Relationships

It’s the burning question, isn’t it? How do you go from that oh-so-nervous first date into getting a second one? The physical attraction is there and you’re over the moon to learn more about this creature sitting next to you – if only you could get to the second date!

Here are some tips that should get you through your first-date worry-free and in a better position to capture the attention of the great guy or gal you’ve come across. While yes, it takes two to tango and you can’t have a second date for one, a few simple guidelines should have you sitting pretty if the attraction is mutual.

Tip 1: Keep drinking to a minimum.
Sure, we all get nervous, but what’s more nerve-wracking: the thought of being a little nervous or missing out on the opportunity for a second date because you didn’t know when to say when? Do yourself a favor and institute a one drink rule. Not only is it a good guideline to ensure you get home safely after any date, it’ll keep you from second guessing the consequences of what you might say if you’re…too comfortable.

Brenda is setting up her first online dating profile. She's a little bit flustered, a little embarrassed – her friends are laughing around her, and everyone's a little tipsy. Brenda wants to meet men, but she wants to get this setup over and done with.

“Okay, okay,” Brenda mumbles. “Height? I'm 5'7”, so, uh, 5'7” and up, I guess?”

Meanwhile, across town, Bob is setting up his own profile. His story is pretty much the same. He's 39 years old, so he sets the age range he's looking for as 35-40, and doesn't much think about it.

Brenda and Bob would be perfect for each other. However, Brenda is 41, and wouldn't dare email someone who feels she's “too old.” Similarly, Bob is 5'6”. He wouldn't mind dating a taller woman, but he's certain that if Brenda would have wanted to date a shorter man she would have said so.

In truth, neither one would have had a problem dating each other. They didn't think very hard when they first made their profiles, and they certainly wouldn't have rejected an email from someone just barely outside their specifications.

Unfortunately, this situation happens frequently. Particularly when first setting up a profile, many people settle into default, fairy-tale specifications, where the man is both taller and older than the woman. If pressed, only a fraction of those would have any particular problem with someone who's shorter or younger; it simply never crossed their mind.

It's hard when coaching my clients to convince them to send an email to someone when they feel they're "outside their range" for height or weight or age, even if it's only by a little. I convince them to go for it, and many times, that little "risk" pays off with a reply email and sometimes even a date later down the road!

One of the many benefits of online dating is that gambling is easy and virtually pain-free. There's no penalty for sending an email to someone, even if you're not precisely what they set out to find. There's always a chance you could get a rude response, but in that case you're saved a date with a classless boor.

However, it's also possible that you are, in fact, the Brenda or Bob. Review your own specifications. Do they accurately represent who you'd be willing to consider? Would you be fine with a younger man or a taller woman?

Remember: what might seem like a simple guideline to you might be interpreted as a hard-and-fast rule. It might be time to broaden your parameters – treasure isn't always found inside the box.

In a publicity stunt, the adultery website AshleyMadison.com sent Tiger Woods a contract which offered him $5 million for "advertisement, endorsement, sale and promotion" of their dating site.

At this point in time, Tiger Woods now has a fourth alleged mistress which would make him an ideal front man for the infidelity dating site. I have a feeling, that this $1 billion dollar sports figure wouldn't even consider such an offer. 😉

Seriously though, Ashley Madison didn't let this marketing opportunity that Tiger Woods presented them go to waste. They offered Tiger Woods a contract that they knew, he would refuse. By connected themselves with the hottest news topic of the week, month and maybe even the year, AshleyMadison.com received plenty of free international press.

For more on the story, visit the New York Daily News.

Update: (2009-12-08) - Tiger Woods now has 10 alleged mistresses.

Online dating consistently straddles a very fine line, with one foot in the Internet, a place of anonymity, and the other in the real world, assuming you will eventually meet face-to-face. When you're first getting to know someone online, it's a natural instinct for many to provide every bit of their online identity, including information like their social networking pages.

But should you add a potential date to your Facebook?

On one hand, checking out a date's Facebook might seem like a good idea. After all, dating involves the somewhat scary issue of safety, and any additional information you gather may help you make an informed decision.

On the other hand, your own Facebook page may be saying much more about you than you realize. Not only do many people have their places of work listed, some even include their addresses. Those “status updates” often say quite a bit about a person's daily routine. Even your friends' comments can be telling about your life.

Everyone knows what it's like to have an awkward first date, regardless of how it was initiated, and often the instinctive “get away from me” vibe comes only when you meet in person. If a date does go drastically wrong, the information that you thought helped you appear honest and open can quickly become a stalker's playground.

This problem is not limited to the world of online dating; any person has the potential to be dangerous. However, most tips about dating and online safety tend to emphasize the Internet as an anonymous, safe place, and that precautions only need to be taken when meeting in person.

Today, that is simply not the case. It's often easier to find out more about a coworker or family friend from their Facebook than through face-to-face conversation.

Just this week, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has announced that Facebook will be tweaking some of their privacy options and settings, but his responsibility only goes so far. When it comes to personal information, especially about your job or family, remember to treat the Internet like you would a crowd in the grocery store – it's okay to hold back until you feel your trust has been earned.

To read reviews on some dating options for this Social Network, check out our Facebook Dating Applications list.

First dates can be stressful – especially if they are first dates with someone you met on an online dating site! Even if they are with someone you’ve already met face-to-face, there is still the pressure to…well, perform! Be on your best behavior. WOW them. (Even reading that sounds exhausting, right?) And we’ve all been there: we are fifteen to thirty minutes into a date…and there is nothing. No spark. Maybe just an inkling of “like.” What do you do? Your friends have told you to stop ruling people out so quickly. They’re encouraged you to give everyone at least two dates before you show them the door. But should you?

The Case for the Two Date Rule

I don’t know about you, but I’ve left more first dates feeling as if I’ve flubbed them completely. I never said the right thing, I laughed too much, talked too much, ate too little, stayed too long. The list goes on. I’ll venture to say that many of my dates have thought the same thing.

When you’re on a first date, it’s bad enough if you’ve set a date that is more than just a casual encounter. You’re both so nervous that it’s a miracle if you can even figure out if you share common interests much less cab fare. First dates are the stuff that dating horror stories are made of and I know you have a few of your own.

I heard on the radio today that loneliness is contagious, and like a bad cold you can spread it around.

I wasn't sure if I believed this or not and after a quick search on Google, I found this recent article at The Globe and Mail.

After studying 12,000 people, researches from 3 Universities (Harvard, Chicago and California) concluded:

that lonely respondents “infected” remaining friends with their loneliness before the relationships crumbled, perpetuating a cycle of isolation.

Believe it or not if you are lonely you can affect people (spread your loneliness) up to 3 degrees of separation. At one degree of separation, 52 percent of people have a greater chance of being lonely if they are directly connected to someone who is. At two degrees of separation the chances of you being lonely drops to 25 percent and at three degrees, it is 15 percent. At 4 degrees of separation the effect disappears.