Relationships

Social media is fast becoming the new way singles meet each other. Facebook is one of the most popular tools for connecting, and is bringing friends of friends together as an alternative to traditional online dating. I'm a Facebook fan---without it, I might not have met my husband.

That said, Facebook can also bring out the relationship demons in all of us. If you aren't careful about how you interpret and conduct yourself over Facebook, you could find yourself complicating or ruining a new relationship before it even gets started.

Following are some tips to keep in mind when it comes to Facebook and dating:

Don't "friend" someone you don't know. If you are looking at your friend's single friends over Facebook, instead of sending a friend request right away, ask your friend in common to introduce you.

Spice up your profile. Just as your online dating profile should spark some interest, so should your Facebook page! Be creative and let people know your interests, but don't feel the need to overshare. Also, be sure to post current pictures and keep them updated.

Facebook shouldn't be the way to deliver important relationship news. If you want to be exclusive, have a conversation with the person you're dating before you change your Facebook relationship status. Likewise with breaking up. If you wouldn't want to find out over Facebook, neither will he.

Don't stalk. You may feel the need to friend your dates right away to find out more about them. However, you should wait until you've been going out for a while before you do. If things don't work out, do you really want to be reminded of his single status or his next girlfriend? Does he need to know who your friends are or what you're doing?

Remember, Facebook is a public place, and should be treated as such. If you decide to pick fights over Facebook, they don't disappear, and everyone in your circles are witness. Instead of going to your keyboard, pick up the phone and call your date. At least if it gets ugly there won't be a permanent reminder.

Take advantage of invitations over Facebook. If there is a group you're a fan of that is having an event, or a friend of a friend has invited you to a book signing, go! Facebook is a great tool to connect us with new people, so use it.

If you are interesting in using Facebook as a dating tool, you should read about the Zoosk Facebook Dating application.

Single parents face countless challenges, from financial difficulties to the stigma of parenting without a partner.

Being a single parent is losing its taboo, as "falling marriage rates, the growth in the number of people choosing to cohabit rather than marry, and a variety of other socio-economic factors" have combined and caused the number of single parents to rise significantly in recent years. Maintaining a healthy romantic life, however, is still an insurmountable obstacle for many single parents. Nicola Lamond, a mother and the spokeswoman for Netmums, an online parenting organization that offers local parenting information for mothers and fathers in the UK, offers a fairly bleak description of single parenthood: "being a single parent in 2010 can be pretty tough. Single parents describe themselves as 'lonely,' 'isolated,' 'vulnerable,' and 'worthless'....T here is a real sense that their 'world has shrunk.'"

Data from the 2010 LoveGeist Report supports Lamond's dreary outlook. Single parents feel that they are faced with an extremely difficult situation, and exhibit a strong sense of frustration with their circumstances:

• Close to 70% of respondents said that they do not have the opportunity to meet new people in their everyday lives, and a poll conducted by Netmums backs up LoveGeist findings. 80% of Netmums users reported not having time to go on dates, and just 7% said they are able to go on a date once a month.
• 46% of parents said that they wouldn't want their children to worry if a new relationship didn't work out.
• Confidence is a major issue for single parents, who often fear that the rules of dating have changed since they were last single. As Lamond explains: "For many parents, the last time they dated they had the confidence of youth and the bodies to match.... The prospect of baring your all to a new partner can be a pretty daunting prospect!" Single parents also carry deep emotional wounds that can hinder the development of new relationships. It is difficult for many to believe that they are worthy of love after a significant relationship has ended.
• Perhaps most importantly of all, 53% of those polled believe that their children are simply more important than meeting a new partner. The need to prioritize one's life in this manner is often more pronounced in single parents, who are more driven to "find the right balance between doing what's right for them and what's right for their children" than their attached counterparts.

All that being said, however, the outlook for single parents seeking romance is not entirely dismal. LoveGeist research shows that, though single parents have endured negative experiences with relationships in the past, they are not opposed to marriage. Only 13% responded that they would not consider marriage in the future, the same percentage as the wider dating population, and only 20% worry about what their children might say about them dating again, a finding that suggests that "parents are confident their kids will demonstrate some level of understanding and encourage them to find happiness again."

Technology has played a massive role in helping single parents find new partners. "Not only are online support groups available that encourage taboos to be broken and new communities of like-minded people in similar situations to spring up," writes Robin Nixon, "but of course access to online dating enables many singles to take the first step on a journey that may not have been open to them even 10 years ago."

For more information on this United Kingdom dating site, please check out our review of Match.com in the UK.

During my years of hosting speed dating events, a few questions came up regularly from men, mostly concerning the confusing behavior of women. A couple of readers wrote to me recently asking how they could tell whether or not a woman was interested. Since this is an important subject and one that seems to be a consistent challenge, I thought I’d discuss it here.

The assumption among many men is that a woman’s behavior is confusing. She acts on the date as though she’s interested, but then she doesn’t return phone calls or keeps putting off the second date. She is sending them mixed signals, so they aren’t sure what actions and words to pay attention to and what to ignore. I can’t say I blame them. I acted the same way sometimes when I was dating.

Many women (and I would argue men as well) don’t like to hurt people’s feelings by being too direct. They feel if they tell someone on a date that they aren’t interested, it’s rude and unnecessarily mean. Instead, they prefer to ignore emails and phone calls and cancel dates on a regular basis. They figure the man (or woman) will eventually get the hint. It’s not the best way to handle things, but it happens a lot.

My advice is to be as honest as possible when it comes to dating. If you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling him in person that he’s not your type, then call or send him an email after the date saying thanks, but no thanks. There’s no need to be rude, but most people appreciate knowing what to expect rather than being left wondering what happened.

For those of you who are getting mixed signals, I would move on. Most women let men know if they are interested. They return calls and texts right away. If they’re not interested, they tend to pull a disappearing act. If you’re ready for a relationship but the woman you’re dating isn’t, there’s not much you can do to change that. If she is sending mixed signals, she may want to just have fun and has no intention of getting serious with you. Do you want to cause yourself unnecessary heartbreak?

Again, I advise daters to be clear about what you do and don’t want. Otherwise, it creates a lot of unnecessary confusion. Remember, if you are stuck trying to figure out where a relationship could go, you could be missing out on a great new relationship with someone who feels the same way you do. Take heart, accept the situation for what it is, and move on.

Many times, we start dating someone we find attractive and engaging...perfect in many ways, except for "just one thing". Whether the problem is significant or trivial: the way he laughs, the way he acts around his friends, or his choice of career, it gets in the way of your relationship and how you feel about him.

So how do you decide if you can get past "this one thing" and move forward into a relationship, or whether it's a deal-breaker for you? Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

Is this something I can overlook? For example, if your date likes to tell a lot of bad jokes when he's with his friends, is this something significant enough to end the relationship? Many times habits or personality traits can be bothersome, but if his other qualities outshine the annoyances (is he kind, considerate, thoughtful, etc.?), a little tolerance on your part can go a long way.

Is there a pattern in my relationships? If you tend to date people who cheat, lie, or otherwise act in a distrustful or disrespectful manner, consider why you're attracted to this type of person. There's a reason that it happens over and over again. It could be time to break the pattern and move on.

Do your values conflict? If your significant other acts in ways that conflict with your values, or is treating you or others with disrespect, there is little room for compromise. Both people in any relationship should feel respected and valued, and if he or she thinks your values or goals are irrelevant, this is a clear sign the relationship isn't what it should be.

Can I resist "fixing" him? Many women enter relationships thinking that they can change whatever it is they don't like about their significant others. However, relationships don't work that way. Instead of trying to fix him, work on your own patience, tolerance, etc. to let him be exactly as he is. If you're unable to resist being a "fixer", this may not be the relationship for you.

Am I flexible? Maybe she lives 2,000 miles away and one of you would have to consider leaving your friends, job, and home to be together, which is a big decision. Are either of you willing to take that risk? Or maybe he's part of a baseball league and won't make plans on Wednesdays or Saturdays because of the game schedule. Can you compromise on scheduling activities you do together? Flexibility of both parties is key in making relationship work.

Every relationship requires respect and mutual consideration. Many times we have to make compromises, which isn't a bad thing. Before you consider dumping someone because of an issue you can't see past, make sure that you aren't overlooking the good qualities, too.

Dating can be stressful, especially if you're looking to impress. There are plenty of ways to ensure you get started on the right foot...even before a first date takes place. It doesn't take much to make a woman feel special, especially if you show her you're interested and you're a man of your word. Following are some ways to make a good impression before the first date (or even second or third):

• Ask her out. Yes, that's right. Don't call her to see if she wants to "hang out" or "meet for a drink sometime"...call her and ask her out on a real date for a specific day and time. This one gesture goes a long way in showing her that you're interested and not just looking for a casual fling or friendship.
• Don't ask her to pick the place. I can't tell you how many times guys would ask me out and then ask if I could pick the restaurant, bar, etc. where we'd meet. This got me into trouble in several ways: the place was either too far away, too expensive, or not a "good vibe". If you are working within a certain budget or looking for a specific type of place, pick it! Whoever does the asking does the planning. And don't be upset if you ask her to choose and it's not a place you like. You lost your chance to complain when you put the responsibility on her.
• Don't rely on texting. I know many people feel that texting is the only way they can communicate, but it doesn't work so well for dating. If you want to ask a woman out on a first date, pick up the phone and call her. You can confirm the place, time, etc. via text, but don't initiate a date that way. Also, don't text her at 8pm and ask if she can meet you then. It shows her you're not that interested.
• Don't be a flake. Maybe your work schedule is unpredictable, so you have to change or cancel your date at the last minute. If you do cancel, make sure you reschedule for another date and time right away. If you leave things vague (i.e. "let's touch base next week") you might lose your chance because she may assume you're not that interested and move on.
• Dress for success. Maybe it's because I live in southern California, but there are many men here who show up to dates wearing board shorts and flip flops. If this is as dressed up as it gets for you, you may want to reconsider your wardrobe for dating. I don't expect or want a suit or jacket, but it does impress me when a man puts some effort into looking good...(i.e. hair is groomed and he's wearing clothes that are more current than 1997). If you are unsure, ask a female friend for help.

1. I will put myself out there. I can't find love if I don't make an effort to meet new people and go on dates.
2. I will ditch my dealbreakers. I may be missing out on great people because I'm focused on superficial qualities like height and hair color. This year, I will focus on what really counts: finding someone who makes me happy.
3. I will smile more often. Not only does smiling make me more appealing and approachable, it also boosts my mood and shares my positive energy with the world.
4. I will revamp my online dating profile. I've changed over the last year, and my profile should change with me so that it is an accurate reflection of who I am and what I want.
5. I will make dating a priority. I won't let work or Dancing With The Stars reruns get in the way of what I really want: a relationship with someone I love.
6. I will give my attitude a makeover. There are plenty of wonderful people out there...I just need to find them. I will let go of the idea that there's no one out there for me.
7. I will not take rejection personally. Some dates will work out, but it's not a reflection on who I am - it just means that we weren't right for each other, and we will find better partners in other people.
8. I will not let my past determine my future. It doesn't matter how many unfulfilling relationships I've been in - they do not mean that I do not deserve, or will not find, happiness.
9. I will speak to strangers. Even a simple "Hello!" gets me one step closer to meeting the person of my dreams.
10. I will let go of my expectations on dates. I will be open, kind, funny, honest, positive, a great listener, and do everything I can to be the best date I can be. Even if I don't meet my soulmate, I may end up meeting a new friend.
11. I will recognize my own self-worth. I am a unique and fabulous person, and I deserve to have everything I want in life and love.
12. I won't give up! Sometimes bad dates and breakups happen...but they're no reason to give up on my dream of finding love with a partner who's perfect for me.

Happy New Year!