Relationships

Sue has been on an online dating site for awhile. In fact, she's starting to feel like an old hand at it.

None of her dates have turned into anything really lasting, which is somewhat of a puzzle to Sue, but she has a pretty steady stream of dates going. She has, in her opinion, perfected the first-contact email, so she uses the same one with each guy, and so far, results seem to back up her assertion.

She's also found the perfect first date location in her town. Perfect decor, perfect distance from her house, perfect balance of “nice” and “comfortable.” Naturally, she recommends this location whenever she can.

Yes, things are going smoothly for Sue, for months, until one day she forgets to plug in the latest guy's name in her cut-and-paste email. Then, two weeks later, she runs into not one, but two former dates at her perfect location.

Sue's never been so embarrassed. She's always been an efficient woman; she was simply proceeding in what she felt was the most effective way. And if you have the perfect first email and the perfect first meeting location, why not use them?

Upon further reflection, Sue begins to notice a trend in her dates. They are perfect first dates – and about as generic as they come. Sue had fallen into the habit of “meeting,” not “dating.” On the surface, there was nothing wrong with the men she had dated – but she had only bothered to find out the most superficial details about them, and she'd only offered the same. It was really no surprise that there had never been a connection, no progression into anything deeper.

Often online dating is looked at as a numbers game, and to a certain extent, that's true. However, it's important to remember that each person you meet is an individual human being. It might be tempting to instantly classify people into “types,” to get lazy with your correspondence, or to use generic “catch-all” locations. It's acceptable to have a certain amount of get-to-know-you, but remember, the goal is to eventually move past that, into an actual friendship... or something more.

Zoosk let us know a few holiday trends that they experience on their Facebook Dating Application last year. The busiest week for online dating activity was the week before Christmas. The second was the first week of January. Christmas Eve was the busiest day of the year for Zoosk. Throughout the year, on average Mondays are the most popular day to visit a dating site.

In a recent online survey conducted by Zoosk, 63 percent of Zoosk members are looking for long-term relationship. 33 percent of respondents are just looking for a holiday party date and 4 percent will not date this holiday as they find it too stressful. 19 percent of men from this survey also stated that they would invite a women on a first date to their office holiday party, while with women, only 10 percent said they would do this. In total, 39 percent of singles would prefer at least 3 dates before considering taking someone to their office party.

For more on this subject, read the Zoosk press release. To find out more about Facebook dating, check out our review of Zoosk.

I bet you have searched online for your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. A nationwide survey from PhoneFling found that 62.4 percent of the 275,000 people who took the survey had used the internet to search for someone that they had dated in the past. The 46 years and older age range had the lowest percentage of 47.9 percent.

A few more things found in the survey about dating sites include:

• 86 percent have known someone that used an online dating site.
• 70.4 percent have known someone that took the interaction offline and met their date in person.
• 43.6 percent have even known someone that entered into a long-term relationship with someone after finding them through an online dating site.
• 88.7 percent said that they were more likely to choose a dating service if they could browse people’s profiles on their mobile phone.
• 71.5 percent of respondents said that they flirt more often using social networking sites or online dating than they do when they flirt face-to-face.

In regards to white lies about weight, height, appearance, age, career, or income, only about 10 percent of respondents admitted that online dating and social media sites made them “More Likely” to fib. In comparison 64.1 percent of the people surveyed stated that online dating and social media sites actually made them “Less Likely” to fib about these characteristics.

For more on the story, read Easier Lifestyle.

The holidays are approaching, and with them come the inevitable holiday parties. Some people I know will do anything to avoid going to these parties alone – including bringing siblings and old dates that didn't pan out.

Personally, I find this counterproductive. I understand bringing a friend as insurance if the party turns boring, but why subject yourself to someone you can hardly stand for an entire evening?

This year, try going alone, dressed to kill. I can't promise that it will land you a date, but it will probably be more fun. The possibility of “anything” is a definite improvement over the grim certainty of a night with someone you'd rather push into the punch bowl. Parties should be enjoyed, not merely endured.

The “go it alone” tactic might be worth exploring when it's not the holiday season, as well. Think about your social habits: are you only ever found in public from the depths of a pack of friends?

I have a friend who used to complain that she never met anyone. What she didn't realize is that she was almost never alone; if she went out, it was with two or more friends.

Not only does that raise the intimidation factor for anyone who'd like to talk to you, it also lowers your awareness of what's going on around you. That person in Starbucks might have been trying to catch your eye for ten minutes, while you were engrossed in a friend's story.

Going out alone also demonstrates that you're an independent person who is comfortable in their own company – not an unattractive trait to have.

This doesn't mean that you should never go out with friends – on the contrary, people are most attractive when they're unselfconscious and having a good time. But perhaps it's not a bad idea to assess your availability from time to time, and be more aware of your surroundings – catching that person's eye and giving them a smile might be all the encouragement they need to brave your friends.

It would appear that online dating is getting a surge of fresh blood recently.

First, the economic downturn has had online dating enthusiasts crowing for months: “Online dating numbers are up! People want the cheaper, better alternative!”

Then there's the Baby Boomers. The over-50s are a fast-growing segment of the online dating population, and since they're such a large demographic, they will undoubtedly exert their influence and make an impression on the dating world. That cha-ching you hear is the sound of the inevitable over-50 dating sites that are springing up as we speak.

If you're one of the many who are new to online dating, welcome! However, there's a few truths you must understand:

First, online dating may be cheaper and more convenient, but finding a lasting relationship is never easy. Those serious about finding a partner will have to put in work, sooner or later.

Many people hear the fairy-tale stories of love found online and expect that their experience will be just that: a fairytale. And maybe it will be, but there's nothing extra-magical about meeting people online. It is one of the most efficient, reasonable ways to meet new people with potentially similar interests, sure – but that's all it is, an avenue to meet someone. The rest is up to you, with all the mundane trials of any relationship. Still, for many people, simply finding the person is the hardest part; maybe, for them, it is magical.

Secondly, many novices to the online dating world are novices to the Internet in general. If you fit into this category, that means that you're potentially more vulnerable, and it might be easier for a scam artist to take advantage of you.

In this instance, the best defense is knowledge and a good support system. Read up on online safety practices and find out what some of the most recent scams are. Talk to friends and family when you're first getting your feet wet, see if anything rings their warning bells.

Using an online dating site is really no more dangerous than meeting someone in the grocery store, as long as you're well-versed in basic Internet safety. Think of the Internet like moving to a new city; it's bigger, and there might be sections to avoid. Still, once you get used to it, it's home, with new and exciting opportunities everywhere!

It’s the burning question, isn’t it? How do you go from that oh-so-nervous first date into getting a second one? The physical attraction is there and you’re over the moon to learn more about this creature sitting next to you – if only you could get to the second date!

Here are some tips that should get you through your first-date worry-free and in a better position to capture the attention of the great guy or gal you’ve come across. While yes, it takes two to tango and you can’t have a second date for one, a few simple guidelines should have you sitting pretty if the attraction is mutual.

Tip 1: Keep drinking to a minimum.
Sure, we all get nervous, but what’s more nerve-wracking: the thought of being a little nervous or missing out on the opportunity for a second date because you didn’t know when to say when? Do yourself a favor and institute a one drink rule. Not only is it a good guideline to ensure you get home safely after any date, it’ll keep you from second guessing the consequences of what you might say if you’re…too comfortable.