A Holiday Relationship Survival Guide (Part II)

To beat the holiday breakup blues, I suggested in Part I that couples do their best to enter the season prepared. When you anticipate the major stressors ahead of time, you can come up with solutions while you're clear-headed and calm, rather than in the heat of the moment when your judgment will be clouded. Let's take a look at two of the most common challenges, and their solutions, faced by couples during the holidays:

Problem #1: Family turf wars.

Family time tops the list of holiday stressors for so many couples. It feels like everyone wants a piece of you and they all want it at exactly the same time, so not only are you stressed about making time for them, you're stressed about finding time for yourselves as a couple, too. And don't even think about alone time.

Solution: Take care of yourselves first. Look at both of your schedules, and block out some "just the two of us" time. Unwind, bond, and forget about family obligations for a little while. When it's time to think about your families again, approach it with a relaxed attitude. As my father always says, "You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." Know that you may not be able to make everyone completely happy, and that's ok. Don't let yourself be guilt-tripped into anything that adds to your stress. Find the fairest solution possible - dinners on different days, or trading off holidays - and stick to it.

Problem #2: Merging holiday traditions.

This is a huge headache for so many couples. Maybe you can't decide if you're going to celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or both. Maybe one family opens gifts on Christmas Day, and one family opens gifts on Christmas Eve. Maybe one prefers to start holiday dinners early, and the other prefers to keep the party going all night long. Whatever the conflict is, the result is the same: misunderstandings, stress, and hurt feelings.

Solution: First and foremost, remember that neither of you is right or wrong. Your traditions are different, but one is not better than the other and they all deserve respect. Second, communicate. It's a cliché in the relationship world, but it's true - if you can't communicate about what's important to you, you'll never feel heard or happy. This is the perfect time to put your negotiation skills to good use. Pick out a few of the traditions that are most important to you, and explain to your partner why they mean so much. Listen to his or her list in return, then discuss and compromise. Come up with a solution that allows both of you to continue at least one of the traditions that you hold dearest.