Relationships

Let's say you've met someone interesting on an online dating web site. You've hit it off in emails, then had a few dates, and so far everything seems to be going swimmingly. When you're together, you're in your own little world, and it's great. But you can't exist in a bubble; eventually you'll need to socialize with others. Enter The Friends.

Meeting a partner's friends can be nerve-wracking, to say the least. For some, their circle of friends is more important to them than their family. They're looking at you, wondering if you're good enough for one of their most favorite people. Meanwhile, you're looking at them, wondering if you'll click, or if future Superbowl parties and Halloween get-togethers will be barely tolerable.

There are probably multiple tips and tricks to get you through the first meeting, but here's one that I consider most important to remember:

It's not a turf war.

You don't control your significant other. Neither do the friends. Your significant other chose all of you for various reasons. You don't need to stake a claim. And if the friends are acting territorial, the best way to diffuse it is laid-back confidence. It's actually quite difficult to hold a one-sided argument.

Confidence is the key, however. Appearing too over-eager will only send the wrong message, and if the friends are, in fact, looking for a turf war, you're only giving them an opportunity to stomp on you. Besides, why should you have to stress yourself? Worst-case scenario, you'll gracefully bow out for awhile when your significant other goes out with those friends, until you get used to each other. Maybe your partner will get along great with your friends. There are worse problems to have in a relationship.

Maybe you'll click with your significant other's friends. Maybe you won't, immediately. If you don't, that's okay – but under no circumstances should you attempt to make your partner choose between you. Friends have history, and will win out almost every time. However, keep yourself low-stress and comfortable (you want a relationship, not the associated friends) and perhaps you'll avert a problem altogether.

Maybe there was a little spark of attraction when your friend brought her boyfriend to parties or dinners. Maybe you flirted a bit. Now that they've broken up and he's asked you out, should you date him? Or would you feel like you were betraying your friend?

You can throw caution to the wind and jump into a relationship with your friend's ex, hoping that over time your friend will see how happy you are and forgive you. Or, you can turn him down, reminding yourself that there are plenty of other guys out there and you don't want to engage in something that may really hurt your friend. There are no set guidelines for this, but first understand the consequences before you make any rash decisions.

Here are a few things to consider that may help you figure out what to do:

1. Is this guy or girl worth the effort? Hopefully you've had more than a few occasions to interact, and you've observed how he treats your friend and others around him. Is he respectful and kind, or is he a bit immature and selfish? This is an indication of how he would treat you once the romance fades.
2. How close is your friend? Is she a co-worker and happy hour buddy you see every day, or is she someone you have grown close to over the years? If you would miss the friendship, you may want to reconsider your plan.
3. Be open and honest with your friend. Instead of sneaking around to date your friend's ex, let her know your intentions up front. If the tables were turned, you would want to know. Creating an honest environment from the beginning goes a long way towards building trust in a friendship, and may actually bring you closer.
4. Know your behavior patterns. Do you find yourself attracted to guys that other people are dating rather than single, eligible men? Have you dated a friend's ex before? If you have, chances are this is a behavioral pattern rather than true love, and you'd be doing yourself a favor to walk away.

Remember, there are always options when it comes to dating. Perhaps it's time to try out online dating, and get out of dating your own circle of friends. Check out our complete list of reviews for online dating sites.

It would appear that winter is a prime time for starting up an online dating profile. It's too cold to really go out, and maybe the weather presents a problem for typical social activities. As a result, I often see profiles that say something along the lines of, “I haven't been doing much lately because it's cold, but I can't wait until summer! I like to rock climb, wakeboard, and play Ultimate Frisbee.”

Well, guess what? We're finally getting into summer. Thus, there are two major points to double-check. First, is your profile up-to-date? Are you still complaining about the cold, when it was 90 degrees last week? While you're at it, check the sections for most recently read books and movies, and update those as well. Movies are especially telling, since they come out on a set schedule. Unless you've listed only that you're waiting for the next Harry Potter or Twilight movie, chances are it's out-of-date.

Next, it's necessary to go over those summer activities and interests and decide whether they're actually accurate. Maybe you went wakeboarding once, several years ago, and it sounded pretty good during that snowstorm last December. If you're not actually planning on wakeboarding this summer, replace it with an activity you can actually talk about. Trust me, you do not want to get into an awkward moment when you're asked a question you can't answer! Even if you weren't being deliberately dishonest, you could give that impression.

Finally, remember to actually get out and enjoy those summer activities! Come next November, you'll be regretting it if you don't. And who knows? Maybe while you're out on a summer adventure you'll meet someone worth pursuing. And there's no need to prove you can actually wakeboard if you meet right on the beach!

First impressions are key when dating, but so is follow-up. If you had a great first date, there is no guarantee that it will go anywhere without some effort. When you are getting to know someone, it's necessary to take the extra steps if you want your new relationship to progress.

Following are some tips to keep in mind:

• Show genuine interest. Many people aren't fans of game playing and acting coy. If you are interested, show with your actions. Be engaged in conversation: listen and ask follow-up questions. Be careful not to get carried away and fire question after question though...nobody likes to be interrogated. Listen and engage.

• Pay attention to body language. There are clear signals we send out to let our dates know whether or not we're interested, although sometimes we don't even realize what we're doing! If you cross your arms, sit back in your chair, or keep looking away, chances are your date will take note and assume you're not interested. However, if you lean forward in your chair, laugh and make eye contact, your date is more likely to notice your attraction.

• Guys: compliment her, but don't go overboard. Even if she is the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, please don't share this with her again and again. She's likely heard it before from other men and won't be impressed. Instead, compliment her on something that you find unique about her...the way she tells stories, or the gesture she makes with her hands when she laughs. This shows you are paying attention.

• Don't let your cell phone distract you. If you tend to check emails, Facebook, or Twitter every few seconds out of sheer habit, don't tempt yourself. Turn your phone off and put it out of sight. It won't endear you to your date if you are constantly distracted by texts and tweets.

• Follow up. When you end the date, tell him you had a nice time, or tell her you look forward to seeing her again. Don't play games and say "I'll call you" if you have no intention of calling. Also, don't follow rules like waiting 3 days to call again. If you are interested, follow up quickly or you risk losing your love interest.

Though there are still some who cling to the “perfect match” myth, I think most reasonable individuals understand that a relationship is more than possible even if not every interest matches up. We know that it's okay if we don't have all the same favorite movies, or if I like building model ships and he doesn't. We understand that a potential match might not always love every one of our hobbies.

What is harder to remember is that we might not love every one of their hobbies, either. In fact, it's entirely possible that the perfect match for you also has hobbies or habits that you find downright annoying.

Maybe it's a love of trashy reality TV. Maybe it's mushy romance novels. Maybe it's scale train sets that eat up the basement. Or maybe they get dressed up and go to historical reenactments.

Before you run screaming from someone who has a hobby that you think is from another planet, ask yourself one question: will you be expected to participate? Nine times out of ten, the answer is no; this person had this hobby long before you came into the picture, and would still have it if you left.

Besides, you're looking for a partner in life, not just in interests. Everyone is multi-faceted; this is only one aspect of your potential match. And while it may seem strange or weird to you now, who knows? You might find it endearing or interesting some day.

Nobody is entirely, completely perfect. If it's not a hobby you can't relate to, you might be annoyed by a tendency to squeeze toothpaste from the middle of the tube or to leave socks all over the place. Does a minor annoyance mean you're incompatible, or that a relationship is doomed? Absolutely not. A strong relationship is one in which you love the person despite their flaws; you aren't blind to them.

So if that almost-perfect person likes to build dollhouses, give them a chance regardless. You just might find yourself helping them pick out the miniature décor.

If you've tuned in to CNN or TheFrisky.com this week, they're laying down the law when it comes to ladies who want to date older men. While many women (and men) seek mates close tot their own age, there are always those who prefer to or happen to fall for a man who's their senior (and not by a year or two, either). Granted, there's always the appeal of the frat boy's spry nature and the youthful exuberance of someone your age, here are some tips to guide you through being the best mate possible to an older man.

Pop Culture References

Here's the bottom line: when dating an older man, you're typically facing not only a generation gap. It's more like a generation chasm. You're both going to be operating on different sets of cultural events that shaped (and continue to shape) who you are, so go into the older man scenario with an open mind. He's not necessarily going to be hip to everything in today's hip hop music scene that's blaring over the radio wave and you might not see the lasting importance in bands like Van Halen and The Who. If you can remember that each generation has its gems, you'll be in a great position to be a great mate for an older date!

Ditch the Kid Routine

You're looking for a mate, not a daddy. Keep that in mind with every older date encounter you have. And it's very possible that, in some situations, your date might have older children - he's not looking to raise another one! Leave the needy kid routine at home and be a companion and romantic interest, not another child he has to raise. If you find a dude who wants to keep you in some bizarre child-like state, that's ground for ditching him.

Align Your Goals

Younger women are at different points in their lives than the older men they might seek to date. You may want children and he already has two or three. You might want to buckle-down with your career for the next ten years while he's catching the travel bug. There's not age limit on love but it's best to define certain things going into a May-December relationship. Having those honest conversations about expectations and needs early can save you the heartache later down the line.

The Importance of Being Yourself

As is true with any relationship, you should focus on being yourself. Many times, your maturity levels will be different when dating an older man. You won't expect him to join you and your girlfriends for a night of shots as it's likely he's past that stage (and happily so). Contrarily, you may not find the joy in an early morning round of golf when he's perfectly content getting up at 5am to hit the links on a Saturday. When you give your partner the room to be themselves in a relationship, it doesn't matter that your interests differ. It matters that you respect one another for what makes them happy. It's understanding that sometimes, the time we spend alone is what makes us a better partner in the long run when we're with our mate.

Don't lose yourself to someone else's priorities and be honest with yourself about what you want for yourself. Making sure you're feeding your YOU isn't mutually exclusive with being a great mate and it's more important than ever when you're facing age differences and varying lifestyles.

In Conclusion

No matter who you decide to date and their age, being a strong, independent woman will go miles. Don't expect someone else to complete you and do for yourself. Anything you get from a partner should be a bonus and not an entitlement. You're a great YOU and there's the perfect man out there who will appreciate that you!