Relationships

Having a happy and fulfilling love life is not only dependent on finding the right person, but also on how you approach your relationships.

Many of us look at a happy couple and think that they got lucky in finding each other. But the truth is, they have cultivated happiness within the relationship, which takes effort from both parties.

Following are some tips to help you cultivate happiness in your own relationships:

Take charge of your own happiness. This is perhaps the simplest concept, but the hardest one to practice. We seek out romantic relationships to fall in love. We want our partners to make us happy, to fulfill our needs. But constantly looking outside yourself for approval, happiness, or fulfillment doesn't work. When you understand what your needs are, how to address them, and feel happy in your own right - then you will fare much better in creating a happy relationship.

Have gratitude. This sounds cliché, especially when you're unhappy, but it is a very powerful tool in creating lasting happiness. Instead of always focusing on what you lack, think of everything you have in your life - family, friends, pets, your home, your job, or whatever else gives you a sense of belonging, peace or fulfillment. Be grateful for what you have now - in the present - instead of dwelling in the past or in the future. Make a list, and read it in the mornings to remind yourself to get in the habit of living in the present moment.

Communicate well. It's easy to tell someone what you want, especially your significant other, but it's not always effective. "I need you to be..." and "why don't you ever..." are not great ways of communicating and feeling heard. Instead, focus on the language and tone of voice you use when you communicate with your partner, and express how you feel instead of criticizing everything you think they're doing wrong. For example, "It makes me feel frustrated when..." It's important to express your feelings, but refrain from criticism and blame.

Don't let your own happiness come second to your partner's. It's important to communicate your feelings if you're upset or unhappy about something instead of always giving in to your significant other's wishes. If you sacrifice your own happiness for that of someone else, you'll feel resentful eventually, and that eats away at the fabric of a good relationship.

Most importantly, understanding your own needs and creating your own happiness - independent of anyone else's - is a path to happier relationships with everyone in your life.

It’s probably not much of a stretch to say that the majority of people with online dating profiles are hoping to find their “true love” - or, at the least, a committed, long-term relationship. However, not everyone is looking for something long-term, and some people aren’t looking for anything exclusive. What special considerations should they bear in mind?

First, be clear and upfront about your intentions. Assume that the default position on a non-niche site is that the readers are single, looking for someone with whom they share the potential for a long-term, committed, exclusive relationship. If you’re looking for something different, you need to say so. You might find that it gets you less responses in the short term, but it will be just as frustrating later (if not more so) when someone breaks things off after they realize you want different things.

It doesn’t have to sound harsh or crude; there are all stages of life, and you happen to be in one where true love isn’t your top priority. Think about what your priorities are - fun, maybe, or friendship, or maybe keeping things low-stress - and play up the positive aspects of that. You probably want to avoid overt statements about physical relationships; again, that’s sort of the default when people are looking to date, so there’s no need to go into gory detail... unless “hooking up” is your sole priority, and then it’s better to be honest.

Next, remember that you don’t need to apologize for wanting an unconventional relationship; one of the benefits of online dating sites is that they help you find a match, even when you have unconventional interests. Being upfront and confident about what you’re looking for is the best way to find a date that’s right for you. Remember, you’re looking for someone whose priorities are on par with yours. No need to apologize to someone who doesn’t fit those, any more than you would apologize for not being the same political affiliation, or for being a vegetarian. These are your life choices.

With these tips, and the usual editing requirements, you should be well on your way to finding people with similar goals and desires, even if they’re unconventional. They’re out there - you just might need to take a little time with some custom searches to find them. And of course, make sure your profile doesn’t get lost in the shuffle, so they can find you!

Attempting to sum up your entire, multi-layered personality in one online dating profile can be daunting. And not surprisingly, the main “theme” many choose to focus on is the balance in their life: they’re not too serious, but they know when to buckle down. Or perhaps she knows how to have fun watching a football game, but that doesn’t mean she’s not feminine. We all have two sides to ourselves, but the challenge becomes figuring out how to say it without just appearing completely confused.

First, remember that the self-summary is the meat and potatoes of your profile. Yes, most profiles have lots of helpful charts and quizzes and whatnot, but we all know that the self-summary is where we go first, and it’s what we remember. Don’t spend your two paragraphs going on about your birdwatching hobby and then wonder why that’s all anyone thinks you’re interested in, when you clearly selected the bullet point that said “rocket scientist” next to “employment” at the bottom of the page! Figure out what your central message is, and try to fit into two or three paragraphs.

While the self-summary is what tells the main story, everything else in the profile can help color in the details. Maybe you mention you’re a film buff, and elsewhere you get an opportunity to actually list some of your favorites (just remember to avoid laundry lists that fill a page - keep it between five and ten). Perhaps you mention that you’re a chemist, and you include a few pictures complete with “mad scientist” coat and bubbling beakers. Even your user name can help paint a picture of who you are.

Just remember that you’re striving for balance, and that includes in all your peripherals as well. If one of your main points is that you enjoy reading books and being a homebody, but your user name is “Partydude,” your pictures are all of wild nights at the club and you don’t actually list any favorite books, you’re just not going to get that “side” of you across even if you shout about it from the rooftops.

Remember to relax - your profile is meant to be just a taste of who you are, not a document laying out your various moods and whims. However, if you view the various aspects of your profile as a way to tell a cohesive story (instead of a series of disconnected sections), you’ll be well on your way toward creating the first impression you want.

When it comes to online dating, one of the biggest hurdles many have is learning to write a profile that’s confident. True, no one wants to appear like they’re bragging, but if you’re self-deprecating in your profile, no one will speak up to tell your readers just how awesome you really are. And the same is true of your first dates, right? Well... maybe not.

Here’s the thing: your online dating profile is your sales pitch. It basically tells everyone why you’re just so fantastic. On your first date, however, the primary goal is feeling out your compatibility - whether there’s a spark between the two of you, whether your personalities mesh well, whether you drive each other crazy. In short, it’s not all about you.

The problem comes when our nerves turn on. When asked tell her date about herself, Alice started rambling on, and then realized her words sounded vaguely familiar. She was reciting her online profile, almost word for word! By the suspicious look on her date’s face, she knew she wasn’t the only one who noticed the similarity. She wasn’t a scammer who had a limited script - she’d just spent so much time “pitching” herself in her own mind that it became her default mode.

Ask yourself: would you like to eat dinner with someone who was trying to sell you a car the entire time? Not likely. No one likes to hear a sales pitch when they’re just trying to get to know you. To avoid Alice’s plight, the number one thing to remember is that your date will have read your profile, perhaps several times - so unless they specifically ask, you don’t need to refresh their memory. Now, giving details, like responding to “Your trip to Venice looked amazing. Did you ride in a gondola?” is something entirely different, and encouraged.

The next best thing to remember is to relax! You’ve done the hard “sales work” already. You’re not trying to win a competition or do well on a job interview - you’re just seeing if you’re a good fit with another person. Ask questions, and actually listen to the answers. You’re not on stage, so don’t feel like you have to perform.

With these factors in mind, your dates will hopefully be more natural and less anxious. Again, remember that your profile has already done the hard work and gotten you to the first date. Now it’s time to relax and focus on the chemistry between you and your potential match!

New relationships can be tricky. Especially if you have a close friend who is suddenly unavailable because of her new boyfriend. You're happy for her, but you also want to be part of her life and suddenly you feel abandoned. You can't go out alone together anymore - everywhere she goes, he comes along with her. You can't easily call her at the last minute to get together for a drink and tell her about your day, and you miss her.

So what do you do - do you tell her how you feel, or do you keep silent and wait for this heady in love phase to pass?

While I'd like to give a straightforward answer to this question, it's a tricky thing to navigate. Friendships, like romantic relationships, can change over time. It's a natural thing: friends have less time for each other as they grow older, either because of work, or because they get married, have children, or have other life obligations that take them elsewhere.

Despite this normal life trajectory, you shouldn't have to say goodbye every time your friend finds a new love. If this seems to be a pattern, and she comes running to you whenever she breaks up with someone, then where's the happy medium?

My best advice is to put yourself in your friend's shoes. If you were to find someone special and fall in love, would you want her to be happy for you? Would you prefer to spend your free time with him? If you answered yes to these questions, then you can better understand your friend's point of view. That said, your feelings matter, too.

While I don't advocate putting a guilt trip on your friend or making her feel bad for her choices, you can approach the subject by talking about how the situation makes you feel. For example: "I really miss spending time with you," or "I would love to hang out together again, just the two of us." This way, you are letting her know how you feel without criticizing her choices.

Another thing to remember: romantic, heady love doesn't last. Soon either your friend will break up with him or they will create a life together, which means the romantic days of wanting to spend all their time together won't continue indefinitely. Either way, your friend will want you to be part of her life again, and hopefully you'll still want to be part of hers, too.

Instead of focusing on what you're missing, try socializing more with other friends and going on dates. You'll find when you keep your life moving forward it helps you to be a better friend, as well as a better romantic partner when you do find the right person.

eHarmony did it, and now it's Match.com's turn to take on the Olympics. Inspired by the global games, Match conducted an international challenge of its own to see how singles from around the world stack up. Match surveyed over 3,000 singles from six countries - the US, the UK, France, Australia, Japan, and Canada - to learn more about each nation's unique take on the dating game.

Some countries, despite being separated by thousands of miles and massive bodies of water, proved to be remarkably similar in their dating habits. Other results revealed stark differences in cultural dating norms. Here's a look at the podium lineup:

• The gold medal for most dates was awarded to the United States. 77% of American singles reported going on two or more dates in the past year, followed by Canada (71%) and the UK (67%). Australia came in last place, with 46%. Better luck at the next games, Australia!
• The US also scored highly in the "Boldest Women" category, but Canadian ladies ultimately took the gold. 63% of Canadian women and 62% of American women reported taking the lead and asking men out on dates.
• The gold for "Independent Thinking" went to France, where 74% of French singles said that their friends' opinions don't factor into their dating choices. In second place, after a wide gap, was Japan at 47%. North America came in at the opposite end of the spectrum, with 70% of Americans and 68% of Canadians reporting that friends' opinions are very important when it comes to choosing a mate.
• The award for most egalitarian went to the UK, at least when it comes to finances. The majority of women in the UK (52%) said they offer to split the check 50/50 on alternating dates, far more than women in any other country. The ladies most averse to picking up the tab reside in France, where 27% of respondents said they would never pick up the check while on a date (they were followed by Australians at 20% and Americans at 17%).
• Australia took home the gold for most PDA-friendly nation, where 22% of survey participants said the more PDA, the better. Other nations may be more reticent, but all expressed approval of low-key PDA, like hand-holding.
• The French continued their winning privacy streak by earning the gold for "Least Likely To Kiss And Tell." 35% of French singles said they prefer not to share the details of their dates with friends, while a whopping 92% of US singles said they'd be happy to spill the beans to their friends.
• Japan brought home the top awards for love and commitment. 82% said they believe in love at first sight, compared to more skeptical nations like the UK, where 58% reported believing in the phenomenon. Japanese singles are also the most likely to shack up after less than a year of dating (59%), with the US (34%) and Canada (31%) picking up the rear.

And who was victorious in the most competitive event of all? The gold for "Hottest Singles In The World" went to...everyone. Participants from every country surveyed overwhelmingly voted their own singles into the top spot.

To find out more about the service which brought you this survey you can check out our review of Match.com