Dating vs. Meeting
- Sunday, December 20 2009 @ 09:12 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,049
Sue has been on an online dating site for awhile. In fact, she's starting to feel like an old hand at it.
None of her dates have turned into anything really lasting, which is somewhat of a puzzle to Sue, but she has a pretty steady stream of dates going. She has, in her opinion, perfected the first-contact email, so she uses the same one with each guy, and so far, results seem to back up her assertion.
She's also found the perfect first date location in her town. Perfect decor, perfect distance from her house, perfect balance of “nice” and “comfortable.” Naturally, she recommends this location whenever she can.
Yes, things are going smoothly for Sue, for months, until one day she forgets to plug in the latest guy's name in her cut-and-paste email. Then, two weeks later, she runs into not one, but two former dates at her perfect location.
Sue's never been so embarrassed. She's always been an efficient woman; she was simply proceeding in what she felt was the most effective way. And if you have the perfect first email and the perfect first meeting location, why not use them?
Upon further reflection, Sue begins to notice a trend in her dates. They are perfect first dates – and about as generic as they come. Sue had fallen into the habit of “meeting,” not “dating.” On the surface, there was nothing wrong with the men she had dated – but she had only bothered to find out the most superficial details about them, and she'd only offered the same. It was really no surprise that there had never been a connection, no progression into anything deeper.
Often online dating is looked at as a numbers game, and to a certain extent, that's true. However, it's important to remember that each person you meet is an individual human being. It might be tempting to instantly classify people into “types,” to get lazy with your correspondence, or to use generic “catch-all” locations. It's acceptable to have a certain amount of get-to-know-you, but remember, the goal is to eventually move past that, into an actual friendship... or something more.
None of her dates have turned into anything really lasting, which is somewhat of a puzzle to Sue, but she has a pretty steady stream of dates going. She has, in her opinion, perfected the first-contact email, so she uses the same one with each guy, and so far, results seem to back up her assertion.
She's also found the perfect first date location in her town. Perfect decor, perfect distance from her house, perfect balance of “nice” and “comfortable.” Naturally, she recommends this location whenever she can.
Yes, things are going smoothly for Sue, for months, until one day she forgets to plug in the latest guy's name in her cut-and-paste email. Then, two weeks later, she runs into not one, but two former dates at her perfect location.
Sue's never been so embarrassed. She's always been an efficient woman; she was simply proceeding in what she felt was the most effective way. And if you have the perfect first email and the perfect first meeting location, why not use them?
Upon further reflection, Sue begins to notice a trend in her dates. They are perfect first dates – and about as generic as they come. Sue had fallen into the habit of “meeting,” not “dating.” On the surface, there was nothing wrong with the men she had dated – but she had only bothered to find out the most superficial details about them, and she'd only offered the same. It was really no surprise that there had never been a connection, no progression into anything deeper.
Often online dating is looked at as a numbers game, and to a certain extent, that's true. However, it's important to remember that each person you meet is an individual human being. It might be tempting to instantly classify people into “types,” to get lazy with your correspondence, or to use generic “catch-all” locations. It's acceptable to have a certain amount of get-to-know-you, but remember, the goal is to eventually move past that, into an actual friendship... or something more.
Subscribe
