Is She Sending Mixed Signals?
- Wednesday, January 05 2011 @ 09:30 am
- Contributed by: kellyseal
- Views: 2,812
During my years of hosting speed dating events, a few questions came up regularly from men, mostly concerning the confusing behavior of women. A couple of readers wrote to me recently asking how they could tell whether or not a woman was interested. Since this is an important subject and one that seems to be a consistent challenge, I thought I’d discuss it here.
The assumption among many men is that a woman’s behavior is confusing. She acts on the date as though she’s interested, but then she doesn’t return phone calls or keeps putting off the second date. She is sending them mixed signals, so they aren’t sure what actions and words to pay attention to and what to ignore. I can’t say I blame them. I acted the same way sometimes when I was dating.
Many women (and I would argue men as well) don’t like to hurt people’s feelings by being too direct. They feel if they tell someone on a date that they aren’t interested, it’s rude and unnecessarily mean. Instead, they prefer to ignore emails and phone calls and cancel dates on a regular basis. They figure the man (or woman) will eventually get the hint. It’s not the best way to handle things, but it happens a lot.
My advice is to be as honest as possible when it comes to dating. If you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling him in person that he’s not your type, then call or send him an email after the date saying thanks, but no thanks. There’s no need to be rude, but most people appreciate knowing what to expect rather than being left wondering what happened.
For those of you who are getting mixed signals, I would move on. Most women let men know if they are interested. They return calls and texts right away. If they’re not interested, they tend to pull a disappearing act. If you’re ready for a relationship but the woman you’re dating isn’t, there’s not much you can do to change that. If she is sending mixed signals, she may want to just have fun and has no intention of getting serious with you. Do you want to cause yourself unnecessary heartbreak?
Again, I advise daters to be clear about what you do and don’t want. Otherwise, it creates a lot of unnecessary confusion. Remember, if you are stuck trying to figure out where a relationship could go, you could be missing out on a great new relationship with someone who feels the same way you do. Take heart, accept the situation for what it is, and move on.
The assumption among many men is that a woman’s behavior is confusing. She acts on the date as though she’s interested, but then she doesn’t return phone calls or keeps putting off the second date. She is sending them mixed signals, so they aren’t sure what actions and words to pay attention to and what to ignore. I can’t say I blame them. I acted the same way sometimes when I was dating.
Many women (and I would argue men as well) don’t like to hurt people’s feelings by being too direct. They feel if they tell someone on a date that they aren’t interested, it’s rude and unnecessarily mean. Instead, they prefer to ignore emails and phone calls and cancel dates on a regular basis. They figure the man (or woman) will eventually get the hint. It’s not the best way to handle things, but it happens a lot.
My advice is to be as honest as possible when it comes to dating. If you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling him in person that he’s not your type, then call or send him an email after the date saying thanks, but no thanks. There’s no need to be rude, but most people appreciate knowing what to expect rather than being left wondering what happened.
For those of you who are getting mixed signals, I would move on. Most women let men know if they are interested. They return calls and texts right away. If they’re not interested, they tend to pull a disappearing act. If you’re ready for a relationship but the woman you’re dating isn’t, there’s not much you can do to change that. If she is sending mixed signals, she may want to just have fun and has no intention of getting serious with you. Do you want to cause yourself unnecessary heartbreak?
Again, I advise daters to be clear about what you do and don’t want. Otherwise, it creates a lot of unnecessary confusion. Remember, if you are stuck trying to figure out where a relationship could go, you could be missing out on a great new relationship with someone who feels the same way you do. Take heart, accept the situation for what it is, and move on.
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