Relationships

When people head to conventions for genres like comic books or science fiction, they might be concerned with the logistics of keeping their costume together. Maybe they're thinking about arriving in time to secure a place in line to get their favorite star's autograph, or hoping to score a good deal on rare merchandise. Still others, however, are wondering if they're going to meet someone special, someone who has the same passions.

The idea of finding love at a convention may sound strange, but it's not a bad idea at all. Everyone there likes at least something about the genre, so chances are you have common interests already. Conversation-starters abound, from crazy costumes to the prices of merchandise to speculating about the direction a series will take. The only problem is that conventions are often so hectic, and people so driven with their own agenda, that often people feel intimidated about approaching someone and starting a conversation.

Speed dating has begun to catch on in conventions as an easy way to bring like-minded singles together - and it has apparently caught the eye of TV's TLC Channel producers. A new show, "Geek Love", will premiere on December 18 in America on TLC. The show will focus on people who attend Ryan Glitch's Sci Fi Speed Dating events at conventions.

On the one hand, the premise of the show itself isn't a bad one. On the other hand, TLC, known for featuring reality shows about "unusual" families, medical anomalies and other gems such as "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," often walks a fine line between educational and exploitative. Do the producers of the channel really intend to show us a group of passionate people, deserving of love, or do they think people will enjoy laughing at a "bunch of nerds"?

The trailer for the show seems like it could go either way; the convention-goers don't seem particularly extreme or exceptionally awkward, but when the man leading the speed dating event shouts "Normal people suck!" one has to wonder if the "geek acceptance cause" wasn't just set back ten years. Either way, whether it's to root on those seeking love or pick up some basic do's and don'ts for speed dating, "Geek Love" might be worth a try.

One could say that the Internet has created an entire parallel world, one that still manages to affect our day-to-day lives (so maybe it’s a perpendicular world?). We don’t need to actually go out and shop; we can buy everything on the Internet and have it delivered. We don’t need to rely on cable TV; we can watch it through the Internet. We don’t even need to pick up the phone and order a pizza; we could do so through the pizza chain’s website. Almost every social interaction has a web-based alternative - including dating.

No longer do we have to spend time in smoke-filled bars or clubs, hoping someone shows up; we can seek people out and find new ones via online dating sites. Indeed, an online dating site is a pretty direct alternative to a singles bar; it’s a place that’s formally designated as a place for single people to meet with the intention of dating or starting a relationship (if you’re compatible).

Like a singles bar, it takes the guesswork out of the intent (no one can say, “Oh, I’m just here to hang out with my friends”). It’s probably the fastest, easiest way to meet new people. Everyone is on their best behavior, too. You can prepare your best first impression.

But what about random chance meetings? They can certainly happen anytime in the real world; it’s not uncommon to hear about people who met at the grocery store or the post office.

Likewise, don’t forget about the “grocery stores,” “malls” and “movie theaters” of the Internet; places where you might be interacting for some other reason. Maybe it’s a message board about home renovation, or a social networking site for your city.

The problem with such random interaction is that if you’re not thinking about dating or relationships, you might miss all the signs of a compatible person. Perhaps you’re focused on getting to the movie on time, or finding just the right tile for your kitchen. Either way, you might ignore that friendly, attractive person in front of you.

As you go about your day, as your perfect your online dating profile, or even run to the post office, just remember: You can meet someone new anytime, anywhere - and that includes the Internet.

Not every online dating website has the same sort of profile; even if it does, not everyone fills out their profile in the same manner. On the one hand, this is a good thing; human beings are unique and ought to be able to express themselves however they please. On the other hand, you want to be able to easily figure out who you’re dealing with, and wading through a laundry list of favorite restaurants might not be the most helpful. So if you’re new to the online dating world or just joined a new site with an unfamiliar format, what should you look for while perusing a profile?

First, look for basic facts. They might not want to give specifics, and that’s understandable from a privacy perspective. Still, you ought to be able to get a general idea. Do they list a general profession? Are they a student? Do they have hobbies or interests? Beware of profiles that say nebulous things like, “I love to have fun” without giving the slightest hint of what their idea of “fun” is - they could be spam accounts. In short, do you feel like you’re looking at the profile of a real person, or is it the online dating equivalent of those pictures of models included when you buy a new frame?

Once you’ve established that you’re dealing with a human being, get a feel for who they are. Do they have a sense of humor? Can you hear their “voice” through their writing? Are their pictures telling a story about their personality, or are they simply a series of in-the-mirror self portraits?

Next, it’s time to evaluate. Not everyone’s forte is writing, and beyond that, even a good writer might have a hard time when it’s their own profile, or if they’re new to the online dating world. If there’s anything that stands out to you, analyze whether it’s ultimately insignificant - a laundry list of favorite bands might be annoying but it’s not the end of the world - or whether it’s actually a red flag. Are you catching undertones of bitterness or negativity, or is this just someone who’s trying to be funny? Is this person being deliberately vague about the facts of their life, or are they just trying to show off their creative writing skills?

In short, the specific format of the profile doesn’t matter, as long as you can easily pull out the relevant strands of information. With time, you might find you can scan for the pertinent information first, then read the entire thing if you’re interested. And as you read more and more profiles, ask yourself: can others find the information they seek as easily on your own profile?

It’s not uncommon to hear that dating becomes more difficult as you get older. When you’re a kid, in school, you’re thrust into a group of mostly-single peers with similar backgrounds and shared experiences; finding someone you at least have something in common with is relatively less difficult. As an adult, you might be a few decades younger or older than your co-workers, and they might not be the gender you’re looking for; finding someone compatible isn’t as easy. However, that doesn’t mean you should despair after age 21! In fact, there are a few ways in which dating as an adult is actually easier.

First of all, there’s considerably less game-playing. Remember the days when you were told that child at school was mean because they secretly liked you? How about the phrase “hard-to-get”? Thankfully, most adults have moved past head games and just want to find a friend. Most of the remaining ambiguity comes from different factors: maybe they don’t realize they have feelings yet, or they’re dealing with baggage. While that can be frustrating too, at least most adults aren’t being obtuse because they feel like they should be.

Next, you’re probably in better shape, either mentally, physically or both. Teenagers are full of hormones, angst, and insecurity. They probably haven’t discovered the most flattering clothes and haircuts for their bodies. Some people might peak in high school, but most find they generally like themselves more at some later point - and that added confidence can do wonders for a relationship.

Finally, with maturity comes better perspective. An adult knows that there’s more to a good relationship than the latest hairstyle or a good car. All those “nice person” characteristics like stability, kindness, and honesty are now even more appreciated. Another adult may more easily spot your good qualities - and you can better identify theirs, as well.

If you find yourself in the dating world as an adult, don’t fret; it might be more difficult to find someone compatible at the mall, but once you find the right person, there are far more benefits to being a “grown-up.”

We covered a lot of ground in Part I and Part II, but there's one last thing that every loved up Holiday Survivalist needs: a well-equipped survival kit. This isn't your average survival kit - it doesn't include batteries, canned food, and a loaded rifle for when the zombies come. This is a relationship survival kit, a kit that contains everything you need to make it through the stressful holiday season with your couplehood intact.

So what should you pack in your holiday relationship survival kit?

• Candles and matches. In the event of a disaster things can seem pretty dark and bleak, especially during a season that's supposed to be about love, happiness, and togetherness. Make sure that you have candles on hand to shed light on those gloomy moments. Remind yourself of what the season is supposed to be about, and highlight the good things in your life. Put the spotlight on yourself when you need time alone, and on your partner when you need to focus on nurturing your relationship.

• First aid supplies. The holidays can be a painful time. Old scars begin hurting again, and new injuries are caused. The emotional wounds of the past and present can come flooding back during this time, from thoughts of relatives we have lost to conflicts with parents and siblings left over from childhood. Remember this as you enter the holiday season, and be prepared to be each other's support system if it's needed.

• A battery-operated clock. It's easy to lose track of time, especially when life feels crazier than usual and you're not thinking straight. But time doesn't stop or change because it's a special time of year, so plan accordingly. Don't over-schedule yourself and add unnecessary stress to an already-stressful time. Don't commit to more things than you can reasonably accomplish, and don't be afraid to say "no" to things that will add to the strain. Plan family time in a way that is fair and comfortable for both you and your partner, and don't forget to schedule in time for yourselves!

• Walkie-talkies. Communication is key at all times, but it's twice as important during a crisis. Keep a clear line of communication open between you and your partner, so that you have a strong support system in place when the pressure gets overwhelming. Discuss your feelings on big issues like family time, traditions, gift buying, finances, and scheduling.

Arm yourself with this gear, and you will be fully prepared to take on any disasters the holiday season throws at you.

I recently heard an older woman scoffing about online dating. “Why do people have to turn to the Internet?” she asked. “When I was growing up, it was perfectly acceptable to find someone from your own town. Your own high school, even! And I came from a class of 300!”

Granted, it was just a typical “In my day...” statement that all people will make at some point, but it got me thinking. Why do we need to broaden our search? If the world is growing ever more crowded, why do we search increasingly greater distances? Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.

First of all, it’s true that historically people frequently met and married people much closer to home. It made more sense for the society at the time - all socializing was pretty much limited to the town limits, so these were the people with whom you probably had the most in common. Even then, there were the occasional people who felt the need to stretch their wings, and they went off to “big cities” to find people more like them.

But consider our society today. First, people move around the country much more frequently, so where you live now is likely not where you grew up. Thus, you’re not tied by the same background. Secondly, think about interests and hobbies. Over time it’s become possible to be interested in an increasingly wide variety of pastimes, and the Internet has only facilitated that. In turn, if you’ve got an obscure hobby, the chances of knowing someone local with the same interest become increasingly small.

Online dating is an excellent way to find people more like yourself, no matter where you live or how obscure your interests are. By doing a simple search, you can find people who have more in common with you instantly than you might through chance meetings over an entire year.

That being said, don’t underestimate the power of simple chemistry. While online dating can certainly shorten a long search, there’s always the chance that you just might find someone down the street, or at work. The world is very big - but don’t be so concerned with the horizon that you miss the path in front of you!