or if the person you meet isn't what you expected, throw a smile up against the wall and see if it sticks. What's the worst that could happen? You start off on a good note and maybe you meet someone who gives you a laugh or teaches you something new.

Try Something New - Ever gone out with that person who has to have things their way or is the pickiest eater on the planet? You may not realize it, but you might be that way about some things! Let your date or friends introduce you to something new. See a chick flick. Watch an action movie. Try the veal. Take in a live football game. Whatever it takes, be game to try something new and stop being the fuddy duddy.

Offer to Drive - Gals like to be picked up. Guys are expected to pick you up. Why not change things up and if your date has had an especially crazy day, offer to do the driving for a change. You might get turned down, he might pick you up on it. But it's really nice to offer sometimes.

Give a Compliment - Maybe you're the type who always gives compliments. Maybe you're not. Try saying something delightfully unexpected to a friend or date - and mean it. There's always a smile that comes along with a compliment - and if you're not good at accepting compliments, why not practice saying, "Thank you," instead of thinking you don't deserve it.