Relationships

You've been dating a guy for the past month, and clicked from the start. There was so much chemistry between you it was hard to ignore, so you jumped right in. But just as quickly as you two seemed to hit it off, he has suddenly becomes less and less available, and completely unreliable. One minute he's telling you you're amazing, and the next he's cancelling plans at the last minute or ignoring your text messages.

Sound familiar? Maybe you're beating yourself up right now trying to figure out what happened. Maybe you're asking yourself - did I say something wrong? Is he really just too busy with work? Does he even want to go out anymore?

If your date runs hot and cold - one minute he's totally into you and the next he's not returning a text, you have to wonder what's going on. It can be frustrating and confusing, but there are reasons behind this behavior.

Following are some possible explanations:

He's immature. It's possible that he's not ready for a real relationship, especially if he's in his early twenties and wanting to explore his options a bit. If this is the case, and you want something more serious, it's better to move on. You're in different places in your life, so don't try to force a relationship.

He's a player. Many women ignore the red flags because players can be so good at making a woman feel special. But if he keeps you at a distance, or can only have a relationship on his terms, then you know you're dealing with someone who's not being completely honest about his intentions.

He needs time. Most guys aren't convinced that they want a relationship after only a couple of dates, even if the chemistry is there. Ask yourself if you come on too strong, or if you're looking for some kind of commitment too soon. Sometimes people can be turned off quickly by the smell of desperation. All relationships need some time to build, so don't get carried away with the heady chemistry of the first few dates. Slow it down and allow the relationship to unfold more slowly - see if it's truly right for both of you.

He doesn't know what he wants. Has he dated a lot of women? Did any of these relationships last? If not, then it's likely because he's not very clear about what he wants from a relationship. Maybe he knows the physical types he's attracted to, but he hasn't considered what he needs from a woman emotionally, which is important, too.

Most importantly, listen to your gut. Are his actions consistent with his words? This is how you know if a good relationship with your date is possible.

The holidays can be a stressful time of year, especially for navigating romantic relationships. If you're single, you wonder how to meet someone new. If you've just started dating someone, maybe you're debating whether or not to ask him to your office party or a friend's holiday gathering.

There are no right or wrong answers, but it's a good idea to take a deep breath and concentrate on enjoying yourself this season. After all, the holidays are a time for us to express gratitude, do kind things for others, and indulge in a little holiday eating. The stress is something we put on ourselves, but recognize that you don't have to. Follow these simple steps for dating during the holidays:

If you're single:

Go out. Accept those invitations to parties, office happy hours, and family gatherings. Even though time is short and we often feel stretched, it's a good idea to make time to cultivate relationships, especially this time of year. Don't put pressure on yourself to find someone special, just meet people, circulate, and have some fun. Open yourself up to new experiences.

Ignore the nay-sayers. There will be friends and family members who ask you about your love life, but you don't have to make excuses or go into detail about why you broke up with your last boyfriend or why you're still single. Instead, if you'd rather not talk about you, change the subject to focus on them, what they're up to - and don't feel pressured to answer their questions. If they keep pushing, feel free to excuse yourself and walk away.

If you just started dating:

Parties aren't mandatory. That is, don't feel compelled to ask your new love interest to go to your office party or to your Aunt Jenny's Christmas brunch just because you're dating. Taking a date could bring up all sorts of uncomfortable questions or make Aunt Jenny think it's more serious than it is. There's plenty of time to introduce him to your family and co-workers after the holidays at your own pace. Don't feel bad if he doesn't invite you to his work party, either. Both of you are allowed to do your own thing.

Gifting isn't required. It's a good idea to talk about gifts before the holidays, and whether or not you want to exchange them. There's no need to put pressure on yourselves and the relationship if you've just started dating, so I say refrain and wait on giving gifts until you've been dating longer. If you're really excited to get him something, don't do it with the expectation that he will give you a gift in return - unless you talk about it first.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself and the festivities of the season. Happy holidays!

You know that annoying couple you're friends with on Facebook? The one who's always putting up soppy status updates, cutesy pictures, and stomach-churningly sweet wall posts?

Prepare yourself: they're about to get even more annoying.

Facebook has recently launched a digital version of relationships at Facebook.com/us. If you're in a relationship on Facebook, the new page collects all posts, events, and photos that both you and your significant other are tagged in. It's a one stop shop for all the details of your digital romance.

Reviews are...mixed, to say the least.

Many of us are addicted to Facebook - or at least we try and check it a couple of times a day. And while it's a great tool to connect people virtually, it can wreak havoc on your heart after a break-up.

Instead of using Facebook as a weapon or retreating from your online life altogether to lick your wounds, there are some basic guidelines to help you navigate your social media world to avoid confrontation, unhappiness, and just general bad blood between you and your ex. (Pay special attention if you're in the middle of divorce - your Facebook status updates and comments can be used in court.)

Avoid these mistakes when you're posting and commenting on FB.

Watch those party pictures. Don't post photos of yourself out partying with other girls if you just broke up with your girlfriend. Even if she dumped you for another man. Allow some time and distance first, and don't do it in retaliation. You'll thank yourself once the anger passes. You don't want to come off looking desperate and jealous.

Avoid posting on his/her wall. There's no need to get snarky with comments or blow off steam by posting a rant on your ex's wall. Even if you need to get something off your chest, don't do it in a public forum where your words could be easily misconstrued (as those of a crazy ex). Instead, talk in person or over the phone if you need to air out your grievances. Don't do it over Facebook.

Don't stalk. While it's tempting to see what your ex up to every minute, refrain from looking at his Facebook page. You don't need to question who all of his new female friends are, or see what he did last night. This will keep you stuck in the past, dwelling on him and what might have been. If you can't help looking and have to de-friend him, then do it.

Your wall isn't a blog. Avoid writing all the gory details about your break-up for all to see. They don't want to know all of the circumstances leading up to it, and once it's out there, it's hard to erase. Err on the side of caution and use restraint.

Don't involve your FB friends. They don't belong in the middle of the fight you might be having with your ex. They aren't social media referees. Instead of engaging them in a three-way conversation with your ex, keep it classy. If you want to vent to a friend, that's fine, but take it offline.

Have you tried to use this social network as a dating tool? To find out how you should read our Facebook review.

We use the word “compatibility” all the time. But what does it really mean to be compatible? Like so many other words we use to describe relationships (“love,” for example, or “chemistry”) it’s a nebulous term that probably means different things to different people at different times. But we can at least remind ourselves of a few key factors as we peruse profiles and meet people on dates.

First, there’s what most people probably think of first: mutual physical attraction. This often overlaps with “chemistry.” This one is interesting in that it’s very difficult to begin a relationship without physical attraction, but it’s one of the things most susceptible to change, whether by time, or medical conditions, or fate, or whim. Most people will tell you that you definitely need that “spark” to start off a relationship, but they’ll also say you definitely need more than that to maintain one. Not to mention the fact that for some, attraction grows over time... it’s a tricky element, to be sure.

The next factor people generally think of is common interests. This is what we tend to rely on to gauge compatibility as we look at profiles. Often, it’s not the specifics that really matter - do you really have to share the same movie? - it’s that we know that our interests help paint a picture of who we are. We can tell, at least a little, what the person values, what their sense of humor is like, maybe even a bit about their personality, just from their interests. Sure, we might surmise wrongly from time to time, but it at least gives us a hint, rather than meeting blindly. So it’s not the interests themselves that are necessarily so important, it’s that they can be a clue to the person behind them (also why people can be compatible and not have many common interests; it’s the people themselves that share the compatibility).

One factor in compatibility that people tend to forget: the ability to have fun together. All the common interests in the world won’t help if all you’ll do is argue about the specifics of them. In contrast, another couple might few each other’s world as completely exotic and alien - but an adventure they’re willing to take. Similar to the common interests issue, when you’re in sync on having a good time it can actually be indicative of complementary personalities, world views, and other aspects of your personality. Every couple has to work on skills like communication, but in some couples, some things just seem “easier.” It’s a great asset to have, because life itself isn’t always easy.

Now as you head out on dates, when you ask yourself if you’re compatible you’ll have a few elements to consider. Do you have that spark of physical chemistry? Do you share common interests, and more importantly, do you have a good time talking about what you share and what you don’t? If your answer to all of the above is an enthusiastic “Yes,” you probably already know that you’re eager to see your date again. But if you’re not certain, perhaps this will help you determine why.

We all have little voices in our heads from time to time, telling us what we're doing wrong or if we should be doing one thing instead of another. Many times, this little voice prevents us from taking chances. And the voice only gets louder when we date.

The problem is, life is about taking risks, and that's especially true when it comes to relationships. You're trusting your emotions with someone else, which requires vulnerability - that's no small thing.

But the little voice in your head may want to talk you out of feeling hopeful, or thinking that you'll meet the right person. Maybe it tells you that you'll never find a lasting relationship, or that online dating is pointless because you haven't yet met someone special. Does this mean that the voice is right?

Hardly. But we have to learn when to pay attention and when to shut it off. Most of the time, these negative thoughts aren't true - and they can steer you in the wrong direction. Too much negative thinking can impact your relationships and life in general.

Following are some dating myths you might tell yourself, and why you shouldn't:

Myth #1 - There are no good men/women out there. More than 50% of U.S. adults are single, so there are plenty of good men and women out there. Of course the majority aren't going to click with you on an intimate level, but does that mean you should discount everyone? Of course not! Keep an open mind and sense of adventure.

Myth #2 - It's too late - I'll never find anyone. Again, not true. People of all ages find real love. It requires patience, vulnerability, and being willing to take risks - no matter where you are in life.

Myth #3 - I'm a failure at relationships. Just because you've had a few unsuccessful dates or boyfriends doesn't mean you're a failure. It's a challenging process to not only find someone special, but prepare yourself to partner with someone else. So give yourself a break - every relationship gives you better perspective for the future.

Myth #4 - I'm not successful/pretty/thin enough to find someone. Everyone has different tastes, so don't assume you know what someone else's are before you've even met. Also, don't judge yourself by only one aspect you might see as a shortfall. You are a whole package, so make a list of all of your good qualities if you have to!

Myth #5 - If I keep dating, it's more of the same. Again, this is negative thinking. Instead of getting stuck with this voice in your head, expand your dating opportunities. Accept invitation to parties where you don't know many people, strike up a conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop, take more risks. Then it won't be the same old, same old.