Relationships

Many of us are so focused on the destination, we rarely enjoy or appreciate the journey to get us there. I believe this is very true with dating. We're so focused on finding the right person - the one who will make us happy - that we tend to forget about what brings us happiness right now.

The journey is as important as finding that special someone. In all likelihood, you're not the same person you were five years ago. Your relationships help you evolve, whether or not they last for years or just a few short weeks. All of our dating experiences, no matter how brief, contribute to who we are right now.

Instead of focusing on the end goal of finding Mr. or Miss Right, I suggest to start 2014 on a different note. Embrace your single lifestyle instead.

It's time to look at dating from another perspective. We're so tied to the idea of our Mr. Perfect (maybe you've even made a wish list of everything you desire in a perfect partner) - that we don't really see the person in front of us when we're dating. Maybe he doesn't rock your world in terms of chemistry, or maybe he's not physically what you pictured but he makes you laugh, or maybe his career and education don't match yours but he's smart, sweet and kind. Are you going to agree to a second date, or just write him off because he's not what you imagined?

I suggest that if you're uncertain or indifferent about a first date, you agree to go on at least three dates with him/her before you decide he just isn't for you. The point is, sometimes our preconceived notions of who someone is clouds our judgment. You can't know someone after only one date - even the person you felt incredible chemistry with. It takes time, so be willing to spend it. Plus, you'll probably get to know some interesting people along the way.

Sometimes it's hard to put yourself out there, too. Meeting people requires effort - it requires you to get out of your house when sometimes you don't feel like it. Occasionally it might feel like another job. But it doesn't have to. A few tweaks to your priorities and schedule can help.

For instance, instead of lining up several coffee dates (snooze - don't you feel like you have the same old conversations?), try doing something you like instead. Want to squeeze in a workout? How about indoor rock climbing with your date? Or if you would like to take your dog to the park, suggest you walk dogs together. Just think of what you'd like to do anyway and incorporate it into a date. It makes the date more interesting and more fun, and helps motivate you to keep meeting more people.

Happy dating!

February 14th is around the corner, which is typically not a holiday singles get excited about. Maybe you see co-workers getting fancy flower arrangements or chocolates, or happy couples embracing in the street, and you would rather the holiday just pass quickly so all the fuss could stop.

But Valentine's Day isn't just about couples, it's a actually a celebration of love in general. When I was single, I made sure to celebrate with my friends, who were my ultimate support network. Others might want to treat themselves to something they've always wanted to do. There's no reason to sit out this holiday just because you're single. Make it a point to celebrate. It's all about love.

Here are some ideas for whatever makes you happy.

Celebrating with friends:

Dinner and a movie. Do you want a relaxing night at home? Gather a group of friends together and make it a potluck, or cook dinner together and enjoy it with a good movie. Don't feel the need to watch a rom-com; there are plenty of comedy shows and stand-up acts that will make the evening a little more fun.

Listen to music. Sometimes, there's nothing better than hanging with your friends and listening to some live music. Is there a dive bar near you doing anything special, or a smaller theatre where local bands perform? You don't have to spend a lot of money or include a date to make it a memorable evening.

Meeting men:

Going out with the girls. Valentine's Day is actually the best day to meet eligible men. The taken ones are with their significant others, wining and dining - but you and your friends can go to a bar or club and be sure you're meeting men who are truly single.

Sports bars. Where is the best place to be on Valentine's Day if you want to meet men? Go where no guy would venture to take his significant other on February 14th - the local sports bar. Enjoy a game and a beer and have fun chatting it up with lots of single men.

Taking care of you:

Book a spa appointment. If you're not excited about getting together with friends, treat yourself. This is a day to take care of you, so book a massage or facial and enjoy. Relaxing at a nice spa is a great way to spend your evening, and you'll be in good company.

Sign up for a new class. Maybe you're looking for something a little different to move your life forward. Have you been wanting to take an Argentinian cooking class or check out Zumba? Have you always wanted to rock climb? Now is the time to explore - on Valentine's Day.

eHarmony's very first marriage was John and Vicki Vystrcil, from Frisco, TX. The pioneering couple was married in 2001 and they've been going strong ever since. With more than a decade of experience and a track record like that, it's safe to say that eHarmony knows a thing or two about holy matrimony.

If tying the knot is on your resolutions list this year, sandwiched between spending less time staring at your phone and more time on the StairMaster at the gym, eHarmony has released a few key insights gathered during its decade+ history. eHarmony asked its married couples to detail their experience with the service in a recent study and compiled their responses into a report. The report, called eHarmony Married Couples by the Numbers Facts, asked important questions about the online dating experience:

How long does it take to meet your spouse on eHarmony?

• 71% of women meet their spouse within a year
• 69% of men meet their spouse within a year

How long does it take from when you are matched when you marry?

• The median time from when people are matched to when they marry is 1.8 years

How far apart do you live?

• The median distance at the time couples were matched was 20.2 miles

Who initiates communication first?

• 53% of the time, men initiated the first communication
• However, women become more likely to initiate communication as they get older
• Women in their 70s initiated the first communication 55.8% of the time

What's the age difference?

• On average, husbands are 2.39 years older than their wives

What's the education level?

• More than 70% of women and men are college educated or higher

This year, eHarmony has something special in mind to celebrate its successful matches. The dating service plans to bring seven of the more than 600,000 married couples who found love on the site to be part of its float entitled Everlasting Love in the 2014 Tournament of Roses Parade. The couples chosen to showcase their love and inspire others who are still searching for it will ride alongside the Grammy award-winning star Natalie Cole, as she sings her hit (and eHarmony commercial theme song) "This Will Be" down the parade route.

The Vystrcils will be joined on the float by other notable eHarmony couples, including a couple who married when they were 75 years old, a couple who appeared on an eHarmony commercial in 2012, and a couple who formed a real-life Brady Bunch.

It's the stuff of romantic movies: the story of two best friends who are secretly in love and seem perfect for each other - the same hobbies, interests, and maybe even career - but they are too afraid to reveal their feelings. Of course in the movies, they end up falling in love and everything works out perfectly, and all of their friends and family wonder what took so long. But in real life, it's not so easy.

Friendships and love are a tricky mix. Many people don't want to risk losing the friendship just to see if they can be in a relationship together, so they choose to remain silent. What happens if you reveal your feelings and your friend rejects you? If one person doesn't feel the same about the other, can things go back to the way they were? It's hard to remain friends if a romantic relationship doesn't work out. It can be awkward for both of you to carry on as though nothing has changed.

On the other hand, it's likely that your feelings don't live in a bubble, and that maybe your friend has gotten a hint from you from time to time that you might be interested. Maybe both of you have refused to talk about it.

I think more often than not, the truth will eventually come out, because it's hard to hide growing feelings of love. It's good to be prepared to face your feelings about your friend and be honest with him about how you feel. Otherwise, you can't move on with your own life.

If you're wondering what to do, following are some questions you can ask yourself to see if a romance with your friend is something you'd like to pursue.

Does he talk to you about his dating life? If he's confiding in you about the women he dates - what sex with them is like, how he feels about them, what romantic gestures he wants to make, likely he feels that you are nothing more than a friend. If he mentions "you're like a sister to me," then this is another sign he isn't thinking about you in a romantic way. If you want to preserve your friendship, it's probably best to move on.

Do you feel that you can be in a long-term relationship with him? Sometimes we mistake feelings of attraction towards friends of the opposite sex for real love. Maybe you're physically attracted to him and want to see what it would be like to have sex, but you're not interested in anything long-term. Do you want to end your friendship over a curiosity? Make sure you know what you want first.

What would you do if it didn't work out? Sometimes friends embark on a romantic relationship, only to realize that it's not working as they hoped. What would you do after a break-up? Could you go back to being friends? Would you be at peace with taking a break and not seeing him for a while? Be reasonable about your expectations.

Does having a healthy body image contribute to a better relationship?

According to a new study by Tallinn University, women who were satisfied with their body image were found to maintain happier relationships, too.

The study was based on survey data drawn from 256 women between the ages of 20 and 45. Nearly 72% of respondents were cohabitating with their partners and 28% were married.

After studying the responses, lead researcher Sabina Vatter noticed that women who were satisfied with their relationships were more likely to be satisfied with their body weight regardless of whether or not they had an ideal body type or weight. She also discovered that these findings corresponded to higher levels of self-esteem and low self-consciousness.

"This shows that body and body weight can create general satisfaction, which would be forwarded to feelings for a romantic partner," Vatter said.

Additionally, those participants who were dieting or who just came off a diet were more likely to be self-conscious about their bodies. They were less satisfied with their body weight, weighed themselves more often and had higher BMIs than those who had not been on a diet. They also reported lower satisfaction with their relationships.

Women who were most critical of their body image were found to have less satisfaction in their relationship, including their sexual relationship with a partner.

According to Vatter, "These findings suggest that our satisfaction with body size, shape and weight has more to do with how happy we are in important areas of our lives, like our romantic relationships, than it does with what the bathroom scales say."

The study didn't mention any other factors related to body image as part of the survey, but focused specifically on the connection between body image and relationship satisfaction. Many women compare themselves to an ideal body type they can't duplicate but perhaps see in magazines, causing more feelings of anxiety which can also impact relationships.

According to the study, those women who have greater levels of acceptance and more self-esteem about their bodies (and less inhibition) are able to have happier and more fulfilling relationships, including the sexual component. But it goes both ways - happier relationships can help create happier feelings about your body.

"When a woman was satisfied with her relationship, she was also satisfied with her body weight, which also applies vice versa," said Vatter. "Higher body-weight satisfaction results in higher satisfaction with a relationship."

Online daters routinely choose matches based on criteria that are highly correlated with political preferences.

That sounds like a good thing, right? It seems only natural that we would gravitate to partners who share our political beliefs, and it stands to reason that relationships made up of partners with the same political leanings are more likely to last.

But social scientists fear that, where politics are concerned, our online dating habits are ultimately making us less tolerant citizens. A report in the journal Political Behavior suggests the increasing use of online dating and social media sites is preventing people from meeting potential partners who don't share their political preference, because it's easy to filter out potential partners with differing viewpoints. Once you move past the idea of improved compatibility, what you're left with is more couples that lean toward political extremism.

It doesn't stop there. Not only are such couples more likely to shift to the ideological extremes because they lack access to contradictory opinions, they are also more likely to have children who hold the same ideologically extreme positions. And what do you get when you put it all together? A more polarized America, where fewer and fewer people are able to understand how others could possibly think differently from themselves.

Now that's a scary thought. And possibly the plot to the next best-seller dystopian novel.

The importance of mixed political partnering cannot be understated. When political views in a relationship are mixed, the individuals involved tend to be moderated by their partners and less fixed in their ideas. One might even change their party identification in order to match the other's preferences, or because conversations with their partner have genuinely changed their beliefs. But even if no such change occurs, people tend to be far more tolerant of opposing views when they are exposed to divergent opinions from people they hold dear.

We all want to live in a world of more tolerance, don't we?

The report also notes that the demographic makeup of the people who are most likely to meet their partners online are upper income college graduates - a.k.a. the exact same people who are most likely to vote, contact their congressmen, and be members of the interest groups that influence Washington lawmaking.

What consequences will it mean for democracy, if online dating causes our political process to become even more divisive than it already is? And how can "opposites attract," if they're never given the chance to?