Relationships

If you are overwhelmed by the amount of time you need to invest to effectively online date, there may be a solution.

Virtualdatingassistants.com and Doneforyoudating.com are two companies that offer assistance if you are just too busy to look for love on your own. They help craft your profile, surf different dating websites to look for matches, check matching profiles, and can even communicate on your behalf.

While I'm a fan of technology that can make things easier for the average dater to meet new people, I'm skeptical when it involves too much automation. We all bring our own unique personalities and attributes to the table when we date...and we are looking for a connection to another person. But can this be done with the help of a virtual assistant?

I understand that many people don't have time to get the most out of their online dating experience. Emails and matches go without response or notice for days or even weeks at a time. We've all gotten busy and let things go, and this means we may be missing out on meeting people who might be well suited to us.

In this respect, I think virtual dating assistants are helpful. They can assist you with your own search, provided you give them accurate guidelines of what you are really looking for. Most services only make you pay for the matches you approve.

The problem comes with the communication. I still feel it's best to craft your own emails, because your ability to attract the right people is dependent on your unique personality. When you use a virtual dating assistant, the service can produce great writing but it will be too generic to convey the real you. In this way, you could miss out on those people who didn't get a sense of who you really are from your email communication.

Bottom line? Online dating assistants can be helpful for daters with busy schedules, and offer a cheaper alternative to personal matchmaking. But you could be missing out on meeting a lot of great people, just because you aren't fully involved in the actual search process.

If you join an online dating site and have the time to go on dates, make the time to get to know your matches from the beginning. Don't have a service do your communicating for you.

Stop spending your time trying to conjure-up ways to make your next date special. You can practice acts of kindness without all of the brainwork and less legwork than you might imagine! We've put together a simple list of acts of kindness that will not only brighten your date's day, but put you in the position of being able to easily give. Giving is fun, and it's worth every smile that comes across our partner's face!

1. Bring them coffee out of the blue.
2. Leave a single flower on their windshield overnight.
3. Take out the trash and replace the bag (add the recycling for extra oomf!).
4. Wash the bed linens (even if you're horrible at laundry). Really horrible at laundry? Drop them off at a same-day fluff-and-fold service at a local laundromat.
5. Take their car to be washed and leave them the keys to yours for the day.
6. Open the car door, the door at the restaurant or carry them across a water puddle.
7. The next time you go over to their house, bring a treat for their pet(s).
8. If your partner has kids, plan a low-maintenance, surprise family date day at a local amusement park or museum.
9. Clean out the fridge - no one needs food with a personality!
10. Book your partner a massage. Pick them up, drop them off and enjoy their smile after their session.
11. Send them a mid-day text that says nothing more than, "Thinking of you. Love you. I don't say it enough."
12. The next time you argue, be the first to say, "I'm sorry."
13. Watch a click flick or a suspense movie - even if it's not your cup of tea.
14. If your partner is always parking on city streets with meters, place a roll of quarters in their car with a sticky note with a smiley face on it.
15. Use the words, "Thank you" more and the word "but..." less!

I admit it; I've been an early adopter of many a social networking site. Some of them never caught on; some I grew past. One thing I try to do, however, is delete my page when I know I'm really done using it. You'd think people would do this all the more frequently when it comes to online dating sites; after all, most of them have a singular purpose, and if you're satisfied in a relationship it ought to be time to take down the profile, right? Not so, for many. And so we have to wade through the flotsam and jetsam of abandoned profile pages as we begin our search.

Sure, we might not see many of these pages when we first begin. Live in a small enough area, however, and soon you're turning over every rock. That's when you realize that the guy that consistently pops up for you on page one actually has three different pages on this one site; he seems to create a new page every time he feels like updating, though he's been using the same pictures since 2005 at least. One girl randomly catches your eye, but she hasn't logged on in at least three years, and in her “recently read” section she talks about the hype surrounding that one Dan Brown novel.

Why do people leave up these monuments to their past searches? The reasons are varied. For the oldest pages, the people have probably forgotten their passwords at this point, if they even realize their profile is still floating around out there. For the more recent – the ones that are a year or less outdated – it could be that they're trying out dating or a relationship, but they're insecure enough about it that they've left their page up, just in case. And then there's the sneaky ones that log in regularly, but never answer email; they're technically dating but they like to see what else is out there.

Like so much litter, we simply have to move around these abandoned pages. But let this be a lesson to you! You can always save a copy of your own profile on your computer, if you think it's really good, when you get into a relationship. If you put it up again later, you're at least guaranteeing that you'll proofread it and that it will stay up-to-date. Those in your area will also view it with fresh eyes. But there's no reason to leave up a profile when you've lost interest or found someone; it's simply contributing to the waste.

Looking to improve relationships in your life? Maybe the last ones simply didn't work out or the one you're currently in could use some "tweaking." We've all had successes and the opposite in our relationship history. But did it occur to you that there are three simple things you can do to improve relationships across the board? Whether a romantic one or one in the workplace, these three tips can put you on the path to relationship (and personal success) if you make them a part of your daily (yes, daily) routine.

Improve Relationships Through Self-Love - Hey, you're a great person! Stop thinking you're not. The first step to improving relationships in your life is to start with the one you have with yourself. If you think you're worth less than the best or deserve less than you have, you're placing yourself in a position where nothing's going to work out. Not that promotion, not a second date. Remind yourself that you're worth nothing but the best and while we all must compromise, we should never have to settle. Keep this in mind the next time you're poking around profiles on an online dating site, too. Know the partner you'd like to share your time with and tell yourself you deserve to have someone special in your life. Then live it!

Improve Relationships Through Communication - When we're able to effectively communicate our wants and needs, we place ourselves in a very powerful position. Never be afraid to speak up and share with a co-worker or partner what you want. If you're consistently being beat down for expressing yourself, it's time to re-evaluate the situation and determine if that, indeed, is the right environment for you in which to grow. If we can't grow with someone or in the company of colleagues who support our desire to engage in open dialogue, then it's a better move to consider moving on and finding the relationship that will feed us instead of hold us back. But how do you know you're being pushed down? Consider the last time you tried to express discontent or your feelings about a situation. Does the other party in the equation see you as always "complaining?" We all complain sometimes, but if you're not complaining and expressing a desire to dialogue about an issue, then maybe the issue isn't with you.

Improve Relationships Through Reciprocation - We've all been there: the draining relationship. They're the ones that seem to take from us and leave us feeling empty inside, like we have nothing left to give. They're the ones that make us weary when we leave the office or too exhausted to even try talking to our partner. Great relationships are about giving from both sides (not give and take). We meet in the middle. Great leaders in the business world inspire and support those around them, elevating those people to greatness and in turn, improving themselves along the way. Great partners in our romantic lives love themselves, communicate with us and continually assess the relationship to ask: "How can I be a better partner?" Reciprocation doesn't have to be you cook dinner/your partner cooks dinner. It can be as simple as saying, "I appreciate everything you do for me. Is there anything I can do for you to say thank you?" Words like that go miles towards letting a partner know that you're present and engaged. In the business world, while the phrasing might be different, there's nothing wrong with showing appreciation and offering to pick up the slack to make someone's life easier, especially when they've done the same for you.

As much as we love updating our Facebook pages, we can't seem to escape the impact social networking now has in our dating lives. The Facebook "relationship status" is yet another way to test the seriousness of a relationship. It has become as important a step in the progression of a relationship as when to say "I love you".

Some wonder if they should update their status first, others wonder what it means if their boyfriend or girlfriend leaves it open, and some use it to break the news and dump a current significant other. Any way you look at it, it seems to be the cause of a lot of unnecessary drama. If you tend to use Facebook as a relationship bulletin board, please remember to keep a few things in mind before you update or post:

• Facebook status changes are a mutual decision. Do not post that you're "in a relationship" before you've actually discussed this with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Conversely, do not post that you're single until you've broken up with your significant other. Facebook doesn't replace the phone or an in-person conversation.
• Do not have arguments over Facebook. As much as you want to let all of your friends know that you're right and your boyfriend is wrong, do not share this information via Facebook. When you make up, the trail of insults will still be there to follow you.
• Don't be friends with your ex on Facebook if you can't resist checking his page. Break-ups are emotional, and sometimes our exes move on more quickly than we do. If you are still hurting or angry, do not check his Facebook page for new pictures posted, status updates, or anything else that might cause you to write some nasty remark on his wall or cry yourself to sleep. If you have to, de-friend him.
• Facebook is a public profile, so don't share what you wouldn't want an employer or potential date to see. If you use Facebook as a platform to share details about your personal life, think again. Your boss or future employer will be able to read it, and it may affect your career. Same thing with potential dates checking you out online.

Bottom line, try to have the difficult or emotional conversations in person, and keep your Facebook confessions to a minimum.

For dating sites which offer social networking applications, check out our Facebook Dating reviews category.

I frequently compare online dating sites with the hunt to find a potential match “in real life.” Recently, I've begun to notice something vaguely unsettling and a little unexpected about those who attempt both at the same time. To put it simply, many people have much higher expectations when they peruse online dating sites than when they meet someone in a random setting.

You could chalk it up to various mitigating circumstances, as I have in the past. Maybe it has to do with alcohol, which is often present in in-person encounters. Maybe people are more depressed when they're looking online.

And this is very probably true, to a certain extent. However, I think the main factor here is advertising. We've grown up watching movies and TV shows about unlikely pairings, opposites attracting, the fact that the best thing might be right in front of our faces. Thus, we're more mentally open to the idea of growing into a relationship with people we meet by chance. We also tend to discount “love at first sight” as something that exists in only the sappiest of fictional romances.

Now consider the marketing for online dating sites. All of the most saccharine anecdotes are trotted out. We're told explicitly that we can find our perfect match – that we can experience love at first read, even. Rather than being told that the perfect match for us might not be that guy in GQ magazine or that supermodel we dream about, we're encouraged to seek out that dream image. After all, the possibilities are endless, right?

I still think online dating is an incredibly valid and useful tool in finding potential relationships, and meeting new people. I simply worry about those people who might pass up perfectly good matches because they don't line up with their imaginary dream person. I've seen people accept dates from chance encounters simply because the person asking was nice, only to turn up their noses at many exciting options online.

One of the most exciting features of online dating sites is the ability to try out different options and find happiness in unexpected places. Don't miss out by searching only for your “dream” match. Love is exciting enough; it doesn't need to be crammed into a cliché.