Relationships

You joined a dating website, searched through dozens of profiles, and sent out numerous emails to make contact with women or men who interest you. The problem is, people aren't responding. You may be wondering what's going on. If they aren't even going to respond to an email, why are they bothering to join a dating website?

There are several things that could be happening, so take heart and don't get frustrated:

• It's possible that the people you are reaching out to are no longer subscribers or active on the site. Many sites don't purge their profile database on a regular basis, including the larger sites, because it's more enticing for daters to have more rather than less people to choose from.

• Some people send mass emails (men are especially guilty of this), and so this makes it harder for women to go through several emails to find yours. It's better to send personalized emails, mentioning something specific about her profile.

• Some women and men get dozens of emails every day. If they aren't logging in to read these on a regular basis, they might not have time to sift through all of them. (Many people get busy with work and let their online dating searches slide.) Again, personalizing is best to capture attention. Make sure your subject line mentions something specific from their profile.

• Make sure your grammar and spelling are accurate. Though we live in an age of text messages, people still prefer their emails to read like letters. Use complete sentences and spell words correctly and fully. Don't abbreviate or use acronyms if you can help it.

• Don't send emails that consist of one sentence, like "Hey, what's up?". If you want someone to respond, you have to engage them. Again, personalizing is key. If you discover from his profile that he likes windsurfing, mention your experience with it or ask a question about it. The more you make your email engaging to the specific person you send it to, the better your results.

It's time for a quiz!

Are you:

• Burned out on the over-priced drinks and drunken hook-up culture of the nightlife scene?
• So busy that your schedule hardly allows you time for eating, sleeping, and life's other necessities - and definitely doesn't allow you time for anything else?
• Concerned about the toll traditional dinner-and-a-movie dates are taking on your wallet?
• Sick and tired of never meeting people with similar interests, hobbies, and goals?

If you answered "yes" to one or more of those questions, it may be time to try online dating. In the first part of this series, "5 Reasons Online Dating Might Be Right For You," I told you about a few of the ways online dating can be superior to conventional dating. I'm sure some of you joined a dating site right away, but others are probably still skeptical, unsure if embracing the Internet can really change your love life's luck.

To the cynics, I present 5 more reasons online dating might be right for you:

1) The playing field is completely level. If you're the kind of person who uses excuses like "He's too good-looking for me" or "She's surrounded by too many people already" to keep yourself from approaching strangers, it's time to consider online dating. Almost everyone on a dating site is there because they want to meet new people, so you don't have to stress yourself out wondering if you should say "Hi" to someone who has caught your eye - the answer is always a resounding "YES!"

2) You can showcase your personality. Offline, most people are attracted to a person's looks before anything else. While there's nothing wrong with finding someone's physical appearance appealing, dating online offers the opportunity display all of your other great features to potential suitors first, allowing you to weed out bad matches immediately and find stronger, deeper connections more quickly.

3) You can set the pace. When meeting in person, there can be a lot of pressure to move things forward more quickly than you're comfortable with. On a dating site, however, you can send and respond to messages as swiftly or as slowly as you want, and can take as much time as you need to plot your next move or think up the perfect opening line that will make your future mate fall in love with you instantly.

4) There's no confrontation. Most of us are terrified of rejection. And who wouldn't be? It's depressing and discouraging to have someone you're attracted to look you in the eyes and tell you they're not interested in you, and it can be equally uncomfortable to tell someone else that you're not interested in them. Dating online can't eliminate rejection completely, but the lack of face-to-face contact can make a painful process a lot more bearable.

5) Selection. Online dating sites allow you to browse through profiles of potential matches located anywhere in the world, unlike traditional dating which only allows you to meet people who live nearby. If that doesn't drastically increase your odds of finding The One, I don't know what does!

So what are you waiting for, cynics? Love is waiting just around the technological corner.

Although online dating is extremely convenient in many ways, it also adds the complex problem of reading tone and intention through text. How is it possible to read the subtlety of an email without the added dimension of body language? Through the specific body language of text.

Text has its own secret language of nuances that allow you to read into what your potential match is thinking. Here are some examples:

What kind of language does he/she use? Are your exchanges well-thought out or written in chat-speak (“omg,” “lol,” “jk,” and “btw” are all examples of chat-speak)? The type of language he/she uses may give some indication of the level of seriousness they’re taking to the dating scene. Someone who wants to be taken seriously writes seriously. So if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and your match responds with a series of acronyms, you may have different dating goals.

How fast does he/she respond? A series of rapid exchanges fired across digital space will probably indicate a strong connection. When like-minded people come into contact with each other, it is often fiery and intense, sparking immediate interest and attention. So if you find yourself running to your computer to check your inbox, eager for that next missive, you can probably guess that your partner is doing the same thing. If, on the other hand, the person with whom you’re writing doesn’t respond for weeks and weeks, it indicates either one of two possibilities: 1.) a lack of real interest in dating or 2.) a busy schedule, which in itself could be a deal breaker if you’d like to date someone with more free time.

What are your emails like? Are they largely one-sided, or does your partner engage and ask you questions as well? If your partner pays attention to the details of your email, it is likely than he/she will be equally, if not more, engaged with you once you start real-time dating.

How does he/she respond to your questions? Does he/she give well-thought out answers, expressing genuine consideration for your questions, or does he/she seem evasive or hard to engage? If the person with whom you’re writing opens up and shares his/her life with you, a level of implicit trust is evident, meaning that they’re genuinely interested in you and want you to be interested, as well.

After getting your dose of Saturday Night Live, you can turn in for a new twist on the matchmaking game. The show “Match Off” pits two matchmaking experts against one another, with each episode featuring one dating contestant. The experts will offer advice to fix a love life that has yet to result in a perfect match. The catch? If they’re successful (or if ONE of them is successful), the week’s dating contestant will be poised to find love.

You see, only ONE of the two dating/matchmaking experts will be awarded the Scepter of Love at the end of each week’s show.

Here’s the jist: each week, a lovelorn contestant (they’ll be both male and female) will be paired-up with two matchmaking experts. Some featured experts for upcoming shows are folks like Emily Fry of In Good Company, Jen Moeller of Eight at Eight, Rachel Canis and Adam Fendelman (both of Best Foot Forward) and PJ Osgood of It’s Just Lunch. The race is then on for the two competing matchmakers to find the contestant Mr. or Mrs. Right! The matchmaker deemed to have given the best advice by the contestant wins the Scepter of Love.

Note: Unfortunately the source to the video and/or image which once was displayed here has since been removed by the authors for an unknown reason.

Find someone love, win a stick. That, and get your matchmaking service pimped on network television, I guess. I’m interested to see how the series pans-out. While I don’t think true love can be found in a half hour reality show, it will definitely have its train wrecks and shocker moments. For the love-seeking’s sake, I hope these matchmakers are more spot-on than off and actually help them make adjustments that will compliment their dating lives for the long-term and not just for the sake of ratings.

Visit NBC to read more about Match Off.

Over 50 million people are logging on to look for love - are you?

That number alone should provide enough incentive to venture into the world of online dating, but if you're still not convinced, here are 5 reasons online dating might be right for you:

1) There is no longer a stigma attached to finding love online. There was a time when people assumed that anyone using the Internet to find dates was unattractive, extremely desperate, and potentially psychotic. Newsflash: this is the 21^st century, and online dating is now considered just as legitimate as meeting The One offline.

2) It's relatively inexpensive. The cost of dinners, movies, flowers, drinks, and chocolates adds up over time - and in the midst of a recession, conventional dating might not fit into your budget anymore! Fortunately, with the proliferation of free and low-fee sites, online dating can be an affordable alternative.

3) It's convenient. Are you a busy professional with a hectic schedule? Meet potential matches during your lunch break, or during any other spare moment you might find. Sick? Having a bad hair day? Still wearing your pajamas at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? No problem! Online dating allows you to interact with prospective partners from anywhere, at any time, and in any condition.

4) You're shy. If you're introverted, socially awkward, or break out in a cold sweat just from thinking about approaching someone you're attracted to, online dating is just what the doctor ordered. Profiles allow you to start the getting-to-know-you process from the comfort of your home or office, significantly reducing the anxiety that many feel in social situations. Making the first move by sending an e-mail or clicking a button that says "Flirt" probably feels less stressful than having to say "Hi!" to a complete stranger, but it accomplishes the same goal.

5) Targeted searches. Finding a match using traditional dating methods is based entirely on good luck. Maybe you're only interested in women over 5'8", with a certain color eyes, and who enjoy a specific hobby, or maybe you only want a man who is from Northern California, has brown hair, likes to cook, and speaks Japanese. What are the odds that you'll stumble upon the ideal mate in a grocery store, on the dancefloor, or in your favorite park? Unless you have some seriously good karma, it's probably pretty unlikely. Enter online dating, stage left. Internet dating sites allow you to make your searches as broad or as specific as you'd like, increasing your chances that you'll find someone you're truly interested in.

Online dating has become a way of life for millions of people across the globe and I'm confident that love can be found online, but if you still have your doubts, check out part two of this series - "5 More Reasons Online Dating Might Be Right For You" - for more information on why the Internet might be the perfect place to find your perfect match.

In all avenues of life, career, love and family, we teach people how to treat us. It is the same with dating. When we find ourselves excited by a potential date, it's important to keep ourselves in check so we don't repeat negative or self-defeating patterns in our relationships.

If you're attracted to someone and are feeling pressure about how to act and what to do so you don't come across as desperate, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I making myself too available? If he makes a habit of calling at 5pm to have dinner the same night and you continually accept without hesitation, you are teaching him that this is acceptable behavior. In reality, it's disrespectful of you and your time. So, time to stop accepting these last-minute invitations. The same goes for calling and texting. Put the phone down and let him reach out to you.

Do I seem clingy? If you've only been on a few dates, it's not reasonable to expect you're in a relationship. Don't make assumptions and ask probing questions about where he's been and with whom. If he is dating other people, he's entitled, and so are you.

Am I ignoring other parts of my life, like work or career? If you've stopped making plans with your friends to clear your schedule for your new love interest, or if you've dropped the ball at work, this may be a sign that you're jumping the gun. Take your time and don't stop enjoying your own life!

Am I making excuses for my date's behavior? When you are a desperate dater you'll rationalize bad behavior: is he critical of you, or does he make fun of you? Does he call when he says he'll call? If you find yourself excusing his bad behavior, it's time to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you.