Relationships

Romantics chalk the perfect first date up to serendipity, or fate, or the machinations of a fat winged child with an arsenal of arrows. As for realists, they prefer to rely on science to explain the inexplicable.

If it sounds like a tall order - maybe too tall - you’re right. Research may never fully decode a phenomenon as complex as love, but that won’t stop scientists from trying. Countless studies and surveys have been devoted to unmasking the mysteries of love and attraction. Some are more credible than others, and all should be taken with an appropriate amount of salt, but their conclusions are intriguing food for thought.

The following studies have attempted to illuminate the art of the ideal first date.

Think that politics and dating don’t mix? In this unprecedented election year where political beliefs and emotions are running high, it turns out that more people than ever aren’t willing to date across party lines.

OkCupid just released a new survey that finds 50% of their users would NOT date someone with opposing political views – an all-time high according to their records.

When they dug a little deeper however, they found that the words people choose in their profiles do indicate political and personal leanings in terms of conservative and liberal mindsets, which might explain this trend.

Dating looks vastly different in 2016, even compared to a few decades ago. But while our methods have changed, the mindset remains the same: at the end of it all, most of us are hoping to find “the one.”

Online dating can raise questions. Is it just about hookups? Will I actually meet anyone in person? Are there real people behind those profiles? How do I make a good impression on someone I’ve never seen face to face? Are there any signs that they could be something serious?

PlentyOfFish knows the struggle of finding a soulmate better than most, so they set out in search of answers. The popular dating site surveyed more than 1,100 former users who married someone who met on their site. After all, if those people don’t know the secrets to long-term love, who does?

Jason Hill was in for a surprise when he attended a meetup of OkCupid users in 2009. Sam Yagan, co-founder of OkCupid and current CEO of Match.com, dropped by the gathering and spoke to Hill. When Hill told him he joined the site in March 2004, Yagan was shocked.

“That was less than a month after we started,” Yagan exclaimed. “You must be our longest user!”

Fusion recently spoke with Hill about his status as OkCupid’s longest continual user, and the lessons he learned along the way. His story offers key insights into the world of online dating:

You have that friend. The friend who says they don’t need online dating because they don’t have trouble meeting people in real life. Or the friend who says they don’t want to try a dating service because they would rather meet someone face-to-face.

If you’re a regular online dater, it almost sounds quaint - a relic of the past, like a Ford Model T or a flip phone. Dating apps and sites have become so ubiquitous that they’ve fundamentally changed how we meet and mate. Exploring your romantic options offline feels like a lost art, but studies say it’s still the #1 way couples meet.

Does that mean you should kick your online dating habit like a junk food addiction? Of course not. But if the only way you date is through a digital device, it may be time for a refresher course on how to meet people IRL. Here are 3 lessons to get you started:

#1 Diversify Your Destinations

Your phone and your laptop are no longer your wingmen. Where do you go to meet potential matches? The most common answer is a bar or a club, and though those aren’t inherently wrong options, they’re limiting. Expand your horizons and your odds expand along with them. Visit parks, book stores, wineries, bowling alleys, a cooking class - anywhere you’re in the presence of new people. Bonus points if you choose a place that means you and any intriguing strangers already share a common interest.

#2 Actively Stretch Your Social Muscles

Your social skills may be rusty if you haven’t used them in a while (and even if you think they’re solid, there’s always room for improvement). Give your social muscles the workout they need by intentionally exercising them. Challenge yourself to talk to a stranger for no reason, or to smile at 10 random people each day, or to go somewhere even if your friends say they can’t make it. When you push yourself socially, you open yourself to a whole new world of connections.

#3 Flee The Comfort Zone

Break out of your routine. If you go to the same restaurants, same bars, same coffee shops, and you’re not meeting the kind of person you’re interested in, it’s time to make a change. When opportunities for new experiences present themselves, take them. When they don’t, create them. Explore your hobbies and sign up for the classes you’ve been meaning to take. Not only will you be exposed to a whole new dating pool, you’ll be making yourself a more interesting date at the same time.

If you are a millennial, chances are you’ve heard of an app called Venmo, even if you haven’t downloaded it. It’s a peer to peer app owned by PayPal that lets you split things like cab fares and utility bills, to make it easier to share expenses among roommates, family and friends.

But now, there’s a phenomenon reported by The New York Post that claims Venmo is being used by stingy daters to get out of picking up the check.

When you have a Venmo account, it can be linked to a bank account or debit card, or you can keep money directly in your Venmo account to draw from (much like PayPal). The app allows you to connect with people so you can easily split expenses for things like a birthday gift or sharing a hotel room with friends when you go on vacation together.

But daters are starting to take advantage of this app, too. Guys are inviting their dates out to dinner or drinks, paying for it initially, and then after the couple says their goodbyes at the end of the night, the guy sends a Venmo request to ask the girls to cover their half of the bill.

It’s a passive aggressive way of simply asking to split the check. The guy gets to look good buy pretending to buy the drinks while he’s face to face with his date, but then he backs out as soon as she’s gone. This is a good tactic for men who aren’t interested in a second date.

The good news? The dates who are sent the Venmo request for payment can refuse to pay.

Money and dating has always been a sensitive topic in dating. Many men wonder if it’s appropriate to ask to split the check, or if the woman should offer to go dutch. Guys also worry they will look cheap if they don’t pick up the tab, but if they can’t afford this ritual 2-3 nights per week, it can get awkward.

Still, Venmo makes it easy for people to get away with some bad dating behavior. Instead of being upfront and honest about splitting the check, they are avoiding any type of direct confrontation or conflict. It would be much simpler to avoid any confused, hurt feelings if he was upfront and asked his date to split the check before they part ways.

It is similar to the influence texting has had on dating behavior. Texting has made avoidant behavior easier. Instead of having a difficult or uncomfortable conversation in person or over the phone, daters are instead choosing to “ghost” their dates by simply not returning any messages, hoping their dates get the hint that they aren’t interested.

Using Venmo is another avoidance tactic in dating – please, just ask to split the check.