Relationships

A majority of singles today have tried online dating, but many have never attended a speed dating party. Among twenty-somethings in New York however, speed dating is becoming a new trend.

The concept of speed dating is simple: a group of men and women gather together to go on a series of 5-minute pre-dates with one another. It’s a way to meet as many singles as possible in a short time span so you can see who you might be interested in dating. But instead of wading through profiles and sending emails back and forth, speed dating can be much more efficient because you’re meeting your potential dates in person.

Twenty-somethings in New York are now finding “hipster speed dating” events around the city, with themes like “The Internet Killed Your Social Skills”. The idea is a bit retro: instead of relying on Facebook and other social networking sites to find dates, these parties encourage people to meet face-to-face and improve their pick-up skills. It’s an alternative to the virtual dating trend.

While speed dating has yet to grow as popular as online dating, many people looking for partners of the same religious affiliation or with similar interests find it to be a good way to meet people.

For the social networkers among us however, online dating sites and Facebook are still the preferred methods. After all, it’s easier to make introductions virtually, and it’s also easier to filter out people you’d rather not meet in the first place.

For singles interested in trying this type of dating, check out our list of websites in our Speed Dating category. For those of you from New York city, Hurry Date is a popular Speed Dating choice.

If you’re a workaholic, you know how valuable your time is and exactly how to use it. It’s probably why you turned to online dating in the first place -- to save time from bad dates by utilizing the high defined searches and developing a finely tuned method of weeding out the duds. But once you’ve found someone you’re interested in, how do you work in dating around your busy schedule? Here are some tips for the inexperienced:

1.) The first step is always to accept that you’re a workaholic. Once you realize that your busy schedule doesn’t naturally leave time for dating, you will be better able to recognize this fact and then prioritize around it. Make sure you give yourself the free time you need -- while there’s nothing wrong with being driven, if it is negatively affecting your life, it’s time to schedule some time off and have fun.

2.) Schedule easy dates close to your office -- at a local coffee shop or deli, for instance. The less out of your way you have to travel to meet, the more likely you’ll be able to keep the date.

3.) Turn off your phone while you’re out! If you’re texting and emailing on your phone through the entire date, it doesn’t count as a date anymore; you’re still working. While you’re out, it is important to be responsive to your partner and put everything else on pause for a moment. While it may be difficult, it is extremely rude and disrespectful to be on your phone while out.

4.) Tell your date you’re a workaholic. If they know you have a really hectic schedule, it will accomplish two important things: 1.) understand that your behavior is not a personal slight against them, but a product of your job and 2.) help them decide whether or not they would like to continue dating a workaholic. Full disclosure is a must when dating and if you’re frank with your partner about your shortcomings, they will respect your honesty.

5.) Try to understand the situation from your date’s perspective. Although it’s easy to get caught up in your own life, priorities, and work, remember that everyone has a busy schedule and that your date’s time is just as valuable as yours. If you need to cancel, do so ahead of time so they don’t stand around waiting for you. Expressing empathy and consideration for your date will help you understand their feelings and, in turn, fulfill their needs as well as your own in the process.

One of the most common questions asked about online dating is: "How do I write a profile?"

Staring at a blank page and knowing that you can use only 350 words to describe everything about yourself in a way that is attractive and intriguing can be more than a little intimidating, even for the most experienced writers. Trust me, I know - I've been there, done that, and had to do it all without any guidance!

Through a little trial and error, and a lot of patience, I learned how to create a profile that expresses who I am and attracts the kind of people I want to get to know. The experimental method got me where I needed to be, but I'd like to accelerate the process for you.

So without further ado...Profile Writing: The Do's.

• Do be positive. Avoid talking about things you don't like, people who have hurt you, and bad experiences you've had. People won't be interested in bringing you into their lives if they think you're going to bring a lot of negativity with you.
• Do write a targeted profile. If you're especially interested in meeting a certain kind of person, craft a profile that will attract that kind of person's attention. If you're only interested in dating animal lovers, for example, talk about the farm you grew up on and the five dogs you own now.
• Do be clear about your intentions. Know what kind of relationship you want, and make sure that anyone viewing your profile knows too. If you're only interested in something serious and long-term, say so. If you don't want to date anyone long-distance, mention it. If smoking is a deal breaker, include it in your profile. You'll weed out a lot of inadequate matches instantly.
• Do consult with a friend. If you find it difficult to write about yourself, enlist the help of an acquaintance. Our friends often know us better than we know ourselves, so if you find yourself struggling with writer's block, ask an acquaintance what makes you such a great catch.
• Do proofread. Check your spelling. Check your grammar. Purge your profile of childish netspeak. Read everything out loud to check for clarity and flow. Obvious errors in a profile are a huge turnoff - after all, if someone can't be bothered to put a little time and effort into writing a profile, what are the odds that they'll put time and effort into building a relationship?
• Do offer unique details. People browsing your profile want to know what makes you special, so include a few details that express your individuality. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would it be? What is your favorite piece of art? If you could meet a fictional character in real life, who would you choose?

Following these six suggestions will put you on the right track to finding love online, but the "do's" are only half the battle. Continue learning how construct the perfect profile with "Profile Writing: The Don'ts."

Online dating is all about saving time and weeding out the duds as quickly as possible. By looking a person’s profile, pictures, and messages, there are a few key warning signs that can indicate deal-breakers or duds. Here are a few examples:

1.) He/she presses too hard for personal information. Even if the person with whom you’re speaking isn’t a scam in disguise, pressing too aggressively can indicate that there might be problems in the future if he/she doesn’t properly respect your space.

2.) He/she becomes insecure if you don’t respond fast enough. I’ve had a few experiences with this: the person with whom I’m writing becomes upset if I don’t respond immediately to the email, even if it has only been a few hours. Although I do tend to be fairly prompt when returning messages, I can’t always respond immediately. On occasion, I’ve had a potential match become extremely upset and take it as a form of rejection. The insecurity expressed over the matter essentially killed any interest I might have had and I ended it immediately. If someone is already insecure over a fairly irrelevant matter such as this, it may indicate that they have deeper issues, aren’t ready to date, are clingy, or will drain you of energy with their insecurities.

3.) He/she is inconsistent about the information he/she provides. If someone is constantly changing their story, there might be something deeper and darker going on -- something probably not worth your time. Stay away from this one.

4.) You already know that he/she has some of your deal-breakers. You are your own best judge. If the person in question has some qualities or behaviors that you’ve already deemed unacceptable, don’t waste your time. You’re not going to come around the problem and he/she is not going to change. Better to move on while you’re still uninvolved!

5.) He/she pushes you to meet before you’re ready or wants to meet in a way that makes you uncomfortable. You should always be safe and within your element. If someone is pushing you to meet before you’re ready, it could signal that they’re after something other than what they say.

6.) He/she comes on way too strong! It’s okay to be excited about meeting someone new, but if the person starts to express interest in a way that is clearly too intense given the status of the new relationship, it’s time to bail. This type of person can often become quickly attached and dependent on you long before you’re ready to make any kind of commitment.

Online dating is all about presentation and those initial missives to a potential match. Attention spans can vary, especially without the added stimulus of a physical presence. Your online content needs to be quick to the point, saucy, and insatiable. Furthermore, once you’ve hooked the catch, your online correspondence needs to maintain his or her attention. Here are some tips on how to flirt with someone you’ve never met!

Express interest in his or her life by commenting on likes and interests and asking questions about their lives. The age-old saying is true: interested is interesting. By asking a person to open him or herself to you, you immediately engage their attention because they’re talking about something they’re already interested in.

Give compliments -- but don’t overdo it. Although almost everyone loves a little flattery, overdoing it could make a person uncomfortable or suspicious of your motivations. For instance: I once went out on a first date and my companion spent nearly the entire time complimenting me. While I don’t doubt that his comments were genuine, I felt that he was trying to manipulate me into being charmed by him through the flattery, which was a huge turn off. Where one or two compliments would have been sufficient, he overdid it, lost my attention, and didn’t tell me anything about himself in the process.

Instead, flatter by commenting on things that they’ve already expressed interest in. If they’re really into tennis, you could easily use that information to your advantage by commenting something to the effect of “I bet you look great on the tennis court,” or “I’d love to watch/play with you sometime.” By choosing to compliment and remark on something they’ve already expressed interest in, it will not only be meaningful to them, but also express that you’ve been paying attention and present a possible first date activity!

The biggest tip to take away, truly, is to take an active interest in the person with whom you’re messaging. Step outside yourself and consider how you would want someone to flirt with you; chances are, other people are eager for the same type of attention.

And lastly, charm your romantic interest by being yourself! Your individuality will speak the loudest to any potential match. Your unique qualities are bound to pique the interest of potential matches.

If you've decided you're ready to explore the world of online dating, the prospect of having to decide what sites you're interested in joining might seem just as daunting as finding potential mates you're interested in dating.

Don't freak out. Choosing a dating site is actually a lot easier than you might think, as long as you ask yourself a few key questions while evaluating prospective sites:

Does this site fit into my budget?
Some sites are free, while others require a yearly or monthly subscription. Many of the most well known dating sites, like Match.com and eHarmony.com, charge a fee for membership, but don't assume that cost is the sole indicator of a site's quality. Free sites like PlentyOfFish.com or OkCupid.com are also very popular.

Does this site offer all of the features I want?
Are you interested in having the option to video chat? Do you want the ability to browse other people's profiles, or do you want the site to automatically match you with members it thinks you'll connect with? Do you want unlimited messaging? It's important to make sure that the sites or membership levels you choose include the features that will make online dating an enjoyable experience for you.

What kind of relationship am I looking for?
Maybe you're easing yourself back into the dating pool after a long hiatus and want to date many people casually. Maybe no-strings-attached adult dating is more your style. Maybe you're only interested in finding a serious, long-term relationship. Whatever your needs are, there's a site out there that caters to them.

Is a niche dating site right for me?
A niche site can be a great option if you're looking for a partner with very specific attributes or interests. Want to date a millionaire? Try MillionaireMatch.com. Interested in people of a specific ethnic background? InterracialMatch.com might be ideal for you. If you're vegan or vegetarian, try your luck at VeggieDate.org. There's a dating site for pretty much everything and everyone, from faith-based sites (CatholicCupid.com and JDate), to sites for specific occupations (TeachersPassions.com), to sites for animal lovers (EquestrianSingles.com). Niche dating sites narrow down your potential choices and, as an added bonus, provide an easy way to start a conversation.

Are the members of this site people I'd actually be interested in meeting?
Many dating sites charge you to contact other members, but allow you to sign up for free. Take advantage of that opportunity and browse through the profiles of other members before making a decision. Do most of the profiles appear to be real? Do you find the members attractive? Are you interested in knowing more about some of them? If you're unable to find anyone that intrigues you, move on to the next site.

Is the site reviewed positively?
There's no better way to get to know a site than reading other members' opinions of it. And as you might have guessed, the perfect place to start your search is right here, at DatingSitesReviews.com!