Relationships

As we enter the holiday season, we encounter a sticky subject: gift-giving. What if you’ve only had one date? What’s the magic number of dates before a present is expected? Or would giving a present be moving too quickly?

If only there was a magic response - this number of dates equals a DVD, for example. Alas, like everything else regarding relationships, this is dependent wholly on your unique relationship. However, let’s think this through a bit:

Perhaps the big issue is not whether or not to give a gift. If you’ve been on more than one date and it’s still going well, a gift of some kind will most likely be appreciated, and at this time of year, it’s a small gesture that goes a long way toward making someone feel recognized. So, let’s scratch this: go with the present. The real question, however, is how much time, effort and money should go into such a gift.

The key to a good present that doesn’t overwhelm is using personalized inside jokes. People can easily read become overwhelmed or read too much into an expensive gift; keeping things cheap, but thoughtful, is the way to go. Maybe a card that’s been “modified” to reflect some catch phrase between the two of you. Maybe a DVD that’s part of a running joke. Even a silly stuffed animal from the drugstore aisle can be a hit, if it’s purchased with some sort of double meaning, not as a generic “catch-all” gift.

The good thing about ensuring your gifts are personalized is that it’s an easy way to make sure your present is appropriate. At the beginning of a relationship, there aren’t that many in-jokes and stories; something cute but still a little impersonal is just fine. As time goes on and you have more adventures, gifts can get more elaborate, loaded with past references.

Whether you’re just getting to know each other or partners in crime, spend a little time thinking about the best parts of your relationship. It’s a great way to think up a holiday gift that provides even more memories, and that doesn’t break the bank.

As New Year's is fast approaching, it's time to figure out how to celebrate. Whether you like attending a big event at a local club or prefer an intimate gathering with friends, there are plenty of chances to meet new people and start the year off right.

If you're at a party and someone catches your attention, how do you approach? What do you say? It can be intimidating, but don't let opportunities pass by because you aren't confident or don't know what to do. Take a chance! Here are some ideas to help you get through:

Make eye contact and smile. If you're attracted to someone, don't let shyness get the best of you. Make eye contact to let them know you're interested. Many men take this as a sign to approach, so put it out there! Smiling also helps to let others know you're approachable.

Circulate. Sure, you may be happiest standing at the bar to be closer to your next *censored*tail, but this won't help you meet people. Instead of staying in your comfort zone, force yourself to go up to people you find attractive or engaging and introduce yourself. If you find they don't respond, then move on. Having a good time and meeting new people is up to you, not others.

Don't lose yourself in your smartphone. Blackberries and iPhones may help us stay more connected to the online world, but they also keep us from experiencing the world around us. If you pick up your phone to keep yourself occupied at a party, you're missing out on what's right in front of you. Would you approach someone who was busy texting?

Ask questions. Instead of providing all of the conversation or stories, ask questions. It shows your interest and also indicates that you want to engage, rather than just talk.

Flirt! This is a New Year's party after all...the best time to engage in flirtatious activity. Have some fun, let your guard down, and just enjoy the people around you. If you're having a good time, so will they.

Happy New Year!

As 2010 comes to a close, it's a good time to reassess things. Maybe you'd like to become more organized, lose a few pounds from holiday pumpkin pie, or have better success in dating. Whatever the case, in order to change your old habits, it's necessary to develop some better alternatives.

When it comes to dating, many of us have particular beliefs and patterns to which we succumb, whether we realize it or not. Sure, dating can be frustrating and difficult, but it can also be fun and teach us about what we do and don't want in our lives. It's all about perspective. With that in mind, following are some tips for making your dating life a little rosier in the New Year.

Put yourself out there. Many people attend events in order to meet others, but then become shy and unapproachable, which defeats the purpose. Remember to smile, initiate conversation, and circulate. Don't talk to the same people all night because it makes you comfortable. Now is the time to venture outside your comfort zone to bring more opportunities into your life.

Mix it up. Instead of going to the same bar for your weekly happy hour and expecting to meet new people, try something new. Go to a wine tasting, take a pottery class, or go for a ride with a local biking group. You could even try something as simple as going to a new Starbucks in another neighborhood. The point is to try something different.

Lose the negativity. If you've been on a slew of bad dates sometimes it's hard to get back out there with a positive outlook, but it's necessary in attracting people to you. If you begin each date thinking of all the things that could go wrong, or how he or she doesn't measure up to what your ideal mate would be, you'll have a difficult and unpleasant time. Instead of thinking about your past disappointments, start each date on a clean slate. Give yourself and your dates the benefit of the doubt...they will eventually surprise you.

Create quality "alone" time. This may seem counter-intuitive to dating, but it's necessary to spend some quality time with yourself. Whether you exercise, meditate, or take up a hobby, make sure that the time you spend feeds your creativity and spirit. Only when you are fully in touch with yourself and the things that make you happy will you be happy in a relationship.

Lose the "list". Many of us have created lists of our ideal mates in order to attract him/her to us and to better know what we want. Unfortunately, I think this hurts our interactions with others more than it helps us see clearly. Instead of dumping a date because he doesn't meet some qualifications on your list, give each date a real chance. They could surprise you.

Happy New Year!

The new year is approaching, and with that comes New Years Eve. Ah, pick a New Years Eve cliche: the excitement of getting ready for a big party; wild times under the influence of a little celebratory champagne; the magic of that kiss at midnight.

The only problem, of course, is that if you combine all the cliches you often wind up with a mess. If you have too many expectations placed on this “magical” night you’ll often wind up disappointed and unhappy. Then, depressed, you might overdo it on the celebratory champagne, and that picture-perfect kiss at midnight might actually resemble something more along the lines of a drunk, soggy with tears, throwing themselves at a random person.

How can we avoid kicking off the new year with a disaster? Well, there are a few options. You could stay home altogether, of course, but that doesn’t really seem much fun, and the symbolism is pretty depressing too. I prefer the healthier approach: modify your expectations of that New Years Eve party.

Why do resolutions often fail? Because people expect that they’ll make dramatic life changes (or several) all at once. Instead of attempting a slow, reasonable change, they want instant results, and they pout when they don’t get them.

Similarly, people often expect their New Years Eve to produce the person of their dreams. Not only will they meet this perfect person, it’ll be instant true love. They’ll be kissing by midnight, and they’ll live happily ever after.

So what’s a more reasonable goal? How about this: make a general New Years resolution to get out and meet new people. They don’t even have to be romantic prospects; the more social you are, the more new people you’ll meet, and your overall chances of meeting someone with whom you’ll find a connection will go up.

A New Years Eve party is a prime place to meet new people, but it’s not the only place. Carry the resolution beyond the New Year, beyond January; meet new people. At best you’ll find love; at worst you might make a new friend. And without the added expectations and pressure, your New Years Eve plans might actually turn into a night of fun.

A little while back, we reviewed LiveScience's countdown of the 10 things every woman should know about a man's brain. Now it's time for the ladies to take the stage.

So what's really going on in the female mind?

Are women really less inclined than men to be aggressive and create conflict? How much of an effect do children and pregnancy actually have on female emotions and behavior? Is a woman's sex drive really that much more complicated than a man's? LiveScience writer Robin Nixon answers these questions and more while exploring the complexities of the female brain.

Let's begin the countdown at number 10:

10. Women show increased interest in taking risks as men show more interest in settling down. As the body moves into a more advanced, mature stage post-menopause, the female brain gets a second wind. Men show greater interest in relationships as they age, while women become increasingly willing to engage in risky behavior that could potentially lead to conflict or other difficulties (particularly if they no longer have children living with them). In addition to this new-found zest for life, many women over 50 also find that they feel a strong desire to dedicate time to helping their local and global communities, or to further their careers and personal development.

9. Women experience adolescence twice. Thought it was difficult to endure once? Imagine having to go through adolescence twice! The physical changes, hormonal instabilities, and constant questioning of one's identity that occur during adolescence rear their ugly heads once again during "perimenopause," a phase that women experience in their 40s. The changes begin around age 43, and last anywhere from 2 to 9 years. Men also experience hormonal changes as they grow older, but they do not occur nearly as abruptly or strongly.

8. "Mommy brain" is a very real phenomenon. "The physical, hormonal, emotional and social changes facing a woman directly after giving birth can be monumental," writes Nixon, and because so much of her life has become unstable, she needs everything else - especially her partner - to be as predictable and steady as possible. In earlier evolutionary stages, support came from kin-folk who helped with childrearing, and it was rare that a woman was a full-time mother. This approach to raising children allowed babies to have constant care, and gave their mothers opportunities to relax during an extremely stressful period.

Fun Fact: One way women can lower their stress levels after giving birth is breastfeeding. Research suggests that nursing may help women cope with stress (although too much stress can disrupt lactation) and "one study even found that breastfeeding might be more rewarding to the female brain than cocaine!"

7. Pregnancy has a big effect on a woman's brain. In the first 8 weeks of a woman's pregnancy, the hormone Progesterone increases 30-fold, making many expectant mothers seem sedated. And believe it or not, a woman's brain actually shrinks during pregnancy. According to a study published in the American Journal of Neuroadiology in 2002, a woman's brain is approximately 4% smaller by the time she delivers, and returns to normal size after delivery over the course of 6 months.

The issue of whether pregnancy causes a woman to think differently is highly controversial. A recent study found a link between memory problems and pregnancy hormones, but other research suggests that the changes that occur are preparing the brain to engage in maternal behavior. The circuits built in the latter theory likely continue to develop after a woman has given birth. Researchers at Tufts University have found that "handling a baby releases maternal hormones, even among females who have never been pregnant."

The final 6 things that every man should know about a woman's brain will be revealed next...stay tuned!

So you think you've figured out every aspect of the online profile default picture. You've got one where you're smiling, you don't look like you're about to rob a bank, and you're not holding a giant drink from Ladies' Night. The picture does not look like it was taken on a web cam from 1998, or a phone from 2002. In short, you're set... or so you think.

Chances are, if you have a picture that meets all that criteria, it's a perfectly fine default picture. But occasionally you'll run across a picture that seems... off, somehow, and you can't put your finger on why. What could be the missing element?

Ladies and gentlemen who like to over-obsess on every bit of minutiae available, I present to you: body language.

But first, a warning: I think it's fine to make sure you aren't sending out any unintended messages through your own body language in pictures, just to be on the safe side. However, I wouldn't then go extrapolating meaning from the body language of others. It's all in perspective, after all; pictures can be taken at funny angles, by a third-party observer, and probably have nothing to do with how someone treats another in conversation.

Now, to get back to the fun of analyzing your own photos: the most common misfiring signal I see out there is what I like to call the “show and tell” picture. Imagine a child at Christmas that's gotten a new toy, and is holding it up for the cameras. Often, people will hold a funny prop or something cute in their picture with them: a squirt gun, their cat. And occasionally – maybe it's just the angle of the photographer – it can appear that the person is hiding behind their prop, that they're constructing a barrier between themselves and the viewer. So look at your own pictures; are you hiding behind something in most of them? Do you look friendly and welcoming, or are you literally hiding behind a wall of cat?

Unfortunately, sometimes people go to the other extreme, and every picture is reminiscent of a mug shot. By that, I don't just mean with shoulders squared to the camera; I mean eyes leveled directly at the viewer, challenging, not welcoming. It can provoke a range of emotions in the viewer, from being creeped out to just plain intimidated. Like the “show and tell” pictures, these are often only a problem when they occur in sheer numbers, so check your picture gallery: does it look like a lineup?

As with most things, it's all about the context. A picture where you're “hiding” behind something can be adorable and engaging, and a “mug shot” can be welcoming. Typically, pictures that are candidly shot can be better even if they don't meet the “rules,” simply because they're more likely to capture genuine emotion.

If you're unsure, try having a third party look through your pictures and give you an honest opinion. They're more likely than you are to match the first impressions of a viewer. Again, if you put any thought at all into your picture selection, you're already way ahead of the game; still, could you be saying more than you mean to?