Relationships

We all know it's important to give specific examples of your interests when you're constructing your online profile. After all, how would your potential perfect match know that you love to play Scrabble unless you mention it, right? But there's a second reason to get specific that we don't really consider until we try to email others: not only do specific examples help others find you, they promote conversation in those key first emails.

Some people are masters at saying absolutely nothing concrete about themselves. They “love life”! They “work and play hard”! They are “loyal and independent”! They are looking for “someone who doesn't play games” (literally?)! Now try sending one of those people a first-contact email, where you should comment on something specific about their profile.

“So, I see you... love life. Um, I do too. Isn't... life great?” Contrast this with someone who says they love college basketball. Suddenly you can ask about different teams, who they rooted for in the Final Four, or if they like pro basketball as well. Even if you don't have basketball in common with them, you can talk about that; either way, it shows that you're not sending a copy-and-paste email and that you are interested in their thoughts.

Honestly, it is not that hard to give examples of your interests. You don't even have to get incredibly specific; instead of saying you like Scrabble, you could say you like board games (prompting someone to email you and ask if you like Scrabble or Clue). And you don't need to have a massive laundry list; just make sure you have three or four concrete interests somewhere in your profile.

As you construct your online profile (or check it over to see what needs editing), remember: you're trying to get potential matches interested in talking to you, yes. But you also need to give them something to talk to you about!

While I would like to believe that there are compatible people lurking around every corner, living down the street, just waiting to be discovered – I am forced to admit that occasionally, there's not. If you live in a small town, with a demographic skewed generations too high or low, it is entirely possible that you've met every potential match – especially if you've lived in said small town your entire life.

If you fit this scenario – or if you just feel like you, too, have met every local possibility – now is not the time to become defeatist. Using an online dating site presents a unique opportunity; you can widen your search to the entire country, or the entire world, if you like. Cross-country or international matches are no longer as rare as they used to be; I've even heard couples teasingly try to outdo each other (“You flew how many miles? Check this out!”).

If you've decided you're ready to “go big,” here are a few tips to consider:

First, check that the site you choose isn't one that's only popular in your city or region. A larger site might draw potential matches more evenly across the country. If you're interested in finding an international partner, make sure you use a site accessible to other countries.

If distance is no object, now might be the time to try out niche dating sites. Maybe you thought you'd never find another person who liked to collect Tinker-Toys... but trust me, there's probably a site geared specifically for Tinker-Toy collectors. If finding that match with that specific interest is a must, you could even try non-dating site options, like Tinker-Toy forums. If you're interested in dating a New Yorker, try looking for sites geared for people from New York.

Don't forget to keep checking your local options – you never know who might move in or sign up while you're looking elsewhere. Don't over-extend yourself with too many sites, though; a few sites or custom searches (one local, one worldwide) should suffice.

Remember that should a long-distance friendship become something more, one or both of you may have to move. Are you prepared to make that commitment? There's no harm in searching just for fun, or just to see what happens... but be aware that there's always the possibility that real life changes may occur. Then again, that's true for all relationships to some degree, isn't it? Happy hunting!

Most of the time I advise people who begin online dating to be wary of becoming addicted to the gambling aspect of it: the tendency to give up a good thing just because you're thinking something even better could still be out there, someone truly perfect. However, there's a trap to avoid at the other end of the spectrum as well: settling for the first decent person you find.

Everyone understands that the dating scene can be grim, and we've all heard the horror stories of online dating: the people that don't match their photographs, or manage to keep their completely offensive personalities out of their profiles. Thus, it can be something of a surprise when we finally meet someone who does match their pictures, who doesn't appear to have anything outwardly wrong with them, either in appearance or personality.

It's far easier to meet “nice people” through online dating than the horror stories would have us believe – and that's where the hard part begins. You see, there are many, many nice people out there. That doesn't mean you'll want to date or enter into a relationship with all of them – nor should you feel pressured to. There's still the all-important component of chemistry, and if you're lacking that, you're not only denying yourself, but your “nice person” partner a better match.

A friend of mine recently went on a first date with a guy she'd been talking to online. Everything about him seemed great: he had an interesting, exciting job, they had many things in common, he was pretty cute in his pictures. And when they met, he was still all of those things... but everything about the guy – the way he moved, spoke, his voice, his facial expressions – reminded my friend of her brother. It was uncanny. And when she ultimately decided the whole thing was just too weird, she faced a good deal of pressure from other friends and family. “Maybe he'll grow on you,” they said.

Yes, many relationships do develop over time, but if there's just no spark there – or worse, a visceral negative response – you're doing a disservice to the both of you in staying in a relationship you don't really want. Yes, maybe your date is a really nice person; in that case, they'll probably have no trouble finding someone else who recognizes their good qualities – and has chemistry with them to boot.

You may have seen quite a bit of mention this week on the subject of "green dating." It's hot - what can we say? If you're in the mood to take your dating practices from sexy to eco-sexual, we've put together a list of three great ideas for dates that ooze eco-sexy. Wow the next guy or gal in your midst with these hot date ideas that are easy on the environment.

Trade in Four Wheels for Two: Instead of driving to your next dating destination, why not meet your date and cruise to your destination together on two wheels? More and more metro areas are adding "bike savvy" to the list of amenities for locals. Not only is a bike ride a great time to chat, it doesn't even cost you any gas money!

Trade in Two Wheels for Two Feet: Park those bikes and plan a day around town, powered by your own two feet. Most major cities have great cluster-type destinations where you can reach a bunch of cool local attractions in a centralized area. Pack a lunch, stop by a park mid-day and let your two feet take you wherever you'd like to go!

Cruiser Rides: More and more cities are getting hip to the fact that people love to ride bikes. Check your local weekly newspaper to see if there are any cruiser rides! Cruiser rides gather bike enthusiasts in a relaxed setting during the evenings and take your to a couple different destinations during the night. These are great date events as you always have a riding companion and there's really nothing eco-sexier than not spending money on gas and getting to know someone at the same time!

These three ideas should give you some eco-friendly food for thought when it comes to planning your next green date. Don't forget - sexy has an all-new dimension and it's called eco-sexual. It's enough to make you green!

When I was a pre-teen, the idea of formal “dating” seemed weird, smothering and maybe even a little scary. Don't get me wrong, I'd had “boyfriends,” but “dating” at that stage consisted of going to the movies, or going to an amusement park, usually with a group of friends. Contrast that with “dates” in the movies or on TV; even high-schoolers were shown at romantic restaurants with drippy candles and soft lighting, dressing up and bringing presents (how did they even get there if they couldn't drive?). Shudder. It all seemed too... too heavy. Give me an evening bowling instead.

As an adult, I'm only marginally more romantic; I still look for fun more than romance. But it recently occurred to me that the “heavy” feeling I once experienced wasn't simply due to my age; it was thinking about a level of romance that I wasn't ready for that really creeped me out. If I'm in a well-established relationship, I might have more fun at a bowling alley, but I can go on a fancy, formal date just as easily. Put me in a new relationship, however, and I'd much rather stick to fun activities for the first few dates.

When you're planning your first date with a new person, keep your partner's comfort level, as well as your own, in mind. Maybe you've met for coffee already and you've really hit it off; that's fantastic, but it doesn't necessarily mean you need to go from zero to sixty in one day. For some people, romance, even more than sex, is the panic button.

So, how do you know what's right for you and your partner? The best trick in the book: communication. Good communication will solve or avoid a wealth of problems in the future, and there's no better time to start communicating than before the very first date. Maybe your partner likes to be wooed, to have a fairy-tale romance; maybe they'd like to be the wooer; maybe they'd like to go to mini-golf. Having discussions like these may even provide further insight into your compatibility.

As you plan your first date, remember: the only standards you need to worry about are between you and your partner. The goal is to have a good time – and the two of you decide what that means.

Last year was the year of adultery claims The Daily Targum. This is due to that several high profile celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James got caught cheating on their wives. I would also add to this claim that dating sites like Ashley Madison which promote infidelity made this a hot topic in the media as well.

Chemistry.com's relationship expert, Dr. Helen Fisher, has said that adultery has roots not only in psychology but biology as well. Some of the psychological reasons for adultery she gives include:

• Solving a sex problem.
• Looking for more attention.
• Revenge.
• Supplement a marriage.
• More excitement.

Dr. Fisher also makes the point that there is a biological side to adultery. She states that the brain has two systems with one linked to attachment and love and one which is the sex drive. In some people these two systems are not well connected which enables people to more easily cheat without regard for their partner's feelings. Dr. Fisher research also indicates that a gene may be partially responsible for this. Researchers in Sweden have found a “cheating” gene in a study of 552 pairs of twins and their spouses. People without the gene were more likely to have a successful marriage. If people had two copies of the gene, the researchers found that the couples were more likely to have a crisis in the marriage.

To find out more information about the dating site in which Dr. Helen Fisher help design the matching system, read our review of Chemistry.